


Send The Pain Below

by WickedWitchoftheWilds



Series: Project Olympus [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: APEX missions, Alcohol Abuse, Alien Sex, Apex - Freeform, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood, Canon Divergent, Cerberus - Freeform, F/M, Gore, Graphic Violence, Horror, Human Experimentation, Injury, Kett, Masturbation, Medical Inaccuracies, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of past sexual assault, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post Game, Project Olympus, Superpowers, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Violence, drugged, new missions, super strength, throwing up, watching porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:53:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 151,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23058802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickedWitchoftheWilds/pseuds/WickedWitchoftheWilds
Summary: So Hee joined the Andromeda Initiative for the chance at a normal life. As a lieutenant for APEX, she is trying her best, but she can't run away from her past for much longer. So Hee will have to face her past in order to live the life she wants.*Do not have to read Miles To Before I Sleep beforehand, but it is recommended for larger plotlines*
Relationships: Evfra de Tershaav/Original Character(s), Evfra de Tershaav/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Project Olympus [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1036232
Comments: 262
Kudos: 55





	1. Rinse and Repeat

So-Hee groaned as her alarm clock screamed at her to wake up. Her heartbeat pounded behind her eyes. She really did need to pump the brakes on the drinking. Waking up with a hangover was the worst. And the alarm clock was really pissing her off. She reached over to slam the stupid button to turn it off. But it was always hard to control her strength first thing in the morning. The alarm clock gave one last abysmal beep before it was crushed underneath her hand.

“Fuck,” she grumbled, shaking the metal shards from her fingers. That was the third one in a month. It was getting harder and harder to explain how she kept breaking them. Maybe she should put the next one across the room. Or just use her omnitool from now on.

So-Hee rolled over onto her back and stretched her arms over her head until her lower back popped. Turning her head to the side, she saw brown hair spread across her pillows. Quietly she leaned over to see which one she brought home last night. Another reason to stop drinking. At least it’s one of her regulars. Rowan snores lightly. It was kind of cute. But he had to go. She had a meeting to get to and Kandros would ream her if she was late again.

“Rowan,” she whispered, shaking his shoulder lightly. But he doesn’t stir. “Rowan,” she said his name louder. Once again, he doesn’t wake up. Leaning close, she brushed her lips against his right ear. “Wake up, Rowan. My husband will be home soon.”

Rowan’s eyes open wide and he shot up, scrambling out of her bed to try and find his clothes. He doesn’t stop until he hears her laughter. “Jesus So-Hee, don’t do that.”

She shrugged. “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” She pushed the blankets off of her. If she hustles, she’ll have enough time to grab a shower.

Rowan isn’t shy about the look he gives her. His eyes travel all the way up her body, drinking her in. “Too bad you never let me stay,” he said. “Make us breakfast, maybe spend some more time in bed…” he trailed off, raising an eyebrow at her.

“I have a meeting.”

Rowan pouted. It’s not the first time he’s tried this. But So-Hee isn’t interested in what happens the morning after. At first, she strictly required Rowan to leave before she woke up. But as their few and far between flings turned into a more casual arrangement, she let him stay a little longer. She still never lets him push past the morning. Relationships are not her thing. Not anymore.

“You can’t ditch?” he asked.

So-Hee shook her head. “Kandros will have my ass if I don’t go,” she said, making her way across the room to the bathroom. “Now I have to shower.”

Rowan sighed. “Let me guess. I have to be gone by the time you get out.”

“Yup,” she said, making a popping sound. “I’ve got a busy day,” she adds so maybe he won’t ask her to do anything else.

Rowan mumbled something under his breath, but she doesn’t stick around to hear it. The bathroom door closes behind her. She hears him moving around in her room collecting his clothes and getting dressed. A few minutes later the door to her apartment opens and then closes. She lets out a sigh of relief. He’s starting to get clingy. Maybe she should end it soon. Some people weren’t able to remain casual and that was fine, but she didn’t want to get serious. And she didn’t want to hurt Rowan. He was a genuinely nice person. Ending it would probably be for the best in the long run.

So-Hee pursed her lips, staring at herself in the mirror. Her chin-length hair looked a little bedraggled. She tucked a piece of the lavender hair behind her ear. The dark circles under her eyes were prominent. Even with drinking herself into a stupor, she was always so damn tired. But it was hard to sleep without drinking. Anyone else would go to a psychologist, but there was no way So-Hee could. There were things she couldn’t talk about. Period.

So-Hee let out a yawn. Damn it. Hopefully, Kandros wouldn’t get on her for looking tired and uninterested in the meeting later. Not that it would be a lie. The meetings were the most boring part of APEX. Especially since they usually consisted of a laundry list of complaints from Tann, mostly about how he wasn’t consulted on the nature of every mission beforehand. It was stupid. He wasn’t in charge of APEX, but he insisted on micro-managing them. Kandros put his foot down every time. Shit. Kandros lets the Pathfinder make more decisions about where the APEX teams go than Tann. A fact that irritates Tann to no end. It also pushes him to make shitty decisions that costs the teams resources most of the time. She wasn’t the only one that thought it was time for a new leader of the Initiative.

Her omnitool chirps and So-Hee opens the interface. It’s a message from Helayphea reminding So-Hee not to be late. The meeting is in half an hour. So-Hee sends a series of emojis, it’s sure to make Helayphea roll her eyes, and closes the interface. Stepping into the shower alcove, So-Hee turns on the water and stays back until it’s warm enough.

Once she is done, she would get dressed and haul ass to the meeting. There was bound to be coffee and nutrient bars there so she wouldn’t even have to stop and grab anything. So-Hee stepped under the spray. Her eyes fluttered closed while she relaxed underneath the warm water. It was just going to be another typical day. Wake up, meeting, hope they get sent a mission, hang out at Vortex, and sleep with either her regulars, or have a sleepover with Maggie. Rinse and repeat. So-Hee should be happy with boring and mundane considering what her life had been before coming to Andromeda. But there was a part of her that longed for something else. Something new.

So-Hee was in her seat two minutes before the meeting was slated to begin. She had spent a little too long in the shower. The water was so soothing she kept dozing off. Her omnitool chirped ten minutes before the meeting began which meant she had to get the hell out of the shower, throw clothes on, and run to catch the tram. Her hair was still soaking wet and plastered to her face and neck. A towel was resting around her shoulders.

Most of her APEX team was snickering under their breath. Even the other lieutenants were trying to hide their laughter at her disheveled appearance. The titters stopped when Kandros walked into the room. His eyes went to her first, looking pleased that she was actually there on time. It meant he wouldn’t have to give her another talking to or hold a meeting until she got there. Although in her defense, she was never more than ten minutes late.

“Are we actually getting a mission today?” Octanus asked, leaning forward in his seat, his mandibles fluttering with excitement.

Of course, Octanus would be the one asking. And only because she hadn’t asked first. Being the more military-minded of the three 1st lieutenants, he was always itching to go on a mission. Not that So-Hee could blame him. The APEX teams had been grounded for the week while the Pathfinder team and the Nexus were still dealing with the aftermath of finding Meridian. The Kett were still scrambling without their leader and they weren’t staying in one place. The Roekkar were quiet for the moment. But So-Hee knew with the Kett dwindling, they wouldn’t remain quiet for long.

APEX could be a help with taking care of any remaining Kett cells, but Tann didn’t want their interference right now. Kandros didn’t agree, but for once he wasn’t pushing the issue. So-Hee kept hoping the Pathfinder would intervene and give priority to a mission. Since they were a militia and not an official military outfit, she had hoped things would be different in Andromeda. But bureaucrats didn’t change much apparently.

“Nothing today,” Kandros answered.

A collective groan filled the room. They were all going stir-crazy. Not only were they not being cleared for missions, but they were also being denied any type of leave. They were stuck. And the Nexus got boring after a while.

“Then why are we having a meeting?” So-Hee asked. “Or is it just remind us to stay in line before we piss off Tann.”

Kandros sighed. “Yes and no. I know everyone wants to go on missions and I’m pushing—”

“We want a vacation Kandros. An actual vacation,” Helayphea interrupts him, which is unlike her. Normally, the Asari brings any complaints to Kandros personally, or only brings it up in the lieutenant’s meetings. She must be fielding a lot of complaints from the team then. “We haven’t even been allowed to go back to Meridian even though we assisted in securing it.”

“I know,” Kandros said. “I hear you. Tann has been…difficult as of late. Especially with talks of running exercises with the Resistance and forming hybrid teams…”

So-Hee perked up. They would get to work with the Angara? There were a few Angara on the Nexus, most of them kept to themselves because the Milky Way species could be massive assholes. But she had been wanting to get to know more about them. An entirely new species. It was exciting. And now they might get to work with them?

“I will get us out in the field as soon as possible. With the colonists awake on Meridian, things should start shifting into a new normal. This won’t last much longer,” Kandros finishes. “Is there anything else we need to discuss?”

“Are we finally going to get our own shuttles?” So-Hee asked. “With most of the colonists on Meridian now, it shouldn’t be an issue should it?”

“I’m trying,” Kandros said, frustration evident in his voice. “Securing our own resources is going to be a fight.”

“It’s not going to happen with Tann in charge,” Saash said, not bothering to remain quiet. Not that So-Hee knew of a quiet Krogan. The 2nd lieutenant sneered. “Tann isn’t going to give the militia resources it needs period.”

Kandros had heard this all before. They always bitched about it. He didn’t say much in the meeting to remain professional, but So-Hee had heard his rants in the lieutenant’s meetings. Kandros was just as annoyed by Tann’s harping and his need to always be in their business. That wasn’t to change until Tann was no longer the leader of the Initiative. And that wasn’t going to change for a long time.

“Do the lieutenants have anything to add?” Kandros asked, opening the floor to them.

So-Hee shrugged. “I was going to suggest we wake up a pilot or two, but since we won’t have our own shuttles there isn’t a point.”

“But a field medic would be nice,” Helayphea picks up where So-Hee leaves off. “We all have basic training for injuries but having someone with that specialty would serve us well.”

Kandros looked relieved that it was a request he wouldn’t have to put through Tann. However, he would have to put it through Addison. Although she had been a lot less high-strung once Meridian had been established. And the Hyperion was stuck there already. She might be more willing to wake up another person for the team.

“I’ll put the request through. Anything else?” Kandros asked.

So-Hee, Octanus, and Helayphea shared a look. If there were no missions coming up, then there wasn’t really anything else to discuss. The three of them shook their head. Kandros looked relieved. They were all at a standstill right now and it sucked for all of them, but especially Kandros since he was in charge. He had to deal with their restlessness and Tann’s bitchiness all at once. And he wasn’t getting a vacation either.

Andromeda had been a shitshow from day one. Not that So-Hee had been woken up in the beginning, but she had read the reports and seen the vids. Then there was the Archon and the Kett fucking up their colonies. The Roekkar with their hatred for any alien species. So-Hee couldn’t wait for the day of relative fucking peace. If it ever came.

“If there’s nothing else, meeting dismissed. The lieutenants will hand out any assignments, if there are none, then just hold tight…and stay out of trouble,” Kandros said, his eyes on So-Hee as he spoke.

She wanted to argue. It was just one incident. And it wasn’t even her fault. A group of guys cornered her outside of Vortex and thought it would go well for them. She had acted in self-defense. And they had earned the broken collarbone, broken ribs, busted noses, and one broken hand. Not to mention the various bruises. Kandros thought she had gone overboard. For what they had wanted to do to her—for what they had probably done to other women—she hadn’t fucked them up nearly enough. But So-Hee kept her mouth shut and sat back in her chair.

When no one said anything, Kandros nodded at them all and left the room. The moment he left, people got out of their chairs and grouped up to talk. Helayphea got up and perched on Octanus’ desk to be closer to So-Hee and the 2nd lieutenants, Saash and Arwann. They could post cleaning assignments and implement some training for the rest of APEX. Although, So-Hee wasn’t feeling it much today. She was exhausted.

“Glad to see you on time for once,” Helayphea teased.

“Thanks for the message,” So-Hee said, stifling a yawn with her hand. “My alarm clock broke.”

“Again?” Octanus asked. He leaned forward and dropped his voice. “Did you crush it again?” he whispers so only the lieutenants can hear.

She nods. The lieutenants, and even Kandros, knew that So-Hee was super strong. They weren’t privy to all the details, or about her time under Cerberus, but they did know that was stronger than the average human. They also knew that it was a secret. For the most part, So-Hee curbed her strength so people wouldn’t notice. But there were times where it came in handy. Someone was bound to find out. She was just glad it was by a group of people that she trusted.

Octanus laughed. “Maybe you shouldn’t keep it next to the bed.”

“Yeah, I figured I’ll put the next one across the room.”

“If they even give you another,” Helayphea said.

“Is it harder to control your strength right after waking?” Arwann asked.

“It’s probably because she’s always hungover,” Saash grunted. “Or because she stays up late with her flings.”

“Why am I being roasted right now?” So-Hee turns to look at Saash. “Or did Rekmar act like a jerk again and you’re taking it out on me?”

Saash grunts and leans forward in her seat. “The pyjack forgot our anniversary,” she grumbled. “I want to throw him in a fiend pit.”

“He forgets everything,” So-Hee rolled her eyes. “I’ll help you throw him in.”

“Thanks,” Saash said. “But really, you should cool it on the drinking.”

So-Hee sighed. “I know moooooom,” she mumbled. It wasn’t the first time it had come up. But she couldn’t tell them why she drank, or why she couldn’t sleep, or why she couldn’t get help. “So, what are we doing today?” she asked in an effort to change the subject.

“I don’t know,” Helayphea answered. “We’ve cleaned everything in operations, we’ve trained and had P.T. tests. I don’t know what else to assign.”

“When’s the last time we cleaned our weapons?” Saash asked.

“Last week,” So-Hee answered. “And we haven’t used them at all since then.”

“We could inventory tech,” Arwann suggested. “And I’m sure I have a few upgrades ready.”

“That could work, but won’t take all of us,” Octanus said.

“We’ve tried to dredge up shit to do every day,” So-Hee complained. “Why don’t we have an unofficial vacation day?”

The other lieutenants shared a look. Technically, they should do something, but So-Hee was right. Everyone was tired of doing the same shit and the lieutenants were tired of trying to think of new things, so every day wasn’t repetitive. There was only so long they could do that for. Everyone deserved to have a day off. And it was bullshit that Tann didn’t want them to have that. Kandros wouldn’t say anything of them taking a day, but they had to think of something to submit to him.

“A mental health day,” Helayphea suggested. “We’re worn out and need some variance. Maybe just hang out as a team.”

“In Vortex,” So-Hee said, grinning. “Do you think we can frame beer pong as a team exercise?” she teased.

Helayphea rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Besides, we hang out there way too often.”

“What else is there to do,” So-Hee asked, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s not like there’s a lot to do on the Nexus right now. And we can’t leave.”

“She has a point,” Octanus said. “Although, the beer pong part is optional.”

“I suppose we could do that,” Helayphea mumbled. “This is all so boring. I want to get out there again.”

So-Hee nodded. “A mission, or the training exercises with the Resistance would be awesome. We would actually get to hang out on other planets for something other than a mission.”

“I want to go to Voeld,” Arwann pipes up. “The rate that the ice is melting is fascinating. I want to see it.”

“I want to see Havarl,” Helayphea said. “The forests are full of bioluminescence. I bet it’s beautiful,” her tone was wistful.

Octanus looked at her, his eyes softening. It was no secret that they were seeing each other. Fraternization wasn’t against the rules as long as it didn’t interfere with missions. Hell, two of the team members were married to each other. But Helayphea and Octanus still preferred to keep it lowkey. So-Hee could see that it was becoming more serious, if the way Octanus looked at Helayphea was any indication. In some ways, So-Hee was a little jealous of their relationship. She knew no one would ever look at her like that. For the most part, she was settled about that fact. But every once in a while, the loneliness would creep in and she would wish for just a moment that she could have that. And then she would remind herself why it couldn’t happen. Usually that reminder was accompanied with a shot and call to one of her regulars. Sometimes Maggie showed up, like she had “So-Hee is sad” radar and would spend the night.

“So, are we going with the team exercise idea?” So-Hee asked, pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind.

The other lieutenants nodded, and So-Hee pulled up the interface on her omnitool to shoot a message to Kandros about it. His message came a minute later, approving their idea of “team exercises.” He just reminded them to go easy, and if anyone asked, they were to stick to the team exercise story. Octanus was the one to tell the rest of the team. They looked happy that they wouldn’t be stuck doing the same shit for another day. They all exited the meeting room in a mass exodus and walked to the tram. No one really spared them a glance. Everyone was sort of doing their own thing. Some were just milling about the Nexus while they waited to go to a colony. The tram was empty before they entered, but with 16 of them all at once, they felt compacted into the space.

So-Hee sat towards the entrance of the tram. She wasn’t fond of feeling trapped in a space. But it was better if she stayed near the entrance/exit of an area. Her eyes wandered over each of the team members. There was a good mix of human, Krogan, Asari, Salarian, and Turian. Hell, there was even a Batarian. So-Hee didn’t know how they ended up on the Nexus. She thought all Batarians were with the last ark that still hadn’t arrived. There was one face that didn’t belong, but it was so familiar. So-Hee felt herself freeze.

_It’s not real._

So-Hee dropped her gaze. That’s right. That person couldn’t really be here. So-Hee was just imagining things. She closed her eyes for the remainder of the trip. It was just because she was tired. That’s all. She was tired and she was imagining things. So-Hee didn’t open her eyes until the tram came to a stop. The extra person was gone, and she let out a sigh of relief. She really needed to get more sleep.

No one bothered them during the time they spent at Vortex. But by the sixth poker game So-Hee was bored. She had wanted to order a drink, but one stern look from Saash and she changed her mind. It was still the early afternoon. And apparently, too early to drink. It was too bad. A drink or two would make the shitty music sound better and make the time go by faster.

So-Hee checked the time on her omnitool and groaned when she saw it was only two in the afternoon. Could she handle a few more hours in this bar just playing poker? No. No, she could not. Everyone else looked bored out of their minds too. Helayphea and Octanus had already left, probably to go do what all mushy couples do when they have time to themselves. It was so cute she wanted to puke.

Her omnitool chirped, and she opened the interface. It was a message from Maggie and an invitation to lunch. Maggie usually took her lunch in the lab, if she was asking So-Hee to meet her then that meant she was pissed. So-Hee shot her a message telling Maggie to go to her apartment. They could have lunch in her apartment. Just in case Maggie was ready to go nuclear.

“I fold,” So-Hee announced, throwing her cards on the pile.

“Already?” Rui asked, leaning back in his chair. “It was just getting good.”

She scoffed. “You always win, its only good for you.” She stood up and kicked her chair in. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“You still owe me credits lieutenant!” he shouted at her back.

She answered him with a finger in the air. Sure, she would pay up. But she liked to see him squirm first. Of all the members of APEX, Rui and his wife Irma were two of her favorites. Not that she would ever say that out loud. They were an incredible team and played off each other’s strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. If she had the option, they were always on her team.

The sounds of Vortex were cut off the moment the doors closed behind her. There were a lot of people milling around hydroponics. Some of them were on their lunch break. She couldn’t blame them. Hydroponics was the prettiest part of the Nexus. Of the parts that were open of course. There was a lot more to the Nexus, but it was still closed off until they were able to sustain it. One day they hoped it would be like the Citadel. But they needed more colonies and habitable planets first. They almost had it.

So-Hee began walking towards the living quarters. More and more quarters were opening as people were shifted off the Nexus. That meant more people could be woken up to take their place. It was a constant shuffle. But it meant they were thriving at the moment.

She turned down a few hallways until she reached her apartment. The holo-lock turned green when she swiped her omnitool over it and the door opened. Maggie was already inside, rifling through So-Hee’s cupboards to find the ready meal packs. So-Hee jumped when she slammed the cupboard shut a little harder than necessary.

“That bad?” she asked.

Maggie sighed. “I’m just frustrated.”

Frustrated was good. So-Hee could work with frustrated. It’s when Maggie got angry that she knew there would be problems. Mostly for everyone else, but also for Maggie. So-Hee opened her mini-fridge and grabbed out water for both of them. She sat at the small table and Maggie joined her with a few of the packs.

“Buffalo chicken or spaghetti?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee arched an eyebrow at Maggie and reached for the buffalo chicken like there was even a contest. Anything spicy was her go-to. Maggie smirked and ripped the top off her pack. They assembled their meals in silence. So-Hee was waiting for Maggie to sort through her thoughts enough to talk about what was bothering her. Where So-Hee was loud, and opinionated, and sometimes considered volatile, Maggie was soft-spoken and more deliberate with her words. But Maggie was also a ticking time bomb if she wasn’t careful. So-Hee was always trying to encourage her to let things out more often, but she also understood why that scared Maggie.

“There’s going to be an open spot on Havarl in a month,” Maggie finally said while her ready meal was heating up. “I put in my application for it.”

So-Hee perked up. “Maggie, that’s great!”

Maggie sighed and shook her head. “It’s not. Camden put his in too. There’s no way I’m going to get it,” she grumbled.

“And why not?” So-Hee demanded. “You are perfectly qualified to go. And you’re the only one who has grown anything in those soil samples. Camden couldn’t grow a fucking fake potted plant.”

Maggie giggled a small bit, but So-Hee could tell she wasn’t convinced. “Camden gets everything he asks for,” she murmured.

“And you know why?” So-Hee asked. “Camden is an aggressive asshole that gets what he wants because his mediocre-man confidence and entitlement are through the fucking roof and everyone else is too afraid to go up against him.” She rested her elbows on the table and leaned towards Maggie. “Maggie you are smart and incredible, and you have a way with plants that he doesn’t. Hydroponics wouldn’t even function if you didn’t go behind him correcting his mistakes, while he takes the credit.”

Maggie’s ears turned pink. Every time So-Hee praised her it embarrassed her. Maggie spent so much time trying to remain under the radar, and So-Hee understood why more than anyone, but she refused to fight for what she really wanted. And she was so unused to being acknowledged for how awesome she was. But So-Hee also knew, a lot of that was leftover from her old life. Maggie’s father wasn’t exactly the best. Between the two of them having at least one shitty parent—shit even Emma had one—So-Hee was starting to wonder if having a shitty parent was a requirement to be a Cerberus experiment.

“There’s always next time.” Maggie shrugged picking up her fork to stir her pasta. “I can try again.”

So-Hee sighed. “How bad do you want to go?” she asked.

“Really bad. Havarl is my dream planet,” she admitted.

“Then fight for it. Go to the top and tell them why you’re the better choice.”

Maggie shook her head. “I don’t know. I couldn’t.”

“Of course, you could,” So-Hee said, shoving a piece of chicken in her mouth. “Just tell them Camden is a supermassive asshole and he’d suck,” she spoke while chewing.

Maggie laughed. “Could you imagine his face if I did that?”

“He already looks like he smelled something bad. I don’t know how it can get worse,” So-Hee joked making Maggie laugh again.

“Thanks, So-Hee,” Maggie said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Ditto Mags.”

Maggie left after lunch and So-Hee cleaned up their trash, sending it down the chute to the incinerator. She chugged the last bit of her water and sent it down the recyclable chute to be sterilized and reused. The apartment was so quiet when she alone. She hated it. So-Hee stepped down into her sleeping area and pulled up the interface on her omnitool. She searched through the options for the TV and settled on an old cartoon. The TV turned on and she flopped across her bed. She only managed to pay attention for a few minutes before she dozed off.

It wasn’t the best nap. As per usual, it started off just fine. But then the memories of the boarding school and Hannah would infiltrate her dreams. At least this time she didn’t wake up shouting. Last time she did, she scared the shit out of Maggie. But she was covered in a sheen of sweat. So-Hee pulled up the time on her interface. It was the evening now. All she needed was a quick rinse in the shower and she could head back to Vortex.

About half an hour later and she was walking back to Vortex. This time she was wearing something other than her APEX uniform. Vortex was packed this time. None of her team remained. Most of them would be in their own apartments or out and about on the Nexus. At least she could have some fun without their judgment. She knew they were worried. But So-Hee had been doing this for so long it was just routine.

She sat at the bar, and Dutch was already making her usual. Not that So-Hee was a complicated person. She usually just took straight shots and had the occasional rum and coke, or the Andromeda version of one at least. Dutch was a genius when it came to making drinks taste like their Milky Way counterparts when he didn’t even have the same ingredients. But she was also afraid to ask what is in most of the drinks. Sometimes it was better to not know.

By the time she had her fifth shot of vodka, her face, neck, and chest were flushed. That’s about the time Rowan or one of her other regulars found her. Although sometimes it was Maggie who found her and would take her back to the apartment. Tonight, it was Rowan again. There was a pensive look on his face. It made the bottom of her stomach fall out. She knew that look. And she hated that look. He was going to ask her for something she couldn’t give, and their casual fling was going to come to an abrupt end. But he didn’t say anything.

Instead, he nudged her elbow and they were walking out of Vortex. His arm was around her waist to keep her steady and they walked back to her apartment. So-Hee tried to rehearse what she was going to say to him in her head. It was hard to focus. He didn’t say anything when they reached her apartment either. And just like always, the moment they were inside his hands were on her, pulling at her clothes. So-Hee reciprocated, her mouth crashing against his.

He didn’t try saying anything until he was sitting on the bed and she was straddling his lap, trying to divest him of his shirt.

“So-Hee there’s somethi—”

She kissed him, cutting him off. She didn’t want him to say it. She didn’t want him to ruin it.

He pulled away slightly. “Something I want to ask you,” he finished.

“Later,” she mumbled. “Ask me later.”

Rowan looked like he was going to protest, but she pressed herself against him and his mouth snapped shut. It continued like it always did and a little while later he was asleep in the bed beside her. Her eyes flicked over his sleeping form. She would have to end it. He was far too attached, and she should’ve ended it before now. But that was a problem for tomorrow her. For now, she would try to get what little sleep she could before the next day would start the same way it always does. _Rinse and Repeat_.

Her omnitool chirped at six in the morning. Rowan was still asleep beside her. She raised her arm, opening the interface and blinking in the harsh glow of the orange light. But the temporary burning of her eyeballs was well worth it when she read the contents of Kandros’ e-mail. They finally had a mission.


	2. Wrench in the Gears

So-Hee slammed her locker shut. Despite her haste to get on the shuttle, she paused to double-check herself. Her armor was fully in place and everything was buckled. Her shotgun was in its thigh holster and she made sure it was tight enough. The Ruzad was her weapon of her choice despite it being a Krogan weapon. So-Hee was a hard hitter and she liked weapons that hit just as hard as she did. The only exception was her assault rifle. Her M-37 Falcon was strapped to her back. The only thing left was her helmet. But she didn’t have to put it on until they were close.

Kandros had yet to brief them. He would probably do it right before they boarded the shuttle. Normally, they would have a mission brief by now and that would’ve informed So-Hee on how to pick her team. She was going in blind today. Naturally, she picked Rui, Irma, and Saash. They were down for nearly every situation and they were highly adaptable. Helayphea and Octanus would be leading their own teams. It wasn’t strange for them to all go at once, but something felt off. It was all last minute.

So-Hee picked up her helmet from the bench. That was the universal sign that she was ready. Her team closed their own lockers and took a second to go over their own checklists. All she had to do was pick up ammo and her melee weapon. Most people had an omni-blade and that was enough. Irma had one. As a biotic, Rui had an Asari sword. But So-Hee and Saash both carried Krogan hammers. They hadn’t met an enemy yet that could survive a blow with one. Especially with So-Hee’s strength behind it.

With her melee weapon added to her armor and her backup ammo ready, So-Hee was ready to go. So was her team. They followed her out of the lockers. One of the complaints So-Hee had was that everything to do with APEX was in operations. From their meeting room, to the lockers, and the gym. Their equipment should be closer to the shuttles. It would make it easier if they ever had to hurry the hell up and go for a mission.

Stares were leveled in their direction as they walked to the tram. It couldn’t be helped. Not everyone liked APEX. And there were quite a few people that just didn’t like So-Hee. But she was used to that. Very few people could deal with her brash and unapologetic nature. And sometimes she was a straight-up jerk. In truth, Maggie was her only friend and the only person that So-Hee didn’t hold at arms-length. She was okay with that.

“So where do you think we’re going?” Irma asked So-Hee after they boarded the tram. There was no one else except the team.

So-Hee shrugged. “I have no idea. Kandros didn’t give me any details.”

“That’s not weird to you?” Saash commented.

“Of course it’s weird,” So-Hee said. “But we’re going to find out soon enough.”

“Speaking of weird,” Rui spoke up. “Has anyone noticed how weird Tann has gotten? And there’s just this weird…vibe lately.”

So-Hee and Saash shared a look. “Tann has always been weird,” So-Hee answered. “And I’m definitely not around him enough to get a vibe.”

“I don’t know.” Rui shrugged. “Something just feels off.”

“Andromeda has felt like that since I woke up,” Saash said. “There’s a lot I don’t like about this place.”

“You could always go back to sleep,” So-Hee joked.

“I will crush you if you ever suggest that again,” Saash grumbled. “Stasis is worse.”

Irma nudged Rui with her shoulder. “I told you to stop staying up late playing video games,” she teased. “You’re the one who’s weird with no sleep.”

The two of them playfully teased each other the rest of the way to the docking bay. Saash and So-Hee rolled their eyes in unison. But So-Hee didn’t really mind. They were a good couple. And even better fighters. Rui’s biotics had gotten them out of tight spots more than once and Irma’s hacking skills get them in anywhere and get any information they needed. Saash and So-Hee were the muscle. They fell quiet when the tram came to a stop.

It was still early enough that a lot of people weren’t up yet, so the bay wasn’t crowded. So-Hee’s eyes strayed towards the Cultural Centre as they walked past. She hated that place. Sure, it was informative, but a lot of it was watered down bullshit. And it damn sure didn’t cover enough of the darkness that existed in the Milky Way, and specifically in humans. There was an Angara standing outside the doors to the center. His eyes met So-Hee’s briefly before they flicked down to her armor and her weapons. When he made eye contact with her again, she winked.

“Oh geez. Ready to add another notch in your belt?” Saash asked, nudging So-Hee with her elbow.

So-Hee looked away and snickered. “Maybe. I definitely wouldn’t turn down the opportunity.”

“Don’t you already have—” Rui started to speak, but Irma’s elbow into his stomach cut him off.

Not that So-Hee minded the ribbing, but she didn’t want to think about Rowan right now. Her alarm had gone off early this morning and she had jumped out of bed. Clearly, he had other plans. She was trying hard to not think about the dejected look on his face when she quickly threw her clothes on and said he had to go. Or worse, the look on his face when he asked to take her on a date after the mission. There was that air of hope when he asked. And it was quickly crushed when she shut him down. At first, he looked shocked, but then he looked like he wanted to argue. Thankfully, she had an excuse as to why she had to get the hell out of there. But eventually, he would confront her, and she would have to hurt his feelings again. It wasn’t pleasant.

So-Hee saw Kandros standing in the hallway that led to the shuttles and she banished all thoughts of Rowan. It would a situation she could deal with later. There was no point in having it weigh her down now. Her only focus was going to be the mission.

When she looked beyond Kandros, she saw Octanus’ and Helayphea’s teams already boarding their shuttles. That meant they would get three shuttles today. It was way more than she would have expected the Nexus to part with. This must be important.

“Thank you for being on time, lieutenant,” Kandros addressed her.

“You know me, sir. Missions are my favorite,” she teased.

Kandros tightened his mandibles to hide his smirk. “Too bad meetings aren’t.” His tone sobered up instantly. “Timing is important today. We’re leading a coordinated attack, everyone has to be on time so the Kett cannot alert each other.”

So-Hee frowned. “Just what is it we’re doing?” she asked.

“The Kett have been quiet since Meridian. They’ve kept a low profile, and no one has located the Primus. Last night we received reports that there has been noticeable Kett movement. The Resistance is still stretched thin and they asked our help,” Kandros filled her in.

“We’ll be working with them?” So-Hee asked, trying to contain her excitement.

“Yes and no. Your teams will be infiltrating the bases on your own, but it is a collaborative effort. It’s a test of sorts,” Kandros said. “The leader of the Resistance will be determining if he wants to bother with future shared missions. It is important that we don’t fuck this up.”

“So, we infiltrate the base and then what?” Saash asked.

“Fighting is inevitable,” Kandros said. “We’re not worried about keeping a low profile once you’re inside, but you need to find any documents about their upcoming plans. With the Archon gone, we don’t know what they plan to do now.”

So-Hee turned to look at Irma. That was her specialty. If there was any pertinent information on those bases, Irma would be able to pull it with no problem. That meant their movements would be around keeping the Kett off of her as they made their way through the base. Irma nodded, already understanding her role.

“Any other questions?” Kandros asked.

So-Hee shook her head. “Kick Kett ass, steal their plans. Pretty straightforward.”

“Fuck yes,” Saash grunted.

The four of them had gone over their plans over and over as the shuttle made its way to the location. Irma would get them into the base quietly. They would remain as quiet as possible, but the moment the Kett alerted the rest of the base, Irma was to be protected by the other three. They would make their way to the central console of the base and pull any information they could find. Irma would back up the information and her and So-Hee would each carry a data chip with the information back to the shuttle. The pilot, one of Addison’s supply runners, would drop them off and they would have to send a signal to bring him back when they were clear. So, there was no easy escape if something went wrong. But So-Hee was confident. They were seasoned by now.

The shuttle pilot alerted them when they were five minutes away from the drop. So-Hee would drop first, followed by Rui, then Irma, and Saash would bring up the rear. So-Hee would get Irma to the door, and then Rui and Saash would largely keep people off of Irma, while So-Hee was the frontline of defense. She was just ready to fuck up the Kett.

The base was quiet when they dropped right outside of the Kett’s defense system. There were lights on inside, but So-Hee didn’t see any movement. To be fair, it was late at night here. Maybe the Kett were simply sleeping. But that didn’t explain the lack of a guard patrol. The team crouched behind cover, laying low until they heard the signal over the comms. Not only were Octanus’ and Helayphea’s teams getting in position, but there were also two Resistance teams getting ready as well. The plan was to all go in at once so the bases couldn’t alert each other and be on guard. It was a plan where a lot of things could go wrong. And she did not want to be the person to fuck up.

So far, the comms were quiet. She checked the time on her omnitool. Just a few minutes and it would be time. The team remained quiet. They didn’t want to do anything to give away their position. So-Hee’s eyes were trained on the entrances she could see. It didn’t look like anyone was home. It left her with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. That feeling got worse as the minutes ticked by. She hadn’t heard a word from any of the other teams. It was a few minutes past go time.

“Does anyone copy?” So-Hee asked over the comms, but there was no answer.

“What do you think?” Saash asked.

So-Hee sighed. “I think we’re being cut off. The other teams might be too.”

“That means they knew we’re coming,” Rui said.

“So what do we do?” Irma piped up.

“We’re here and we have a mission to complete.” So-Hee pulled her shotgun from its holster. “We follow the plan, we get in and we get out. The other teams will do the same. Any objections?”

Her team shook their head. They were in this 100 percent. So-Hee took point and moved from cover first. There were no alarm bells or anything to indicate their presence. Irma was the second to follow. The other two waited behind cover to cover them as they moved towards the closest entrance. Irma raised her omnitool to interface with the system. It never took Irma long to get in somewhere. So-Hee had her weapon readied just in case their efforts were interrupted.

The door clicked and the holo-lock turned green. So-Hee gestured for the rest of the team to move in. Rui took his place at Irma’s back, while Saash was behind him. So-Hee stuck her head around the door first. She swept the room, but it was clear. Keeping low, she entered the room first. It looked like a guard detail room. But there were no guards.

“Look for any datapads, and nobody move beyond this room until I say so,” she instructed.

They fanned out, keeping quiet. The room was clean. Normally, there would be tablets or datapads laying around with notes to indicate the Kett’s movements. Sometimes there were even normal conversations and message boards. There was nothing. It was almost like there was no one here at all. But that couldn’t be right. The intel couldn’t be a lie, could it?

So-Hee waved Irma over and the other two fell in line. Any other day and she would have suggested they split up to cover the doors on the left and right, but with the strong feeling of unease in her stomach, she didn’t think it was a good idea. She chose the door on the right and they followed her closely. It was a larger room, set up like a meeting room—or maybe it was an education room—and it was also empty. So-Hee definitely didn’t like this. Normally, they were hitting Kett the moment they walked into a base.

If the Kett were here, they were going to be concentrated in one area. That would make their mission easier and harder at the same time. So-Hee had hoped to rely on some stealth to get through, but that was looking like less of an option. She pulled up a map on her omnitool. The maps weren’t entirely accurate. They were mock-ups of existing Kett base structures that had been explored and then overlaid with the rooms So-Hee had already been through. If the map was accurate then the central console room was two rooms away. If So-Hee had to wager, she would bet they were in there waiting for her team. She was only marginally wrong.

After sweeping the room clear, they moved on to the next room. This room wasn’t empty. There were a few ahdi waiting for them, as well as three Chosen that So-Hee could see. Saash and So-Hee immediately found cover and raised their shotguns. Irma was by So-Hee with her own M37-Falcon spraying shots at the ahdi. Taking out the ahdi were priority. They were far more onerous to deal with than the Chosen.

Rui didn’t drop for cover. Blue flames licked over his hands and he jumped into the fray, using his biotics to take the Chosen off-guard. The Kett never seemed prepared for a biotic. To be fair, most enemies wouldn’t be. Not if they were somewhat normal at least. So-Hee kept any of the Kett from getting the drop on Rui. The room was cleared for a few seconds and then the inner doors opened. The Kett that she knew had been hiding, began to pour into the room. Rui drew back to cover and dropped beside Saash.

There were more Anointed than she would have liked. Their guns hit hard and fast, and they had to be taken out first. So-Hee kept near Irma, as per the plan, while Saash and Rui separated to spread out a bit more. Rui unholstered his Revenant and switched between taking shots and pulling the Kett into a singularity to make it easier for the team to take them out. Thank god they had packed enough ammo. It seemed like the Kett just didn’t stop coming out of that room. Rui kept them from getting too close.

So-Hee heard the doors behind them open again. She turned to see Kett trying to sneak up on the team. “Saash!” she yelled at the Krogan. She and Saash turned, their backs against crates and opened fire on the Kett. Rui and Irma fell into a rhythm of taking care of the front enemies, while So-Hee and Saash took out the ones at their backs.

She really hoped this was all they had. With Kett coming from both sides they were starting to run out of clips. So-Hee worried about the other teams. She hoped they were able to get through the bases with comm silence. Clearly the Kett had known they were coming. Had someone messed up? Or had intel been intercepted somewhere? Either way, someone was going to be in trouble.

The enemies finally stopped coming and So-Hee dropped her shotgun. She drew in a deep breath. Sweat was dripping down her face and pooling at the bottom of her helmet. It was the only reason she really hated wearing her helmet. That, and when someone puked in their helmet. It was the worse thing to try and clean. And there was no way it wouldn’t make a mess.

Her team took a moment to catch their breaths. So-Hee hoped this would be the last of them. The center console should be in the next room. As soon as they pulled the information, they could call the shuttle back and get the hell out of here. She wanted to get on the shuttle comms and see if she could hail anyone. She needed to know how the other teams were doing. Or if they needed an assist. It would be a toss-up if her team could get there on time, but she would try.

Finally, she stood up and she and Saash first made sure that all of the Kett were really dead. The last thing she needed was any of them to pop up like daisies and hurt one of her team members. When they were clear, she led them into the center console room. It was blessedly empty. Irma went right to the main console and used her omnitool to interface. Rui leaned on the console with his hip while she worked to pull all the information. Saash and So-Hee stood guard at the two doors leading into the room.

“So…they clearly knew we were coming,” Saash said.

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know how though. And without the comms, I can’t find out.”

“If the comms were out then they had to have known we were coming before we even got here,” Rui said. “And then they all came here.”

“They were protecting this room then,” So-Hee mumbled. “There must be something important on the console then.”

“I wonder what the other teams will find,” Saash said. “Or if they even had the same problem.”

So-Hee nodded absently. Maybe they were the only affected team. That meant Octanus and Helayphea would be freaking out. Radio silence from here was never normal. So-Hee sighed. A clear-cut mission ended up becoming a bit of a mess. But she was proud of her team. They adapted well, and that’s why she chose them as often as she could.

“Almost done,” Irma said. “As soon as I have the information, I can bring the comms back online.”

“Good, we’ll need them to call the shuttle. Have you seen anything interesting?” So-Hee asked.

Irma shook her head. “Nothing yet, once we get on the shuttle, I can take a closer look.”

“See if we can figure how they knew we were coming,” So-Hee muttered to herself more than anyone.

The minutes crawled by. So-Hee and Saash remained on guard until Irma declared she was done. They expected another fight to get back out, but no one showed up. The Kett didn’t just cut off So-Hee’s team, but it looked like they also cut themselves off from receiving reinforcements. Or maybe this was just bad management. Kandros had said they were scrambling and scattered after the death of the Archon. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing. It just made them more desperate. Desperate people could do almost anything. She knew that firsthand.

Once they were out of the base, So-Hee called the shuttle back down. She kept her eyes on the base while they waited for the shuttle to return to their location. Rui had been right. Things had been weird lately. She had mostly ignored it. But Tann had been acting less like himself here and there. The fact that APEX had been placed on hold for weeks was weird. And there was this undercurrent that unsettled So-Hee. It felt like something was going to happen soon.

She didn’t like it.

So-Hee was able to reach Octanus and Helayphea with the shuttle comms. They sounded out of breath, but they reported no casualties and only one minor injury. That was a success in her books. They had relayed a similar experience. They had heard from the initial Resistance team, the one calling the shots, and then the comms had gone dead. But neither of the APEX teams had given away their position beforehand. Yet, the Kett seemed to know they were coming. Although the Kett on those bases weren’t centered in the base like the base So-Hee’s team had hit. That let her know there was something in the information Irma had pulled.

Irma was poring over it as the shuttle made its way back to the Nexus. There wasn’t much information on the Kett’s movements. Namely, they weren’t moving in a unified way. There was still the divide of those that had supported the Archon and those that had supported the Primus. Some e-mails had indicated the in-fighting had continued. The base they had hit was firmly in the camp of supporting the Archon. That meant they were the desperate ones.

There had been nothing from the Resistance teams. It made So-Hee suspicious. She wondered if this was some sort of test. APEX was sent to deal with a problem, given a major obstacle, and then they would be judged based on how they performed. It would be one hell of a way to test their skills. And shady as fuck. So-Hee thought the idea was a little out there, but she didn’t completely discount it. While the Angara were supposed to be freer with their emotions and intentions, most people knew that the leader of the Resistance was more guarded and less willing to just work with another species. So-Hee hadn’t met them, but she could understand why a person in charge of organizing their own people against the Kett would be suspicious.

So-Hee was sitting in the co-pilots seat, lost in her thoughts when she felt someone tapping her shoulder. “Lieutenant?” So-Hee looked up to see Irma handing her a datapad. So-Hee didn’t like the look on her face.

So-Hee took the datapad and looked down at the information. Scrolling down slowly, she read the contents of the e-mail. They were plans to set a trap. So-Hee frowned as she read the e-mail not once, not twice, but three times. Reaching forwards, she pressed the comms button.

“Lieutenant?” Kandros’ voice came over the comms. “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah, a big one,” she answered. “Have you heard from the Resistance teams?”

“No, not for a lack of trying. Why?”

“The leader of the Resistance was part of the first team, wasn’t he?” she asked.

“I didn’t tell you that,” Kandros said. “Just what the hell did you find lieutenant?”

“The Kett intercepted intel, I’m not sure where from, but they knew we were coming. They coordinated their movements to match ours. They stationed their heavy hitters at the bases that the Resistance teams were hitting to capture them. They’re planning to boost their numbers,” So-Hee said.

“You mean—”

“Exaltation,” she confirmed. “And they have the leader. They’ve hit the jackpot.”

“Fuck,” Kandros grumbled. “I need to speak to Tann—”

“Sir, I don’t think we have that kind of time. We’re already in the shuttle,” –So-Hee leaned forward and pulled up a galaxy map— “there is a location in the e-mail and we’re closest. I don’t think we should wait. Helayphea and Octanus can back us up as soon as they get there.”

“I respect that lieutenant, but this is now a sensitive mission. I need to bring this to Tann and the Moshae.”

“And if they’re exalted in the meantime?” So-Hee demanded. “How are we going to excuse our inaction?”

“I understand where you’re coming from lieutenant…” Kandros trailed off, sounding hesitant. “My official order is for you to return to the Nexus. If you do not follow orders, you will face the consequences—good or bad. Just you, not your team. Do you understand, Lieutenant?”

“Understood,” she said, knowing exactly what he was getting at. Kandros hung up after her affirmation and she leaned back in the seat for a moment before turning to face her team.

“I know that look,” Irma said.

“I love that look.” Saash grinned.

“You love defying orders,” So-Hee shot back. “We’re going after the Resistance teams. There will be a lot of resistance from the Kett. Any objections?” she asked.

“Hell no, let’s go,” Rui said.

Saash chuckled and Irma nodded. “We’re with you lieutenant,” she promised.

“Contact Octanus Helayphea. Inform them of the situation. I’m sure we’ll be expecting them shortly after we touch down,” So-Hee ordered. She knew neither of them would stand by. Kandros would know it too. And if things got hairy, the lieutenants would take the fall. That was a risk So-Hee was willing to take. She turned to the shuttle pilot and pointed to the location on the map. “Get us there.”

“But I’m supp—”

“You have two options,” So-Hee cut him off. “You can get us there, or I can knock you out and one of us will pilot the shuttle.”

The pilot gulped, sweat brimming on his brow. “Y…yes ma’am.”

So-Hee sat back down in the co-pilots seat and pored over the e-mails from the Kett over and over. She needed all the information she could get. Her team readied themselves behind her, taking stock of ammo and pulling any back-ups that were stored on the shuttle. Rui cheered and she peeked behind her to see he had found a crate of omni-grenades. Good. They would come in handy.

It took a few hours to get where they were going. But soon enough the planet they were heading toward was coming to view. Elaaden. She hated the damn planet. It was blisteringly hot and sandy to all hell. As they got closer, So-Hee pulled up the planet holo and put in the specific coordinates. The Kett base was huge on the planet map. So-Hee hoped reinforcements wouldn’t take forever, or else the Resistance might be in real trouble by the time So-Hee’s team got close. The pilot took them down as close as he could. It would be a bit of a trek to the base. But it was necessary if So-Hee wanted to keep the element of surprise.

Her nerves skyrocketed as soon as her feet touched the sandy surface.

_Please don’t fuck this up._


	3. Damsel in Distress

This Kett base had a proper guard patrol. And there were a lot of them. It seemed most of the Kett forces on one side of the divide were centered here. Did the Pathfinder know about this? Or had it been overlooked? Maybe if APEX had been allowed on missions for the last three weeks, they would have found the intel about this place. Was So-Hee bitter? Maybe a little.

She regretted not having a sniper with her right now. It would be easier to try and pick off the outliers in the guard patrol. But right now, all they had were loud weapons that would attract attention. So-Hee was hoping to actually get into the base before drawing any fire. It didn’t look like that was going to happen.

“Any ideas?” she asked her team.

“I can pull as many as I can into a singularity,” Rui offered. “It’ll make it easier for us to take them out. And lessens the chance of them alerting anyone else.”

So-Hee nodded. “Any better plans?” she asked.

Saash and Irma shook their heads.

“Okay, then that’s the winner,” she said. “On my signal, pull them into a singularity, and I suggest assault rifles for this. We take out as many as we can. If we can clear it, we get inside and start working our way through.”

“When do you think the other teams will get here?” Irma asked.

So-Hee shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t think we can afford to wait.”

This wasn’t going to be like the last base. That was child’s play compared to this. There wouldn’t be hiding behind cover and taking potshots until the Kett were clear. These Kett would fight hard to protect their agenda. In other words, this was going to suck.

So-Hee watched the guards as they patrolled. Minutes went by as she waited for them to group up as much as possible. If they didn’t, then Rui’s plan wouldn’t work. So-Hee was just about to give up when it happened. There were five guards in the same area. Now was the time. She gestured to Rui and the blue blazed across his arms. The other three readied their rifles and trained them on the guards.

It all happened so fast. Rui created the singularity and the Kett shouted as they began to float in the air. They weren’t able to get their bearings. And they weren’t able to defend themselves as the team opened fire. Once the singularity dissipated, they dropped in a limp heap to the ground. There were no klaxon bells going off. No alarms. Good. They had a clear shot then. They moved as one, So-Hee in the front and Saash bringing up the rear and made their way to the front entrance. The doors were already open, and this room looked empty at the moment. But there were three doors in the room, and So-Hee was unsure of which room to take.

Logically, it would make sense that the central door would take them in the right direction. It would lead deeper into the Kett base and it should be where the Angara are. But that would also mean that the Kett would be concentrated in that area. If they went through the doors on the left or right, then there should be less Kett but taking the roundabout way might cost them too much time. Especially, if they all moved as one group. So-Hee was going to suggest an idea she really hated.

“We need to split up,” she murmured. “We won’t be able to cover enough ground if we stay clustered like this.”

“Where exactly are we going?” Rui asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t have a map of the area, all we can do is guess and thin out the Kett for when reinforcements show up. As we move, our omnitool will map out the area and compile a better map.”

“When will the other teams be here?” Irma asked.

So-Hee sighed. “They should be here soon. They were right behind us.”

Irma frowned. “Should we just wait?”

“No,” So-Hee said. “I don’t think the Angara have the time for us to wait. And if we find them, the teams will have an easier time getting them evacuated quickly. We don’t know what kind of defenses the Kett have here, but we can assume they will doing anything in order to keep the Angara. They’re desperate.”

Saash grunted. “How are we splitting up?”

“You and Rui will take the right. Irma and I will clear the left, agreed?” So-Hee looked between them.

Irma and Rui shared a look, but they both nodded. It just made more sense. Both Saash and So-Hee had the same specialty. It was a better idea to split the two and then have someone of a different skillset.

“Keep your comms open but stay silent unless necessary. We don’t want them finding out we’re here,” So-Hee ordered. “Ready?”

“Ready,” they echoed back to her before splitting up.

The left door opened, and So-Hee poked her head around the corner. The hallway was clear. Irma was right behind her as they moved down the hall. There were doors on each side of the hall. So-Hee had no idea where to go. She brought up her omnitool and opened the interface. The mock-up of the map showed her where the central room could be. But what if the Angara weren’t there? What if they were spread out between the rooms? Did she have the time to look?

So-Hee paused and looked at Irma. “What do you think?”

Irma frowned, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “The Angara might be spread thin, it would keep them from communicating with each other and planning an escape.”

“We check the side rooms then before moving on,” she murmured. “I don’t want to chance leaving anyone behind.”

“Got it,” Irma said.

They started with the first door on the left. But it was empty. It looked like a sleeping area. They stepped back into the hall. Thankfully, it remained empty. Although it was suspicious as well. So-Hee hoped the Kett didn’t know they were here. They could already be in the process of moving, or exalting, the Angara.

The second was empty as well. It was another sleeping area. At least the Kett weren’t sleeping on the job. But it made her wonder where in the hell they all were. Maybe there weren’t all that many of them. They weren’t so lucky with the third room. A few Chosen were sitting at a table. Maybe this was a common area for them? It was just lucky that their backs were to the door. Irma reached for her rifle, but So-Hee shook her head and held her finger to her lips. If they remained quiet, there was less of a chance of the Kett finding out they were here.

Irma armed her omni blade instead, and So-Hee reached for the Krogan Hammer on her back. They were quick and silent. The Kett didn’t have time to shout for help or ring the alarm. So-Hee knew they wouldn’t be so lucky as they progressed. Disarming their melee weapons, they walked back into the hall and made their way to the next room. This time they focused on the right. Once again, they were blissfully empty. That only left the door at the end of the hall. So-Hee was sure it would take them deeper into the base. And now she wouldn’t have to worry about any Kett following them and attacking from the back.

The next section of the base wasn’t as quiet. She was right in her assumption that there were more Kett towards the middle. There were fewer rooms here. She assumed there were no living quarters in this area. This was probably their operations area. Irma and So-Hee paused before going any further in.

“How are you doing?” she asked Rui and Saash over the comms.

“Good so far. Barely any Kett. We’re about the reach the next hall,” Rui answered.

“There’s definitely more Kett here,” So-Hee warned. “Try to lay low as much as possible, but we’re going to get found out sooner or later. Be ready.”

“Copy,” he said. “We can hold out until reinforcements.”

So-Hee ended the conversation and nodded at Irma. They were moving again. They approached one of the first doors. So-Hee could hear a muted conversation from inside. She tried to figure out how many voices were inside, but it was hard to tell. They all sounded the same.

“You won’t get anything from us!” a distinctly Angaran voice shouted at the Kett.

So-Hee recoiled for a moment. How many Angara were in there? Was it just one person? So-Hee turned to Irma and pointed at the door. They would try to remain stealthy, but So-Hee didn’t know if that would be possible. She indicated for Irma to be ready for anything once the door opened. Irma nodded and they each took a side. Opening her omnitool interface, Irma tapped away until the doors opened. So-Hee peeked around the corner. She could see three Angara in the room and five Kett. There was no way they could remain quiet. So-Hee sighed pulled her shotgun from its holster. Irma did the same with her rifle.

They both aimed from their spot at the door. They would start from the outside and work their way inwards. And they would try to separate the Kett from the Angara. So-Hee didn’t want to shoot any of them on accident. At the same time, Irma and So-Hee fired. Two Kett dropped. The other three, now on their guard, turned with their weapons drawn. So-Hee took down another one before they could even fire. In reality, two Kett wasn’t a big deal. But she didn’t want either of them to sound the alarm. She and Irma had to work fast.

That meant So-Hee had to shoot them before they could reach cover. Before they could have a moment to breathe and call for backup. Thankfully, Irma was on the same page. The other two Kett dropped right before they could reach cover. So-Hee waited a few seconds to make sure there were no other Kett that had been hiding in the room, but nothing moved. She and Irma walked into the room and holstered their weapons. The door shut behind them.

The Angara were kept on the opposite side of the room. They were in a type of cage she had seen before on Voeld. Irma crossed the room to interface with the locks. It only took a few seconds for the cage to spring open. The three Angara looked at Irma and So-Hee warily while they stepped out. So-Hee didn’t blame the Angara for being suspicious of any kind of alien considering what they had been through with the Kett. But she hoped, for now, they would trust the APEX teams to get them the hell out of here. Everything else could be figured out later.

“My name is Lieutenant Park So-Hee,” So-Hee introduced herself first. “And this is Corporal Irma Finn. We’re from APEX, from the Initiative.”

“I’m Eshva Ama Darav,” the one in the middle introduced herself, she was blue like most Angara, with black markings across her crown and cheeks. “This is Aarfay de Shad and Firala de Shad.” She gestured to the other two.

“Is this your entire team?” So-Hee asked.

Eshva looked her up and down for a moment as if determining whether or not she could trust So-Hee, before shaking her head. “No. There are two others, and there is another team.”

“They have our commander,” Firala spoke up. “We have to get to him.”

“Firala!” Aarfay hissed. “Don’t give them leverage.”

“I know they have him. I found the information at the other base,” So-Hee said. “We came to get all of you.”

“Just the two of you?” Eshva asked sounding skeptical.

So-Hee shook her head. “There are two others working the other side of the base. And we have reinforcements on the way.” So-Hee turned to Irma. “Get on the comms with Octanus and Helayphea and ask how much longer.” Turning back to Eshva she asked, “Do you know where the others are being held?”

Eshva shook her head. “No, we were all separated.”

“They’re twenty minutes out,” Irma piped up. “And they sent the schematics of this base. Helayphea found it on a console after they cleared out the base.” She pulled them up for So-Hee to see.

So-Hee felt Eshva at her side as they looked over the map. She was right. The outer halls contained the sleeping areas, but the inner areas were more for their operations. She could also see rooms that had been converted from soldier areas to areas for scientists. That was probably where they were planning to exalt the Angara.

Eshva pointed to the room in the dead center. It was round and there were multiple entrances. “I believe Evfra would be held there,” she said.

So-Hee nodded. “Makes sense. It’s defensible, they probably have guards at every entrance.”

“We would need to hit all the entrances at once,” Eshva added.

“Preferably after clearing the rest of the base so they can’t call for reinforcements,” So-Hee murmured.

“Do we have time to wait for reinforcements,” Irma asked.

So-Hee frowned. “Not particularly. We should get everyone out as soon as possible.” It would be better to draw the guards away from the doors and then she and Irma could go after the Commander. Irma could crack the doors open quickly and they would just have to get them the hell out of here. If she planned it right, the Angara could be getting out right as reinforcements got here. “Rui? Saash?” she called over the comms.

“Hey Lieutenant,” Rui answered. “We found a member of one of the teams.”

“Who was it?” Eshva asked.

“Oh shit, you found someone too,” Rui said. “Hold on…”

“Eshva?” someone new said over the comms.

Eshva sighed in relief. “Ajay. Where is Hahri?”

“We were separated,” Ajay answered. “I don’t know where she is.”

“They’re the only one we’ve found so far So-Hee,” Saash said. “This place is a damn maze.”

“I have the schematics for this base. I’ll send them to you.” So-Hee pulled up her omnitool and sent everything to Saash. “I need you to find the rest of the team as soon as possible. I have a plan, but we need all of the Angara free and ready to move.”

“What’s the plan?” Rui asked, back on the comms again.

“We get the Angara together and create a distraction big enough to draw the Kett away from the central room. Irma and I will break-in, get the Commander, and then get out. Reinforcements should be here by then to get everyone out,” So-Hee said, laying everything out.

“Why should you be the one to get Evfra?” Eshva asked, sounding suspicious.

_Because I’m a tank._

“Irma is the best hacker, she can get through that door like its nothing, and we’re both fast. As long as the Kett are drawn away, it won’t take us much time at all to rescue him.”

Eshva didn’t look entirely convinced, but Firala put her hand on the Angara’s shoulder. “Let’s find our brothers and sisters. If the alien fails at least we will have them to rescue him.”

So-Hee didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to stir the pot, or cause problems with the Resistance teams before they even got to work with them in an official capacity. Instead, she opened the interface on her omnitool and patched them into her team’s comms. The Angara took weapons off the Kett. With the schematics of the base, they left the room to search the other rooms and then to meet up with anyone Rui and Saash found. From there, they would cause a commotion and lead the Kett away. It would leave the way clear enough for Irma and So-Hee to move undetected to the central room.

“I loved the vote of confidence,” Irma muttered.

So-Hee grinned. “Guess we just have to show them what we can do.”

They bumped fists and set out of from the room. Now they just had to make there way straight to the central console and get as close as possible without being detected. Then they could camp out for a few minutes if they needed to. But at least they would be close by when it was time to act. The Resistance team had done a good job of getting through rooms ahead of them quickly and quietly. So-Hee could see evidence of a few Kett that had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. But for the most part, the bodies were hidden so the alarm wasn’t raised. If they were this good in a crisis, So-Hee wondered what they could do at full strength. She hoped she would get to see it.

She and Irma slowed as they neared the central console. There were two doors between them and the commander. So far, So-Hee hadn’t heard any issues over the comms. Nor had she received the confirmation that they had found the rest of the Angara. So-Hee hoped they would find them hale and whole. Exaltation is not something she wanted to lose people too. It was a fate so much worse than just death. Especially for the survivors.

“We’ve found them, Lieutenant,” Rui came over the comms. “We’re backtracking to the barracks and then drawing the Kett.”

So-Hee let out a breath. “Good,” she said. “We’re in position and ready to go when you are.”

“Got it,” he answered before the comms went quiet again.

She and Irma stayed out of sight and a side room and they just waited. It shouldn’t take long for all of them to backtrack, especially if no more Kett showed up. So-Hee didn’t think it would take more than five minutes to rescue the Commander if everything went to plan. Then they could get out to the shuttles and get the Angara back to Aya. So-Hee would take whatever punishment Kandros doled out if it meant everyone got out.

Rui came over the comms once more to tell So-Hee they were ready. Not even a minute later there was an explosion and the base rocked underneath her feet. She snickered under her breath. Of course, he found a good use for the omni grenades. The alarm blared over the intercom system. It made her head hurt. She and Irma remained hidden as she heard the Kett moved outside the door and towards the noise. It wasn’t until the footsteps died down that Irma opened the door and they looked around to make sure the coast was clear.

Irma interfaced with the lock on the door and So-Hee stayed close with her shotgun drawn just in case there were any stragglers lingering around. The team just had to keep the Kett occupied until she and Irma were finished. So-Hee leaned against the door, hearing the sounds of fighting over the comms. The team seemed to be doing alright for themselves. No one seemed to be hurt. She hoped it stayed that way.

“Fuck!” Irma hissed.

“What’s wrong?” So-Hee asked.

“They really didn’t want anyone getting in here. I keep getting close and the passcode changes on me,” she answered, sounding frustrated. “I can…no…I can’t do that.”

“Can you open the door?” So-Hee asked, keeping her voice level. “If not, I need to know so I can come up with another plan.”

“No…no, I can get it open,” Irma furiously tapped on her omnitool. “Fucking Kett won’t get the best of me.”

So-Hee nodded. “Get it done Corporal,” she ordered. “You can do this.”

Irma worked at getting the door to open. So-Hee listened to the sounds of the firefight and kept her grip tight on her weapon. This was taking way longer than she needed it to. The longer they drew this out, the bigger the chance that someone would get hurt or killed. She didn’t like those odds.

“Found you fucker,” Irma murmured under her breath and So-Hee had to stop herself from smiling again.

Irma tapped something on her omnitool, hissing triumphantly. So-Hee turned, expecting the door to open, but nothing happened. Her gaze met Irma’s and Irma just looked confused.

“It should’ve opened,” she whispered. “What the fuck?”

The lights flickered and turned a deep red. A harsh Kett voice began speaking in tandem with the alarm. It was too loud for the translator to catch. She had no idea what it was saying.

“Irma?”

Irma looked down at her omnitool and she paled. “I think I activated a failsafe when I hacked the door. I…I didn’t even detect it.” She looked up at So-Hee, looking like she expected to be yelled at.

“What’s the failsafe?” So-Hee asked, her voice hushed.

Irma swallowed hard. “The base is going to self-destruct.”

So-Hee didn’t know what to say. This had never happened before. None of the Kett bases they had hit before had a self-destruct protocol built-in. Did they have it installed just in case someone came to rescue the Commander? If they couldn’t exalt him, then they would destroy him and hope to weaken the Angara.

“Fuck!” So-Hee kicked the door. “How much time do we have?”

Irma looked at her omnitool. “Less than seven minutes.”

“Radio the others and tell them to get out now and meet up with reinforcements.” So-Hee looked at the door. “I’ll get the door open.”

“How Lieutenant?” she asked. “I couldn’t hack my way in.”

So-Hee knew that. She was going to have to pry the door open. And she was going to have to do it in front of Irma. There was little other choice. So-Hee wasn’t leaving here without the Commander. There was no way she was going to walk out of here without everyone. One person wasn’t going to be left behind. So-Hee pulled her helmet from her suit and handed it to Irma. She took the helmet, but she looked very confused. So-Hee’s gloves followed, and she placed them on top of the helmet. Although the gloves would protect her fingers, she could get a better grip without them.

“Lieutenant?”

So-Hee found the seam where the doors met. Her fingers pressed as far into the seam as they could go. With her fingers edged in between the doors, she gripped each side and began to pull them apart. Her arms shook from the effort. It was hard to pull them apart with only her fingers. Sweat dripped from her hairline and down her face. Irma backed away, her mouth open in shock, as the doors began to inch by inch. Once there was more room, So-Hee was able to get a better grip on the doors. With a better grip they opened faster, and it took less effort from her. There were indents in the door from her fingers.

She could see through the gap. An Angara was sitting in the middle of the room. His legs and wrists were shackled to a chair. His chin was resting on his chest. It looked like he was out cold. That meant she was going to have to carry him out. _Fuck_. It was going to be hard to keep the cat in the bag after this mission.

With the door opened enough for her to fit, and she would be able to get back through with him, she stepped into the room. She turned to say something to Irma, but her Irma’s gaze was fixated on the warped metal of the door.

“Corporal!” So-Hee called, and Irma’s eyes snapped up to meet hers. “I need you to lead the way and keep the Kett off of me. Can you do that?”

“I…I…”

“Can you do that?” So-Hee barked.

“Yes, ma’am!” Irma answered, her back straightened. “I can do that.”

So-Hee turned back to the Angara. “Then let’s do this.”

The alarms made Evfra wince. How long had he been out? The last thing he had remembered was the butt of a rifle to his head. The Kett had ambushed his team and brought them here. How had the Kett even known about the missions? Who had fucked up? Was it the Initiative? He wouldn’t be surprised. He was still wary of working with the aliens. This was supposed to be a test run of whether or not he could trust working together with them for military operations. If they were the reason his team was captured, then that idea was dead in the water. There was no way he would trust them.

“Thank god you’re not dead,” a voice murmured nearby.

It wasn’t Kett and it wasn’t Angaran. It sounded human. Evfra kept his eyes closed, pretending to still be out. Had APEX come for his teams and for him? Or maybe it was something else entirely. Maybe scumbag scavengers or exiles that were looking for a payday. Whoever it was, they had been looking for him. Maybe they wanted a ransom for the Angara. If that were the case, they had signed their own death warrants. He would wait until they released him and then he would strike.

A hand brushed against his wrists and he had to fight the urge to recoil. He had to remain perfectly still and quiet.

The human scoffed. “You can stop pretending to be asleep.”

Evfra’s eyes opened. His eyes flicked downward to meet a pair of warm brown ones. The woman tucked a piece of purple hair behind her ear. Her lips were moving, but he was having a hard time focusing. What was she saying to him? Her hands went to the shackles on his wrist and he stiffened. He watched her fingers curl around the metal, and she pulled. Seconds passed and nothing happened. He wondered what in the actual fuck she was doing.

With a sound that made him grimace, the shackle pulled away from the chair on one side. She moved on to the next one, but his gaze was still on his free hand. The metal was warped and twisted from where it had detached. He could also see where her hands had squeezed the metal. It was like nothing to her. His gaze traveled back to her, his eyes moving from the hard line of her mouth to the sweat that dripped down her temples. Maybe not nothing then. But no ordinary human could do this. Not even Angara could.

She must be one of them.

He had pored over the Cerberus files shortly after meeting Emma, in person, for the first time. After the reports of her in the field and the reports from Jaal and his family, Evfra had to admit he was interested in what she was. He was less interested in a terrorist organization. Especially after he had read the files given to him. It disgusted him that humans could do that to their own so callously. For what? Progress? He had questioned often if he should even trust the Initiative after learning these things. But he was trying to remain open. He knew that people could do awful things for what they think is the right thing. No one was immune to that kind of thinking. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t still wary of the Initiative.

She kneeled on the ground and worked on the shackles around his ankles. He raised his arms, the skin around his wrists were raw and bleeding. But that was nothing. Everything hurt. The Kett wanted them for exaltation, to bolster their ranks and hurt the Resistance, but they seemed disorganized and desperate. They weren’t as careful as they usually were. He was going to walk away with fresh injuries from this battle with the Kett. But at least he was walking away.

“My team…” he mumbled, his throat dry. “Where—”

“They’re evacuating now, Commander,” she answered. Turning to the door she shouted, “How much longer?”

“Less than four Lieutenant!”

Evfra hadn’t even noticed the other human at the door. He really was out of it. This shouldn’t have happened. Evfra was always prepared for many outcomes. But he didn’t expect the ambush. It was his carelessness that led to this. Maybe the Moshae was right. Maybe he was shouldering too much. And maybe it was affecting him long term. She was going to be smug if he admitted. It wouldn’t be cruel kind of smugness, more like the attitude his mother would have given him—if she were still alive—when he admitted to being wrong.

The last shackle was broken, and the Lieutenant stood back up. Her eyes focused back on him. “I’m going to carry you out of here,” she said.

“I can walk,” he snarled. He wasn’t that weak. And he could walk out of here on his own two feet. His teams would need to see that. They did not need to see him carried out of here like a weakling. Evfra’s fingers gripped the edge of the chair and he pushed himself up. His body would cooperate. He would accept nothing less. But his body did not agree. His legs locked up and he felt himself pitch forward.

The alien caught him around the waist, bearing all of his weight. His face was pressed into her hair. She smelled like sweat and something…sweet? He didn’t know what that smell was. Did all humans smell like this? He had never gotten close enough to find out. Not even with the Pathfinder or his siblings.

“Sorry Commander, I don’t have time to nurture your ego,” her voice was filled with amusement despite their clearly dire predicament. “I have to carry you.”

Before he could protest again, she maneuvered herself out of his embrace—he hadn’t realized he had grabbed onto her—and crouched down. One moment, Evfra was standing up straight and the next, he was draped across her back and over her shoulders. He did not like this at all. It was embarrassing.

The Lieutenant moved like she was carrying nothing. Like he weighed nothing. The woman in front of her kept looking back, a strange expression on her face, but didn’t say anything. They ran through the Kett base, the alarm blaring all around them. A guttural voice was shouting something over the intercom. The harsh red lights made his eyes hurt. Evfra shut them.

“Less than two minutes!”

“We’ll make it.”

Evfra felt the harsh sun on his back. Wherever the Kett had taken them, it was uncomfortably hot. The Lieutenant didn’t stop moving. They needed to clear the base. Evfra was so tired now. He could barely hear anything. He wanted to open his eyes, see his teams safe and sound, but they were so heavy.

“Evfra!” he heard someone call his name.

He couldn’t respond, couldn’t open his eyes. He was so tired. Silence buzzed in his ears for a few seconds before the buzzing became a loud roar. Intense heat licked his back. Everything felt like it was shaking. But the Lieutenant didn’t stop.

It was the last thing he remembered.


	4. Proper Introduction

Helayphea and Octanus had already filled their shuttles. So-Hee’s team was on their shuttle along with the three Angara that Irma and So-Hee had released. The explosion was too close for comfort, but they were just outside the blast zone. The heat from it nearly sent So-Hee to her knees. But she had to keep going.

The moment she stepped onto the shuttle, there were hands pulling the Commander from her back. So-Hee leaned against the wall and signaled to the pilot. “Let’s get out of here,” she ordered, slightly out of breath. Irma plopped into a seat next to Rui. The doors closed and they were lifting off.

The Angara were on the opposite side of the shuttle from So-Hee’s team. They surrounded the Commander, keeping him safe, but also trying to take stock of his injuries. She passed them to sit in the co-pilot's seat and open the comms to Helayphea and Octanus.

“A little under the wire there, Lieutenant,” Octanus teased.

So-Hee grinned. “You know me. I like being fashionably late,” she answered, dragging a deep breath into her lungs. “How many injuries on your side?”

“Not many thankfully,” Helayphea said. “What’s the plan?”

“We need to get them to Aya,” So-Hee responded. “The Commander is injured, and the Nexus isn’t equipped to handle it.”

“Got it,” Octanus said. “We’ll see you there.”

The comms went silent and So-Hee leaned back in the co-pilot's seat. She suppressed a yawn with her fist pressed against her mouth. The shuttle was mostly silent. The Angara whispered amongst themselves, and she could hear Irma and Rui speaking softly. It was wrong to eavesdrop, but So-Hee didn’t hear her name mentioned at all. Irma was quiet for now. But eventually she was going to want answers. And she might tell the others. So-Hee was going to have to deal with it eventually. Now wasn’t the time.

She let herself doze off as they headed towards Aya. It was a few hours away. She hoped the Commander stayed out until then. He seemed like the kind of person that would argue and push himself past his limits in order to remain in charge. It was something she didn’t want to deal with right now. And she didn’t want to deal with the consequences if he strained himself and caused further injury. It wouldn’t be her fault, but Tann would be sure to blame her.

Speaking of Tann, he must be apoplectic by now. So-Hee had gone against Kandros’ and his orders. So had the other Lieutenants. He was bound to be pissed. But considering there was no one else of their rank awake right now, he might have to scale back the punishments. So-Hee expected a short suspension, but not much more. Kandros would dole out the punishment even if he didn’t agree. With all the Angara accounted for, So-Hee felt like she made the right choice.

The shuttle moved through the Scourge that protected the Onaon system and Aya from enemies. They were close. So-Hee would call Kandros once they were on Aya and had delivered the Commander to Resistance headquarters. His reaction would determine whether she took the long way back to the Nexus or not.

“Lieutenant,” Eshva said, standing behind So-Hee’s chair.

She turned around. “What’s up?”

Eshva cleared her throat awkwardly. “I want to thank you. You didn’t hesitate in coming to rescue us. We won’t forget that.”

“It was the right thing to do.” So-Hee shrugged. “But you’re welcome. I hope we get to work together after this.”

Saash snorted. “Another notch,” she muttered.

So-Hee glared in her direction. Eshva just looked confused at the interaction. While yes, So-Hee was open to learning more about the Angara in an intimate fashion, in this case, she really just wanted to work closely with Resistance teams. They had an advantage over the Kett. And they had an advantage over the Initiative since they grew up in Heleus and knew their home better than the Milky Way species. It would be interesting to fight with them.

“I hope so as well, Lieutenant,” Eshva answered before sitting back down next to her teammates.

Saash chuckled, but So-Hee ignored her. They were only a half hour out from Aya now. So-Hee’s omnitool chimed and she opened the interface. There were two messages waiting for her. One was from Maggie, asking So-Hee to check in after the mission. So-Hee shot her a quick message and told her that she would explain things when they were back at the Nexus. The second one was from Rowan. So-Hee almost didn’t open it. And when she saw what it contained, she wished she hadn’t. It was the dreaded conversation that he wanted to have last night. It was one of those “what are we really?” e-mails, and he expressed his want to actually get to know her better and pursue a relationship. She closed the e-mail without answering. This was not something she wanted to deal with right now.

When they landed on Aya, she was the only one of her team to disembark. It would better than having all of them crowd onto Aya at once. It would make the Angara nervous and So-Hee didn’t want to come this far just to do that. Octanus and Helayphea walked off of their shuttles with the Angara they had rescued. A small crowd had gathered at the docks. Loved ones searched for each other, the joy plain on their faces when they realized no one had been left behind.

This time Evfra was carried out on a stretcher by Eshva and Aarfay. There weren’t any loved ones for him that So-Hee could see, but she could still see the concern on the crowd’s face. Apparently, they had never seen their Commander this hurt before. There were two Angara in particular that looked worried about him. She wondered if they were his partners. They stopped Eshva and Aarfay. So-Hee turned away to let them have their conversation in peace. Octanus and Helayphea walked over to So-Hee.

“Should we call Kandros?” Helayphea asked.

So-Hee nodded. “Might as well get this over with,” she grumbled.

Octanus raised his omnitool and opened a line between them and Kandros.

“Well?” Kandros asked.

“We’re on Aya sir. The Resistance teams were retrieved and delivered home safely. The Commander is injured. I am not sure of the severity,” So-Hee reported.

“I see,” Kandros replied. “Lieutenants Poslius and T’Peos are to return to the Nexus immediately for debriefing. Lieutenant Park, I want you to stay behind on Aya and make certain that the Commander is well.”

“Sir?” So-Hee asked.

“Tann is furious,” Kandros said. “However, if the Commander survives his injuries then Leadership might reconsider punishment, or at the very least, lessen the severity.”

So-Hee sighed. “Yes, sir. I’ll do that.” She wasn’t going to do it for herself, but for Helayphea and Octanus. They would’ve made the same call she did, but it was her idea first.

“I’ll see all of you soon. Oh, and Lieutenant Park…” Kandros paused for a moment. “Good job.”

The line went silent.

“Well at least Kandros is on our side,” Octanus said.

“That won’t mean much if Tann has a wild hair up his ass,” So-Hee muttered.

Octanus snickered.

Helayphea rolled her eyes. “I swear you two are like children,” she teased.

So-Hee shrugged. “I guess you two should get going. Don’t want to keep leadership waiting.”

“You’re right,” Helayphea said. “Just make sure to behave.”

So-Hee chuckled. “I guarantee nothing.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Helayphea muttered.

The two of them waved goodbye to So-Hee and boarded their shuttles. The crowd on the docks had thinned out quite a bit. But the two Angara that had spoken to Eshva were still waiting. Maybe they would allow her into Aya to check on the Commander. She walked over to where they were standing. Their heads were bent together, and they were speaking in low voices. So-Hee slowed down so she didn’t interrupt their conversation. It didn’t matter, the moment they spotted her their conversation died off.

“Are you Lieutenant Park?” one of them asked.

So-Hee nodded. “That’s me.”

“It’s nice to meet you. I am Moshae Sfeja and this is Paraan Shie, the mayor of Aya,” they replied. “You did not return with your team?”

“No.” So-Hee shook her head. “Kandros, and Director Tann, wanted me to stay behind and make sure the Commander was alright.”

“I see. I was under the impression that Director Tann had not sent any teams to rescue the Resistance teams,” the Moshae said. The way she looked at So-Hee, it seemed like she already knew what had been done. That So-Hee had defied a direct order. There wasn’t any sense of disapproval in her gaze, it seemed to be the opposite in fact.

“Getting the teams back were important,” So-Hee replied, not confirming or denying anything.

“Yes. Bringing them home is very important to us. Thank you,” the Moshae said. “If you’d like, I can escort you to headquarters. You will find the Commander and his medical status there.”

So-Hee nodded. “Ah, thank you.”

“I will make sure your team is fed and taken care of in the meantime,” Paraan spoke up for the first time. “It is the least we can do.”

“I appreciate it,” So-Hee answered.

While she wasn’t too keen on leaving her team to stay on a shuttle by themselves, it almost meant she had some time before Irma brought up what had happened at the base. There was no way So-Hee was going to get away without giving an explanation. Maybe she could lie and say she was on steroids. But that wasn’t right either. That could go uncomfortable places and make an even bigger mess. The only thing she could tell was the truth, and hope they kept it to themselves.

The Moshae led So-Hee away from the docks and into the memorial gardens. So-Hee’s steps slowed as she took in the scenery. It was beautiful. Maggie would love the flowers here.

“We are happy we do not have to add any names from this mission,” the Moshae said. “We have lost so much already.”

“I can’t even imagine,” So-Hee murmured.

“May I ask you a question, Lieutenant?” she asked.

So-Hee shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”

“Why did you defy a direct order? What was your motivation? Is it because you wanted to be a hero? Or do you defy orders often?” The questions came one after the other.

“I don’t…I didn’t really think about it,” So-Hee admitted. “I just thought not acting when we could save people was…stupid.”

“I see,” the Moshae answered. “Thank you for your honesty.”

So-Hee had no idea if the Moshae approved or not, the woman was so hard to read. They walked through a marketplace and the Moshae led her further into the city to a large central building. It must be the headquarters. Some of the Angara looked at her, no doubt speculative about the new alien among them, but others barely spared her a glance. She supposed the Angara were getting used to the Milky Way species after being here for almost two years. And she knew there was an ambassador on Aya. That probably helped.

The Moshae turned right once they were in the building and So-Hee followed her down a set of stairs. There were two doors, one leading to the right, and a larger one right in front of them. The larger one had guards posted at the door. Their eyes narrowed at So-Hee, but they relaxed in the presence of the Moshae.

So-Hee hung back as the Moshae approached the guards. They didn’t look particularly keen that a human was near the medbay, especially with their leader incapacitated inside. So-Hee leaned against the wall, her eyes traveling over the auspicious interior. Angaran architecture was huge. She felt like she could be swallowed whole within it. Remnant architecture made her feel the same way. When she had entered Meridian, she felt awed that such a place could even exist. But after growing up on Earth, everything in space seemed awesome and larger than life. Space made her feel so small.

“He isn’t awake yet Lieutenant, but you’re welcome to wait here until that changes,” the Moshae said, joining her again. “Unfortunately, waiting in the medbay is…”

“Not going to happen,” So-Hee finished. “I understand. The Commander’s safety is paramount.”

The Moshae nodded. “Evfra is important to many of us. The Resistance wouldn’t be what it is without him.” She clasped her hands in front of him. “What can I do to make you comfortable? A chair?”

“That’s okay, I’ll be fine,” So-Hee said, shaking her head. She didn’t want to impose on another important person. Besides, the Commander would hopefully wake up soon. Standing, or even sitting on the floor, was just fine with her.

“Let someone know if you change your mind,” the Moshae said. “I must take care of something, but I will be back.”

So-Hee offered her a small smile. There was no way she was asking the two at the door for anything. “I’ll be here,” she joked.

The Moshae nodded, giving So-Hee a smile of her own. “Thank you again, Lieutenant.”

So-Hee waited for the Moshae to leave before she slid down to the floor. Her knees were pulled to her chest to keep herself small and out of the way. She rested her left forearm on her knees and pulled open the interface on her omnitool. Might as well take care of her e-mails while she was waiting. It was better than focusing on the burning stares leveled in her direction.

The Commander couldn’t wake up fast enough.

~

Evfra blinked and grumbled as a slant of light hit him right across his face. Opening his eyes, he expected to see the interior of the base—the Kett surrounding him and ready to inflict more pain. It took him a moment to remember that someone had come for him. Apex. He hadn’t even wanted to do a joint mission with them in the first place, the Moshae was always pushing him to work with the Initiative, but it ended up being what saved him and his teams. And it wasn’t just any Apex soldier, but a Cerberus experiment. What were the odds? He knew Emma wasn’t the only one in Andromeda, but he didn’t think he would encounter another.

Sharp pain made him hiss through his teeth as he tried to sit up. He gripped the edge of the bed to steady himself. The medbay was empty. Was he the only one hurt then? He hoped that was the case. Maybe Apex wasn’t so bad after all. He still didn’t trust the Initiative as a whole though. But he might be willing to work with Kandros again. And he had to admit, he was curious about the woman that saved him.

“Evfra!” Olvek stood up from their workspace, having noticed that Evfra was sitting up to leave the bed. “You should be resting.”

“I’m fine,” Evfra grunted.

Olvek sighed. “You are not fine. And you will stress your injuries if you don’t allow yourself to heal properly.

“I am fine,” Evfra repeated, gritting his teeth. “I have work to do, I cannot stay in the medbay all day.”

“I can’t stop you, but you need to take it easy or you will be back here.”

Evfra grunted his response. Everyone worried more about him than he did. Yes, he had been injured, but it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. And in the end, he was just as expendable if necessary. His people, the Resistance, it all came first. Now he needed to handle reports and figure out exactly how the Kett knew where the teams would be. Was it a mistake on his part, or the Initiatives? It was important to know.

Olvek just watched as Evfra walked to the doors, wincing at nearly every step. Most had long since learned that it just wasn’t worth it to argue. Evfra was going to do what he felt was necessary every time. Very few people had power to make him pause. And right now, they weren’t here. The doors opened and the two guards standing outside the doors straightened as he exited. He nodded at them, but they didn’t relax.

A flash of purple made him pause. The woman he had been thinking about just moments before was sitting on the floor right outside of the medbay. She turned her head, noticing him, and pushed herself up on her feet. She was still wearing her armor from earlier. How long had she been waiting? Why was she waiting? And why had she been sitting on the floor?

Her brown eyes flicked down to his legs and she slowly looked back up to his face. Perhaps she was just assessing his injuries for herself, but her gaze made him feel…naked and slightly warm. His ordeal must have knocked him off balance if he was feeling so self-conscious under her gaze. He certainly didn’t have time to feel that way. Since she was here, he wanted answers. He wanted to know if what he had experienced on the base was real. And it wasn’t just some strange hallucination brought on by his injured state.

He stepped closer to her, she didn’t step back or move out of the way like most would. Those of the Milky Way species he had met, especially humans, were intimidated by his presence. But she didn’t seem the least bit bothered. “I want to speak with you. Come to my office,” he said—more like ordered—his voice gruff.

She raised an eyebrow. “Sure thing, Commander.” She drew out his title.

He had a feeling Kandros had a field day with her. She seemed like the type to use sarcasm at every turn. But she had saved his life, and he was thankful for that. Evfra walked past her to start up the stairs. He didn’t wait or check to make sure she was following him. And he could hear her trailing behind him. Evfra tried to ignore the burning pain that had settled in his legs. When he reached his office, he could sit down and relieve some of the pain. And he would need to be sitting for when the Moshae realized he had left the medbay. There was no doubt she would chastise him.

Evfra faltered, trying to maintain his balance as he climbed the stairs. He heard her close behind him, nearly walking directly behind him.

“Are you sure you should be up and moving?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” he grunted. “You shouldn’t concern yourself.”

She made a small noise behind him but said nothing else. They walked in silence the rest of the way to his office. A few looked his way, looking relieved that he was still alive. They nodded in his direction before turning back to their work. It wasn’t an overly joyful return. And he was okay with that. He hoped his people would understand that if it came down to it, his life for theirs was a small price.

When the doors opened, he made a beeline for his desk. He tried his best not to fall down into his chair. That small walk from the medical wing to his office had winded him. He brushed his fingers against his side, wincing at the tenderness. “Leave us,” he ordered to those at their stations. They vacated immediately and the door closed behind them.

He looked back up at her, this time he was studying her. Her short purple hair was tucked behind her ears. Brown eyes stared at him, unflinching from his own gaze. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, but her overall posture was loose. She wasn’t at all nervous about being around him. He wondered if she was like that around everyone. If she was as strong as he thought, then he could understand why she wouldn’t be intimidated by much.

“You saved my life, my teams,” he started, for once not sure about how to broach the subject. Should he just ask her outright? “I don’t even know your name,” he said instead.

“To be fair, it’s not like I had much time to introduce myself,” she retorted. “My name is So-Hee. Lieutenant Park So-Hee of Apex…obviously.”

“I need to know Lieutenant…did you…” he trailed off. “You broke the shackles with your bare hands, and then you carried me out of the base. I briefly questioned whether or not it was real, but I don’t believe I hallucinated any of it.”

He expected some sort of expression to cross her face. Maybe fear or denial, but she was blank. It was intentional. Her expression was tight and controlled like she had practiced it so many times. “You were badly injured Commander,” she said, her tone as controlled as her expression. “My team and I made sure you were safely removed from the base, together.”

“I know what I saw,” he rebutted.

“I understand why you believe that it was very stressful.” Her even tone was beginning to infuriate him. “But I can assure you, I am not capable of some sort of inhuman super strength.”

He believed, without a doubt, that she was lying. That she was playing dumb so he would drop it or question his own memory. But he remembered her snark, her sarcasm, and how humiliated he felt being carried over an alien’s shoulder. He could call her on it. After all, he had the information from Emma. He knew about Cerberus and could prove it. But he also remembered how fearful Emma was to tell him the truth. To reveal that she was a victim of human experimentation. If he admitted what he knew, he could alienate the Lieutenant. He would also learn nothing.

“Perhaps I was mistaken then,” he muttered.

She relaxed slightly. “Since I’m here, I do have information for you,” she said. Raising her omnitool, her pulled up the interface. “My team found out how the Kett knew about the operation.” She pulled up something on the interface and swiped her finger across until his ushataliin chirped. Evfra pulled up the data she had sent over.

“They planted a receiver to one of your satellites and pulled the transmissions,” she continued. “It’s how they were able to capture the teams.”

So, it wasn’t Apex’s fault after all. It was his own. He supposed that was a good thing. It was certainly a point in their favor.

“We were going to check the other satellites, but I wanted to wait until you were awake to ask.”

Evfra closed the interface to his ushataliin. “There’s no need. We’ll check them.”

Dead air lingered between them. There was nothing left to say now. She had denied what had happened, they had determined the cause of the Kett’s knowledge, and that was it. Evfra leaned back and winced.

“Do you want me to call someone?” she asked.

“No,” he grumbled. “I’m sure I will be bothered soon enough.”

She snorted. “Then I should leave you be. It was good meeting you Commander. I hope to work together with the Resistance again.”

Evfra nodded. “We just might, Lieutenant.”

_He didn’t buy it._

So-Hee walked back to the docks, walking as fast as she could without making herself seem suspicious. There was no way he bought her lie. She could tell by his body language, and by the look in his eye. He knew he hadn’t hallucinated anything, but he didn’t press the issue further. She took comfort in that. Perhaps he would drop it. But she wasn’t so sure. Evfra didn’t look like a person that forgot much.

And now she had to get on her shuttle and get back to the Nexus. She wasn’t thrilled about doing either of those things. There was no doubt she was going to have to explain herself once she boarded the shuttle. Irma would have told Rui about what happened, and neither of them would let her walk away without telling them something. Now she just had to debate whether or not she was going to tell the truth. Not that she thought they would believe a lie for a second.

Then there was the reaming she was sure to face once she returned to the Nexus. While Kandros would defend her actions, she had no doubt Tann would have a fit. She would just have to take whatever punishment they dole out. She just hoped it wouldn’t be too bad.

All conversations stopped when she stepped on the shuttle. She ignored them and signaled to the pilot that it was time to go. Settling into her seat beside Saash she sighed, waiting for someone to break the silence.

“Doing good, Lieutenant?” Rui asked.

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, how is everyone?”

“Ready to go home and sleep,” he replied.

Irma snorted. “Shower first, you’re not crawling in our bed smelling like a mission.”

The two fell into their usual ribbing. So-Hee didn’t understand. She expected the third degree, but they were acting like nothing happened at all. Saash elbowed her gently in the side and So-Hee jumped.

“I already told them,” Saash whispered, although being a Krogan, her whisper was loud.

“They aren’t acting like it,” So-Hee whispered back.

“Because it doesn’t matter,” Irma said.

“You’re our Lieutenant. Being super strong just makes you cooler,” Rui added.

“Besides you’re going to have enough trouble when we get back to the Nexus,” Irma continued. “Kandros already called twice saying Tann was getting antsy waiting on us.”

“You might want to rest now, you’re not going to get much when we return,” Saash piped up.

So-Hee felt a swelling of pride in her chest. This was her team, and she was thankful for them. So-Hee leaned her head back against the wall of the shuttle and closed her eyes. They were right. She needed to rest now, because once they were back at the Nexus, she was going to have to answer for her actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	5. Only Happy When It Rains

“She defied a direct order!”

“And in doing so, saved the Commander of the Resistance. Our allies remember.”

So-Hee heard the arguing before the door to Tann’s office even opened. When the doors opened, Tann’s secretary didn’t even greet So-Hee, they just waved her past. She hadn’t even bother going to her apartment and changing out of her armor. It would just be another nail in her coffin if she didn’t see Leadership first. And who knew how long they would argue about her actions? Tann could argue for an ungodly amount of time. She could be here awhile.

Kandros and Tann turned in her direction as she walked up the ramp. With her shoulders squared and her face a blank mask, she was ready to face whatever Tann was going to throw at her.

“Finally,” Tann sneered.

“Well?” Kandros asked her, ignoring Tann’s attitude.

“The Commander is awake, and his injuries are minimal. He will recover well,” she answered.

Kandros turned back to Tann. “If Lieutenant Park had not acted, that might have gone very differently. The Commander of the Resistance could’ve died, and we would’ve had to answer for why we didn’t act.”

“While I appreciate that fact, it doesn’t erase the blatant disregard your Lieutenant seems to have for direct orders. You also assume that I would not have ordered a rescue mission myself,” Tann argued.

So-Hee hands curled into fists. “That would’ve taken more time than they had,” she said through clenched teeth. “The Angara couldn’t afford our hesitation.”

Before Tann could argue or silence her, Kandros spoke up. “The Lieutenant acted in the best interest of our alliance. In fact, the Commander agreed and has already invited APEX to join in training exercises with the Resistance. That door was barely cracked before, now it's wide open because of her decision.”

“I hope you don’t expect her to participate—”

“The Commander has asked for her by name,” Kandros finished, silencing Tann.

So-Hee’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Yes, she had spearheaded the effort to rescue him. But was that enough to ask for her by name? Apparently, he thought so. Or was it something else? She doubted it was just because he was impressed with her. _He didn’t buy it._ He hadn’t looked convinced when she tried to deny that she hadn’t carried him from the facility. Maybe this was his way of testing her on that.

That was a problem.

If the Commander was suspicious of her lie, then she had to be extra careful. So-Hee couldn’t say no. There was no way Kandros would let her if Evfra had asked for her by name. And if she did say no, then that made her even more suspicious. She would just have to go and have her team carry most of the exercises, so she didn’t give herself away. This wasn’t something she thought she would have to deal with just because she saved someone.

“Lieutenant!”

So-Hee started as Tann barked her name. “Yes?”

Tann’s eyes narrowed at her. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“The Angara would have been exalted without our intervention,” she said. “All the documents from the base have already been forwarded to you. Unless you didn’t read them, you should know that we made the right choice. It’s a choice I would make again.” _With a more subtle approach._

“APEX is necessary, but orders are also necessary, and I expect them to be followed.”

Kandros’ mandibles pulled tight around his mouth. Orders for APEX weren’t supposed to come from Tann. Sure, he was in charge of the Initiative and the Pathfinders. But the whole point of having a head of security, was so someone oversaw the safety of the Nexus and the colonists. Kandros had even gone the extra step to create APEX to defend against enemies. This was typical Tann. He was trying to have his fingers in every single pie. He was yelling at her in his office, but later he would own the success of the team and saving the Commander.

“I understand,” So-Hee replied.

Kandros’ shoulders relaxed a fraction, believing that she wouldn’t say anything further to piss off Tann. He should know better by now.

“I understand it’s easy to make decisions from behind a desk,” So-Hee continued. Kandros hissed her name, but she was too pissed to stop. “If the Angara had been lost, you could’ve just shit on us and told us we didn’t act. But since we were successful, I’m sure you already have an interview with T’Vessa to crow about it. It’s easy for you because you don’t do anything else but sit behind that desk on your ass and give out shitty orders. Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I don’t take orders from you,” she sneered. “We were lucky to come away from that mission with minimal injuries and no casualties. And that’s because APEX acted.”

So-Hee didn’t bother to listen to his rebuttal. She didn’t care. If he punished her then so be it. She would take it. But she would be damned if she was going to listen to him chastise her like a petulant child. She made the right choice and she wasn’t going to pretend like she didn’t. Turning on her heel, she walked back down the ramp. The only thing she heard were Tann’s saying the words “leash” and “control” and she had to fight the urge to turn around and show him how much she would never be leashed. But she had just made things hard enough for Kandros.

The secretary gave her a small nod as So-Hee stomped out of the office. It was nice to know that not everyone, pretty much everyone actually, didn’t agree with Tann and his ego. Although this exchange had been strange. Normally, he would’ve already had a camera waiting for her when she disembarked. He would have publicly lauded her for saving the Angara and the Commander. He would’ve made it seem like he had been in on it the whole time no matter what the truth was. It was the same thing he did every time the Pathfinder found an ark. Tann wasn’t like himself, and it set her even more on edge.

She waited outside of his office for Kandros. She didn’t have to wait long. He exited Tann’s office, his eyes scanning for her. Of course, they weren’t done. Now he was going to be mad about her outburst.

“It’s hard to defend you when you act like an ass,” he said.

She snorted. “I know. But I wish you would act more like an ass.”

They fell into step as they walked back to APEX. “I know you don’t want to step on toes Kandros, but this is your team, not Tann’s. Thank you for defending me, but when are you going to defend yourself?” she asked.

He sighed. “I hear you. But it would make a bad relationship worse. The last thing I need is Tann to dissolve APEX.”

So-Hee stopped. “Do you really think he would try that?”

“I don’t know. It’s been…” he trailed off.

“Threatened?” she offered.

“Not actively, but it seems like it. I need to keep relationships neutral at the very least,” Kandros said. “Please keep that in mind.”

Now she felt even more like shit. Kandros hadn’t told any of them this. So-Hee hadn’t realized relations between Kandros and Tann had soured so much. Especially when there was no reason for it. At least, none that she could discern.

“Sorry, Kandros,” she murmured. “I didn’t realize.”

“I was trying to keep it away from the teams. That was my mistake.” Kandros clapped her on the shoulder. “But I meant what I said. You did a good job. I’m personally glad you defied orders.”

“Thanks.”

He nodded. “Training exercises don’t start for a few days. Unless a mission comes in, you’re off the hook for those days. So get some rest. You’ve all earned it.”

So-Hee didn’t bother taking off her armor in the locker rooms first. She just wanted to get back to her apartment. Get back to her own space and wind down. She sent off a quick e-mail to let Maggie know that she was safe and sound back on the Nexus and they could meet up tomorrow. Maggie understood So-Hee’s need to come down off of missions on her own. Being around people right after could make her irritable. She didn’t bother messaging Rowan yet. That wasn’t something she wanted to deal with right now. Not without sleep.

Undoing the buckles on her chest plate, she pulled it off and set it down on her table. Her leg and arm armor came off next. Tomorrow she would take the pieces back to the locker room and properly clean them. For now, she just wanted to eat and sleep. So-Hee waited to peel off her bodysuit until she was in her bathroom. She tossed it onto the floor of her shower so she could rinse it off. Cleaning it could wait until later.

She felt her muscles relax under the hot water. So-Hee leaned on the wall and just let the water sluice down her body. While she had been excited to finally go on a mission and leave the Nexus, she hadn’t expected the mission to run so long. And now she also had someone’s eyes on her. She really didn’t like that part. Hopefully, the Commander would eventually forget about her and lose interest. Evfra seemed like a shrewd person that didn’t miss much. So she wasn’t sure how likely that scenario was.

Finally, she pushed herself off the wall and began to wash her hair and her body. The warm water was making her even more sleepy and she didn’t want to fall asleep in the shower. When she was done, she hung up her bodysuit to dry out and grabbed a towel. With the towel firmly wrapped around her, she trudged to the kitchen to scrounge up a ready meal. Her supply was getting low and she would need to request more. Although they might soon move to protein bars. Rations were getting low and the colonies still weren’t producing anything.

So-Hee opened a bottle of water while her meal cooked when someone knocked at her door. It wouldn’t be Maggie bothering her, unless something was wrong. And none of APEX would be at her door since they would all be resting too. So-Hee pressed a button on the interface beside her door and winced. Rowan was standing outside. Of course, he found out she was here. But could she get away with pretending that she wasn’t awake?

The microwave dinged behind her, and she knew that she couldn’t pretend. This is not what she wanted to deal with right now, but it was better to get it over with at this point. So-Hee unlocked the door and let Rowan in. She turned her back to him to grab her meal. He sat down at her table, trying to avoid her armor, and waited for her to sit.

“Did you get my e-mail?” he asked as she sat down. He sounded understandably nervous, which was going to make her response that much worse to deliver.

She nodded. “I did.”

He took a deep breath. “Good. I…really like you So-Hee, and I’d like to get to know you more and maybe be more serious…” he trailed off when he noticed the pained look on her face.

“You’re a nice guy Rowan, but all we’ve done is had sex. We don’t really know each other,” she gently reminded him.

“That’s not necessarily true, we have talked a bit,” he argued. “Maybe not much, but I’d like to do more of that.”

She sighed. “I don’t date, Rowan. For a lot of reasons. None of which I feel like I can tell you…ever. It just wouldn’t work.”

“But So-Hee, I—”

“I’m sorry, Rowan,” she cut him off. “I don’t want to hurt you any more than I’m about to, so I think we should just stop seeing each other.”

He sat back, his lips smashing together into a thin line. She could tell he was trying to hide how he felt about her answer. “I see…then I guess there really isn’t anything else to say, is there?”

She shook her head. 

Rowan stood from the table. “I’ll be going then,” he said in a hushed tone. He didn’t wait for a response, not that she even had one, and hurried out of her apartment. The door closed behind him.

So-Hee picked up her fork and stuck it in the unappetizing congealed pasta that was sitting in front of her. She speared a few pieces and brought it to her lips, trying to ignore the contempt and self-anger that was rising in her chest. But she couldn’t.

“Fuck!” she cursed, throwing the fork down on the table. Another casual relationship ruined because someone wanted something from her that she just couldn’t give. That So-Hee would never feel safe enough to give.

Tears brimmed in her eyes, threatening to spill over, but she tried to ignore them. It was better this way. It was always better. Her mother was right. So-Hee would hurt anyone she loved whether she wanted to or not. She was built to be alone.

And so she was.

~

Not everyone from APEX could join this round of training exercises. So-Hee was requested and from there she was instructed to pick a small team to accompany her. While she wanted to have a team, she argued for the other lieutenants to at least be present and be able to observe the exercises. It was a request that was instantly approved. Which made her suspicious. Was it the Commander approving her? Trying to placate her and lull her with a false sense of security? So-Hee would not drop her guard so easily.

Naturally, So-Hee picked Saash, Rui, and Irma to accompany her. The other teams would get their chance, but So-Hee wanted to work with her best. Helayphea, Octanus, and 2nd Lieutenant Arwann Ilzik would be joining them. So-Hee had no idea how the setup would be, what they would be doing, and how the teams would be formed. She was walking in blind. She didn’t really like it, but Kandros had asked her to be open, and not be a smartass.

So-Hee wasn’t going to ruin this. She had established the bar, and she didn’t want to clothesline herself with it. The seven of them fit into one shuttle, with Arwann piloting, and they were on their way to Voeld first thing in the morning. It would take them a few hours to get there. Plenty of time to make sure everyone was on the same page. And right now, most of them seemed to be on the page of dozing off or eating a protein bar while still half-asleep. So-Hee was the latter. Despite sleeping for nearly twelve hours after the last mission, So-Hee still felt exhausted.

Saash was sitting right next to her, leaning into So-Hee’s shoulder. She was snoring so hard, So-Hee was surprised Saash didn’t suck in So-Hee’s hair through her nostrils. There was no way she was getting a nap in with a Krogan snoring on her. Rui was sitting on her other side, and Irma was sitting beside him.

Halfway through the trip, Rui leaned over. “Hey, Lieutenant?”

“Hmm?” So-Hee acknowledged him while digging in her pocket for another protein bar. She was still hungry.

“The strength thing—”

He wheezed as Irma’s elbow sank into his side. “Shut up,” she hissed. “You promised you wouldn’t bring it up.”

“I just wanted to know—”

“No,” Irma whispered, holding her finger up. “We agreed to ask questions privately, not on a shuttle full of other people.”

Despite Irma whispering, she wasn’t very quiet and the other lieutenants were looking over, wondering what was going on. So-Hee ripped open a protein bar and shrugged. “You don’t have to whisper.”

“Not that you were going a good job of it,” Helayphea said.

Rui looked between the Lieutenants before his focus shifted back to So-Hee. “Do they know?” he asked, still keeping his voice low.

“Is that your question?”

He narrowed his eyes. “It wasn’t, but will I still get to ask my question?”

So-Hee sighed. “You get one.”

Irma rolled her eyes, shaking her head. But So-Hee noticed she sidled closer to hear the question and answer. Even Helayphea and Octanus were interested in what was going on. Of course, they would be. It was a boring trip to Voeld.

“They know Rui, ask your question,” So-He said.

“The strength thing, is it on all the time? Like how do you not break stuff all the time?” he finally asked.

So-Hee shrugged. “Years of learning control.”

Octanus snorted. “Tell that to your alarm clocks.”

“It’s harder to control when I’m tired or impaired,” So-Hee answered Rui’s next question before he even asked it.

“When you’re drunk,” Saash grumbled.

“Thought you were asleep,” So-Hee said.

“Who could sleep through this ruckus?”

So-Hee narrowed her eyes at Saash. “Don’t ever speak to me about a ruckus after the way you just snored in my ear.”

“What can I say?” Saash chuckled. “Rekmar kept me awake most of the night.”

“I did not need that visual,” Irma muttered.

“Please, I think the only one who didn’t get any after the last mission was Arwann,” Saash teased the Salarian Lieutenant.

“Just for that, I’m going to put another virus on your omnitool!” Arwann shouted back.

Saash threw her head back and laughed. She elbowed So-Hee in the side. “I know you didn’t spend the last few days alone. What was this last one’s name? Rowan?”

So-Hee chuckled, but it was forced. She did her best to school her expression into a neutral one, but Saash’s laughter quickly died. It wasn’t anything new. So-Hee didn’t have a new fling for long. The same things always happened. Always. So it wasn’t a surprise. But her teammates still looked somber, and like they didn’t know what to say. Could they tell she hated this? That she wasn’t happy like this? No. Because if they did, then she would have to tell them why this was for the best.

Forcing her lips to curl up into a smirk, she shrugged. “Rowan was getting old. Time to carve out a new notch.”

It was amazing. In a few short words, she could kill an entire mood. She wasn’t nearly as convincing as she needed to be. For now, all she could do is pull focus somewhere else. So that’s what she did. Redirection was her specialty. And they had training exercises to prepare for.

For the last two hours of the trip, they formulated mock battle plans. And ran through any possible scenario they could think of. So-Hee wanted them to be prepared. She wanted to impress. And if they were good enough, maybe the Commander would lose focus on her. Or, as most of her plans did, it would backfire spectacularly.

When they landed on Voeld, Saash was off first and the others followed until it was just Helayphea and So-Hee left on the shuttle. Helayphea gently touched So-Hee’s elbow to stop her from disembarking. “Hey, I just wanted to let you know if you need…if you want to talk to someone, I’m a really good listener.” She didn’t wait around for So-Hee’s response.

It was an offer in good conscience. So-Hee wanted to take her up on it. She liked Helayphea. She liked almost everyone she worked with. And she wanted to be their friend as well. It just never worked out well for her. So-Hee saw a flash of blonde, ice blue, and a cruel smile. She stopped in her tracks, staring at the now-occupied seat.

No. She wouldn’t bring her team into her mess.

Forcing herself to turn away, she shoved her helmet onto her head and secured it. They were waiting for her. She wasn’t going to fuck this up.

Evfra waited in the room adjacent to the command center. The APEX team should’ve left by now to head to the Kett base, but he was waiting for Anjik to confirm. Normally, he wasn’t one to resort to subterfuge, but if the Lieutenant knew he was here and he was going to be watching, then she might hold back. Evfra didn’t know why he wanted to see her use the strength he was so sure she had. Maybe it was to prove to himself that he hadn’t hallucinated that day. Or maybe it was his desire to be right.

When Anjik popped her head in the room to confirm that the teams had left, he walked into the command center. The other Lieutenants from APEX were sitting off to the side whispering to themselves. The Salarian noticed him first and said something to the other two. The three of them snapped to attention.

He had purposely made sure no one knew he would be here. He hadn’t even told Anjik until last minute. Of course, she hadn’t believed his excuse of just wanting to see how APEX would stack up in a mission with lower stakes. Not when he could do the same thing from his office in Aya. Evfra nodded a greeting to the Lieutenants, one they nervously returned. That is the response he had come to expect from people. Not hers.

Standing beside Anjik, he watched the screens as the team’s cameras broadcasted back to the base. Hahri had been instructed to keep an eye on the Lieutenant. Mostly to determine her leadership skills and battle skills. But Evfra didn’t want to miss anything.

The mission itself was routine. It was a firefight the moment they entered the base. The Kett were trying to gain a foothold wherever they could, but so far, the Resistance had done well in keeping them from their goal. For once, the Kett were left scrambling and not the Angara. His move to work with APEX was his desire to keep it that way. He didn’t want to allow his ego to keep his people from true triumph. And the move was proving to be an interesting one.

Hahri’s camera focused on the Lieutenant often. She led her team well. They joked with her, and she with them, but they also listened to her orders without hesitation. Evfra could tell they trusted her. Did they know?

“They are doing well,” Anjik commented. “Perhaps this was a good idea after all.”

Evfra made a small sound of agreement. His eyes were still locked onto the camera footage of the Lieutenant. Even though the video was out of focus, he could still see her laughing mouth through her visor. He could feel Anjik’s eyes on him, curious about his fascination, but not asking anything. To be honest, he didn’t understand it either.

It took them a little over an hour to clear out the base. Any relevant data was collected and sent back to the base for the command center to look over. Hopefully, there was more intel about the Kett’s movements for the future. It made it easier to route them.

When the team was on the way back is when Evfra looked away from the monitors. Two successes in a row. So far, he was more than willing to work with APEX again. Kandros would be pleased. The head of security had been working hard to establish a good rapport. And doing a better job of it than the head of the Initiative. Working with Kandros was certainly more palatable than working with Tann.

The teams were loud as they returned to the base. It was a bonus that they seemed to be getting along. The Resistance was the first to quiet down when they saw Evfra. Not even they knew he would be here. It wasn’t often that Evfra left headquarters on Aya.

The Lieutenant looked the most surprised of all of them. An expression she quickly schooled into a neutral one, but he didn’t miss the way her brow furrowed and her jaw clenched. If she could have murdered him with a single look, she would have done it without hesitation.

“Lieutenant Park,” he greeted her cordially.

“Commander,” she returned the greeting in monotone.

It wasn’t lost to anyone around them. The Asari Lieutenant’s eyes widened at the exchange and her team looked baffled. Hahri’s eyes narrowed as she looked back and forth between Evfra and the Lieutenant. The atmosphere was uncomfortable, to say the least. But he didn’t care. He wanted to know the truth.

And he would do what was necessary to find it.


	6. Cat out of the Bag

It had been a couple of weeks since the training exercises. So-Hee was still pissed about the Commander showing up out of nowhere. She knew it was on purpose. He was trying to catch her slipping up. But he wouldn’t be so lucky. So-Hee had spent most of her life hiding her strength from people. The Commander would be no different. She was still pissed about it.

So when Kandros informed her that the Commander and the Moshae would be coming to the Nexus for meetings with the leadership, she was already annoyed. Then the cherry on top, Kandros had assigned her to his detail. She vehemently rejected the position to his surprise. But he refused to change it. Everyone else had their own assignments and couldn’t switch with her. Plus, she had already met the Commander before and was, therefore, the better choice. When she tried to argue, he cut her off and told her to deal with it. So-Hee would be lying if she said she wasn’t sore about it.

She and Helayphea made up the detail. They would get the Commander to their first meetings and then show them to their temporary quarters. Kandros didn’t feel like they needed a constant security detail. Other than a few personal spats, the Angara had been largely accepted on the Nexus. The Commander and the Moshae had agreed as they had their own security. So-Hee was just a glorified welcoming committee.

So-Hee leaned against the wall adjacent to the doors leading to the docking bay. She was wearing her basic black APEX uniform. The purple stitching was darker than her hair, but it contrasted nicely. For once she was well put together and not running late and still looking like a hot mess. She didn’t want to make Kandros look bad.

“You look annoyed,” Helayphea commented, standing next to So-Hee.

“I’m fine,” So-Hee answered automatically.

“Could have fooled me.”

So-Hee shrugged. “I just…don't think much of the Commander, that’s all. And I think this is stupid.”

“Yeah, we all noticed the tension between you two. Is it _tension_ tension, or you know…a different kind of tension?” Helayphea said, winking and nodding at So-Hee.

So-Hee snorted. “It is not sexual tension.”

“What? You don’t find him attractive?” Helayphea asked.

So-Hee made a face. She wasn’t denying it, but the Commander was certainly off-limits. For anyone really, but especially her. That was not a diplomatic incident she wanted under her belt.

“Wow. I thought for sure you would find him attractive,” Helayphea said. “I’ll admit if I wasn’t already with Octanus, I’d think about giving it a try.”

So-Hee laughed, shaking her head. “Better you than me,” she murmured.

Helayphea gave her a strange look, but the doors opened before she could say anything. They both stood up straight, So-Hee taking her time doing so when the Commander and the Moshae walked through the doors. The Moshae offered a smile and So-Hee inclined her head in a greeting.

“Welcome to the Nexus,” Helayphea spoke to them both while So-Hee did her best to ignore the Commander’s burning gaze.

“Thank you,” the Moshae said. “I understand you’ll be escorting us to Tann’s office for the meeting.”

“Yes ma’am,” Helayphea answered. “If you’ll just follow us.”

Helayphea went first and the Moshae fell into step beside her. That left So-Hee and the Commander to walk together. If So-Hee could cuss Helayphea out right now, she would. But she could manage to hold her tongue the short way to Tann’s office. Hopefully. It was hard for her to outright dislike someone. Yet, when someone tried to play games with her, they were automatically placed on her shit list.

“How are you, Lieutenant?” Evfra asked, keeping his voice level.

“Fine,” she answered through clenched teeth. _Jerk._ “I’ve been doing just fine. Thank you for asking.”

Helayphea threw a small glance back at So-Hee, hearing her tone. But nobody had to worry. So-Hee had spent most of her life tempering her anger. She wasn’t going to combust now. Not in front of such high-profile guests.

“Your performance on Voeld was commendable. You are a good leader,” he remarked.

“Thanks,” her answer was sharp. “I was surprised to see you there. I didn’t think you even left Aya.”

“Where did you hear that?” he asked.

“Where haven’t I, would be the better question. Even your recruits looked surprised to see you.”

Evfra’s expression didn’t break and that infuriated her. She felt her chest and neck flush. Helayphea and the Moshae entered the hallway to get on the tram. So-Hee’s steps slowed down and the Commander’s steps mirrored her own. When Helayphea and the Moshae were out of earshot, So-Hee turned to face him.

“Problem, Lieutenant?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but knock it off,” she hissed.

He leaned down. “Then tell me the truth.”

“Get fucked, Commander,” she whispered before turning back around and speed-walking down the hall to get on the tram. Maybe her ears were playing tricks on her, but she could’ve sworn she heard him chuckle.

So-Hee sat across from the Moshae and next to Helayphea. The Commander sat across from her his expression still unchanging. She ignored him, listening to the god-awful music they were playing on the tram. It was either the music or the news playing. She hated both. If it wasn’t disrespectful, she would have put in her earphones. Just so she could have something to think about other than the Commander’s unflinching gaze.

Thankfully, Helayphea and the Moshae carried the conversation. It let So-Hee just simmer in her silence and the fact that she told the Commander of the Angaran Resistance, the leader of the people they were trying to work with, to get fucked. She should apologize. But she wasn’t really upset about it. It felt good. Kandros would disagree. But she could cross that bridge when she got to it.

The tram ride was short, and the walk to Tann’s office was even shorter. The Commander didn’t say anything else to her, and she had nothing else to add to her earlier statement. Except for showing them to their quarters later—which she wasn’t looking forward to—her job was almost done. And she was going to end her day in Vortex. She doubted she would see him there, so hopefully, she was safe from running into him during his visit.

Helayphea fixed So-Hee with a grin when they were alone. “I thought there wasn’t any sexual tension between you two.”

“There isn’t,” So-Hee argued, resting her hip against the wall.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Helayphea, I can guarantee that there is no way I would ever sleep with him. He’s a jerk,” So-Hee said.

“Fifty credits say you will,” Helayphea countered.

So-Hee scoffed. “Do you really want to bet credits? I really mean it.”

Helayphea shrugged. “If you really mean it, then you shouldn’t be scared to bet.”

“Fine. What’s the time limit?”

Helayphea grinned. “If you haven’t slept with him in 6 months, I lose.”

“Deal,” So-Hee said, holding out her hand for Helayphea to shake.

It was an easy fifty credits. There would never be anything between her and Evfra. Ever.

So-Hee sat at the bar, nursing her third drink of the night. The meeting had taken a few hours, and Helayphea and So-Hee escorted the Commander and the Moshae to their quarters. After that, they had their own security that would check in with them and make sure they were safe. So-Hee was thankful that glorified welcoming committee was all her job entailed. And the Commander didn’t speak to her again. Although, whatever had happened in the meeting, he hadn’t seemed all that pleased. So-Hee was glad she wasn’t at the forefront of his mind.

After taking care of them, she had plenty of time to run to her apartment and get a shower and change. Maggie would be meeting her in Vortex whenever her work was done. Only an hour had passed since she had entered Vortex and she had already danced a few times and slammed down two drinks. She was taking a breather when the universe decided to viciously mock her.

Evfra and the Moshae, along with another Angara, walked into Vortex and claimed one of the booths near the doors. Of all places, she would not have expected them in the only nightclub on the Nexus. It was just her luck. So-Hee turned her back to the table in the hopes that she wouldn’t be noticed. Drunk her should not be dealing with the Commander. Maybe when Maggie got here they would just go back to her apartment and hang out.

So-Hee pulled up the time on her omnitool to check it. Maggie was already running later than usual, but So-Hee knew she was trying to make herself look good in order to be selected for Havarl. It wasn’t necessary, Maggie was already great at her job. But with Camden in the running, Maggie needed to blow him out of water.

Turning around, she looked discretely at the door hoping to see a familiar flash of red hair, but still nothing. At least, the Commander hadn’t noticed her yet. So-Hee looked at him, now that she had a chance to without being under his scrutiny. Helayphea was right. He was good looking. And she really wanted to ask him about the scar. But that was a road So-Hee was not going to go down. It would end badly for everyone.

Her gaze moved to the other side of the room, and that’s when she saw she wasn’t the only one watching the Commander. A group of four men had their eyes on the table with the Angara. So-Hee didn’t like their expressions. Should she alert Kandros? She didn’t want to cause a panic when they could just be drunkards. Still. So-Hee felt her back go up.

“Anan,” she said, getting their attention. “Do you know them?” So-Hee used her chin to point them out.

Anan looked up to follow So-Hee’s gaze. “Oh yeah,” she noticed where they were looking and swore softly under her breath. “Oh no.”

“What?”

“That’s Truman and his friends. They work in Colonial affairs and wake up colonists in the cryo bay. They’re not fans of the Angara.”

So-Hee made a face. “Why? What did the Angara ever do to them?”

“They think the Angara don’t share enough with us. I don’t think they’re violent just stup—”

Anan clamped her mouth shut when one of them broke off from the group and started for the booth. “Just great.”

So-Hee set down her drink. “I’ll handle it,” she said. They must’ve not have been vocal enough about their dislike for the Angara to end up on a watchlist, but they would now if they started some stupid shit. This is not the kind of impression the Initiative needed to make.

She tried to walk quickly through the crowded dance floor to get to the booths. She had hoped to beat the man there, but luck was not on her side. He was already bent over, one hand on the table, saying something she couldn’t catch. Fuck. Her eyes flitted to the rest of the group. None of them moved, they just watched their friend. Smart. It wouldn’t look good if all four of them tried to converge on the Angara at once. Kept them from looking suspicious. If So-Hee hadn’t been paying attention, she would have missed it as well. But she didn’t miss the steely glint in the Commander’s eyes.

Finally reaching the table, she leaned close to the man so he could hear her. “Is there a problem?” she asked, trying not to draw attention either. She didn’t want this to end up a spectacle. More for the sake of the Angara than for herself.

“Fuck off,” the man snarled at her. “I’m just talking. Or is that a crime?”

So-Hee was careful not to touch him. She didn’t want anyone to accuse her of starting it. “Maybe it’s time to go,” she suggested, keeping her tone even. “Sleep it off before we do something we regret.”

The man pulled away from the table to face her. “Why don’t you mind your business, bitch.”

 _Don’t get pissed. Don’t get pissed._ So-Hee drew in a deep breath. There was no way she was going to let this cretin fully ruin her buzz. He was just drunk and airing his grievances. All he needed was some redirection and it would be over. There was no need for this devolve. Everyone would go back to their quarters and no one would get in trouble. Especially not her.

She was aware of the Commander’s and the Moshae’s eyes on her. Thankfully, they were letting her handle this. It was nice for someone to have a cool head. She was trying hard to keep her own.

So-Hee spoke low and calm. If she kept calm, then they would too. “Go back to your quarters. It’s late and I don’t want to have to do paperwork.”

“Paperwork,” he scoffed. “For what? This?”

If he was going to try and hit her, he should’ve at least kept his mouth shut and gone for the element of surprise. Maybe then he would’ve landed a hit. When he cocked his fist back and swung, So-Hee just stepped back. He lost his balance and grabbed the table to keep himself from hitting the floor. Normally, that would’ve stopped most people. But drunks were not always so easily swayed.

Using the leverage from the table, he tried to swing his elbow backward to catch her. He was slow and bumbling. So-Hee caught his elbow in her hand easily and kept him still while she delivered a swift kick to the back of his knee. It wasn’t meant to hurt him, but his leg crumpled, and he went down on his ass. Now red in the face, he swore at her. It didn’t really faze So-Hee. She had been called a bitch, a slut, a cunt before. And by far better people.

“I’m not going to tell you again,” she warned. “Get the hell out of here.”

This time his friends joined him. Seeing them approach from the corner of her eye, So-Hee tensed. She didn’t want to fight but she was always ready to. However, they picked up their friend. Apologies, although they were hollow, spilled from their mouths. She didn’t believe them. But right now, she didn’t care. She would bring them up to Kandros tomorrow. He would be proud of her for not losing her temper. She waved them away and waited until the doors shut behind them and they were gone.

“Well done, Lieutenant,” the Moshae said. “Thank you.”

So-Hee nodded. “Sorry about that.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand that not everyone is receptive of our presence here,” the Moshae reassured her. “But you handled it well. And I must say, you look very nice this evening.”

So-Hee looked down at her dress. Did she? It was one of the two black dresses she owned. She didn’t think much of them when it was just all she had. But she did like how she felt in it. It was cut a little low and the hem stopped mid-thigh. She smoothed her hands down the sides, feeling her skin through the cut-outs. “Thank you.”

“Would you like to join us?” the Moshae asked.

So-Hee tried hard to keep her face from falling at the prospect. A night, where she was already buzzed, spent under the close scrutiny of the Commander. No thanks. “I would, but I am waiting for someone. Maybe another time?” she asked, not wanting to be rude.

The Moshae inclined her head. “Of course. Enjoy your night, Lieutenant.”

So-Hee bid them goodnight and turned back to work her way through the crowded dance floor to get to the bar. Her seat was still open, probably thanks to Anan. That confrontation went much better than she expected. But now the Commander knew she was here, and now she felt his eyes on her back. Perhaps she should tell him the truth. Just so he would stop staring at her like a creep.

She admired his stubbornness. Being stubborn herself, she could appreciate it even if it annoyed the fuck out of her.

Checking her omnitool one more time, she let out a sigh. It was still late, and Maggie wasn’t here. She might as well go drag Maggie out of the lab. Her fun here was a bit ruined. Wouldn’t be anything wrong with throwing in the towel and calling it a night. Unable to help herself, her gaze strayed back to the booth, but she was surprised to find it empty. Not that she could blame them. Nothing like a confrontation in the club to make someone feel unwelcome.

She opened the interface and transferred the credits for her drinks. Dutch grunted at her, which was as close to a thanks as she would get, and he grabbed her empty cup. For the last time, So-Hee pushed through the mass of writhing bodies and made her way to the door.

Hydroponics was empty for the most part. Anyone that was still up was already in the club or leaving it. She went to veer to the left towards the labs, but an angry female voice made her pause. It was coming from the right, which was the way to the living quarters. And it sounded like—

“Why don’t you try me!”

So-Hee cussed. That voice definitely belonged to Maggie. Kicking off her heels and picking them up, she took off towards the voices. The other voices sounded familiar. It was those fuckers from earlier. But why and the hell was Maggie involved? So-Hee had to get there before disaster happened.

It didn’t take long to find the source. The hallway she turned down was more secluded. And she had been there before when she had taken the Commander and the Moshae to their temporary quarters. Those idiots must have waited and followed the Angara. So-Hee didn’t know why Maggie was here too and using herself as a shield for the Angara, but they would have a talk about whatever stupid decision led to this outcome. Maggie knew better than to get involved in shit. It never ended well for anyone.

Thankfully, the group was too preoccupied with puffing out their chests to notice So-Hee coming up behind them. But one of them had a metal wrench. His hand tightened around it and she knew he was preparing to swing. And she would be damned if she let that hit Maggie. He raised his arm and So-Hee got there right in time. Her hand wrapped around the wrench right as he attempted to swing, but it wasn’t going anywhere with her gripping it.

“Bitch!” he screamed, spittle flying from his lips when he noticed she was there. He tried and tried to pull the wrench from her grasp, but it wasn’t budging. The look of confusion on his face was fairly satisfying.

One of the others reached for Maggie, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He flicked open a switchblade and held it to Maggie’s throat. Despite the sureness of his movement, his hands were shaking. And that worried So-Hee more than anything.

“Let’s calm down everyone,” the Moshae tried to keep the situation from boiling over. “We can discuss this. No one has to get hurt.”

“Shut up!” one of them shouted at her. “This wouldn’t be happening if she had minded her own business.”

So-Hee rolled her eyes and made eye contact with Maggie. She could tell Maggie was trying hard not to get mad, but she was going to reach her limit if So-Hee didn’t act. It would be so hard to pull her from that edge. That left So-Hee with limited options. Well more like one. If she wanted to end this now, she would have to use her strength.

That bastard was going to be so fucking smug.

“Fuck it,” So-Hee muttered.

“What?” the one holding the wrench screamed at her.

“I said,” –she narrowed her eyes— “how attached are you to your knees?”

Before he could answer, she wrestled the wrench from his pitiful grasp and swung. She was fairly sure she shattered his right kneecap. Although she couldn’t be sure, the crunch and his scream were a pretty good indicator. But he was down for the count.

Stepping back, she dodged a shitty punch from another one. He tried again, but this time she caught it. A quick headbutt knocked him right out. That left two. There was only one she was worried about. And it was the one that was currently sweating. He probably hadn’t even noticed that he was getting warmer and warmer. Maggie was getting hot. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her lips were pursed in pain.

The third one managed to get close to her. He tried to tackle her like a linebacker. It took him a solid few seconds to realize that she hadn’t moved an inch. His eyes got wide when he looked up at her. “What the fu—” So-Hee’s fist connected with his jaw. There was no doubt she had broken it. Good. He deserved to eat his meals through a straw for a few months.

That left one. He was visibly shaking now.

“Let her go,” So-Hee said.

“Or what?” he yelled, but he didn’t sound all that confident. “You think I’m afraid of you?”

She gestured to his friends. “This has already gotten out of hand. Just let her go and it’s done. You don’t, and I’ll fuck you up too.”

“You’re forgetting something,” he sneered. “I’m the one with the knife.”

Maggie’s eyes opened, her irises looking like molten fire, and she reached up to wrap her hand around the knife. The blade turned red in her palm, and he screeched, dropping the knife. So-Hee took the opportunity and threw one of her shoes at his head. He was the one that was going to have to explain that he got knocked out by a heel. With his eyes fluttering shut, he slumped against the wall and slid to the floor. Without his support, Maggie stumbled backward.

So-Hee closed the distance and reached out for her friend. She hissed in pain when she grabbed Maggie. The girl was heading for a meltdown. So-Hee had to get her cool now. Bearing through the pain, she grabbed Maggie around the waist and hefted her friend onto her shoulder.

Sparing a look behind her, her eyes narrowed at Evfra. “Happy?” she sneered.

Steam curled from Maggie’s body the moment the ice-cold water hit her skin. So-Hee kept her arms around Maggie’s waist to keep her standing up underneath the water, so it hit her headfirst. It was the fastest way to cool her down. After a few minutes, Maggie let out a small sigh of relief. A sigh that So-Hee mirrored. Maggie’s powers were uncontrolled and caused her a lot of pain. It was why she tried so hard to keep herself from ever getting to that point. And it was why So-Hee tried to keep situations like this away from her.

So-Hee maneuvered them both so they were sitting under the spray but were able to lean back against the wall. She tried to ignore the stinging pain on her forearms. There was burn cream in the medkit that she could use later. They were only first degree burns if that. But if Maggie saw them, she would get upset. So for now, So-Hee would pretend like the pain didn’t exist.

“What happened?” So-Hee finally asked.

Maggie leaned her head on So-Hee’s shoulder, keeping her eyes closed. “I was on my way to the club, but I saw those guys following the Angara. I got a bad feeling—”

“Why didn’t you come get me?” So-Hee tried to keep from sounding accusatory, but Maggie winced regardless.

“I didn’t think there would be enough time. I just didn’t want anyone to get hurt.” Maggie opened her eyes and looked up at So-Hee. “They saw us…they know now.”

“One of them already suspected,” So-Hee admitted. “But don’t worry. I’ll handle it.”

“So-Hee don’t—”

“I’m not going to hurt them,” So-Hee promised. “But I will make sure they don’t tell anyone about you. And I’ll access the video footage and delete it. I’ll keep you safe, Mags.”

“What about you?”

So-Hee shrugged, and Maggie’s head bobbed with the movement. “I’ll be fine. I can handle it.”

Maggie’s fingers curled around So-Hee’s. They sat like that in the shower until Maggie’s body cooled down completely. Of course, by that time she was dozing off on So-Hee’s shoulder. So-Hee gently woke her and helped her up to get her dry. Maggie had her own drawer in So-Hee’s dresser, so she didn’t have to go back to her apartment. Not that So-Hee wouldn’t have let her borrow something to wear.

Half an hour later, Maggie was tugged into bed and So-Hee was back in the bathroom to pull out the medkit from under the sink. She opened the tube of burn cream and applied a thin layer over the pink skin on her arms. Thankfully, they were just warm and should dissipate in a day or two. She didn’t want Maggie to feel guilty about anything. As per usual, she was just trying to do the right thing.

So-Hee peeled off her wet dress and hung it up in the shower with Maggie’s clothes so it could dry. Walking back into her room, she found a pair of sweatpants and tank top to put on. Maggie was curled up on her side with the covers pulled to her chin. She was out like a light. Using her powers, even against her will, sapped so much of her energy. Sometimes it even made her sick. There were times when So-Hee hated that she was just strong. She couldn’t heal like Emma and Maggie. But when she saw the toll it took on Maggie to use her own power, and even to heal herself, So-Hee was thankful that she couldn’t.

Keeping quiet, So-Hee pulled on a pair of socks and sneakers. As much as she would just like to sleep now, she had a few errands to run. Her first stop was to go to the security office and delete the footage of the incident. No doubt it was an abuse of her power. But she would protect Maggie at all costs.

Then she was paying the Commander a visit.


	7. The Deal

Operations is quiet, but not empty, when she steps off the tram. Her hood is pulled over her head and she keeps her body posture loose. She just looks like a tired employee that was probably called in to handle something last minute. She would have to think of something on the fly if someone tries to talk to her or later reports her presence, but she would cross that bridge if it came up. For now, she remained as non-suspicious as possible while walking into APEX.

The computers were unmanned. And nobody was nearby. She was thankful for that. It made it easier to just slide into the chair and bring up the cameras from that hallway. So-Hee rewound the footage and watched the incident unfold once again. This would be damning evidence if someone else were to get ahold of it. And she couldn’t have that. Not so much for her sake, but for Maggie’s. So-Hee could take care of herself, but Maggie…she could die if she tried to use her powers to defend herself. Not to mention that others would too.

It was part of the reason So-Hee really wanted Maggie to get the Havarl posting. Not just because she deserved the hell out of it. But it was a small posting and it was planetside, not a floating hunk of metal in space. And it would be good for her. Maybe even Maggie would make more friends. _You could do that too._

So-Hee deleted the chunk of the footage. No one would win if that got out. And Maggie would definitely not be going to Havarl. If it came down to it, So-Hee would take the fall for all of it. Now she just had to make sure the Commander and the Moshae would agree. Although, something had been bothering her since the whole incident.

Neither of them looked particularly surprised.

One would think if someone displayed super strength and another one displayed pyrokinesis that there would be some element of surprise. No. Evfra didn’t even look smug. Not then. It raised a question in her mind.

Did they already know?

Oh. That would piss her off. She spent the entire time trying not to be found out. Trying to lie, and not being great at it, to keep herself safe. Only to find out that he knew about their existence all along.

So-Hee quietly exited the APEX HQ and walked back to the tram. The hall was empty when she pressed the button to call the tram. Hopefully, the Commander was still awake because she was paying him a visit. They were going to settle this. And he was going to keep his mouth shut. She had told Maggie she wouldn’t hurt anyone, but if it came down to it, she would absolutely threaten him.

She sat on the tram, ignoring the shitty music playing the background. And ignoring the person that wasn’t there a moment ago. She kept her eyes on the door of the tram. It was always like this. They would pop every time she didn’t want them to, which was all the time. Sometimes they spoke. Sometimes they just stared and unsettled her.

_Who do you think you can protect, So-Hee?_

“Shut up,” So-Hee murmured under her breath.

_You sure as fuck didn’t protect me, did you?_

So-Hee’s hands clenched into fists and as soon as the tram doors opened, she was up and speed-walking back to hydroponics and the living areas. She retraced the steps from earlier until she was standing in front of the Commander’s door. Voices made her pause before she rang the bell. Leaning forward, she pressed her ear to the door to try and discern what they were saying.

“You should know better, Evfra,” the Moshae scolded. “Emma told us we might encounter others like her and to handle them gently.”

“I just wanted the truth, that is all,” Evfra answered, his voice gruff.

“You wanted the truth but were unwilling to give it. That is hardly fair,” the Moshae said. “You’ve read the files just as I have. They are scared of their own people. We agreed to be open and welcoming to them. What you did goes directly against that.”

So-Hee had heard enough. Her hunch was right. Evfra already knew. And yet he still tried to trap her into revealing herself. Her jaw creaked as she clenched her teeth. With her hands curled into fists, she knocked heavily on the door instead of ringing the bell. The voices quieted inside. She looked directly at the camera beside the door.

The door opened and the Moshae was standing in front of her. “So-Hee,” she greeted. “How is your friend?” she asked.

“Fine,” So-Hee answered, gesturing to behind the Moshae with her chin. “But I want to speak to him.”

The Moshae stepped back so So-Hee could get a full view of the quarters. They were certainly bigger than her own. While everything except her bathroom was in one room, this was more like a suite with two bedrooms attached to the living area. And the two of them weren’t alone. The Angara from earlier was also present, but he stayed on one of the couches.

Evfra was standing in the entrance to the kitchen. There was nothing, no expression, no remorse on his face. It just made her angrier. He could at least have the decency to be sorry.

So-Hee stepped inside and the door shut behind her. It was quiet in the room. No one spoke first. And Evfra just stared at her, expecting her to go first. Fine. She would. So-Hee picked up one of the metal kitchen chairs. Without looking away from Evfra, she bent each of the legs to the side. She snapped the back supports like they were nothing and tossed them onto the kitchen table. So-Hee twisted the stupid thing until it resembled a pretzel before tossing it to Evfra’s feet.

“There’s your proof,” she said. “Are you happy now?”

He didn’t respond.

So-Hee stepped forward, kicking the hunk of useless chair off to the side, until she was right in front of Evfra. She almost wished she had kept the chair as something to stand on so she could be eye level with him. But staring up at him with her shoulders tight and squared would have to do.

“This might’ve been a game to you, but it wasn’t fucking funny. My life, my safety, isn’t a fucking game to me. So the next time you think of trying to force someone to out themselves, do everyone a fucking favor, and don’t,” she seethed. “You could’ve told me at any time that you already knew about us, but you chose to be an ass instead.”

“Is that all, Lieutenant?” he asked, his voice flat and his expression blank.

“Evfra!” the Moshae hissed.

“No,” So-Hee said. “When you fill out that report later you make sure it says that the only other person present during the incident was me.”

“If I don’t?”

So-Hee pointed to his knees. “I’ll make your knees look like mine,” she said.

“Would it be worth it?” the Commander asked.

“For the only fucking friend I have, yes!”

They stared each other down for a few seconds. Of course, she didn’t want to actually break someone’s legs, but to keep Maggie safe she would do just about anything. That girl was the only damn friend she had. The only person that knew everything about So-Hee. And she still stuck around. Not that Maggie didn’t have her own fucked up past. But at least they were fucked up together. So-Hee wouldn’t risk that.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Evfra finally said. “I’ll take that under advisement.”

“Good.” So-Hee turned her back to him and walked towards the door. Her eyes strayed toward the hunk of chair. “Sorry about the chair,” she murmured to the Moshae before leaving.

The woman waved off So-Hee’s apology. “Good night, So-Hee,” the Moshae called after her.

Before the door closed So-Hee could hear the Moshae say something else but it wasn’t directed towards her at all. “You deserved that.” When So-Hee heard it, she smirked. He did deserve it a little.

The halls were quiet as she made her way back to her own apartment. When she opened the door, she was relieved to see the Maggie was still asleep. It meant she didn’t have to answer any questions tonight. So-Hee could handle everything else in the morning. And she knew there were going to be a lot of questions about the men’s injuries. But that was a problem for tomorrow her.

She just hoped the Commander took her seriously. That he would lie for her. It was probably an empty hope. He didn’t seem like the type to lie to help anyone. But she hoped he would surprise her.

So-Hee shucked off her hoodie and pants before climbing into bed beside Maggie. She turned to face Maggie and brushed a piece of hair back from her face. Maggie didn’t even stir. So-Hee let out a small sigh. Tonight was close. Too close. One day she wouldn’t be there to help Maggie. And what would happen then?

So-Hee never wanted to find out.

She snuggled closer and closed her eyes. Might as well get some sleep. Tomorrow was going to suck.

Evfra walked towards APEX headquarters. The Moshae was walking beside him. They had already filled out reports and e-mailed them to Kandros. But Tann wasn’t convinced enough, and they were asked to come down to APEX. Evfra wasn’t one for coming when summoned, but the Moshae convinced him to not argue and just get it done. Not just for the sake of an alliance, but the Moshae had a soft spot already for the Lieutenant. Actually, her soft spot was for Emma, and it was beginning to grow to include the Lieutenant.

_I’ll make your knees look like mine._

He suppressed a snort. She was certainly strong enough to do such a thing, but was she capable? Evfra couldn’t deny that he was fascinated by the Lieutenant. Despite her control, she felt full of raw emotion and it had nowhere to go. It was like watching a bomb about to go off. It wasn’t a good thing, but one couldn’t help but watch.

And her sheer strength was also impressive.

It made him wonder what else she could do. Emma was also strong, but she was fast, and could heal, and move things with her mind. Could So-Hee do all of those things? Could all of them? It had been a long time since Evfra had been so curious. It was a shame the two of them would probably never have a meaningful conversation. Not while the Lieutenant was so angry with him.

Did he feel sorry? Maybe a little. It had also been a long time since Evfra had cared what his actions could bring. When he took over the Resistance to lead it, he stopped worrying about sparing feelings. It was just getting what needed to be done. Period. Now he was having to relearn all over again how to align with others and work with them.

It needed work.

When they reached the headquarters, he was directed through a door to a meeting room. He recognized the other lieutenants and members of So-Hee’s team sitting around the room. It took him a moment to locate So-Hee. She was sitting off by herself, close to the door that was Kandros’ office. He wondered for a moment why she was staying away from everyone, and why they all looked so somber, when he heard Tann’s shrill voice from inside the office.

“She is out of control!”

So-Hee’s face was a blank slate, but he could see the way her hands curled into fists for a few seconds before releasing.

“And the video footage was corrupted? Erased? What the hell kind of operation are you running here, Kandros?”

The Moshae walked over and sat beside So-Hee. Evfra chose to sit in an empty chair across from her. When he sat down, she looked up to meet his gaze. Gone was the angry woman from the night before. The one that had twisted a metal chair like it was nothing, and then threatened him. Her eyes were pleading with him today.

Had they not told her that Evfra had already submitted a report? That she was the only other person there. And that she had defended the Angara in her full capacity.

The Moshae patted So-Hee’s hand gently.

So-Hee’s eyes drifted away from him and focused just over his shoulder. There was nothing behind him but wall, but she was staring at something. Eventually, her gaze dropped to the floor. Her hands were curled into fists again and her knuckles were white. _Interesting_.

“A week’s suspension!” Tann shouted.

“Absolutely not,” Kandros rebutted. “She did her job and protected important guests.”

“I have four men with severe injuries spouting nonsense about super strength and a woman on fire—”

So-Hee tensed.

“They clearly have severe head injuries,” Tann continued.

She let out a small breath.

“Defense is no excuse for going overboard. She will be suspended Kandros, or I will call into question your ability to lead these teams effectively,” Tann threatened.

That was the last thing they heard. The conversation quieted down at that point. Evfra wondered why she didn’t move. Why didn’t she defend herself? But she seemed to know that she would receive some sort of punishment for this and she was resigned.

Finally, the door opened and both Kandros and Tann stepped out. Tann’s eyes drifted to So-Hee and focused on her for a few seconds. Evfra couldn’t put his finger on why he thought so, but it seemed like Tann was enjoying this greatly.

Kandros cleared his throat. “Lieutenant So-Hee,” he addressed her. “I’m sorry to tell you—”

“You’re suspended for a week, Lieutenant,” Tann interjected. “No missions, no training exercises, nothing for APEX for a week.”

Members of her team began to protest but stopped when So-Hee shook her head. She sighed. “Okay. Is that all?”

Tann didn’t look pleased by her response or lack thereof. “No, it isn’t,” he sneered and crossed his arms, one hand gripping his wrist. “You clearly need to learn to respect authority and orders. You are rude and argumentative, and if these behaviors persist then I will have no choice but to demote you.”

“We did not discuss that,” Kandros argued. “And you do not have that authority.”

Tann sniffed. “We’ll see,” he said.

Evfra stood up. “Is my verbal testimony no longer necessary since you have reached a decision?” he asked.

“Apologies, Commander,” Tann replied. “The Lieutenant has committed several infractions, I thought it best to deal with her as soon as possible.”

“I see,” Evfra said. “I find it strange to punish a soldier who not only saved the leader of a military outfit you are trying to ally with but also defended said leader and their revered scientist. Perhaps, the Lieutenant is brash…and rude…but she is quite efficient at her job. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Tann looked like he was having trouble forming an answer. Good. Evfra didn’t like the Salarian already, but he was downgrading his opinion by the second. “Perhaps I have been harsh,” Tann finally said, and it looked like it pained him to say. “I don’t think the Lieutenant is a bad soldier by any means, but she could be respectful.”

“Leaders must earn respect,” Evfra replied. “If you are not garnering that respect then perhaps it’s time to evaluate how you lead.”

“Perhaps,” Tann’s lips were pursed as he answered.

Evfra saw So-Hee turn her head to hide her smirk. It didn’t pass by Tann either. He stared at her, his anger barely concealed. “You seem to be standing out quite a bit, Lieutenant.” Tann held her gaze. “One would think you would want to fit in. Don’t you want to fit in, So-Hee?” he asked without waiting for her to answer.

It was a strange question, but one Evfra didn’t think much of as Tann left the room on that note. At least, he didn’t think much of it until he saw the look on the Lieutenant’s face. Her face had paled. Her lips were pursed tight. There was fear in her eyes that felt primal and raw. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly. Why had that question scared her?

“Thank you, Commander,” Kandros said, drawing Evfra’s attention away from So-Hee. “I’m afraid the suspension will probably hold but thank you nonetheless. However—”

Kandros turned to So-Hee and she met his gaze. Her face had smoothed again so there was virtually no expression. But her eyes were the same.

“I know you can control yourself better than this, Lieutenant,” Kandros chastised. “I can’t keep covering for you.”

So he knew too.

Understandable. It would be hard to hide such a thing about oneself from everyone.

“I know,” she replied, quiet and muted. It is not how Evfra expected her to take all of this. “It won’t happen again.”

Kandros nodded. “You can go, So-Hee. I’ll let you know the final verdict.”

So-Hee stood from her chair. Her eyes strayed once again to the space behind Evfra. The way she looked almost made him turn to look, but he knew nothing was there. Another thing for him to be curious about. With a small nod of her head to him and wave to her team members, she walked out of the headquarters.

Kandros sighed. “If you don’t mind staying Commander, I do have a few things I’d like to discuss with you.”

Evfra nodded. After all, that’s what he was here for.

Evfra had the apartment all to himself later that evening. It was the last night before he and the Moshae returned to Aya. Andraknor had taken the Moshae to see the Cultural Centre. They had already been gone for an hour. Evfra was thankful for the quiet time. He certainly wasn’t interested in spending his time in a crowded center of the Nexus. It gave him time to catch up on reports for the Resistance. The last thing he wanted to do was fall behind and have to catch up the moment he touched down on Aya.

The datapads were spread out on the table before him. But his eyes strayed from them often. He couldn’t help but look at the heap of chair in the corner of the room. It made him wonder what else she could do. And if he would get to see it in the training exercises. When she was able to participate again, of course.

Another hour passed by and the doorbell rang. It wouldn’t be the Moshae. She had the key for the room. Evfra set down the datapad and stood up to cross the living room and step into the kitchen area. There was an interface beside the door and when he saw who was outside, he opened the door.

So-Hee was standing there in loose sweatpants and a hoodie that was pulled around her face. Not that it mattered. He could still tell it was her. If it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have opened the door.

“Can I come in?” she asked before he could say anything.

Evfra stood back and gestured for her to come in. The door shut behind her and they were alone. Her hands were shoved in her pockets. She looked exhausted and nervous. Taking a few steps inside, she leaned on the counter with her hip. One of her hands came out of her pocket to shove her hood back.

“Can I help you, Lieutenant?” Evfra asked.

So-Hee dragged a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled through her mouth. “I…I need a favor,” she murmured.

The seconds ticked between them. “A favor?”

She pursed her lips. “Yes,” she answered.

Neither of them spoke for another minute. “What is it?” Evfra asked.

So-Hee sighed again. “I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important—”

“Clearly.”

She glared. “I need to know if you have any sway about who gets picked to go to Havarl.”

“What?”

“You know, they pick Nexus scientists to go to Havarl, do you have any say-so about that?” she asked.

“Marginally,” Evfra said. “It is mostly left up to the scientists on Havarl and the Nexus scientists. Although they are vetted by the Resistance.”

“What if you recommended someone?” she pressed.

“Are you interested?” he asked dryly.

“Do I look like a scientist?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “No. I need Maggie to be picked. She needs to get off the Nexus.”

“Let me get this straight,” he said. “You want me to use my authority so your friend can be picked. Can she not be chosen on her own merit?”

“Of course, she can,” So-Hee scoffed. “She’s smart and excellent with plants, she’s a botanist.”

He crossed his arms. “Then why do you need my help?”

“I need it guaranteed,” So-Hee said. “I don’t think it’s safe for her here. And Havarl is an Angaran homeworld.”

“None of this tells me why.”

So-Hee scrubbed her hand down her face. “I think there are…Cerberus plants in leadership. They might know who I am already, but if I can keep Maggie safe, if I can get her out of here then they might not notice her.”

“Lieutenant—”

“I know you have questions,” she said, stepping forward. “I know you’re curious about me and about my experience with Cerberus.”

“Do you?” he asked, keeping his expression blank. She wasn’t wrong.

“Everyone is curious, Commander,” she replied. “But if you help me, I’ll answer every question you have with complete honesty. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

Evfra mulled it over in his head. He could certainly recommend someone to the Moshae, and the Havarl scientists. Once the Moshae found out, and she would, she would help get Maggie to Havarl herself. It was doable. And he would have the added bonus of having his curiosity sated.

“Deal.”


	8. Truth and Lies

Despite Evfra’s defense of her, the suspension held. It sucked, but So-Hee didn’t complain. She spent the week with Maggie and her team members. It wasn’t in an official capacity so Tann could suck it. But So-Hee did make sure to give the Salarian a wide berth. Red alarms went off in her head every time he was close. She didn’t trust him.

_Don’t you want to fit in, So-Hee?_

What may have been an odd question to someone else, had been haunting her for the past week. It could’ve been a coincidence. Tann just being weird. But it didn’t feel that way. It felt deliberate. A way to let her know that he knew about her, about her past, about the school. But how? There’s no way she could think of unless he was involved somehow. Unless he knew people. Unless he was working with Cerberus.

Which still struck her as strange. If he had something on her, why tip his hand so early? Unless there was something else. Something else in store for her.

That worried So-Hee the most.

And that’s why she made the deal with Evfra. Why she practically begged him to get Maggie the hell off the Nexus. If Maggie heard about it, she would be pissed. Something So-Hee would accept if she did find out. But getting Maggie to a safer place was more important. So-Hee could handle everything that came with it.

Now she just had to wait on Evfra. Not just for the help, but for the questions she was sure he had.

He had left the Nexus and she hadn’t heard from him. Not that was complaining. He didn’t fill up her inbox with questions she really didn’t want to answer. But it also made her worry that he would forget about it and not help her. Not knowing was driving her up the wall.

Then the week ended and so did his silence.

So-Hee got the e-mail from Kandros about the training exercises. They were going to Aya this time. And they were going to be bringing all of APEX this time. When she went to the meeting beforehand, everyone was excited about seeing Aya. Although, So-Hee wasn’t sure it was big enough to host all of them comfortably for the day. Where would they even train?

Regardless, she knew they would be under the watchful eye of Evfra. And she knew he would search her out. But with the entirety of the teams there, she would still have to be careful. Her team, and the Lieutenants, knowing was entirely different from everyone in APEX knowing. It was times like these So-Hee wished she could tell him. Wished she could just be herself without worry. But she didn’t know if she could trust everyone.

When they stepped off the shuttles into Aya, the others took their time looking around at the lush scenery. So-Hee had to admit it was nice. It had been a long time since she had been on Earth or a nice planet in general. Despite the shit the Initiative tried to peddle, Eos was not nice. Not for humans at least. It was too hot and too sandy. So-Hee wasn’t a fan of deserts.

Eshva and Hahri were standing near the entrance to the city. They waved when they saw So-Hee in the throng of people. She held her up in greeting and moved through the crowd to reach them.

“It’s good to see you again, Lieutenant,” Eshva said.

“Likewise,” So-Hee responded. “It’s an honor to be invited to Aya.” She felt the other Lieutenants behind her. They murmured in agreement.

“It is,” Hahri agreed. “And we are glad you’re here. Our soldiers look forward to working with the best the Initiative has to offer.”

So-Hee swallowed her smart-ass reply and nodded. “What are we doing exactly?” she asked instead. “Aya doesn’t exactly seem large enough for all of us.”

Hahri gestured for the teams to follow her and Eshva. “Our training grounds are more than big enough, and the Lieutenants will not be participating in the drills.”

“We won’t?” So-Hee asked.

Hahri shook her head. “We will be letting our teams speak for us. We want to see how well they can work together if they do not have our leadership.”

“Understandable,” So-Hee said. “Never know what can happen during a mission.”

“Exactly. We need to know both the Resistance and the APEX teams can get things done in worst-case scenarios.”

“I can dig it,” So-Hee said, catching Hahri’s confused expression. “Sorry. Idiom. It means I like it. Good plan.”

“Ah,” Hahri said. “You Milky Way species have some strange phrases, but I find some of them endearing.”

“Really? I can tell you as many as you like.”

“Don’t take her up on that,” Saash grunted. “You never know what you might end up with.”

So-Hee looked over her shoulder to glare at Saash. “I wouldn’t do that.”

Saash snorted. “If you say so.”

So-Hee fought the urge to stick out her tongue like a child. But she still gave Saash a quick view of the bird which earned a loud laugh from the Krogan.

Hahri led them through the city. There were plenty of stares this time. Probably because the Angara weren’t used to so many of the Milky Way species at the same time. But So-Hee didn’t really see fear. Mostly curiosity, there were some that were even blatantly friendly in their expressions. The walked through the market and towards the Resistance headquarters. So-Hee was interested in where exactly their training grounds were. She had seen so little of the building before.

She found out when they went down the stairs towards the medical wing and went through the door that had interested her the last time she was here. A hallway stretched out before them, but Hahri veered left instead of straight. The floor sloped downward, and So-Hee realized their training grounds were technically underground. Hahri pointed out the showers and equipment rooms, the locker rooms basically, and led them a little further down until they walked through an arched entryway and into the grounds themselves.

It was bigger than she had anticipated. And it was set up to provide cover as well to practice infiltrating areas. Even a bigger area, which she assumed was the sparring ring. Resistance members were already waiting and already grouped up in threes. So-Hee assumed they would be doing the same. Hahri confirmed this and gave the APEX Lieutenants a moment to determine their teams.

They tried to break up the teams, so each team had someone of a different skillset. They also wanted one high-ranking member on each team. Which meant Rui and Irma had to be separated to lead their own teams. It didn’t take long to put the teams together and the Lieutenants stepped back, happy with their decision.

They were easy enough exercises. The Lieutenants were just supposed to stand by, see where their teams break down and step in to correct the issues if necessary. So-Hee expected to come here and hit stuff, instead, she was sitting on the dirt floor, taking notes on her tablet. The other Lieutenants were doing the same. Every once in a while, So-Hee would look up towards the balcony to see Evfra watching them. It was never for long. A few minutes and he would leave again.

The teams took a break for lunch. It was just a quick break, long enough to eat and drink and chat with the Resistance teams. So-Hee stayed with the Lieutenants. She wanted her team to have a chance to get make their own connections within the Resistance. One never knew when those connections could save their life.

She also took that time to help the Lieutenants compile their notes together into a report. Someone would have to take it to Evfra. _Please don’t pick me. Don’t pick me._ Her mantra didn’t work as Hahri asked her to be the one to take the reports to him. A small sigh escaped her lips before she could stop it, but she still took the tablet from Hahri’s hand and made her way back up the hallway.

Hopefully, he wouldn’t choose now to start asking her questions.

Evfra was standing at his window, his office blissfully quiet and empty. A datapad was in his hand, but he was having a hard time focusing on the report. Something that was practically unheard of for him. He felt something close to relief when the door to his office open. It would be the first report from the training exercises. He expected Hahri or even Eshva, but he didn’t expect the Lieutenant to be standing by his desk. Her expression was wary as she set the tablet down on his desk.

When he nodded instead of saying anything, her shoulders dropped in relief. So-Hee turned to walk back out of the room.

He cleared his throat. “Actually Lieutenant, there is something,” he said. It was something he should’ve done on the Nexus the night she came to see him, but he hadn’t. In truth, after their deal was struck, she left in a hurry and he didn’t have much of a chance to.

Her footsteps paused. Evfra was focused on the window again, staring down at the city underneath him. “It seems I owe you something of an apology.”

There was silence from her for a few seconds before she snorted. “Something of an apology,” she repeated and scoffed. “You owe me a whole-ass apology.”

The phrasing made him pause for a moment. “Yes…that,” he said. “I don’t think it’s a game, I wanted the truth and I didn’t care how.”

“Well, at least you’re honest about it,” she murmured.

He hummed in agreement. “It may not have been right, but I would do it again…hopefully, more tactfully and with better results.”

“Has anyone ever called you an ass before?” she asked.

“Yes.”

He heard her footsteps behind him, she was coming closer. Evfra turned to look at her. She was leaning against his desk with her hip, her eyes looked past him and out the window. There was something wistful in her gaze as she stared out at the city and the jungle beyond it. Her arms were crossed over her chest, but it didn’t feel as defensive as usual. It just felt like she didn’t know what else to do with them. Her eyes finally met his and the silence grew between them.

Questions lingered on his tongue. Things he wanted to know now. But he knew if he requested too many, she might be overwhelmed, and she might refuse to answer them all. No. Evfra had to be methodical about this. But what to ask first?

So-Hee sighed. She moved a few steps to the side and used her hands to hoist herself up onto his desk. The desk was built for an Angara, so feet didn’t quite touch the ground and her legs swung slightly. Evfra stared at the black combat boots that covered her feet and his eyes moved upward until they reached the fabric of her shorts. They only went to the middle of her thigh. His eyes continued their journey upwards to the black Initiative tank top that revealed her muscular arms and then up to the eyes that were watching him with amusement. She tucked a piece of lavender hair behind her ear. What a strange color on a human. But then again, maybe it wasn’t for people like her.

“So, Commander,” she finally said, drawing his attention away from scrutinizing her appearance. “What do you know about Cerberus?”

He gestured to a tablet sitting on his desk. “Cursory information, whatever files Emma Ryder could access and send to me.”

So-Hee picked up the tablet and began to go through the files.

“And Emma has shared a little information about her own experience,” he continued. “Just enough for me to understand why I should be wary of them.”

“Wary is not the word I would choose,” So-Hee muttered.

“Is your experience like hers?” he asked his first question.

So-Hee set down the tablet. “Our experiences with Cerberus are all different. Mine is not that same as Emma’s, and Maggie’s is not the same as mine.”

“How so?” It was vague enough that she had freedom in how she answered. He could always ask more in-depth questions another time, and he would.

So-Hee took a moment. He could see her thinking about her answer. What she was willing to reveal to him now. “Emma was in the facility when she was young, Maggie and I both had childhoods first, and families. Maggie was in an accident; she was nearly dead. Cerberus paid off the hospital to forge her death certificate and they took her. They didn’t expect her to live anyway, so she was expendable.” So-Hee drew in a deep breath. “I…I was sent to an all-girls boarding school. It was a front for a Project Olympus operation.”

“A school?” he asked.

She nodded. “They had several failed groups of students before I had gone there. Thankfully, that’s when Alec Ryder learned of it and stopped the operation.”

It wasn’t the entire truth, but he hadn’t asked a specific question either. But it was clearly something that bothered her. So, he would drop it for now. “I see.”

She stared at him. “Anything else?”

He could tell that she wanted him to say no. At least, when it came to asking about her experience. “You said you had a family. What happened to them?” he asked instead.

So-Hee blinked at him. “Uhhh…” she trailed off, taken off guard. “My grandmother died when I was 17.”

“And your parents?”

“Dead,” she answered quickly. “Both of them. When I was young.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She shrugged before smirking. “Two apologies in one day. Who knew?” But it didn’t feel like her usual sarcasm.

“I lost my family too,” he said. “I know that pain well, Lieutenant.”

So-Hee dropped her gaze. “Yeah…I suppose you do,” was her quiet answer. “I did have aunts and cousins though. I just…didn’t stay.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I wanted them to be safe,” she answered.

She didn’t elaborate. And he didn’t push. She seemed more willing to speak about her experience than her family. It seemed the Lieutenant had many more demons than he thought. Perhaps they all did. So Evfra would leave it alone for now. It was the least he could do after everything. Which was strange. This was the first time in a long time he gave a shit about how he could make someone feel. And it was a weird feeling to have again.

“You are incredibly strong—”

She snorted. “Thanks.”

“I was going to ask another question.”

“Sorry. Go on.”

“What else can you do?” he finished.

So-Hee shook her head. “Nothing.”

Evfra just stared at her. That didn’t seem right. Was it? Was Emma the only one with multiple abilities then? Why was that? There were many more questions now. Ones he didn’t know if So-Hee could even answer.

“Nothing?” he finally asked, making sure he heard her right.

So-Hee nodded. “I’m just strong. That’s it. I don’t heal like Emma. I’m not super fast, and I definitely don’t have the mind powers she has. I’m just,”—she shrugged— “strong.”

“I see.”

So-Hee slid off of the desk, landing on her feet. “I should probably go before they send someone for me,” she said, pointing towards the door.

“You should,” he agreed. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“Anytime, Commander,” she said. “And I don’t mean that,” she called over her shoulder before she left the room.

Evfra snorted. The door closed behind him and he was left alone in his silence again. He sat down at his desk, his eyes straying the tablet that was still lit from So-Hee scrolling through it. Reaching for it, he pressed the button at the top to shut it off. He learned more in a few minutes with the Lieutenant than he had poring over those files. Mostly about how their experience clung to them for the rest of their lives. About their fear. About how seriously he should take Cerberus.

And yes…

About how much of an ass he had been.

The training exercises ended well. They ran a few more and when they were done, APEX was invited back to the Tavetaan to eat and enjoy a few moments of relaxing before the shuttles took them back to the Nexus. Of course, that was a training exercise all its own. It was a way to get to know each other even more.

So far, everyone was getting along well. So-Hee was proud of her own team, but her pride did extend to the other members. Everyone was doing their best to make this work. And to make sure this didn’t blow up in Kandros’ face.

Everyone was exhausted by the time they made it back to the shuttles. Most of them dozed off on the journey back. So-Hee wasn’t exempt from that, but for the most part, she had a hard time shutting down. Evfra didn’t push her for answers as hard as she thought he would. In truth, she expected something akin to an interrogation. And she sure as hell hadn’t expected sympathy from him.

But he still brought up unpleasant memories for her. Not so much about the school. It was her family. She hadn’t expected the question about her family, her grandmother, and her parents. Or the answers to flew out of her mouth before she could think about them. She just wanted to give him a short answer and shut down the line of questioning. Thankfully, he did. But it didn’t do anything for the feeling of guilt gnawing at her.

She had lied.

It wasn’t a part of the deal, but there were a lot of things she didn’t want to face. And it’s not like he would know she lied unless she told him the truth. Which she doubted would ever fucking happen. There was no way she would ever get that close with him.

So-Hee spent the trip back trying not to think about it anymore. And when they arrived back on the Nexus, she stopped into Vortex to get a few somethings that would help keep her mind off of it. The liquor didn’t knock her out like she wanted, but it at least made her fuzzy enough to keep her mind from straying to things she didn’t want to dwell on.

It did, however, make her open the interface of her omnitool to begin sending a message to Rowan. And then she remembered. That was over. She flopped back on her bed; her apartment suddenly felt way too silent. Maybe she should try to sleep then.

So-Hee had only closed her eyes for a few minutes when her doorbell rang. She winced at the loud ring but sat up. Instead of walking to the door, she opened her omnitool to see who was at the door. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she saw Rowan standing outside the door. Weird. She was just thinking about him, and he showed up.

Smoothing her hair down—not that it mattered, they weren’t even sleeping together anymore—she walked across the room to open the door. He was just standing there, his eyes darting back and forth until he saw her. A small smile crossed his face. “Hey, So-Hee,” he greeted her as if nothing had changed between them.

“Hey,” she cautiously replied, unsure of where this was going. “What’s up?”

“I…uh,” he paused, running his fingers through his hair. “I was hoping we could talk. I’ve done some thinking.”

“Oh?”

He nodded. “Can I come in?”

So-Hee hesitated. She was really hoping he wasn’t going to try and ask her out again. But it couldn’t hurt to hear him out, could it? She stepped back so he could walk into her kitchen. The door shut behind him. They just stood there waiting for the other to say something first.

Rowan blew out a breath. “So, I just wanted to say that I thought about what you said and…and you were right.”

“I was?” So-Hee was confused, and this wasn’t the conversation she expected. Normally, when she ended it that was it. No one had ever come back and said she was right.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “We’ve only ever had sex…great sex, but that doesn’t mean I know you, and that doesn’t mean it would work out between us.”

“Wow…I don’t know what to say,” she said.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he chuckled. “I was actually hoping, maybe we could revisit our casual relationship?”

So-Hee stared at him as if she stared at him hard enough, she would be able to tell if he was fucking with her or not.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he added. “I just…miss having fun with you.”

It would certainly take her mind off of everything. Sex usually did. And at least Rowan was familiar and comfortable. So-Hee reached for him, her fingers curling into the fabric of his collar. His hands sunk into her hair, tilting her head back as their mouths clashed together. But something felt off this time. She didn’t know if it was him or if it was her.

Not that it stopped her. For now, she would ignore how off it felt. Try to, at least. Not that it worked. Sometimes his voice wasn’t deep enough. His hands weren’t large enough. There wasn’t the steely look in his eyes…oh no. No. Nope.

_Don’t you dare go down that road, So-Hee._

So-Hee pushed Evfra to the far corners of her mind. She was not doing that. Not ever. She poured her focus into Rowan, trying her best to keep her mind blank and away from the Angara. But it still felt strange and wrong in a way she couldn’t place.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Rowan waited until So-Hee was asleep. It didn’t take long. She had been already been drunk when he showed up at her door. So-Hee was easiest when she was drunk. Not that she wasn’t just as easy sober. He didn’t expect much else from such a messy person. Thank god she had turned him down. Especially now that he knew what he did, what they had told him. He wouldn’t want to be tied to someone like her. At least, the sex was decent enough.

He grabbed her wrist, gently so he didn’t wake her, and opened the interface of her omnitool. With his other hand, he opened his omnitool. All he had to do was install the software they said. Then it would keep track of her movements, her messages, hell they could even listen in on her conversations if necessary. Whatever was needed to finally give her what she deserved.

And it was an easy payday for him.

The moment the software was installed he wiped the traces from her omnitool and closed the interface before closing his own. Rowan quietly slipped from the bed and got dressed. Good thing after this he wouldn’t have to see her again. He exited her apartment and headed toward the meeting point. They would be happy that he had done this so cleanly.

Now he was going to get what he had earned.


	9. Situations*

Evfra sat at his desk, reading over the latest report. There was still only minimal Kett activity around the cluster. Their numbers had been dwindling with each attack the Resistance and the Initiative mounted. Evfra liked seeing it. He would love seeing them eradicated even more. When he was finished, he set the report off to the side and grabbed another. Some days it felt never-ending and then somedays it felt like nothing was happening. The quiet should be nice. But it made him worry if it was the calm before a storm.

As it stood, he didn’t have many reports to get through so far. And he was trying to take care of anything important before he left for the Nexus again. He had to admit, it was nice leaving his office and leaving Aya more often, but it didn’t mean he particularly cared for the Nexus. But it did mean he would get to ask more questions of the Lieutenant.

The day dragged on and by the time Evfra noticed it was quiet in his office once more, it was beginning to grow dark outside. His body was stiff from sitting for too long. Wincing, he stood and stretched his limbs. He wasn’t taking care of himself the way he should. An argument he heard often from the Moshae and Paraan. He didn’t like admitting it, but they were right. When was the last time he had done anything physical? He didn’t run anymore, and he barely trained in combat. All he did was work on his marksmanship when he had the chance.

But with the Kett scattering, there was more time. It would be imperative for him to take the opportunity to be more active again.

Evfra straightened his desk before leaving his office to go home. Headquarters would be watched by a small crew for the night. That way if anything happened, someone could notify him immediately. But when he walked out into the operations area, he didn’t notice anyone at their stations. He frowned. Just because the Kett weren’t as much of a threat as before, didn’t mean his soldiers could slack off whenever they liked.

They had to be around there somewhere.

Evfra turned the corner towards the stores and he saw them. A group of five were crowded around an object. As Evfra neared he heard obscene noises coming from whatever they were holding. They whispered amongst themselves, barely heard over the sounds. When he was close enough to see they were holding a tablet, he cleared his throat.

All five of them jumped at once. One of them fumbled trying to shut off the tablet, but they only succeeded in turning up the volume. Evfra waited patiently, his face blank, while they cursed and finally hit the right button to shut it off. They all stood straight in front of him, staring ahead with scared expressions on their faces.

Evfra let out a sigh and held out his hand. The tablet was quickly pressed into his palm. He turned it back on and stared at the video files on the screen. He didn’t have to click on them to know what they were. Based on titles alone, he knew exactly what they had been watching. “Where did you get this?” he asked.

One of them cleared his throat. “From the aliens, sir,” he answered.

Evfra turned the tablet back off. “Your curiosities are your own, but the training exercises are not meant for this,” he chastised. “And things like this don’t belong when you’re supposed to be working.”

“Yes, sir,” they echoed, looking ashamed.

“I’ll be confiscating this,” Evfra said, holding up the tablet. “You can have it when I return in the morning. You are to do your jobs without distraction. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” they repeated.

“Good.” Evfra turned and headed towards the exit. He heard them shuffle to their stations in silence. If they had just waited a little longer, he wouldn’t have even been there and they wouldn’t have been caught. Maybe they would learn a lesson in patience.

The tablet ended up on the table in his living room. Evfra walked into the kitchen to grab something to eat. It was a good thing he kept something in the house. The Tavetaan would be far too crowded right now. And Evfra liked his peace and quiet.

Dinner was a quick affair. He ate his nutrient paste, cleaned up what little dishes there were, and turned off the light in his kitchen. Normally, he would go straight to shower and then to bed. But he didn’t feel quite as tired as he normally did. Maybe he should go for a run.

His eyes strayed towards the tablet.

He had to admit, he was also curious. His fellow Angara weren’t too hesitant about striking up relationships with the aliens. Jaal was an excellent example of that. A few months with Emma Ryder and he was smitten. And Evfra knew they had been intimate. Why else would Jaal ask for privacy in one of the busiest, and romantic, places in Aya?

While Evfra wasn’t interested in a relationship, he still wondered about the physical compatibility between the Angara and the aliens. And taking a quick look wouldn’t hurt anyone. No one had to know.

He sat down on the couch and grabbed the tablet to turn it on. There were quite a few videos uploaded to the tablet. He scrolled through the selection, reading the title names to determine the subject of the video. All of the Milky Way species, the ones he knew of, were represented in the selection. But he was more interested in the human videos. Finally, deciding to pick one, he clicked on the first one that was in the folder.

A female human was sitting on a bed in front of the camera. She was completely naked, but the camera was focused on her from the neck down. Her face was excluded from the shot. Evfra watched as her hands cupped the small mounds on her chest. He did wonder what they were, and exactly what purpose they served. Perhaps he could look at the medical documents that had been provided to the Angara later. The small dots on the mounds became more prominent as she touched and rolled them between her fingers.

As quickly as she began touching them, she abandoned them, and place one hand behind her so she could lean back but remain sitting up. Her thighs parted and she brought one foot to rest on the edge of the bed and to keep her legs open. Evfra stared at the opening in between her thighs, it was so…small and delicate looking. He wondered if they all looked like that, or did they vary? And if they were all so small, how could they take an Angara?

Her free hand dipped between her legs to run over the folds of her entrance. Evfra was enraptured as the moisture collected around the entrance, and she dragged it up her slit with her fingers. Her forefinger concentrated on a small nub directly above her opening and he heard her moan. Something moved off-camera, and someone stepped into the view. A male kneeled on the floor in front of the bed. Evfra could only see his back until the man turned slightly to the side so the camera could focus on his tongue running up the woman’s seam. A gasp echoed in the background.

He was only watching because he was curious—or so he told himself—but he couldn’t deny the gathering warmth he could feel low in his abdomen.

Gasps turned into moans and turned into pants as the man pumped his fingers in and out of her entrance while his mouth focused on the tiny nub. Her thighs gave an imperceptible shake before her voice climbed an octave and her thighs clamped around his ears to keep his head from withdrawing.

Evfra briefly wondered if it was over before the woman’s thighs relaxed and the man stood. The camera was shaky for a moment and then it began to move. It moved overhead to focus on a top-down view of the couple, but their faces were still obscured. Evfra saw the appendage between the man’s legs, roughly half the length of his own, stiff and resting against the woman’s entrance.

Wrapping his fingers around the base, the man adjusted himself until he was poised at her opening. Another hand pushed her knee closer to her chest and held it there. Slowly the appendage disappeared into her entrance and he heard a muted sigh from her. The video showed them moving into different positions. Their voices intertwined as they moaned and grunted. It wasn’t all that dissimilar from how the Angara have sex. Although bioelectricity made things more personal and intimate between the Angara. The humans didn’t have that.

Evfra watched the video in its entirety. But he didn’t watch any others. Setting the tablet back on the table, he tried to ignore his own arousal. It was late and he had things to do tomorrow. He certainly didn’t have time for… _that_.

He stood up from the couch, double-checking that his door was locked, and walked down the hall to the washroom. The light flicked on automatically and Evfra walked over to the shower. He turned it on to his usual temperature, thought about it for a moment, and turned it down even more until it was cold. It would cool him off faster so he could sleep as much as he could. Which was never much.

Twenty minutes later and he was laying in his bed with the lights off. His mind kept straying towards the video and the tablet still sitting on the table in the living room. Grumbling under his breath, he rolled over onto his side and closed his eyes trying to think of anything else.

The Lieutenant was the first thing to pop into his mind.

Evfra wanted to think of the questions to ask her when he saw her next. He wanted to think about the information she had already shared him with or the few times she had displayed her strength. But that isn’t what he thought of at all.

He thought of her sitting on his desk, her thighs barely covered and her legs swinging back and forth. The way her lips curved into half-smiles, or the way they curled when she was being rude or sarcastic. She was vulgar and foul-mouthed. Was she just as vulgar during sex? Would she trap her lovers between her legs until she was satisfied?

Evfra had wanted to stop thinking about sex. Yet he just made it worse.

The cold shower had been useless now that the Lieutenant was on his mind. Rolling back onto his back his eyes opened. The room was dark and quiet. There was no one here. And it’s not like anyone would know. Especially, not the Lieutenant.

No.

He wasn’t a young man anymore. He closed his eyes again willing himself to sleep.

It didn’t work.

The Lieutenant stayed in the forefront of his mind. In fact, he could almost imagine her straddling him. Would she look the same as the woman? Would she be scarred like him? She certainly didn’t seem like a careful person or someone that strayed from the thought of being hurt while fighting enemies. Or would her skin be soft and unmarred?

His hands drifted down to his lower abdomen. He might as well. It seemed he wasn’t going to get any sleep otherwise. He was already swollen and slick. A low groan escaped him as his fingers dragged down his folds. It had been a long time since he had done this. This wasn’t something he usually made time for. And his body responded accordingly.

It wasn’t long before he was fully unsheathed, the lubrication on his shaft pearlescent even in the darkness. He was giving his body what it wanted, but his mind was still focused on the Lieutenant. On the sounds he wanted to coax from her. How he wanted to know what she tasted like. He gripped himself firmly, thinking of his tongue disappearing in between her folds. Of how she would cradle him in between her strong thighs.

His own thighs began to shake as his mind wandered to filling her and what it would feel like. So many questions he wanted answered now, but his mind was making do with just the image of sinking inside of her. His grip tightened just a fraction to go with images his mind was throwing at him.

Quiet groans filled his room as he felt the familiar static of impending release. Normally, it could be controlled, but it had been so long that is was difficult. His hips bucked as his electricity sparked in his groin and the first bit of his release splattered against his abdomen. The second dripped down his fingers. It glowed against his skin in the dark.

His mouth felt fuzzy after the discharge of static. It was all that unpleasant, but it was still strange. He huffed. So much for being in complete control and being able to remain collected. No one was going to know about this. Least of all the Lieutenant. His mind may have presented it to him, but it wasn’t going to happen. He was too old and grizzled to ever be someone’s first choice. And that was fine with him.

Evfra stared at the release on his fingers and sighed. He needed a second shower. Then maybe he could get some sleep.

So-Hee leaned on the counter of the shop. A black cap was pulled low to cover her face. Her normally purple hair was temporarily reverted to its natural brown hue. A black nondescript hoodie was zipped up to her chest. A pistol was tucked into her side holster and hidden by the hoodie. The earpiece in her right ear was hidden by a few locks of her hair.

Rui was posted closer to the Cultural Centre and Irma was on the opposite side of him, lingering by the ramp to the second floor. Despite their demure appearances, they weren’t just standing around in the docking bay for no reason. Helayphea and Octanus would be meeting Evfra and the Moshae as they disembarked. Irma, So-Hee, and Rui were keeping an eye at anyone coming in and out of the docking bay. They were looking for anyone suspicious.

And one other person.

Every time So-Hee thought of them, her teeth clenched and her hands curled into fists. They were lucky she didn’t track them down before today and beat the shit out of them. But they had been looking for information, and she had needed to know what it was. When they were caught, their ass belonged to her.

“Evfra and the Moshae are docking now,” Helayphea said over the comms. “We’ll be heading that way in a few minutes.”

“Got it,” So-Hee answered, straightening up to turn and face towards the windows. She leaned her elbows back on the counter to look more relaxed. Like she was just waiting for someone. Which wasn’t a lie.

“Helayphea,” they heard the Moshae greet her over the comms. “I’m surprised Lieutenant Park isn’t with you.”

“Ah. Unfortunately, Lieutenant Park is unavailable right now,” Helayphea responded smoothly. “I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course,” the Moshae said. “I’m sure I will see her eventually on this trip.”

Evfra was silent. Knowing him he was suspicious and could tell something was off. If things happened the way she thought, it wouldn’t be long before he figured out there was. And he would be pissed. Not that she could blame him. She had pitched that he should be forewarned, but Tann disagreed. Of course. But So-Hee knew that would backfire in his face when Evfra did find out. She looked forward to it.

She saw movement in the corner of her eye. Four people, dressed similarly to how she was, walked into the hallway leading to the tram. That was suspicious alright.

“Tram,” she said over the comm before pushing off from the counter.

So-Hee walked into the hallway, keeping her posture relaxed. She was just waiting for the next tram. That was all. They stayed off the side, their gaze lingering on her for a moment. But So-Hee just leaned against the wall with her shoulder. The doors opened again, and Irma and Rui joined them. They had ditched their caps and hoodies. Smart move. They looked more like a married couple traversing the Nexus than APEX soldiers.

The door opened for a third time. That would be Helayphea with Evfra and the Moshae in tow. So-Hee kept her eyes straight. If she turned around, she would be recognized. It would blow the whole damn thing. Right now, she needed them to act first. If they didn’t then she could’ve been wrong and attacked people for no reason. Not that she thought she was wrong, but she didn’t want them to be able to use that excuse.

They didn’t wait long. One of them went first. They walked towards the Angara, but it just looked like they were heading to the door. So-Hee turned her head slightly and saw Evfra stiffen slightly in her peripheral. Good. He had noticed. But Helayphea stayed perfectly still and waited. It seemed like everyone held their breath, just waiting for someone to pull the pin first.

They reached for their waistband and So-Hee saw the butt of a gun. That was all she needed. She turned fully to get to them. Evfra noticed her then, his eyes narrowing as he noticed it was her. She winked and all hell broke loose.

The other three realized they had been had and they lunged for So-Hee. Irma and Rui were on them. Irma with her pistol and Rui’s arms were tinged with blue as he used his biotics to slam them back against the chairs. That drew the attention of the first one and they turned while pulling his pistol from their waistband.

It was far too late for that.

So-Hee was on them, knocking the gun from their hand and elbowing them in the stomach. They doubled over and So-Hee pulled their hands behind their back. Helayphea pulled out her omni cuffs, while So-Hee tossed her pair to Irma, so she wasn’t one short. It certainly went better than she had expected.

But none of them were Rowan. He must not have been part of the physical attack. He was just in charge of putting spyware on her omnitool and getting them the information they needed. Not that it told her why. No. She would need to get that from him herself.

The doors to the tram opened and Kandros stepped off with Saash. He surveyed the four the team had detained. “Good work,” he said before turning to Evfra. “Apologies. I know this isn’t the welcome either of you expected.”

“Is there a reason we weren’t told about this?” Evfra asked his voice ice cold.

Kandros sighed. “Tann’s orders on this one. Didn’t want to risk tipping them off before we could catch them.”

So-Hee crossed her arms and looked away. She had nothing to say about it. Well, nothing nice anyway. She had argued with Kandros about telling Evfra and the Moshae. But he was still trying to keep a civil relationship with Tann. So once again, Kandros compromised his own standards to keep Tann happy.

“I see,” Evfra responded. “Then I will save what I have to say for the meeting.”

The Moshae looked mad about it too. So-Hee wished she could be in that meeting. She would not want to be on the receiving end of a dressing down by either of them, but she would love to see it. Especially with it being directed at Tann. There was no one more deserving.

She helped her team get the detainees on the tram while Kandros and the Angara followed. The detainees were on one side and Irma and Rui were sitting on either side of them. Helayphea was standing near the doors with Octanus. And Saash was standing off to the side just being the intimidating Krogan she was. Somehow So-Hee ended up sitting next to Evfra.

“Your hair,” he murmured so no one else heard him.

“Hm?” she looked at him.

“Your hair,” he repeated. “It’s changed.”

“Oh.” So-Hee opened her omnitool and tapped into her hair mod. She selected her usual color and it began to change from the roots down. “Better?”

Evfra just stared at her hair, fascinated by the sudden change. Eventually, he just nodded and looked away. A speechless Commander. She never thought she’d see it. She ran her fingers through her hair before tucking it behind her ears.

When the tram stopped, the team took the detainees to APEX headquarters. They would be questioned later when Kandros wasn’t in a meeting with Tann. So-Hee intended to find out exactly what they hoped to accomplish and why. She walked with Kandros and the Angara towards Tann’s office. She wasn’t invited to the meeting, but she wanted to make sure there was no one else that was going to come at their back. It wasn’t until they were safely in Tann’s office that she relaxed slightly.

So-Hee leaned back against the wall beside the door.

There was also the question of Rowan’s involvement and why? Was he in trouble and that’s why he did it? Or was he just a shit person and she somehow missed it? But that didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like him. Then again, she didn’t really know him just like he didn’t know.

Her omnitool chirped and she opened the interface to read the message from Helayphea. Well, she would be getting her answers soon. They had picked up Rowan at his apartment. No one had told him anything. Good. She wanted to be the one to talk to him.

She deserved the truth direct from the source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hair mod idea credited to[Natsora!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsora/pseuds/natsora)  
> 


	10. Blood in the Cut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added new tags, but I'm also posting content warnings for this chapter   
> CW: Blood, Violence, Gore, Vomit, Death, Mentions of death and murder, Allusions to sexual assault, Alcohol abuse
> 
> (If you choose not read this chapter, but would still like to know a trigger-free version of what happened, please comment or message me on Tumblr and I will give you a synopsis)

The meeting with Tann was taking way too long. So-Hee originally planned to wait outside his office before heading back to APEX headquarters, but by the time an hour was up, she was done waiting. She pushed off the wall and walked back to APEX. Right now, she wanted to speak to Rowan. She wanted the truth from him. And she didn’t really want an audience for this. They could always review the tapes later, but she wanted to speak to him on her own first given their history.

She opened the door to go the hallway that led to the meeting rooms, training rooms, Kandros’ office, and the new holding cells. The cells across the way were usually fine. It’s not they had high-profile criminals lately. Those were mostly used as a drunk tank and holding for minor infractions.

But this wasn’t minor at all. This was an attack. And for right now, it was better to keep a tight lid on it. No one else needed to be emboldened by it. And the Angara needed to feel safe on the Nexus. Of course, So-Hee didn’t think keeping information like that from them would keep them safe at all. Not that her thoughts mattered to the higher-ups.

Hearing her footsteps, Helayphea popped her head outside of the meeting room. “Well?” she asked.

So-Hee shrugged. “They’re still in a meeting. I thought I’d head back early.”

Helayphea fully stepped out into the hall and shut the door behind her. “You want to talk to Rowan.”

“Yeah,” So-Hee confirmed. “I want to get it done and over with.”

“You don’t have to, So-Hee,” Helayphea said. “One of us can do it.”

So-Hee sighed. “He pulled the information from my omnitool. He lied to me. I want to hear it from his mouth. I want to know why he lied.”

“Do you want me to be in the observation room?”

So-Hee shook her head. “No, it’s fine. But why don’t you and the team try to get something out of the others. Maybe we’ll have something for Kandros when he gets back…with the Commander in tow, I’m sure.”

“Sure…” Helayphea trailed off. “You change your mind, just let me know.”

“Thanks, Helayphea.”

So-Hee walked a little further down the hall and opened a door to her left. She didn’t even look at him at first. The door closed behind her and she swiped her omnitool over the interface to lock it. She pulled out the only free chair at the table and sat down. Her eyes went to his wrists in the omni cuffs before moving up to his face. His own eyes were wide-eyed and innocent.

“So-Hee,” he breathed her name in relief. “Thank god. I asked for you when they first put me in here, but no one’s told me anything!”

“Rowan—”

“I mean, I haven’t even done anything,” he kept on. “Why am I here, So-Hee? Is this a joke?” he asked.

So-Hee opened her omnitool and scrolled through until the code for the spyware showed up. He just stared at it, his mouth pressing into a thin line. “Cut the shit, Rowan,” she said.

His eyes narrowed and he leaned back in his chair. “How did you find out?” he asked.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice a bright light in my face in the middle of the night?” she answered with an ask of her own.

He scoffed. “So you were awake? Why didn’t you bust me then?”

“I wanted to,” she said. “I really did. But I wanted to know what you were doing more. I had someone look at it and fiddle with the code.” Thank fuck for Arwann. “Every time my omnitool was tapped, I knew. Every message that was pulled. We even managed to do a little tracing of our own and that’s how we figured out about the attack.”

Rowan reached up and scrubbed his hands down his face. “Well…fuck. I guess you were smarter than I thought.”

She hummed in agreement.

“So…what do you want?” he asked. “An apology?”

“I want an explanation,” she said. “You lied to me, and I want to know why.”

He sneered. “That’s rich coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You lied too So-Hee,” he shot back. “And besides, I didn’t lie all that much. I only lied about wanting to sleep with you again.”

“So what didn’t you lie about?” she asked.

He leaned forward. “That you were right. That a relationship with you is a bad idea. Especially, now that I know what I know about you.”

So-Hee’s shoulders tensed. “And what is it you think you know about me?”

“I know everything,” he dropped his voice low. “They told me about all about you. About what you’ve done—”

So-Hee felt her chest get tight and her breath quicken. He couldn’t mean…could he? No. That didn’t make sense. Why?

“They told me about the school,” he continued, and So-Hee felt her stomach drop. “About how many people you’ve hurt—”

“No—”

“And about the man you killed—”

So-Hee swallowed, trying to keep the bile from rising into her mouth.

“About the girls. How you killed them all. What—”

“No!” she cut him off, her voice wobbly. So-Hee dropped her voice back down. “I didn’t kill those girls, Rowan. They lied to you. I barely fucking survived that place.”

“I don’t fucking believe you, So-Hee,” he sneered. “You’re a liar. You sure as fuck didn’t tell me you’re some fucking mutant Cerberus freak—"

“I’m not!”

“That’s not what she told me, So-Hee,” he argued. “She told me everything. She showed me the truth.”

“Who’s she?” So-Hee asked.

Rowan fell silent. The moment she asked him the question, his mouth snapped shut and his eyebrows knit together in confusion. “I…” He coughed, clearing his throat. “I’m thirsty. Can I have some water?” he asked.

“No, Rowan.” So-Hee shook her head. “Not until you tell me who she is.”

“Goddammit, So-Hee!” he shouted, slamming his hands down onto the table. “Give me some fucking water!”

So-Hee stared at the table in horror. The table had dented where he had slammed his fists down against the metal. Rowan’s eyes followed hers and he recoiled, the shock plain on his face. “I don’t…I…” he murmured, unable to tear his eyes from it. “I can’t do that.” He sounded scared.

So-Hee stood up from the chair and slowly walked around the table. She kneeled beside him and gently placed her hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Rowan,” she murmured. “We’re going to figure it out, okay? Clearly, you’re in trouble. I can help—”

“Help?” he spat at her. “I am in this mess because of you! Because I made the mistake of being involved with you!”

“I’m sorry, Rowan. I really am.” He quieted at her apology. “And I will do what I can to help you, I promise.”

He sighed and leaned forward to rest his head in his hands. “Just…fuck off, So-Hee,” he muttered.

So-Hee pulled her arm back. She had to speak to Kandros. Although she had no fucking idea what she was going to say. There was no way she could make him understand why she wanted to help Rowan without revealing her past. And she sure as shit didn’t want to do that. She would think of something. There was still information Rowan wasn’t giving her. Maybe she could use that to her advantage. If he helped them, they could let him go. And then she could help him with whoever he was in trouble with.

Maybe.

Kandros was in the hallway when she walked out. Of course, the Commander and the Moshae were with him. Helayphea was also there. The conversation stopped when So-Hee walked over to them. Helayphea stared at So-Hee for a few seconds before dropping her gaze. Weird.

“Anything?” Kandros asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing to go on.” It wasn’t a lie. Most of Rowan’s words were a complaint against her personally. Not about the attack. “But he seems willing to talk. Just have to give him the right push.”

“What about the others?” Kandros asked Helayphea.

She shook her head. “They won’t say anything. They won’t talk to us,” she said, pausing for a moment. “They said…they’ll only talk to So-Hee.”

So-Hee crossed her arms over her chest. “Me? Why?”

“I don’t know,” Helayphea answered. “They haven’t said anything else.”

“Well, then I guess that’s our only option,” Kandros said.

“Okay—”

“I don’t think she should,” Helayphea interrupted So-Hee. “I mean…this whole thing seems…strange.”

“How so?” The Moshae spoke up.

“It just seems like it wasn’t even really about the Angara in the first place,” she said.

“Then why?” Evfra asked. “Why go through the trouble of staging an attack?”

Speculating wouldn’t get them anywhere. If they would only speak to her then So-Hee would talk to them. The Angara and APEX needed answers. “There’s only one way to find out,” So-Hee said. “I’ll do it.”

They filed into the meeting room. Just because they said they would only speak to So-Hee didn’t mean she had to do it alone. Saash, Octanus, and Arwann were already in the room. Their usual chairs were shoved out of the way. Those three were standing, leaning against the wall, whispering amongst themselves.

The attackers were sitting against the wall beside each other. Her eyes moved between the four of them. Their cuffed hands were resting in their laps and their heads were bowed. She couldn’t get a clear look at them. Irma and Rui were standing on either side of the group.

Once everyone was inside, So-Hee grabbed a random chair and dragged it in front of the attackers. She sat down with a few feet in between her and them. Helayphea joined Octanus, while Kandros, Evfra, and the Moshae stayed close to the door, directly behind her.

“Well…I’m here,” she said. “I heard you asked to speak to me.”

No one said anything. So-Hee waited a few minutes before speaking again. “Sorry the room is full, but this is as close to privacy as we’re going to have. Maybe you could start with your names?”

The one across from her left side fidgeted with their cuffs. The moment made their sleeve roll up slightly and the skin of their right hand and forearm was mottled. It looked it had been burnt. So-Hee’s eyes lingered on the skin for a few seconds.

“Look, silence isn’t getting us anywhere,” she finally said. “Why did you attack the Angara?”

“Did we?” the one directly in front of her asked, the voice sounding so familiar in her a way that made her gut wrench. “We were just waiting for the tram.”

So-Hee scoffed. “That’s bullshit and you know it. All we want to know is why.”

“I am not speaking to _we_ ,” they said. “I am speaking to _you_. Now ask me what you really want to know, So-Hee.”

They said her name with such familiarity it made her pause. She leaned forward slightly, hoping to catch a better glimpse of their face. “Do I know you?” the question dropped from her mouth without her thinking about it.

They finally looked up at her and So-Hee felt like her heart might jump right out of her chest. Her stomach roiled and she clamped her lips shut in the hopes that she would keep everything down. No. It couldn’t be…

Valeria Coulte stared at So-Hee with a smirk on her face. Of course, So-Hee had known her as Headmistress Valeria back then. Did that mean…? So-Hee looked over the others as they began to look at her. Fuck. It was all of them. Well, they were minus one. The one casualty, well one of two, that she was actually responsible for at the school. Lea raised her burned hand to give So-Hee a small wave. Some counselor she was.

This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. It was just one of her fucked up nightmares. A nightmare so real she was going to vomit in her dream.

But it was real. And she needed to get the hell out of here. Right now.

“It’s been a long time, So-Hee,” Valeria finally said, bringing So-Hee back to this awful reality. “I was surprised to learn you had enrolled in the military. I never thought you had it in you to do something smart. Of course, I never really thought much of you anyway.”

“So-Hee?” Kandros asked.

_Oh fuck_. That’s right. She wasn’t in here by herself. Everyone was here. Her team, her boss, the Commander was here to witness her past showing up to punch her in the face.

Valeria looked around So-Hee. “You must be a good leader, Kandros. Goodness knows our So-Hee isn’t any good unless she’s being led by someone else,” she said.

“Shut up,” So-Hee hissed.

Helayphea straightened up from the wall. “I think that’s enough—"

“They really don’t know anything about you, do they So-Hee?” Valeria asked, cutting of Helayphea. “Do you think they won’t find out eventually? Or that they won’t see what you really are one day?”

So-Hee stood up. “This conversation is over—”

“Nothing is over, So-Hee,” Valeria snarled. “No. It’s just getting started, and you aren’t safe anymore. None of you are. You’re either on our side, or you’re dead.”

“Will someone tell me what is going on?” Kandros asked, moving closer to So-Hee.

Valeria sat back. “Well…which is it So-Hee. Are you going to tell them the truth? Do you think they’ll help you if they know?”

“Shut up—”

“Maybe you’re not strong enough. But one day you have to own up to what you’ve done. Might as well be today. So where should we start.”

“Stop—”

“Should we start with Lana? Let’s see, you broke her jaw, ribs, punctured a lung, and ruptured several of her internal organs.” Valeria ticked the injuries off with her fingers. “The serum didn’t work, she didn’t heal, and we found her defective. That’s one death.”

“I didn’t—”

“Then there’s Grace and her poor brains splattered all over the floor.”

“I had nothing to do with Grace,” So-Hee vehemently denied.

“Am I really supposed to believe she just flung herself down the stairs?” Valeria mocked.

“You were there,” So-Hee whispered. “You saw the same shit I did. She was not my fault.”

“And of course, how could we forget Richard?” Valeria murmured. “I saw the body before they carried him out. Who knew you were capable of such brutality?”

So-Hee remained silent. Why was this happening? What was going on that they felt so emboldened to do this? The possibilities scared her. The fact that they were sitting in front of her, so full of confidence, scared her. She was stuck in a corner. There was nowhere else for her to go. The truth was the only way out. And she didn’t want to take it.

“That’s enough,” Helayphea said. “We’ve heard enough out of you.”

Kandros touched So-Hee’s shoulder but she jerked away like he had burned her. No. She couldn’t do this. Her team wouldn’t look at her the same way after this. They were going to think she was some murderer, but that wasn’t her. The school wasn’t her. But the blood still stained her hands no matter what. This was her reminder.

“What time is it?” Valeria asked out of the blue, her eyes straying the clock. “Ah. You might want to check on your friend.”

“My what?” So-Hee asked, confused.

“What was his name again—”

“Rowan,” Lea whispered.

“Ah yes,” Valeria said, nodding her head. “He should be feeling the effects real soon.”

So-Hee just stared at her. “What effects?”

Valeria gave her a small smile. “I don’t think his tea will agree with him.”

So-Hee didn’t wait to hear anything else. She ignored her name being called by her team, by Kandros, and she ran out of the room. _Fuck. Please let Rowan be okay_. She hoped it was a game. That they were just fucking with her and making her freak out. It would be on-brand for them. But on the off chance that they weren’t, she needed to get there before anyone else did.

She swiped her omnitool over the interface to open the door. The door shut behind her before anyone could try and follow her in. She locked the door to keep them out. Just in case. She didn’t want them to get hurt.

Rowan was sitting at the table. His forehead was resting on the metal. Right in between the indents. He didn’t move when she came in. It didn’t even look like he was breathing. God, she hoped he was just sleeping or passed out.

She heard the door to the room next door open. It was an observation room, for anyone to watch in on an interrogation. The intercom blared to life, making her wince. “So-Hee, unlock the door,” Kandros ordered.

For the first time—well not the first, but an important time—So-Hee ignored Kandros and quietly moved towards Rowan. She reached out to touch his shoulder. Her hand was shaking. It had been so long since she had been this scared.

Rowan jumped up when she touched him, and she jumped. His eyes moved to her, but they were unfocused. Like he was looking at her, but he wasn’t seeing her. He was pale. Sweat brimmed on his forehead. His chest heaved like he had been exerting himself before she came in. But it hadn’t looked like it.

“So-Hee,” he murmured, stopping to swallow. “I don’t feel so good.” He swayed a moment before flopping back down in his chair.

She sighed in relief. At least he wasn’t attacking her. She looked towards the dark window. “Call a medic,” she said, touching Rowan on the shoulder. “I’m going to get you help, okay?”

“Unlock the door,” Kandros said.

“I am,” she responded, stepping back to go to the door. Rowan’s hand clamped down over her wrist to stop her from moving. She tried to jerk her hand away, but he had a tight grip. She grimaced. “Rowan, let me go.” His fingers dug in. Any more and he would break her wrist. “You’re hurting me.”

“I think that’s what they want me to do,” he murmured, licking his dry lips.

She jerked back, but she only pulled him to his feet. He wasn’t letting go of her wrist no matter what. Rowan’s other hand came up and encircled her throat. Blood dripped from his nose and onto his shirt. She used her free hand to claw at his hand, but he wasn’t budging.

She heard muffled shouting outside the door. “What’s the fucking override code, Arwann?” she heard Saash shouting.

Stepping forward, he pressed her against the wall. “I’m sorry, So-Hee,” he whimpered, the blood going into his mouth and coating his tongue. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t,” she choked out. “You don’t have to do what they tell you to do, Rowan.” Her eyes watered and her lungs began to burn. “Please let me go,” she pleaded.

His grip around her neck and wrist loosened and it was just enough for her to shove him away from her. He stumbled a few feet back. So-Hee coughed, choking as she tried to suck air into her lungs. She should’ve guessed that they had given him the serum when he had damaged the table. But he wasn’t used to it. It had bad effects on those who had been taking it a long time, but there was no way he had been. They must have overloaded him. And it might kill him.

Or he would kill her first.

Rowan shook his head like he was trying his best to regain focus. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I really…I really did like you So-Hee. I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured. “But she…she told me…”

“Who’s she?” So-Hee asked.

“I don’t know,” he sobbed. “I can’t. I try to think and it’s blank, So-Hee.”

“It’s okay, Rowan,” she murmured. “I’ll help you, okay. I will.”

He opened his eyes and there was a brief moment of clarity. “Sorry, So-Hee. I don’t think you can. She wants you to suffer.”

“What—”

Rowan’s eyes glazed over and he ran at her—no he ran at the wall beside her—at full speed. His head slammed into the wall and So-Hee heard a crack. When he stumbled back, she covered her mouth, frozen to the spot. His nose was smashed back into his face. His bottom lip was split down to his chin. Some of his teeth had shattered. There was a gash in his forehead. Blood covered most of his face.

He moved forward like he was going to try it again, but he was winded from the first time. His breath rattled in his chest. No doubt from the blood going into his lungs. Rowan coughed. Blood splattered on her face and hand. But she couldn’t move.

His knees slammed into the floor and he pitched forward, landing near her feet. So-Hee moved then. She kneeled beside him. Somehow, he was still breathing or trying to at least. His hand crept towards hers and she reached out with her own. Rowan wrapped his fingers around hers. He drew in one last rattling breath…

And that was it.

_My fault_.

The door opened and the others spilled into the room. Stunned silence only lasted for a few seconds before the room exploded with sound. They were talking to her, but everything was mute. She couldn’t move her gaze from Rowan. She watched him hoping—willing—him to breathe again. Just one breath to prove he was still alive. But it wasn’t coming.

A hand wrapped around her elbow and pulled her to her feet. So-Hee didn’t have it in her to fight. Once on her feet, they tugged her out of the room. Everyone’s faces blurred as she was pulled past them. The only clear face was the Commander's. His usual neutral expression was gone, broken for once, and he looked rightly horrified.

So-Hee bit back a hysterical laugh.

She was pulled into the bathroom. The person let go of her elbow and walked in front of her to grab a washcloth and run it under the tap. She realized that person was Helayphea. Of course, Helayphea would be the one to get her out of there. Helayphea was a good person.

Unlike So-Hee.

Turning her head, she made the mistake of looking in the mirror. Blood was splattered all over the top half of her face. It had missed her mouth because her hand had been in the way. Her thoughts strayed back to Rowan. To the way his eyes had looked before he crashed into the wall. He knew what he was doing. But why?

Valeria had known. And she had seemed so cheerful about the fact. So-Hee didn’t remember her being so cruel before. But then again, she did oversee a school that killed their students regularly with the serum. Clearly, she was capable of some cruelty.

So-Hee’s stomach finally couldn’t keep calm anymore and she lurched towards the nearest stall. The stall door banged against the wall. She barely made it to the toilet. Her stomach violently emptied its contents into the bowl. Some of it came out of her nose. It burned like hell.

A sob escaped her lips as she clung to the toilet for the second wave.

Helayphea entered the stall behind her and reached down to pull So-Hee’s hair away from her face. A few minutes and another round later, and So-Hee was finally done. She hoped at least. There was nothing left on her stomach to come up. Her gut cramped and she groaned. The washcloth that Helayphea had grabbed to clean the blood was instead used to wipe So-Hee’s mouth and chin. So-Hee tried to do it herself, but Helayphea wouldn’t let her. “Please just let me help, So-Hee,” she murmured.

She left to discard the washcloth and So-Hee heard her turn on the sink again. A few seconds later, she reentered the stall with a fresh cloth. Kneeling down, she wiped at the blood on So-Hee’s forehead and cheeks before moving to So-Hee’s hand and forearm.

Why wasn’t she asking anything? She had to have questions, but she was treating So-Hee like nothing had happened. After all, this was So-Hee’s fault. They would all see that soon enough. But Helayphea just gently cleaned her up. And when she was done, she helped So-Hee stand back up.

“I didn’t kill the girls,” So-Hee murmured, her voice thick.

“It’s okay, So-Hee,” Helayphea whispered.

“It’s not,” So-Hee sobbed. “I did kill Bardon. I don’t remember but I know I did. And I know that makes me bad, but I know what he did to those girls, and what he tried to do to me. But I didn’t kill the girls. I didn’t—”

Helayphea pulled So-Hee into a hug. Her fingers brushed through So-Hee’s hair in a soothing fashion. “I believe you, So-Hee. I do.”

In a move that was unlike her, So-Hee sobbed into Helayphea’s shoulder, soaking the fabric of her APEX uniform. And Helayphea just let her while rubbing her back. When So-Hee was finished, Helayphea pressed a cold washcloth to So-Hee’s face until the evidence of her tears had faded.

They walked out of the bathroom and Helayphea put herself between So-Hee’s vision and the interrogation room. Instead, they walked to the meeting room. But So-Hee didn’t want to go their either. Valeria and the others were in there. Her footsteps stalled as they drew closer.

“It’s okay,” Helayphea murmured. “They’ve already been moved to the holding cells.”

“What are you going to do with them?” So-Hee asked, keeping her voice low.

“We’ll worry about that later,” Helayphea said. “I don’t particularly care to deal with them quickly. Let them sit in there.”

She steered So-Hee into the meeting room and coaxed her into sitting down. A few minutes later and she pressed something warm into So-Hee’s hands. It was instant coffee. So-Hee took a sip and grimaced. Black. But she didn’t care too much to get up and doctor it. She just wanted to wake up from this shitty nightmare.

Helayphea urged So-Hee to stay there and she left the room. Left So-Hee alone with her own thoughts. She took sip after sip of bitter coffee to focus on that instead of the whirlwind of blame infiltrating her brain.

Time ticked by slowly. It was seconds then minutes then an hour before anyone walked into the room again. Good thing. Her cup was empty, and she was running out of ways to keep her mind occupied so she didn’t lose her shit. Kandros walked in the room. She expected anger. But there was just confusion and an air of sympathy. The Commander and the Moshae followed him in the room, but they stayed close to the door.

Kandros pulled a chair close and sat down in front of her. “I’m sorry, So-Hee…I don’t want to…” he sighed. “I know it’s difficult, but I need answers. Something to explain what the hell I just witnessed.”

“I know,” she answered, sniffling slightly. “And um…I want to tell you, but I…” she trailed off, shrugging. She never expected to have to tell them the truth. And least of all, not being to tell them on her own terms. Now she didn’t know where to start or what to say. Words were failing her.

“Perhaps, So-Hee doesn’t have to be the one to provide you those answers,” the Moshae spoke up.

So-Hee looked up to meet the Moshae’s eyes. The woman was trying to tell her something…oh. That’s right. There was someone else who would want to know what had happened here. And they could be the one to give Kandros information. He might even trust it more coming from them. She trusted Kandros with this information. There was no way he knew the truth, let alone was a part of it.

“Call the Pathfinder and his sister,” So-Hee said, earning a nod from the Moshae.

“His twin?” Kandros asked.

So-Hee shook her head. “No, the other one.”

“I can make that call for you Kandros,” the Moshae said.

Kandros looked even more confused. “Thank you,” he answered. “As long as I get something.”

“Probably more than you bargained for,” So-Hee murmured.

He gave her an odd look but said nothing else about it. “We have things taken care of here, I think it’s best if you go home for the time being,” he said. “I’ll call you when the Pathfinder is here.”

So-Hee didn’t bother arguing. She sure as hell didn’t want to be here and she didn’t want to be near that room. Or Valeria. So-Hee didn’t kill her all those years ago, but maybe she should have. She pressed her lips into a tight line, angry at herself for thinking it.

Kandros left the room first, probably to deal with the fallout of what had happened. And the Moshae followed to make her call, she patted Evfra’s arm before leaving the room. She and Evfra were alone in the room. Neither of them said anything.

Finally, he pushed himself off the wall. “I will walk you to your apartment,” he stated.

“I’m fine. I can go by myself,” she argued.

“I wasn’t asking, Lieutenant,” he said, shutting down any further dialogue.

She huffed and stood up from the chair. “Fine,” she grumbled. The hallway was still full when she walked out. She avoided her team’s questioning stares and avoided looking at the room. Evfra was directly behind her as she turned to exit the hall and enter the visible section of APEX headquarters. It was the evening, and there weren’t nearly as many people walking around. She was thankful for that. She was sure she looked like shit.

They were the only two on the tram. For the most part, they were silent. But halfway through the trip, Evfra spoke up. “I’m sorry about your friend.”

“I don’t…” she cleared her throat. “I don’t know if I’d call him a friend,” she murmured. “We just…you know…”

“I see,” he answered, cutting her off from having to go into detail. Something she was thankful for. “Are you ready for your team to know?” he asked instead.

She was not as appreciative of that question. In truth, she didn’t want to think about it. “I’ll be lucky to still have a team,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

He hummed. “I wouldn’t be so sure.” Evfra kept his eyes straight ahead. “Kandros tried to access the footage from your first conversation with Rowan,” he said, changing the subject. Jesus, she wouldn’t be able to keep up if he kept at it. “But the footage was gone.”

She looked at him. “What?”

“It had been deleted—”

“And what? You think I did it?”

“On the contrary, I know you didn’t. Which begs the question of who would,” he answered.

So-Hee furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. Who would do that? Evfra and the Moshae had been with Kandros so there was no way it wasn’t them. That meant it had to be…No. No way. That meant someone on her team had seen the footage and deleted it to protect her. But why? Why would they do that?

Evfra watched her facial expression as she thought it over. “I wouldn’t be so quick to write off your team, Lieutenant. Perhaps telling them the truth will net unexpected results.”

So-Hee didn’t answer him. She didn’t have to. Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was a bad idea. But there was a tiny bud of hope in her chest. Maybe they wouldn’t hate her at all. Big maybe. But it was enough.

Evfra walked So-Hee to her door and waited until she walked in before leaving. Sure, she had argued, but a part of her was glad that she didn’t have to traverse the Nexus on her own. The lights of her apartment flickered on automatically. She was alone now. Stuck in the silence. Maybe she should call Maggie.

No.

As much as she didn’t want to, she wasn’t going to tell Maggie about this. If she did, Maggie might rescind her bid to go to Havarl. And So-Hee wanted her to get the hell off this station. It would be safer for her on an Angaran home planet. Less chance of Cerberus being there. And being able to get to her there.

So-Hee kneeled onto her kitchen floor and opened the cabinet under her sink. Months ago, she had promised Maggie she wouldn’t keep alcohol in the apartment. She wasn’t responsible. Hell, Maggie didn’t even like her drinking in Vortex. But at least Dutch and Anan would cut her off. But she had lied. There was always one bottle. And right now, she needed it.

She didn’t bother with glasses. She didn’t even bother with getting up off the floor. So-Hee opened the bottle and sat with her back against the cabinet and took swig after swig. Twenty minutes later and the bottle was nearly half empty. She was warm, bordering on hot, but she wasn’t moving. Her head was resting on the cabinet and her eyes were closed.

A thump across from her made her open her eyes.

A decaying foot was resting near hers. Her eyes flicked upward and she stared at the girl sitting against the cabinets on the opposite side. Eyes that were once an intense blue, but they had a milky white film now, stared at her. Blonde hair that was mottled with red hung around her face.

“Leave me alone,” So-Hee murmured, taking another swig.

“Someone else is dead because of you—”

“Shut up.”

“How does it feel to be such a colossal fuck up?” she asked. “I can’t imagine it feels very good to be you, right now.”

“It never does,” So-Hee whispered.

“Valeria is right you know,” she said. “They’re getting bold and making big moves. You aren’t safe. Maggie definitely isn’t safe.”

So-Hee didn’t say anything.

“Maybe its time to consider switching side—”

So-Hee clenched her teeth. “No.”

She sighed. “Moral superiority, not that you have much, isn’t going to save you. There isn’t any winning this. There never was. Cerberus wants you and if they can’t have you…

Then no one else can.”


	11. The Truth Will Out

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

So-Hee winced. Her head was pounding. It felt like it was going to crack open at any second. But her head wasn’t the only thing that hurt. Her entire body felt like an entire bruise. She was stiff. And since when did her bed get so damn hard? Her eyes flickered open.

_Oh. That’s right._

She hadn’t even made it to her bed. It had only taken her a little over an hour to drain the bottle of whiskey and at that point, she wasn’t even trying to get up and move to her bed. So she had passed out on the kitchen floor. No wonder she hurt so damn bad.

While surveying the floor, she noticed the booted feet a few feet away from her. They were attached to legs, normal legs, and her eyes kept moving up to meet the angry glare of Maggie. “Morning,” she mumbled. Her mouth was so damn dry and there was a foul, acidy taste that lingered on her palate. Had she thrown up again?

“Morning,” Maggie repeated. “That’s all you have to say?”

So-Hee clutched her head with her hands, grimacing as Maggie’s voice shot up in pitch. “Not so loud,” she whispered. “Everything hurts.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it does,” Maggie said, her mouth setting into a firm line. “Goddammit So-Hee, you promised—”

“Maggie.”

“You promised me you’d thrown out your bottles. You promised me you would try to get better.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” So-Hee said, the sarcasm heavy in her tone. “I’m sorry I just can’t be what you want.”

“Oh, fuck you, So-Hee!” Maggie shouted. “You’re not like me, you won’t come back from liver damage. And you think this will help you and it doesn’t. You don’t cope with anything. You just get blackout drunk and hope it goes away and it never does!”

“Cope?” So-Hee barked out a sharp laugh. “When the fuck did we start coping with our pasts? And you have no room to talk. You don’t even acknowledge you have any powers, and you damn sure never learned how to control them!”

“I can’t—”

“Can’t? You don’t even try, Maggie! You just pretend they don’t exist and hope shit never implodes on you—”

“I don’t—”

“Guess what, Maggie? You keep ignoring them and one day you’re going to kill a lot of fucking people and it will be 100% your fault!”

Maggie’s mouth snapped shut and they stared each other down. So-Hee’s chest heaved from the exertion of shouting. This is not how she wanted to spend her morning. Not that shouting at her best friend was how she wanted to spend any amount of time. But she wasn’t budging. And she damn sure wasn’t apologizing first. Not even Maggie’s eyes filling with tears was going to make her crack first.

“I can’t stand you when you’re like this,” Maggie whispered. She dropped a bag she had been holding onto So-Hee’s table with a thunk and turned towards the door.

_She’ll leave you._

_She won’t come back._

_You’ll be alone again._

“Wait,” So-Hee said, lurching towards Maggie, her knees slamming into the floor, and grabbing her forearm. “Don’t go. I’m sorry.”

Maggie paused and sighed. “We’ve been through this so many times, So-Hee. I don’t want to keep doing this.”

So-Hee swallowed hard, her own eyes burning as they watered. “I know—”

“You don’t,” Maggie cut her off. “One day I’ll come in here and find you dead because you choked on your own fucking vomit. Or because you were drunk and fell and hit your head and bled out on the floor. Do you know how that feels?”

So-Hee choked on her answer, unable to say anything.

Maggie closed her eyes and took in a deep breath through her nose. “It has to stop, So-Hee,” she whispered. “You slap “I’m sorry” on everything you do like its a bandaid and then do nothing to change it.”

So-Hee couldn’t really argue. Maggie was right. She promised to change, would do okay for a while, and then slip back into old habits because they were more comfortable. “I’ll do better. I really promise this time,” So-Hee pleaded.

Maggie ran her fingers through her hair. “This is the last time, So-Hee.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to lose our friendship, but I refuse to keep going through this with you.”

So-Hee nodded. “I’ll do better,” she repeated.

Maggie turned fully and looked down at her. “Are you ready to get off the floor?” she asked.

“Uhhhh, I’d like to,” So-Hee said. “But everything hurts.”

Maggie shook off So-Hee’s grip and leaned down to hook her arms under So-Hee’s underarms and lift her up. Not that it really solved her everything hurts problem, but she was up now. A shower would probably help set her straight. Maggie helped her get down the steps into her living area and they veered off into the bathroom. Once the water was on and hot, Maggie left So-Hee to shower. So-Hee mostly just stood under the warm water until she felt like she could move a little better. Then she worried about washing up.

There were two pills and a bottle of water sitting on the kitchen table when So-Hee got out. She was still wrapped in the towel when she tipped the water back to swallow the pills down. That’s when she noticed all of her cabinets were open. The bottle she had emptied last night was sitting on the counter. And there were three other bottles sitting next to it. Maggie stood up from looking through the cabinet next to the fridge. She leveled a glare at So-Hee before she started closing the cabinets. Somehow the silence was worse than when Maggie was yelling at her.

“Do I need to look anywhere else?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee grimaced and clutched the towel tight around herself. She turned and walked towards her bed. Kneeling on the floor, she reached underneath the frame to pull out another bottle. It joined the other ones on the counter. Maggie just stared at them. “Jesus Christ,” she muttered.

So-Hee didn’t say anything. There wasn’t really anything she could say. She had promised to stop keeping bottles in the apartment and she had clearly not kept that promise. With a sigh, Maggie grabbed the empty one and chucked it down the recycling chute.

She gathered the other four in her arms. “I’m taking these with me,” she said. “I’ll give them to someone or sell them and give you the credits.”

So-Hee shrugged. “Most of them were gifts anyway. Do what you want.”

“I have to get to the labs. You have a meeting today?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee shrugged. Maybe. If the Pathfinder got the Nexus that quickly then yes, Kandros would probably call her. She was dreading it. “Probably,” she mumbled.

“Even if you don’t…just don’t be alone today, okay?” Maggie pleaded. “And maybe stay out of Vortex.”

So-Hee pulled out a chair and plopped down at the kitchen table. “Yeah, I will,” she answered. It was going to be difficult considering she was probably going to have a shit day. And she didn’t want to tell Maggie what was going on and worry her.

Maggie just stared at her. Like she knew So-Hee was keeping something from her. But she didn’t ask any more questions. “Make sure you eat. And brush your teeth. And—”

So-Hee waved her off. “Get to work before you’re late,” she said. “If you start mothering me, you’re never going to make it there.”

Maggie huffed and shook her head, but she couldn’t stop the small smile from curving her lips upward. “I’ll see you after work,” she said, walking out the door.

The apartment fell into silence the moment the door closed. So-Hee hated it. She felt even breathing would disturb the silence with deadly consequences. But the silence was also liable to drive her to distraction. Yet, she much preferred the silence over the chirping sound of her omnitool letting her know she was getting a call. She didn’t even have to answer it. She knew what was coming. God. This was something she wished she could opt-out of.

“Meeting in an hour,” Kandros said the moment she answered the call.

She sighed. “I’ll be there.”

“Are you…” he trailed off. If he was going to ask her if she was okay, it was a stupid question. She was far from okay. “Don’t be late,” he said instead.

So-Hee looked around the empty apartment. “I’ll get dressed and then I’m on my way.”

Kandros confirmed that he heard her before hanging up. So-Hee just sat at her kitchen table for a few more minutes. Stalling wasn’t going to help her. This was going to happen whether she wanted it to or not. So-Hee reached for the bag Maggie had left on the table. Looking inside, she just realized it was some ready meals. Maggie had told her to eat, but she really wasn’t hungry. And in all honesty, it just might make her get sick. She shoved the bag away. They could be put away later.

So-Hee got up from the table and walked over to her dresser. The towel dropped to the floor and she kicked it off to the side. So-Hee pulled on a pair of leggings and an Initiative hoodie. They probably expected her to wear her APEX uniform, but she didn’t fucking care to right now. Hell, she didn’t even know if she would still be in APEX after this. Kandros might consider her not worth the trouble she could bring.

Using her sleeve, she wiped at her eyes trying to dispel the tears that came with those thoughts.

So-Hee grabbed a hair tie and pulled her short hair up into a small ponytail. It would just keep it out of her face. For the most part. Some stray strands still escaped from the holder and brushed against her cheeks. That was as good as it was going to get today. With one last deep breath, like that was going to help her somehow, she left her apartment.

The upper levels of the Docking bay were quiet. But the area by the tram and the merchants was busy. So-Hee just focused on trying to get through the crowd so she could get to the tram. So focused that she missed someone calling her name until they were right behind her. She turned around in the hallway leading to the tram, ready to defend herself when a shock of blue hair stopped her.

It was just Emma.

So-Hee relaxed slightly, shoving her hands in her pockets so Emma couldn’t see them shake. That didn’t stop Emma from furrowing her eyebrows in concern.

“I thought you would’ve been there already,” So-Hee said, not addressing her reaction.

Emma shrugged. “Scott and Sara went to speak to Kandros first. Apparently, they feel he should be a little more prepared to meet me.” She mimicked So-Hee’s movements and shoved her hands in her own hoodie pockets. “Besides I saw Maggie the first time I tried to get on the tram. She asked me if I wanted some liquor…and then before I could answer, she just shoved them at me and told me she was running late.” Emma frowned a little. “It was weird. But the crew will be happy.”

So-Hee couldn’t help her laugh. “Of course, that’s what she did with it.” She shook her head.

Emma stared at her. “It was yours, wasn’t it?”

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah…”

“Suppose there’s a time for everything,” Emma said. “If you need anything…you know.” She shrugged.

So-Hee took solace in the fact that Emma, despite her incredible powers, was just as awkward when it came to comforting people and offering them help. “It’s a good thing you’re here actually,” So-Hee murmured. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about. Just you,” she clarified.

Emma moved closer. “Okay.”

“Tann’s not going to be at this meeting, is he?” she asked.

Emma shook her head. “Just Kandros, Evfra, Moshae, and my siblings.” She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

So-Hee looked around to make sure no one was close enough to listen. “I…something feels off about Tann. I don’t think we can trust him.”

She wasn’t sure if Emma would believe her. Hell, Tann was the leader of the Initiative after all. Barely anybody liked him, but it would hard to prove that Tann was in on something. Especially something that was kept hushed for now.

“Thank god,” Emma murmured. “I thought I was the only one. Well…the crew don’t trust him much either.”

“They don’t?”

Emma shook her head. “There are too many strange things when it comes to Tann. We err on the side of caution just in case.”

So-Hee let out a sigh of relief. “Good. I’m…” She was a lot of things. Relieved and validated were two of them. “Good,” she repeated.

The tram docked and the doors opened. They waited until everyone had walked off before entering the tram. It was crowded today, so they stuck to discussing light topics until they could reach headquarters and have more privacy. So-Hee learned that they had been spending a lot of time on Meridian, but also time searching for other planets in the terraforming network. They were looking for more homeworlds. It would be nice to live on an actual planet someday. So-Hee didn’t mind the Nexus, but she missed real soil and ground being underneath her feet.

They stopped off the tram and walked towards APEX headquarters. So-Hee opened the door to the hallway and Emma followed. The first thing she heard was Kandros’ voice. And he did not sound happy. Had something happened? Emma and So-Hee shared a look before they walked towards the meeting room.

“People don’t just disappear!” Kandros very rarely raised his voice to anyone. “Did anyone check the cameras?”

Emma and So-Hee entered the room. Evfra and the Moshae, and a third Angara whose name she couldn’t remember, were present in the room already, and So-Hee recognized the Pathfinder. He raised his hand in a small wave and she returned it. The woman standing beside him must be his twin. They damn sure looked identical. Kandros and Helayphea were standing in the middle looking upset.

“What happened?” So-Hee asked.

Everyone looked at her, and she hated it. Kandros sighed, his mandibles pulled tight around his face. “They’re gone.”

“Gone?”

Helayphea nodded. “The Pathfinder wanted to question them, but when I went to the check holding, the doors were open and no one was there—”

“Did—”

“And yes, Kandros. I checked the cameras. They were all wiped.”

“Did you check the backup drive?” So-Hee asked.

Helayphea frowned. “No. I’ll go do that now.” She squeezed So-Hee’s shoulder as she walked by.

Emma broke away to talk to her siblings and the third Angara. Jaal. That was his name. Emma’s boyfriend. So-Hee watched how they gravitated towards each other. Even when they weren’t physically touching, they still felt like they were entangled. It must be nice.

“I need to go ask Helayphea something,” So-Hee murmured, needing another moment before this started. And there was still something from the day before that was bothering her. Someone had deleted the footage from her first conversation with Rowan. She wanted to know why.

She backtracked out of the meeting room and walked to the observation room. Opening the door, she saw Helayphea sitting in front of the interface, searching for the missing footage. The observation looked into two rooms at a time. One before it and one after it. All the camera footage came to this interface and it was automatically saved to backup drives just in case. But based on the frown on Helayphea’s frown, the footage was wiped from the drives too.

“Whoever did this, they were thorough,” she murmured. Turning in the chair, she focused her attention on So-Hee. “How are you doing?” she asked.

“Do I have to answer that?” So-Hee muttered.

“Not if you don’t want to,” Helayphea responded. “I can’t imagine you’re doing very well right now.”

“No,” So-Hee admitted. “There’s something I need to ask you.”

“Okay?”

“Why?”

Helayphea frowned. “Why what?”

“Why would you delete the footage from my first conversation with Rowan?” So-Hee asked.

Helayphea glimpsed away from her. “How did you guess it was me?” she asked instead.

So-Hee shrugged. “I just knew. But I don’t understand why you would do that, especially not after hearing what he said. About my past,” she choked on the last word. “Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Helayphea countered. “Your past is yours, So-Hee. And you should tell us on your own terms—”

So-Hee scoffed. “My past isn’t a series of bad decisions, well it is, but it’s not just that. I was an experiment of a terrorist organization. I don’t understand—”

“You were a victim, So-Hee,” Helayphea interrupted her. “And it haunts you. I see it. We all see it, even if we didn’t know why. It’s why you hold us all at arm’s length, why you don’t have relationships, why I’ve seen you drunk more than I’ve ever seen you sober. And even if you don’t consider me a friend, I consider you my friend.”

_I wouldn’t be so quick to write off your team, Lieutenant. Perhaps telling them the truth will net unexpected results_

Damn him. He was right.

“I…” So-Hee choked. What the hell was she supposed to say to that? Everything seemed so inadequate.

Helayphea stood and gently touched So-Hee’s shoulder. “It’s okay, So-Hee. It’s going to be okay. We have your back no matter what.”

So-Hee cleared her throat. “Can you do me a favor?”

Helayphea nodded. “What do you need?”

“Can you get the other Lieutenants, and Irma and Rui. They should sit in on this meeting too,” So-Hee said before she could chicken out. Time to hope that Evfra would be right again.

Helayphea agreed and they both left the observation room. So-Hee walked back into the meeting room to deliver the bad news to Kandros. She should be surprised that they had escaped. But she wasn’t. Cerberus was good at pulling strings. Based on the look on Emma’s face, she knew that too. And neither of them would be surprised if that help came from higher up.

A few minutes passed and the others filed into the room. Kandros looked confused. “I invited them,” So-Hee cleared up. Emma gave her a look which So-Hee answered with a small nod. She was going to take this leap. Maybe it would bite her in the ass. Or maybe it would go exactly how she hoped. Either way, she needed to know where she would stand after this.

“If everyone’s here,” Emma said. “We can get started.”

Everyone sat down. The desks were arranged in a loose half-circle. So-Hee had wanted to be on the end, but she ended up sandwiched in between Helayphea and Evfra. Not her ideal choice. Her nerves were fried. She didn’t know what to do with her hands. Should she leave them in her hoodie? Or place them on the desk? Why the fuck did she care? So-Hee heaved a sigh, fighting the urge to melt into a puddle underneath the desk. Helayphea’s hand touched her elbow in reassurance. So-Hee appreciated the gesture, but she was too damn nervous for it to matter.

Emma was leaning against the wall with the presentation equipment. No one had ever used it yet. She would be the first. There was a table in front of her that she could use to bring up information. There was even a projector she could tap into if she needed to. Why haven’t they used any of this stuff yet? It might spice up their meetings.

_How is this relevant?_

The Pathfinder sat beside Kandros, while his twin sat beside Jaal. It wasn’t until everyone settled that anything was said. And the person who broke the silence was Saash. She grunted, leaning forward in her chair. “Just who are you exactly?” she asked Emma.

“I’m Emma Ryder,” she introduced herself. “I’m the Pathfinder’s sister.”

“I didn’t realize Alec had more than the twins,” Helayphea murmured.

“You don’t look like him,” Saash said. “Or is that a bad dye job?”

“Jesus Christ, Saash,” So-Hee hissed.

“What?”

Emma Ryder covered her small laugh into her fist. “Yeah well, I don’t look like him because I’m adopted. And no. It’s not a bad dye job. It’s my actual hair color.”

“How is that possible?” Arwann asked.

“I’m…” she hesitated. “I’m only half-human. My odd “coloring” is attributed to my alien half.”

So-Hee couldn’t believe that Emma was just answering the questions with minimal hesitation. It’s like the questions didn’t bother her at all. But So-Hee knew that couldn’t be true. Yet, she wondered where Emma got her confidence. So-Hee wished she could have that. A life where she could be more open.

“What aliens?” Helayphea asked.

“Some obscure race that no one knows of,” the Pathfinder answered, muttering it under his breath. “We’re still researching, but while it’s interesting, it’s not what we’re here for.”

“Right,” Emma agreed. “You want answers for what happened here yesterday.”

“That would be nice,” Kandros said. “Something that makes sense.”

Emma sighed. “I can’t give you something that makes sense, or something that’s going to make it easier to file a report. I’m going to give you the truth. And you’re not going to like it.”

Silence fell in the room again. It wasn’t often that So-Hee saw Kandros speechless and confused. If it wasn’t so damn serious, she might laugh at the expression on his face. And damn. Emma did have some presence when it came to this. So-Hee was impressed.

“Before I start, I need to tell you that everything I tell you is confidential. It cannot go outside of this room. If you feel you can’t keep it to yourself, then you need to leave,” Emma said.

So-Hee’s team gave each other strange looks, but they all nodded. Kandros was the last one to agree. He would agree to anything if it meant he got the information he craved. Emma gave So-Hee one last look to make sure it was okay and waited for So-Hee’s nod before continuing.

Emma opened her omnitool menu and the table in front of her powered on. After a few seconds of scrolling, she flicked her wrist and four pictures showed up in the air. So-Hee dropped her gaze. She didn’t want to see their faces again so soon. Hell, she didn’t want to see them at all. So-Hee withdrew one of her hands from her hoodie and searched for Helayphea’s. Why? She didn’t know. But she hoped it would be of some comfort while she stared her past in the face. Helayphea’s fingers wrapped around hers and squeezed gently.

“Your attackers from yesterday,” Emma said, pointing to the pictures. “Valeria Coulte, Lea Robinson, Shelby Pellow, and Amelie Johnson. As far as I know, those are their real names, but there is no record of them on the Nexus.”

“How is that possible?” Kandros asked.

“There are quite a few people here under assumed identities,” Emma clarified. “Probably more than you think.”

“Why?”

“To hide them. To make them feel safe,” she answered. “Alec Ryder helped many people, not these people, but others that are like me…and like So-Hee.”

“I’m confused,” Arwann said. “People like you and like So-Hee? What does that mean exactly?”

Emma frowned, taking a moment to think. “I assume everyone here knows about So-Hee…?”

So-Hee nodded.

“I’m similar in some ways, and not in others,” Emma said. It wasn’t clarity, but it was something. “But we can get into that later. Let’s get back to the attack.” She pointed to the pictures. “Before coming to Andromeda, these four were arrested for running a girl’s school in order to experiment on their students.”

“Experiments?” Kandros asked. “What kind of experiments?”

Emma shifted from one foot to the other. “The kind that kills people,” she said. “It was a front funded by Cerberus—”

“Cerberus?” Several people echoed.

“Cerberus is over 600 years away and still in the Milky Way,” Kandros said.

Emma winced. “Sadly, I’m going to tell you how wrong you are today.” She paused. “But I will concede that it’s probably not the Cerberus you remember from the news. As far as I know, it’s one specific project that came here to Andromeda.”

“What project?” Kandros asked.

“Project Olympus,” Scott was the one to answer.

“They want to make humans godlike,” Sara added. “It was one of Cerberus’ quieter projects. But one our father was determined to destroy as much as he could.”

“Why?” Irma asked. “How did he even find out about it?”

“Alec was working with the crew of the Normandy at the time, with Shepard—she wasn’t quite a Commander then I don’t think. They had intel of a weapon holed up in a Cerberus facility,” Emma said, leaning against the wall again.

“And what was it?” Saash grunted.

Emma shrugged. “Me.”

“You don’t have to go this far, Em,” Scott murmured.

“I don’t think there’s any skating around it,” she replied before sighing. “I was a child then. Alec pulled me from the facility, reported it to the Council, and he fought for me to live with him. But they always tried to find a reason to revoke it. From then on, Alec helped hide the others so they wouldn’t have to go through what I did just to live a semi-normal life.” She paused. “But there was one person who didn’t change her name.”

So-Hee felt everyone look at her. Damn. They knew it was her that quick. She had been adamant about changing her name. It was the one damn thing of her family, and father, that she had. Cerberus be damned, she wasn’t giving it up.

“This is…a lot to take in…” Kandros murmured. “And we still haven’t made it to why yesterday’s attack happened.”

Emma frowned. “I was uncertain about how everything connected myself. It was sudden and unprompted, and I don’t think Cerberus would be ready right now to even take on the Angara,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest. “But after some thinking, I don’t think it was meant to be a true attack on the Angara.” She looked at So-Hee. “I think it was just meant for you. I don’t know if it was a test, or someone just messing with you, but—”

“So, it’s my fault,” So-Hee whispered.

Emma shook her head. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Did you see Rowan?” she asked. “Did you see what he did to himself? Can you really still think it’s not my fault?” 

“Did you give him the serum?” Emma asked.

“Well, no—”

“Then you’re not at fault,” Emma said with an air of finality.

So-Hee clamped her mouth shut. Everything in her wanted to argue. Everything in her wanted to break down and lose her shit. But she wasn’t going to do either of those things. Not in front of everyone.

“Serum?” Kandros asked.

“After Alec freed me from the facility, the project had limited supply of their original serum, and eventually they ran out,” Emma answered. “After that, they turned to alternative methods. Alec was never able to obtain an actual formula for the serum they used in the school, but he did obtain notes of its…effects on the students.” As she spoke, she pulled up pictures of the school and Cerberus documents with the notes. “Uncontrollable rage was one of the side effects, among others. It eventually killed the students. That’s why there was only one survivor.”

“That’s not true,” So-Hee spoke up. “There were several.”

Emma winced and looked away.

So-Hee sat up straight. “There would’ve been seven survivors altogether,” she argued.

Emma cleared her throat before shaking her head. “There were seven that were pulled from the school, but only one survived the withdrawal period.” She still wasn’t looking at So-Hee.

_He lied. Motherfucker lied._

“How?” So-Hee choked out.

Emma hesitated like she wasn’t going to answer at all. “Brain bleeding,” she finally said. “They hemorrhaged to death.”

“Why…” So-Hee scrubbed her hand down her face. “Why didn’t I?”

“I’m not sure,” Emma answered. “You took to the serum better than anyone else…I think that was part of it. But I don’t know for sure.”

“He lied to me,” So-Hee murmured.

“Yeah, he was known to do that sometimes,” Emma said. Her siblings nodded.

So-Hee shoved her chair back and stood up. She needed a minute or an hour, she just needed to get the hell out of this room. Nobody stopped her as she walked out the door and down the hallway. Good. At least, they had the mind to give her some space.

The room was silent after she departed. No one knew what to say. Her teammates were certainly surprised about the several truths they had been given. Some of the information was also new to Evfra. So-Hee had mentioned the school, but the reality—and he was sure this was the barest of information about it—was worse.

He cleared his throat. “Why were these students chosen? Were they like the Lieutenant?” he asked.

Emma shook her head. “I don’t think they were expecting to find someone like So-Hee,” she said. “The girls were picked mostly because they were orphans or runaways, and no one would miss them if they went missing.”

“Fuck,” Rui muttered.

That didn’t make sense to him. The Lieutenant had stated that she still had family after her grandmother died. Even that she should’ve visited them more but didn’t. So how did she end up in a place like that when there were people that cared about her? Unless she wasn’t being entirely honest with him. Not that he expected the truth from her all the time, no matter what deal they made. Hiding oneself from others would be a hard habit to break no matter the circumstances.

Emma sighed. “I’m not going to into any further detail about it. If So-Hee wants you to know anything else, she’ll tell you herself.”

“That bad?” Octanus asked.

Emma grimaced. That was enough of an answer for them.

“So, in a nutshell, you’re telling me a sect of Cerberus is in Andromeda and they’re going to be a problem,” Kandros said.

“In a nutshell,” Emma agreed.

“Why aren’t the other higher-ups here?” he asked. “Tann, Kesh, and Addison should have this information as well. We should be prepared.”

Emma shook her head. “I think we can trust Kesh, but the other two I’m not certain of.”

“Why?”

Emma took everything else down and pulled up several Initiative profiles. “Do you recognize these people?”

Kandros leaned forward. “They were the seven in front of Tann,” he answered. “What does that have to do with it?”

“Months ago, we found a Cerberus lab, a small one, on Havarl—”

“Havarl??” Kandros interrupted.

She nodded. “Havarl.” She touched the profiles of three people. “These people were found in the lab, one was on a table and there was clear evidence of an experiment taking place. The others were dead in their pods. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.”

“And you think Tann could be somehow involved based on this?” he asked.

“I think we have to think of all the possibilities,” Emma answered. Evfra could tell she was choosing her words carefully just in case she was wrong. But he had to admit, it was too much of “coincidence” to ignore.

“I have so many questions,” Kandros muttered.

“I’ll answer what I can, Kandros,” Emma said. “And we’ll keep you in the loop as much as we can…but I have a question for you also.”

“Okay.”

“You just found out that while So-Hee was born with her powers, she was in a Cerberus program for a number of months, that tends to change people’s opinions about a person. Are yours changed?”

“Nothing has changed other than I need to make it harder for Cerberus to find it’s way into my headquarters,” Kandros answered without hesitation. “I’ll be damned if I don’t protect my fighters.”

“What about the rest of you?” Emma asked, her eyes moving around the room.

“She’s a victim,” Helayphea stated. “I refuse to blame her for something that isn’t her fault.”

“She’s my Lieutenant,” Irma said, her husband nodding along beside her. “This doesn’t change that.”

The others agreed. The only one who hadn’t said anything yet was 2nd Lieutenant Saash. After a moment, she grunted. “Cerberus or not, I’d like to see one of those pyjacks fuck with my friend again.”

Emma sighed in relief. “Good.” She looked at the door that hadn’t opened in a number of minutes. “I think we can call the meeting for today. We’ll be around for another day or so if you have any more questions for me.”

“Plenty,” Kandros answered.

The Lieutenants, and Irma and Rui, got up and walked out of the room. Presumably, they went to find the Lieutenant. Evfra had believed they would continue to support her. And he was right. Thankfully.

After a few minutes, the only ones left in the room were him and the Moshae, Kandros, Jaal, the Ryder twins, and Emma. Emma clicked off the table and sighed, rubbing her palms against her eyes. “Shit,” she murmured.

“It went better than I thought,” Scott said.

Emma shook her head. “I didn’t know that she didn’t know,” she whispered. “I fucked that up.”

Jaal was beside her in a moment, his hand covering hers. “It was an honest mistake,” he said. “Give the Lieutenant some time and then talk to her.”

Evfra watched how they touched each other with ease. They gravitated towards each other automatically. He could even feel it in the static around him. Sometimes it made him uncomfortable. Mostly because he didn’t think he would have that. Not that he had a need or want for it. The leader of the Resistance shouldn’t crave something like companionship.

So he didn’t.


	12. Peek Behind The Curtain

So-Hee should’ve stuck around headquarters, but she couldn’t. It was too much. They knew about her now. And she couldn’t bring herself to face them. So she walked out of headquarters and back onto the tram. At first, she began to gravitate towards Vortex, but then she remembered her promise. She kept going right past it and walked to her apartment instead. It had only been a couple of hours since she had left. But it felt like much longer.

There was nothing to do.

Sure, she could try and do stuff like everything was normal, but nothing was normal. Everything was so fucking far from normal. And it was quiet. She was alone and it was quiet and she wanted to drink.

So-Hee raised her wrist to open her omnitool interface. She scrolled through the options before picking a movie at random. The screen in her living area flickered on. She didn’t want to watch anything. But it was noise. She needed noise right now. Anything to stave of the images that were trying to press into her mind. She didn’t want to see them. She didn’t want to think of them.

_Only survivor. I’m the only one. They’re all dead._

Alec Ryder had lied to her.

Why? Did he do it to spare her? So she wouldn’t feel guilty about being the only one to survive that fucking nightmare?

So-Hee choked back a sob. Her head began to throb from the pressure of her trying to hold back tears. It was bullshit. They killed all of those girls and then showed up now just to fuck with her. Why? What was the endgame? To remind her that if she didn’t fall in line, that she was as good as dead? Or was it to show that no matter what, they could get to her?

And worse, they got away with it.

Just because So-Hee wasn’t surprised didn’t mean she wasn’t angry. They had killed someone that had made the mistake of trying to get close to her, and then they just waltzed out of holding. Where were they now? Should she try finding them? If she were to do the right thing, she would track them down and arrest them. Or make them pay. But she knew what might be on the other side of them, and she didn’t want to get that close.

One day she wouldn’t have a choice, but today she was going to be a coward.

So-Hee pushed off the door and walked into her kitchen. Where had Maggie put the painkillers? Her headache threatened to split her head open. And she was still somewhat hungover from the night before. She just wanted to take something and sleep. Maybe she wouldn’t have any damn nightmares. But that was wishful thinking.

Finding the bottle in the cupboard by the range, she twisted off the cap and shook two pills into her palm. She tossed them into her mouth before turning to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. It was blessedly cool going down her throat to wash down the pills. She took the bottle with her into her living area. So-Hee kicked off her shoes and peeled off her socks before climbing into her bed. She pulled the covers up to her chin and rolled onto her side to stare at the screen. It wasn’t long before the pills kicked in and she felt sleep creeping up on her.

Her omnitool chirped with a message notification. But she didn’t look at it. She didn’t want to read it. Not now. If it was bad, she would break down and she just wanted to rest right now. So-Hee turned the notifications of her omnitool off.

She could deal with the consequences later.

Moments later someone pounded on her forehead.

No. Not her forehead. Someone was knocking on her door.

So-Hee grunted and rolled over. Her mouth was dry and tasted funny. Smacking her lips, she pulled up her omnitool to check the time. She squinted from the bright light, trying to read the numbers. Fuck. She had slept the entire day. And night. It was eight in the morning according to her omnitool. Unless it was busted. She doubted it. Shit.

Whoever it was knocked again.

“Fuck,” she muttered, rolling over and kicking off the blankets. “I’m coming!”

The lights automatically brightened as she walked into the kitchen to look at the screen beside the door. Emma was standing outside of the door with her hands shoved in her pockets. So-Hee could ignore her, but she didn’t think Emma would just go away. And she might lose a door in the process. She unlocked the door.

Emma stepped into the kitchen and the door closed behind her. They stared at each other. Neither of them knew what to say. Or maybe Emma was just staring at how disheveled So-Hee looked. So-Hee straightened her hoodie. That’s as good as it was going to get.

Emma cleared her throat. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t know…” She sighed. “I thought you knew. I would’ve told you privately if I had known.”

“It’s…not your fault,” So-Hee mumbled. “I just…” She just needed to get the hell out of there.

Emma nodded without So-Hee having to finish her statement. “Yeah.”

“Did they send you to come get me?” So-Hee asked. “Am I in trouble for ditching the meeting?”

Emma shook her head. “No. No one’s mad at you for leaving. And you’re not in trouble.” She sat down at So-Hee’s table. “They’re more worried than anything. You didn’t answer any messages.”

So-Hee sighed and sat down across from Emma. “I didn’t check them,” she admitted. “I didn’t want to…you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Emma said.

“What else did you tell them?” So-Hee asked.

“About you? Nothing.” Emma leaned back. “I told them that what happened to you, was your story to tell if and when you were ready.”

So-Hee didn’t feel the relief she expected to feel. Did part of her hope Emma would just tell them all of it so she didn’t have to? Or was it that she was afraid they would want to know, and they would still support her? The second option shouldn’t scare her, but it did. She hadn’t killed those girls. But that didn’t mean she hadn’t killed anyone there. Or been responsible for some of the deaths there. She didn’t deserve her team's understanding or forgiveness about either of those things. Especially not about…

So-Hee turned her thoughts away. She didn’t want to think of that person right now. They haunted her enough.

“You should check your messages,” Emma encouraged. “You might be surprised.”

“I don’t know which one is scarier,” So-Hee admitted. “Maybe I shouldn’t be accepted despite my past.”

Emma sighed. “I understand. But eventually…we should all learn to stop blaming ourselves for things that aren’t our fault,” she said. “None of us asked for this.”

So-Hee didn’t have anything to say about it. Emma was right, but it wasn’t that easy. But Emma knew that too. So-Hee knew Emma shouldered the blame for the entire project, for the others that were made to be like her. Most of the other experiments carried Emma’s DNA within them, So-Hee being an exception to that, and Emma felt like she was responsible for all of them.

“Some fucked up lives we have, huh,” So-Hee murmured.

Emma snorted. “Yeah. Yeah, they are.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m heading back to APEX to meet with Kandros.”

So-Hee stiffened. “Another meeting? With everyone?” she asked.

Emma shook her head. “No, I’m just giving him information.” She patted her pocket. “I spent most of last night copying files to a secure tablet for him.”

So-Hee relaxed for a moment. Just for a moment. Then Emma spoke again.

“I thought you should come with me though,” Emma continued. “You’re going to have to face them eventually.”

She was right and So-Hee hated it. “I need to shower…” she trailed off.

“And eat,” Emma added. “I can wait.”

So-Hee took another moment. Technically, she could say no. She had to face them eventually but it didn’t have to be right now. Hell, it didn’t have to be today. But it might be better to just rip off the bandaid now. With a sigh, So-Hee stood up from her chair and decided to shower first. Emma stayed in the kitchen while So-Hee walked into the bathroom.

It wasn’t until the hot water was beating down on her back that she decided to look at her missed messages. There were a few voice messages. Most of them were from Helayphea. One of them was from Maggie. It was just letting So-Hee know that she was staying late at the lab and wouldn’t be by. Good thing since So-Hee had been dead to the world.

She skipped over the other two voicemails and opened her messages. The only one who hadn’t sent her a message was Saash. Of course. She didn’t think the Krogan would be too inclined to like So-Hee after knowing the truth. Steeling herself, she opened the messages from the other Lieutenants. They were short. All of them. Arwann asked her to come in so they could look at her omnitool again and make sure it was secure. Octanus reminded her that her weapon was due for a cleaning, but he could do it if she wasn’t feeling up to it. Helayphea was the only one that mentioned anything about yesterday and urged So-Hee to call if anything was needed. They were all fairly normal. Like nothing had even happened. She double-checked the timestamps but they all came from last night.

She opened Irma’s next. It was normal too. What the fuck. Just asked So-Hee if she was doing okay, and if she wasn’t then to call them and they would come over. Rui’s just said, “You still owe me credits,” with his name tacked on the end.

She wasn’t dreaming, was she?

So-Hee closed out her messages and finished her shower. When she walked out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, Emma was sitting at the table with two ready meals steaming. “Feel better?” Emma asked. So-Hee’s answer was a grunt and she walked over to her dresser to get dressed. Today she decided to wear her APEX uniform. She needed to.

With her hair still dripping and sticking to her face and neck, she sat down at the table. She unpacked the meal, staring at the yellow-ish eggs and gray sausage. God, she couldn’t wait for real food. Real chickens. She dug in the pack and procured a packet of ketchup. Emma had the same idea, the ketchup already smeared on her eggs and sausage.

“Do they have coffee at headquarters?” Emma asked.

So-Hee nodded. “Just instant though.”

“It doesn’t even matter,” Emma sighed. “I’ve missed coffee. Do you think they’ll be able to start planting crops soon?”

“I hope so,” So-Hee answered. “I’m getting tired of this shit. How close are you to finding a planet?”

“Not close enough,” Emma admitted. “We find planets that are connected to the network, but they’re still not on. Or they’re still too imbalanced to do anything. And then we’re constantly being recalled to Meridian. I guess we’re also a taxi for expeditions.”

So-Hee snorted. “Not what you expected?”

Emma shrugged. “I didn’t know what to expect coming here. But I have my family, and Jaal,” –she smiled slightly while saying his name— “and I’m happy with that. Everything else I can figure out.”

“How are you not afraid?” So-Hee asked. “About…losing Jaal because of what you are?”

“I am afraid,” Emma said. “All the time. But I think about leaving for their sake, and I can’t do that either.” She shoveled a bite of eggs in her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Jaal is the best thing that’s happened to me, and even if I don’t know how things will turn out, I know that I won’t lose my life and my love without one hell of a fight.”

The moment they walked into APEX, Emma made a beeline for the coffee machine. So-Hee suppressed a snort. She liked coffee too but damn. She peered into the meeting room while Emma made a cup for herself. Nearly everyone was in there. The Lieutenants and Irma and Rui. The other APEX members must either be running exercises or were given the time off. It was probably the latter. It would keep them out of the way while Kandros spoke with Emma and the Pathfinder about Cerberus. It would be easier to keep that secret if there was no chance of someone eavesdropping.

Emma held out a second cup for So-Hee, which she took, and walked into the meeting room first. Jaal looked up the moment she walked in, his expression openly and unabashedly full of love. It made So-Hee feel a small pang of jealousy. It was doubtful she would ever have that.

She took a moment to breathe before she walked into the meeting room behind Emma. All conversations died the moment she stepped in. Incredible. How many people could do that? So-Hee tried to hold her cup of coffee up to her face, but it wasn’t nearly big enough to hide behind.

Saash stood up from her chair and So-Hee held her breath as the Krogan stomped over to her. She stared at So-Hee, her expression blank. Or maybe she was angry. All Krogans looked angry as a default. Saash raised her taloned finger and poked So-Hee in the chest. “Answer your messages you Pyjack. Or next time I break down your door,” Saash threatened.

“You didn’t send me a message,” So-Hee replied.

“You calling me a liar?” Saash opened her omnitool. “It’s right here…nevermind.”

“You forget to hit send, didn’t you?” Helayphea asked.

“Who asked you?” she snarled. “Point is, next time let us know you’re okay or I’m doing to bust down your door.” She poked So-Hee in the chest again for emphasis.

“Fine!” So-Hee barked. “Just stop poking me in the damn chest. Jesus! I don’t have armor plates.”

Saash laughed. “Still a squishy human.” She clapped So-Hee on the shoulder. “You’re alright kid.”

So-Hee nodded, not quite sure if it was a question. But it still seemed to appease Saash all the same. The atmosphere of the room relaxed a fraction and everyone returned to their earlier conversations. Well almost everyone.

“Emma, right?” Rui called across the room.

“Oh, no,” Irma murmured.

“Yes,” Emma answered. “Can I help you?”

“You said the two of you are similar, but not the same?” he asked.

“That’s right.”

“So what can you do exactly?”

“Rui!” Irma hissed.

So-Hee just shook her head. Emma raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t seem annoyed by the question. The Pathfinder turned his head to hide his smirk. As Rui reached beside him for his bottle of water, Emma held up her hand. The bottle flew out of his hand and securely into hers. The corner of her lip twitched as Rui just stared at his empty hand for a few seconds.

“You’re a—”

“I’m telekinetic—”

“Biotic.”

Emma snorted. “No. You would’ve felt it if I were. It’s definitely telekinesis.”

“Can you do anything else?” he asked.

She nodded.

He just stared at her waiting for her to answer, but she just smiled. “Is that all Corporal?” she asked.

“Is that…” he trailed off. “No! This is so cool! What else can you do? Are there others like you and the Lieutenant? Can I meet them? Will—”

“Corporal,” Kandros interrupted from the doorway of his office. “Don’t you have duties today?” he asked.

Rui groaned. “Yes, sir,” he grumbled, standing up. Irma was right at his elbow to steer him out the door. So-Hee heard her mutter the word “embarrassing” while shaking her head. Emma just looked amused by the whole thing. She shrugged when So-Hee looked at her. “It’s refreshing when someone is excited instead of disgusted.”

So-Hee could understand that. And she was elated by the response of her team. But it was almost too good. Nothing good ever lasted for long for So-Hee. The other shoe would drop at some point. And it would suck for everyone involved.

So-Hee had disappeared shortly after making her appearance in the meeting room. Emma and the Pathfinder went into Kandros’ office while everyone else lingered in the meeting room. Evfra had seen So-Hee speaking to the other Lieutenants. But when he looked again moments later, she was gone. Where had she gone? Had she run away again?

He would’ve thought she would be happy about her team’s response. Yet it still seemed like something was bothering her. Was it that the attackers were still nowhere to be found? Or was it something else?

A few more minutes passed before he excused himself to exit the meeting room. She wasn’t in the hall either. Evfra walked further down the hall, past the interrogation rooms and toward the door at the very end. As he got closer, he heard music behind the door. It was…interesting, to say the least. He hadn’t really heard much music from the Milky Way. Mostly just whatever the drivel that played in the tram was.

The music was harsh. A woman sang, or more like screamed, words in time to the music. Evfra had no idea what was being said. Whatever it was, it felt angry. He believed he found the Lieutenant. The door opened into a gym area. There were a few exercise machines, he wasn’t entirely sure what they were for. There were mats all over the floor, perhaps this was also their sparring area. It was pitiful. In the corner was a cylindrical bag that was anchored into the ceiling. The Lieutenant was laying on the floor beside it.

She had changed after leaving the meeting room. Instead of her APEX uniform, she was wearing shorts and a top that cut off right underneath her chest. Her hands and knuckles were covered with black fingerless gloves. The sweat was evident on her face and stomach. It was clear what she had been doing before he came in.

Raising her arm, she opened the omnitool and the volume of the music decreased. “I’m fine Helayphea,” she said.

“I’m not Helayphea, and you’re not fine,” he responded.

So-Hee sat up quick, leaning on her elbows. “Commander?” Her eyebrows drew close together in confusion. “What are you doing?”

He leaned against the wall beside the door and folded his arms over his chest. “I was looking for you.”

“Why?”

He didn’t expect such a simple question to floor him. Why had he come looking for her? Was it out of concern? Probably not. But he couldn’t think of another reason. So-Hee just sat there, her eyebrows raised now, as she waited for an answer. An answer he didn’t have. “I have a question,” he settled on.

So-Hee huffed before flopping back down on the mat. “Of course, you do,” she grumbled. “Well…what is it?”

Evfra paused a moment. Thinking on the last few days. “Have you lied to me, Lieutenant?” he asked. He did wonder.

She didn’t look at him. That was enough of an answer for him, but he still wanted to hear her admit it. “Yes,” she murmured.

“Is it to protect yourself, or to throw me off?” he asked.

“Can’t it be both?” she rebutted.

“Fair enough,” he said. “Despite the deal, if there are things that are too difficult to answer, you may say so instead of lying.”

She sat back up again. This time she fully pushed herself up and cross one leg over the other. Her hands rested in her lap. “Really? Won’t that ruin the terms of the deal in the first place?”

“It will not,” Evfra said. “I have been unduly harsh at times, but I understand not wanting to speak about things.”

So-Hee just stared at him. It was like she was determining if he was fucking with her or not. He wasn’t. But he understood her caution. “I…thank you,” she finally murmured.

“But I do have another question,” he said.

So-Hee sighed and let out a small laugh. “Let’s hear it.”

“You do not seem as happy about your team’s acceptance as I thought.”

“Is that a question?”

Evfra huffed. “Why aren’t you,” he asked.

So-Hee paused, she stared at her feet for a few seconds. “I’m…waiting for whatever bad is going to happen next,” she admitted.

“You’re sure something bad will happen?”

She nodded. “I mean, these past few days should have been a good indication of bad shit that happens to me. And I know at some point, it’s going to escalate.” She shifted and leaned back against the wall. “You heard them. I’m with them or I’m dead. And they mean that,” she tried to joke, but her voice was flat.

“You’re scared,” he said.

So-Hee didn’t answer. She didn’t have to. Her silence and stiff body language were enough of an answer for him. A few seconds passed before she was pushing herself up to her feet. The muscle definition in her legs and arms was impressive. But her abdomen still looked plush and soft. So much softer than an Angara’s would be. He hadn’t realized he had been staring until she cleared her throat. She was smirking at him, her eyebrows raised again.

“When’s the last time you sparred with anyone, Commander?” she asked. “Why don’t you spar with me,” she added before he could even answer.

Evfra stalled for a moment. It had been a while since he had trained at all. He would probably lose. And then there was the prospect that he would be close to her while sparring. Considering the dreams he had been having, he didn’t think it was a good idea. But he damn sure wasn’t telling her about them.

The amusement on her face faded quickly. “If you’re worried about me hurting you, I won’t,” she said. “I can control myself.”

“I am not afraid of you, Lieutenant,” he answered quickly. At least, not in a way that she expected. But he was afraid of his attraction. It was distracting and unwanted.

“Oh?”

“I have not trained in quite some time,” he clarified. “It would not be a fair fight.”

“Hmm.” So-Hee nodded. “I thought so. Looking a little soft there, Commander,” she teased.

“I am not soft,” he grumbled.

She shrugged. “Whatever you say. Besides, training wouldn’t matter. I would still win.”

“Are you certain of that?” he asked.

“100 percent.”

“Give me some time Lieutenant, and we’ll put your confidence to the test,” he said.

“Oh?” So-Hee smirked. “Okay, Commander. You’re on,” she agreed. “You just let me know when you’re ready.”

_For you, I may never be._

Evfra spent a few more hours at APEX headquarters. There was very little else to do. After their challenge was settled on, the Lieutenant had walked out of the room to shower. And naturally, it was all he could think about. Not that he wanted to. He tried everything to keep it out of his mind. If the looks from Emma, Jaal, and Moshae were any indication, it wasn’t working. But they didn’t say anything. Thankfully.

The Lieutenants had an informal meeting about battle exercises. They had ideas, things they wanted to do, and what better time to discuss it than with the Commander of the Resistance in the room. While he couldn’t stand Tann, he was beginning to like working with the APEX teams. They were passionate and creative and committed to assimilating into the cluster, instead of just taking it over. He knew not all of the Initiative would feel the same way, but at least he was reassured that those people were not a majority.

As the evening rolled around, people started breaking off and leaving. Eventually, So-Hee was the only one of the Lieutenants left. She was standing off to side talking to Emma. Kandros and the Ryder twins were speaking. Jaal was sitting with Evfra and the Moshae. But Evfra wasn’t entirely sure what they were talking about. His eyes kept straying to the Lieutenant. A few more minutes passed before she and Emma walked over to the Angara.

“I think I’m going to head home for the night. I’m beat,” the Lieutenant said, shoving her hands in her pants pockets.

“One of us should walk you home,” Emma said.

So-Hee shook her head. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’d feel better if someone went with you,” Emma’s tone didn’t allow for an argument. “Can you do it, Evfra? I still have to wrap things up here.”

Jaal straightened up. “I could—”

“No, you couldn’t,” Emma cut him off. “I need you to something for me.”

Jaal looked confused, but he didn’t argue. The Moshae nodded beside him. “Yes, I also have something to take care of before returning to our quarters. Please walk the Lieutenant home, Evfra.”

He knew what they were trying to do and it wouldn’t work. He would walk the Lieutenant home and that would be all. They thought they were so clever, but anyone could spot their scheme a mile away. But it also meant they had noticed where is attention had been for the better part of the day. Or maybe they noticed the bioelectric spikes he had tried so hard to keep under control. Either way. He was being careless. He had better control than this.

“Very well,” he said, standing up from his chair. “I will walk the Lieutenant home and meet you at our quarters.”

The Moshae smiled. “Goodnight, So-Hee. Sleep well, and please call if you need us.”

So-Hee nodded, looking confused. “Thank you. Goodnight.” She turned to exit the room first.

Evfra was slower, his eyes narrowed as he looked at the conspirators. They just smiled at him. None of them spoke until he had left the room as well. But he hesitated just past the doorway.

“Are you sure about this, dearest?” Jaal asked, his voice low.

“No,” Emma murmured. “But I can hope.”

“They will have to figure it out,” the Moshae answered. “But I will share in this hope.”

Evfra huffed under his breath. Their hope was misplaced. He didn’t need companionship. He had a Resistance to look after. A lover would complicate things. He followed the Lieutenant out of headquarters and towards the tram. They walked in silence. And with the tram full of people, they also rode in silence. It wasn’t until they turned down the hallway that led to the living quarters that either of them said anything.

“That was weird, right?” So-Hee asked.

“What was?”

“Those three, and asking you to walk me home.”

He hummed in agreement. “They seem to think there is something more between us than there is,” he answered. “They think they were being clever.”

So-Hee laughed. It made him pause. It had been the first time he heard her really laugh, at least laugh at anything he had said. And the first time she had laughed at all since the events of the days before. It was nice.

“Are they serious?” she asked, stifling the rest of her laughter with her hand.

They came to a stop outside of her apartment. She leaned against the wall beside the door instead of going in right away.

“I am afraid so,” he said.

She snickered. “It’s like they don’t know us at all. I mean, you’re kind of uptight and you look like you haven’t had fun in years. Not my type at all.”

Evfra looked down at her. When had he gotten so close? Her smile was equal parts amused and smug. And he couldn’t help the way his eyes were drawn to her lips. “And you’re rude, vulgar, and have an incredibly filthy mouth,” he replied.

So-Hee blinked up at him. “Wow, that was…wow,” she said, her upper lip curling a little. “I guess it’s a shame there’s no one capable of shutting me—”

Evfra kissed her.

His hand curled around the back of her neck to keep her still. Perhaps he expected her to push him away, or punch him. He would have deserved either. But her fingers curled in his shirt to keep him from pulling away. Her mouth opened to him immediately, drawing him in and keeping him trapped. Not that he minded.

_You’re the Commander._

Her hair was soft against his fingers, and he couldn’t help but run his hands through the tendrils. Even her lips were soft despite how they crashed against his. Evfra had her pressed against the wall next to her apartment door. Anyone could see.

_You can’t afford this._

It wasn’t often that he wished his inner voice would shut the fuck up. But it was right. He couldn’t afford to give in to this attraction. It wouldn’t be right for the Commander of the Resistance to have a relationship. Not when their lives were still ensnared with the Kett. Not when he was in charge of sending his own people to die in the fight for their lives and their home.

Evfra pulled away, stepping back a few feet from her. They stared at each other. The Lieutenant’s chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Evfra looked at the floor so he wouldn’t look at her. If he kept doing so, he might kiss her again.

“I cannot do this,” he said. “This cannot happen again.”

She didn’t say anything. Not at first. Not that he would blame her. She probably felt insulted. But he couldn’t tell. Her face was devoid of emotion. The only trace of what they had done was the slight reddening of her mouth. “I get it,” she finally murmured. “I’m not exactly the safest option right now.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. It didn’t have anything to do with her really. He wasn’t afraid of her. He wasn’t worried about her ties to Cerberus. This was just something he couldn’t do. Maybe if he were a different person. But he wasn’t. Yet he didn’t reassure her. He didn’t want to give her false hope.

“Goodnight, Lieutenant,” he said.

“Goodnight, Ev…Commander.” The door to her apartment opened and she quickly disappeared inside.

_Skutt._

She stood around the corner, watching the Angara walk So-Hee home. Normally, she was more careful than this. But she just wanted to So-Hee up close. They didn’t even notice her. That was evident when the Angara kissed So-Hee. Her fingers curled into fists. She didn’t like it. No.

This wouldn’t do at all.

She waited, her anger simmering in her chest. The Angara left and she was alone in the hall. She fought the urge to go to So-Hee’s door. To reveal herself. But she couldn’t. It would ruin everything. She just stared at the door for a few minutes before finally turning and going down the hall to her own temporary quarters. They weren’t actually hers, but they worked well enough for right now.

They whimpered as soon as she stepped into the room. The smell of urine made her wrinkle her nose. “Jesus Christ, could none of you hold it?” she demanded.

“You told us not to move,” Valeria murmured. “You’ve been gone all day.”

“And now I’m going to tell you to shut up,” she sneered.

Valeria’s lips snapped shut. Fresh tears dripped down her face to mix with the dried tracks on her cheeks.

Her omnitool chirped and she opened it to accept the call. “What?” she snapped.

“Where are you?” Kennedy asked.

“I’m on the Nexus,” she answered.

He sighed. “What are you doing there?” Based on his tone he already knew the answer to that.

“Nothing,” she lied. “I just wanted a change of scenery.”

“You know you’re supposed to leave her alone,” Kennedy chastised. “We’re not ready to move yet. You’ll compromise us.”

“Oh, just like how you almost compromised us when you confronted your sister?” She flopped down on a chair. “She doesn’t even know I’m here. It’s fine.”

“Ha—”

“Stop mothering me, Kennedy,” she demanded. “I’m not breaking the rules and I’m not ruining the good doctor’s plans. Calm down.”

He sighed. “There’s also the matter of missing assets.”

“They’re not missing,” she said. “I’m looking right at them.”

“Fuck,” he murmured.

“They’re quite useless,” she continued. “Why are we keeping them again?”

“Can you get them off the Nexus?” he asked.

“Probably not,” she answered. “I’m sure APEX is looking for them now.”

She could practically hear Kennedy trying not to lose his shit and she smirked. Sometimes he didn’t know how to have fun.

“Just take care of them then,” he snapped. “And stop drawing attention.”

“Love you too, Kennedy,” she blew him an audible kiss and dropped the call.

She leaned back in the chair and stared at the four in front of her. Not only were they familiar faces to fuck with So-Hee, but she hated their fucking guts. “Good news,” she said, grinning. “You guys are going to kill each other.”

Everyone except Valeria began to audibly cry.

“Now who’s going to go first.”


	13. Surprises

They got the call a few days after the Commander and the Moshae left for Aya. The call was anonymous. Someone complaining about the smell. But they hadn’t been dead for long. So-Hee didn’t think it was a random person calling. It had to have been whoever was in charge. It barely felt like it mattered. There was so much she didn’t understand about all of it.

Valeria and the others had gone through the trouble of showing up to cause her trouble. And then she committed a murder-suicide. It didn’t make sense. Why do all that? Unless they weren’t supposed to, and Cerberus was cleaning up the mess. Yet the evidence didn’t point to it being staged.

Keeping everything from Maggie the past week had been a nightmare. Not just about the attack, and the murders, and her teammate's newfound knowledge about her, but about the kiss too.

So-Hee had hardly believed it when it happened. And even more surprising, she didn’t fight it. Under normal circumstances, she would’ve decked the Commander. But she didn’t. She had kissed him back. Until he pulled away of course. She should’ve expected that. Evfra was too high-profile for someone like her. Even for a casual relationship. And it was too dangerous. Considering what happened to Rowan, So-Hee was better off keeping herself away from those kinds of relationships right now.

And what better way to keep her mind off of recent events than a mission.

She leaned back on the shuttle, resting her head against the co-pilot's chair. Arwann was piloting the shuttle, the galaxy map was pulled up on the holo in front of them. Their destination was highlighted on the map. They were going back to Elaaden. This wasn’t an APEX-Resistance collaboration effort this time around. It was just a normal, run-of-the-mill mission.

The Pathfinder reported scavengers trying to get a foothold in Elaaden again. They were trying to move back into their old base. And had run off the colonists that were trying to make it a home. The mission was passed down to Kandros and he passed it to her.

She was surprised. But Kandros seemed to know how much she needed it. Not just for the distraction, but to know that she was still a part of APEX. She was still a Lieutenant, and they trusted her.

Irma and Rui were sitting in the back, leaning on one another. Every so often they would bend their heads together and whisper to each other. So-Hee couldn’t put her finger on it, but it felt like there was something going on with them. They seemed hesitant when speaking, if they chose to speak up at all. Which was uncommon for Rui. Any chance he could talk, he was taking it. But not today. So-Hee just hoped that whatever it was wouldn’t interfere with the mission.

Saash and Helayphea were sitting side by side, opposite of Irma and Rui. Octanus stayed behind on the Nexus to have the other teams clean their weapons and go through inventory. Sucked to be them. Normally, So-Hee didn’t have such a large team, but the scavengers had numbers and Hydras. So-Hee hated them the most. But she did love it when her hammer shattered their joints and they just became useless hunks of scrap.

And it would help her take out some frustration.

Maybe if she worked out enough of her frustration and fear, the nightmares would stop. It never worked before but there was a first time for everything. So-Hee had barely gotten any sleep in the past week. Nor had she had a drink. The latter sucked the most. She couldn’t even drink herself into passing out now. It had also made her more irritable. But thankfully, her team was understanding of all of it.

It was more than she felt she deserved.

An hour later, they broke atmosphere to reach Elaaden’s surface. Arwann landed the shuttle as close to the base as they could without being out in the open. So-Hee was leading point on this mission, but she was glad her other Lieutenants were here. Just in case she wasn’t as ready as she thought. Irma and Rui got off the shuttle last, they were practically attached at the hip. Yeah. Something was going on.

They broke off into two teams. Saash, Helayphea, and Arwann were going to go in first to start breaking up the scavengers. So-Hee, Irma, and Rui would follow behind and clear out stragglers and get to their main communications room. Kandros wanted any communications sent back to APEX. The scavengers may not be planning anything, but it never hurt to know for sure.

So-Hee hung back while the first team moved in. It didn’t take long for the sound of gunfire to echo in the canyon. Just a little longer and her team would move in as a second wave. She turned to Irma and Rui. “Are you two okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” they both answered in unison.

So-Hee raised her eyebrows behind her helmet. Yeah. There was something wrong. But they clearly didn’t want to talk about it. And now wasn’t really the time. As long as they could keep their heads on straight, So-Hee would let it slide.

She counted down the seconds before she began moving into the base. The first team did a good job of getting the bulk of the scavengers. It made it easier for So-Hee to get her team through. And so far, no sign of a Hydra. Which was a win. Her team easily picked off the stragglers as they moved to the comms building. Irma immediately got to work with Rui standing over her shoulder. They left So-Hee to stand at the main entrance by herself, her eyes darting between her entrance and the other entrance to the building.

Before long she heard the mechanized steps of a Hydra heading towards the first team. She itched to jump down and join them, but she couldn’t leave her own team defenseless. She just watched the first team work tirelessly to take it down. Helayphea with her biotics, Arwann with their tech attacks, and Saash with her brute force made quick work of the Hydra. It fell into a heap, sparks flying from it’s destroyed circuits.

The fight took minutes. She had only taken her eyes off of her team for a few minutes.

But a few minutes was too long.

She heard the sounds of a scuffle right before Irma screamed for her. So-Hee turned to see a scavenger—where the fuck had they come from—locked in a fight with Rui. Drawing her Ruzad, she tried to aim it at the scavenger, but he was too close to Rui for her to get a clear shot. Irma had the same problem. Her pistol was trained on the pair, but her hands were shaking. So-Hee had never seen Irma’s hands shake before.

So-Hee moved towards Rui. If she could get close enough, she wouldn’t even need her gun. It would be easy to get rid of the straggler with just her hands. She was only a foot away—so fucking close—when she saw the glint of the combat knife coming free from a hip holster. _No!_

The blade punched through Rui’s suit. It entered right underneath his chest piece. So-Hee could only see the handle sticking out from his bodysuit. He drew a shuddering breath, his knees going out from underneath him. The scavenger withdrew the blade—it was covered in blood—and moved to stab him again, but she had an opening now. The first shot blasted his shield to shit. The second was aimed at his helmet. The scavenger dropped, their helmet shattered on the left side. Blood oozed from the opening and onto the floor.

Irma moved, trying to catch Rui as he went down. Her knees slammed into the hard floor and she grunted. Gloved fingers moved to Rui’s side to try and staunch the bleeding.

“Helayphea,” So-Hee called over the comms. “I need help, Rui’s down!”

There was a curse flung over the comms. Multiple. So-Hee guessed they were all cussing. “On our way,” Helayphea answered.

So-Hee kneeled beside Rui, opening her omnitool to access his suit. His medigel injector was working, but he was still growing pale. It wasn’t stopping the bleeding fast enough. So-Hee reached for him. She had to get him to the shuttle. They had supplies there that could help. Hopefully, they could get back to the Nexus fast enough. But Irma shoved at So-Hee’s shoulder. “No, don’t move him,” her tearful voice evident of her state behind her helmet.

“I have to get him to the shuttle Irma,” So-Hee said, keeping her voice calm and level. “I have to stop the bleeding.”

“But—”

“It’s not open for discussion, Corporal,” So-Hee said more firmly this time while trying to ignore the way Irma’s eyes flashed with anger.

The sound of the others entering the room cut Irma off from responding. “I’m taking him to the shuttle,” So-Hee announced. “Make sure you pull whatever you can from this place, but don’t take long.”

Irma stood up, her mouth set in a firm line, and turned to the console. So-Hee was sure she would have something to say about it later, but right now, So-Hee just needed her to keep it together. When they returned to the Nexus, she could lose it. But not now. Saash helped So-Hee maneuver Rui onto her back. His arms were over shoulders and she had a firm grip on his knees. She kept herself stooped over so he didn’t slide off and she made her way back to the shuttle as quickly as she could.

Blood seeped from his wound. She could feel it trickle down her bodysuit. Every few steps he would begin to slide down and she would have to pause to get him to stay steady. Finally, she reached the shuttle—thank god Arwann didn’t park it far—and she was able to get him onto a seat. Not that he stayed. He slowly began to slide to the floor. “Fuck,” So-Hee murmured, grabbing him and moving him to the floor so he could lay down.

He was eerily quiet. She wasn’t used to him being so quiet, and it scared her. It wasn’t until she pressed gauze against the wound that he even groaned in protest. So-Hee unhooked her helmet with her free hand and tossed it to the side. Keeping pressure on the wound, she searched through the kit for something to pack the wound. The bastard had, of course, twisted the knife when he stabbed Rui. She didn’t want to close it entirely, just in case there was any internal bleeding.

“Lieutenant,” he murmured.

“Hush,” So-Hee ordered. “Don’t talk now.” She once again checked his medigel and saw the levels were too low. She reached to unhook her own pack to insert it into his suit. Maybe that would help. It could at least keep him stable until they get back to the station.

“Don’t let me die, Lieu…” he trailed off before coughing, flecks of blood splattered against his lips and his chest armor.

“Rui—”

“I want to be a dad,” he murmured, fighting against the medigel.

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_FUCK!_

It made sense. The way they were acting. A fear present in Irma that she had never seen before.

Irma was pregnant.

So-Hee didn’t worry about how. Or why Irma would come off the blockers. Not now. She was going to save her Corporal if it was the last thing she did. “Let the medigel do its job, Rui,” she ordered. “Rest. I’m not going to let you die.”

Rui closed his eyes, the medigel numbing most of his pain. He was no longer bleeding profusely, but he had still lost so much already. So-Hee dressed the wound, ripping off her gloves at some point because they were a hindrance, and cleaned some of the blood off of his side. The blood on his lips was a good indicator that he was bleeding internally. They had to get moving.

The team entered the shuttle. “It’s clear, let’s go,” Helayphea ordered.

Arwann jogged up to the pilot’s seat, taking a wide berth around Rui, and started up the shuttle. Irma was by his side instantly. She tried to keep her composure, but it crumbled the moment she spotted the blood dotting his mouth. So-Hee went to touch her on the shoulder, but her hands were bloody and she pulled away before Irma could.

So-Hee stood up, slipping slightly in the fresh blood, and walked up to the co-pilot's seat to look for something—anything—to clean her hands. She was careful not to get blood everywhere. But there was nothing. With a sigh, So-Hee plopped down in the co-pilot’s chair, keeping her bloody hands in her lap.

Nobody said it.

Nobody had to.

So-Hee could hear it repeating in her head. Over and over again.

_Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. Your—_

They were met with a medical team. Helayphea had called in ahead and Kandros had doctors waiting for them. They immediately took Rui, and Irma was right behind them. So-Hee wanted to follow, but she didn’t think she would be wanted. And she was a mess right now. Kandros ordered her to shower in the locker rooms before giving her report.

The warm spray did nothing to calm her down. She fucked up. That room should’ve been completely swept. She should’ve been firmer with her team. Someone should’ve been watching the back door. Or maybe she just hadn’t been ready to be in charge of a mission and she missed details that she wouldn’t normally. And to add insult to injury, she made Irma complete the mission before withdrawing them. Was that a mistake?

So-Hee scrubbed at her hands until they were pink, ignoring the telltale burn of her nose. Crying wasn’t going to help Rui recover. Nor was it going to convince Irma to forgive her. A few tears trailed down her cheeks anyway. They didn’t care about what they didn’t help. So-Hee sniffed.

_You really know how to fuck up._

“Shut up,” So-Hee murmured.

_How many people are you going to kill or get killed, So-Hee?_

So-Hee squeezed her eyes shut trying to ignore them, not that it ever worked.

_Maybe it’s time to give up while you’re ahead._

So-Hee scrubbed her hands down her face. They didn’t say anything else. Huh. Maybe it did work this time. She opened her eyes. But she wasn’t in the APEX showers anymore. So-Hee did a turn under the water. _No. Not these showers_. The pink tile clashed with mint green walls. All these years and she still didn’t understand the design choices of that communal shower.

With shaking hands, she turned off the water. The showers were silent. It was eerie. But it couldn’t be real. This place was hundreds of years away and in an entirely different galaxy. She had to be dreaming. But how? Unless she really was asleep right now and she had already showered and given her report.

That’s right.

Kandros had ordered her to clean up and she had. After she dressed, she gave her report to Kandros. He didn’t say anything when she admitted her fault in it. It was doubtful he would give her another mission after this for a while. Maybe that was for the best.

She had considered going to the medical wing, but she didn’t think she would be wanted there. Helayphea and the others would be there. Nobody needed her there. Instead, she had gone straight to her apartment and had taken something to go to sleep.

So she was dreaming. And in the last place she wanted to be.

“Wake up,” she murmured, but it just echoed back to her.

So-Hee stepped out of the showers. The tile was cool against her feet. She looked to her right and a uniform was folded neatly on a table. She snorted. “I’d rather be naked,” she said out loud. So-Hee took a few steps to the door. Her fingers curled around the handle and she saw the sleeve of a uniform shirt. Of course, it wasn’t giving her an option. Her hands smoothed down the skirt.

The dormitories were equally empty. Moonlight filtering in from the windows was the only source of light. The beds were all neatly made. Nameplates were securely fastened over each bed. So-Hee didn’t look at them. She didn’t have to. She remembered most of them. The echo of her loafers hitting the floor was the only sound.

So-Hee headed for the hall. Maybe if she just got outside the dream would end. And then she could wake up. She just wanted to get the hell out of here.

The hall was brightly lit in contrast to the dorms. So-Hee turned towards the stairs, stopping when she saw someone standing on the landing. Their back was to So-Hee. They were wearing a uniform like hers, but it was torn and worn with age. So-Hee swallowed audibly. “Hello?” she called out.

Bile rose in her throat when they turned around. _Grace_. They weren’t a person she tried to think about often. But after what happened with Rowan it was inevitable. The skin of their forehead was split open to the bone. Dried blood had formed a crust around the wound. Their lip was split down to their chin. So-Hee could see their teeth through the wound.

“You could’ve stopped me,” Grace whispered.

No. She couldn’t have.

So-Hee closed her eyes as Grace turned back towards the stairs. Her hands clapped over her ears in an attempt to shut out the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Or the smack of her hitting the ground floor. She didn’t have to look to remember what it looked like. To remember the way the blood spread across the tile floor. The way it seeped into the cracks.

But So-Hee had to get downstairs. She had to get out. So she had to get past Grace.

She opened her eyes, slowly moving to the landing. But when she looked to the ground floor there was no one there. The blood was still there, still moving across the floor like it was trying to cover the tile. Where was Grace?

There was a tap on her shoulder.

So-Hee whirled around, Grace was only inches from her. “Don’t make us wait any longer, So-Hee.” Her putrid breath made So-Hee gag.

Movement in the dorms drew her attention, and she gasped as the other girls began to file out into the hall. Their skin was grey and pulled tight across their bones. “No,” So-Hee murmured. They stared at her accusingly. Like this was her fault. But it wasn’t. The school wasn’t her fault. Nothing that happened was her fault. It wasn’t…

“Everything was fine until you came, So-Hee,” Grace reminded her. “And it’s not fair that you get to live.” Her fingers dug into So-Hee’s shoulder.

_So-Hee._

“Join us, So-Hee,” Grace murmured. “It’s only fair.”

_So-Hee._

“No,” So-Hee said, her voice trembling.

Grace sneered. “Too fucking bad,” she snarled and pushed.

So-Hee tried to catch herself on the banister, but her fingers slipped from the wood. All she felt was air underneath her as she fell. A scream escaped her lips.

“So-Hee!”

So-Hee’s eyes opened, but she couldn’t move. Her chest heaved as she struggled to draw breath. It felt like something was sitting on it, slowly crushing her. Fingers touched her face, she expected them to be cold and clammy, but they were blessedly warm. Maggie’s face moved into her vision. “It’s okay, So-Hee, just breathe,” she murmured. “Breathe first, then try to move okay? One step at a time. You’re safe.”

Maggie drew in an exaggerated breath and then blew it out. So-Hee tried her best to echo the movements. Slowly the weight eased from her chest allowing her to breathe a little easier. A flash in the corner caught her eye. So-Hee stared at the face she had begun to hate over the years. They winked, waggling their fingers in her direction.

“Stop looking at her,” Maggie commanded, her voice firm but gentle. “Just look at me.”

So-Hee’s gaze moved back to Maggie and they just breathed for a few minutes more. Her pinky finger twitched first, and then her other fingers followed until she could fully flex them. But she never felt better until she regained movement of her entire body. When she could move, she let her body go limp and she relaxed into the mattress.

“What was it about this time?” Maggie asked.

“Just the school again,” So-Hee murmured. “But it felt…I didn’t even know I had fallen asleep at first.”

“And how long have you been seeing her again?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee shrugged.

“So-Hee,” Maggie sighed.

“I’ve seen her here and there ever since waking up from stasis,” So-Hee admitted. “But it got worse after we met Emma.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s just something that is,” So-Hee murmured. “No use in talking about it all the time.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Maggie said. “And you know you can always talk to me. Always. We’re all we have. But I can’t help or listen if I don’t know something’s going on.”

So-Hee hummed but didn’t agree or disagree. There was a lot she was keeping from Maggie right now. Things that she wanted to tell Maggie, but it was just safer not to. Maggie deserved to go to Havarl and hopefully escape being found out here. And for that, So-Hee would carry this by herself.

“What are you doing here?” So-Hee asked, changing the subject.

“I got a message from Helayphea, asking me to check in on you since they haven’t heard from you,” Maggie answered after sighing. “They were wondering if you were going to go to the medical wing.”

“I don’t know,” So-Hee said. “I fucked up and I just don’t think I should go there. I don’t think Irma would want me there.”

“Do you know that for sure. Or are you just guessing?”

So-Hee didn’t answer that one.

Maggie stood up from the bed. “I have to get to the lab. They’ll be picking one of us soon. I don’t want—”

“It’s okay Maggie,” So-Hee interrupted. “I’m okay now. I’m damn sure not going back to sleep.”

“I can come back for dinner?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.” That meant Maggie would be staying the night. So-Hee wouldn’t have to sleep alone. Even if she had another nightmare, it would be reassuring to know Maggie would be there. But what the hell was she going to do when Maggie was gone?

So-Hee walked through the medical wing of the Nexus. She remembered when the place wasn’t even open yet. Even after the Pathfinder showed up, it still took a good couple of months before they were able to open it. Thank goodness. Or Rui might not have been able to get the help he needed.

Her eyes slid over the interfaces beside the doors, looking for Rui’s name. When she saw it, she paused outside the door. Now was the time to turn back if she didn’t want to face possible rejection for being here. She could hear Saash’s loud voice from inside. And Rui answering her. So-Hee relaxed a fraction, relief spreading through her chest. Good. He was awake and he was talking.

So-Hee stepped closer, swiping her omnitool over the interface to open it. Rui was propped up on the bed, and IV hooked into his arm. A cannula pumped air into his nostrils and hooked around his ears. Bandages peaked out from underneath the blankets and hospital gowns. But he was okay. He was alive. Irma was sitting next to him, his hand in-between two of hers. Helayphea and Saash were sitting on the opposite side of the room. They stood when So-Hee walked in.

“Lieutenant,” Rui raised his hand, greeting her. Irma turned her head so she wasn’t looking at So-Hee.

“Good time,” Helayphea said. “Saash and I were just about to go look for some snacks.”

“No, we weren’t—”

Helayphea smacked Saash on the arm to shut her up. “We’ll be right back.”

Saash grumbled under breath before standing up and following Helayphea out of the room. It wasn’t the smoothest exit in the world, but it worked.

So-Hee shoved her hands in her hoodie pockets. “I’m sorry—”

“Stop,” Rui interrupted.

“But—”

“No,” Rui said. “We’re not doing this Lieutenant. This isn’t your fault. None of us cleared that room first. Irma and I were distracted and it affected the mission. We should’ve told you first.”

“I’m your Lieutenant,” So-Hee argued. “It always falls on me to make a mission successful. I didn’t do my job.”

Irma turned to look at So-Hee. “That’s not true,” she said. “You were calm and you got him out of there and safe until we could get him the medical help he needed. That is your job, and you did it.”

“We knew signing up that not every mission would go well,” Rui added. “And we knew the risks of getting hurt were high. But we took them anyway.”

“Rui is going to be okay because of you,” Irma said. “Thank you, Lieu…thank you, So-Hee.” Irma stepped forward and flung her arms around So-Hee’s neck with a force that made So-Hee stumble backward.

Irma’s hair tickled her nose as the woman began to sob into So-Hee’s hoodie. It was awkward…but sweet. So-Hee gently patted Irma’s back while Rui smiled from his bed. “Must be the hormones,” he said cheerfully.

So-Hee cleared her throat. “Speaking of, how far along are you?” she asked.

Irma pulled away, wiping her eyes. “About six weeks,” she answered. “But we didn’t know until last week.”

“How?”

Rui raised an eyebrow. “Wow, Lieutenant. I didn’t think you’d be interested in that—”

“Rui,” Irma hissed. “That’s not what she meant and you know it.”

He chuckled, incredibly pleased with himself. Irma rolled her eyes. “My blockers ran out around the time we took Meridian. Everyone was so busy that we just forget to get to it and when I remembered…it was too late.”

“It was earlier than we expected,” Rui said. “But I’m excited.”

So-Hee nodded. “If this is what you want, I’m happy, but—”

“Oh, no,” Rui murmured. “Here it comes.”

“When were you planning on telling us?” So-Hee asked, ignoring Rui’s interruption. “We would’ve noticed eventually.”

Irma winced. “I don’t know. We were still discussing it.”

“And what about now?”

Irma sighed. “I don’t want to be pulled off missions yet. So we were thinking a few more weeks and then we would tell Kandros. He may not pull me right away, but it also gives us more time to decide if we would even want to stay with APEX.”

The last part was a surprise to So-Hee. Leave APEX? Permanently? She couldn’t imagine it. Irma and Rui were such a huge part of her team, it wouldn’t be the same without them. But she would have to figure it out if it’s what they really wanted to do. “Okay,” she sighed. “I won’t say anything then. But if a mission is too high risk, I won’t take you, Irma.”

Irma nodded. “I know. I’ll just have to be okay with that,” she answered.

So-Hee sighed. This is not what she expected when she signed up for APEX. But keeping normal big secrets was a nice change from her usual. She could get used to it.


	14. Goodbyes

Evfra stood in the operations room of the Voeld base. Of course, he didn’t have to be here. But he liked finding an excuse to return to Voeld. Aya was beautiful, but there were times that he missed the cold of his home. Today’s excuse was more training exercises with APEX. They would be running some Heskaarl drills with a mix of Andraknor’s Heskaarl’s and a few select Resistance teams. Hahri’s team being one of them.

But he was unsure of seeing the Lieutenant. Last time he had forced a kiss upon her. What surprised him was her acceptance of it. But it couldn’t happen again regardless of how much both of them seemed to be okay with it. It wouldn’t be difficult. Evfra had spent most of his life having careful control of himself and his actions. This would be no different.

He would not kiss the Lieutenant again.

He heard the teams before they reached the room. When he turned to face them, he expected the Lieutenant to be front and center as she usually was, but he had to search in the sea of faces for her instead. She was in the back, walking with her Corporals. Upon closer scrutiny, Evfra realized why. Corporal Hanazawa appeared to be injured. And Corporal Finn, as his wife, was glued to his side. Despite the bandages wrapped around the Corporal’s torso, he seemed to be in good spirits.

But So-Hee didn’t look the same.

Even through her visor, Evfra could see the dark circles under her eyes and the tension in her brow. It looked like she hadn’t slept since the last time he saw her. And he doubted she had lost sleep over a mistaken kiss. No. It must be the culmination of Cerberus’ resurgence in her life and her Corporal’s injury that was costing her sleep. There were no other explanations he could think of.

Evfra hung back as teams were formed and the parameters were set. The teams would go to different training activities and rotate locations when finished. He was surprised to see So-Hee turn down being placed in a team. She said she would stay behind with her Corporals to keep the teams even. But Evfra could see the relief on her face when her explanation was accepted. He never thought he’d see a time where she wouldn’t want to participate.

Something was definitely wrong.

The teams headed off to their locations and Evfra stayed by Anjik to survey the progress made by each of them. But he was still within earshot of the Lieutenant.

“You didn’t have to stay behind,” Rui said. “I would’ve been okay by myself.”

So-Hee shrugged. “It’s only fair,” she said. “Besides it’s not a big deal. We’ve technically done one more exercise than everyone else.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Irma asked.

“Yeah.”

Neither of them looked convinced of her answer. Evfra wasn’t either. He tried to concentrate on the monitors, but every few minutes he would turn to check that she was still there. Her focus shifted between the monitors as well, and a blank space in front of her. Every so often her eyes would slide over him, but it didn’t seem like she was really looking at him.

One time he turned and she wasn’t there anymore. Corporal Hanazawa had dozed off, his head resting on his wife’s shoulder. She looked sleepy as well. But the Lieutenant was nowhere to be found. Evfra quietly excused himself. He checked the medbay first thinking she would go there since she clearly wasn’t feeling well. Then he remembered this was So-Hee he was thinking of. He didn’t think she would get help first. No. She would try things on her own first.

He found her in the cargo bay. It wasn’t easy. He had already swept the area, but it wasn’t until he spotted the top of her head over some crates that he even noticed her. Walking around the crates, he saw her sitting on top of one while leaning back against the others. It didn’t seem comfortable. There was a sun lamp behind the crates that created a small pocket of warmth. Her helmet was off and set down on the floor beside her, and her eyes were closed.

The warm light softened her face. Or maybe it’s that she was asleep and she had relaxed slightly. Evfra didn’t see the often angry and sarcastic woman that constantly challenged him. Nor did he see the scared woman that he had seen in the weeks before. She just looked peaceful.

He couldn’t help the way his gaze traveled over her unwrinkled brow, her nose, and landed on her lips. They were slightly parted as she breathed deeply. _You will not_. Evfra debated leaving her like this, but it wasn’t comfortable, and eventually, someone else would disturb her. But he didn’t want to wake her either.

With a sigh, he squatted down until he was eye level. He reached forward to touch her shoulder. He didn’t want to startle her awake, so he was slow and gave her the smallest touch. “Lieutenant,” he murmured. She didn’t stir. Perhaps it wasn’t enough for her to feel the touch through her armor. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to touch her again. Purely for the fact that he may want to keep touching her if she allowed it.

Unknowingly, he leaned closer to her, his hand resting fully on her shoulder now. “Lieutenant,” his voice was firmer. “Wake up, Lieutenant.”

The only indication that she had heard him was a small groan that escaped her lips. “So-Hee,” he murmured, keeping his voice low. It was the first time he had said her name out loud. He liked the way it rolled off his tongue. Not that ever intended to say it more than this one time. So he savored the way her name felt in his mouth for a moment.

Her eyes fluttered this time before opening. They just stared at each other; he wasn’t entirely sure she had fully awakened yet. She drew in a deep breath through her nose before slowly exhaling. “Are you going to kiss me again, Commander?” she asked.

“No.”

“Shame,” she mumbled before yawning. “I liked it the first—”

Evfra cupped the back of her neck to bring her face down the last few inches to meet his. The first time was quick and full of burning heat. But not this time. She was pleasantly warm from the sun lamp, and her mouth was equally so. His fingers curled in her soft hair, relishing in the feeling of the tendrils against the pads of his fingers. So-Hee’s lips parted and her head slanted to the side to deepen the kiss.

He should stop this.

But he didn’t want to. The revelation shocked him. So much control going right out the window just because he wanted to kiss her. Because his thoughts kept straying to the tablet sitting on his bedside table at him. To the videos he had watched even though he had intended to return it. And to the thought of the Lieutenant in his bed, her skin pressed against his and the feel of her wrapped around his—

Evfra abruptly pulled away and stood up, leaving her to catch herself before she tipped forward. This was ridiculous. He shouldn’t be acting like this. But here he was. He needed to get away from her. He needed to stop searching her out. And he needed to stop allowing himself to be alone with her.

Ignoring the confusion on her face, he turned to leave. “If you’re not feeling well, please rest in the medbay. You are in the way here.”

His declaration was met with silence. Not like he expected her to answer. Who would want to after that? Evfra left the room like ahdi were nipping at his feet.

What was wrong with him?

“You’re in the way here,” So-Hee mocked, staring at herself in the mirror. Jesus he was a fucking jerk. He had even told her he wouldn’t kiss her, and then he did. It’s like he couldn’t make up his own mind. She supposed she couldn’t blame him if that were the case. He saw what happened to Rowan. Maybe he thought the same would happen to him if he got to close.

He may not be scared of her, but he would be right to be scared of Cerberus.

So-Hee finished drying her hair before tossing her towel down the chute. The rest of her time on Voeld was spent sleeping in the medbay like he had suggested. It kept her away from everyone, and she actually managed to get some rest. Although, some of the other Angara gave her a strange look. She was surprised none said anything to her. Probably Evfra’s influence.

She walked into her living room. One of her playlists was playing on low in the background. Just loud enough to break the usual silence of being alone. It was late. They had arrived back on the Nexus late, and she was ready to relax for the night. Maybe she would even set up her emulator and pick a game to play. She hadn’t done that in a while.

As she grabbed a water bottle from her fridge, her door opened and Maggie burst into the room. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks were pink. Spotting So-Hee, she grinned. “I got it!”

So-Hee had the bottle halfway to her lips already, but she set it down on the counter, instantly forgetting about it. “That’s great!”

Maggie barreled into her and wrapped her arms around So-Hee’s waist. “I beat Camden, and I didn’t think I would,” she said into So-Hee’s shoulder.

“I knew you could do it.”

Maggie pulled back slightly. “You did,” she sniffed. “Thanks.”

“Don’t cry,” So-Hee laughed. “We should do something fun.”

“I am not going to Vortex,” Maggie said flatly.

So-Hee held up her hands. “No, I mean something we both would like,” she reassured. “I was going to set up the emulator. I still owe you for the time you beat me at MarioKart.”

“So-Hee…that was like over 600 years ago.”

So-Hee snorted and rolled her eyes. “I hate when you get like this,” she teased. “Come on. Time to get wrecked.”

“Yeah, sure,” Maggie shot back, swiping So-Hee’s bottle from the counter and taking a sip. “So how did your training go today.”

So-Hee grabbed another bottle from the fridge, taking her time because she wasn’t sure how she wanted to answer that. “It was pretty routine. We went back to Voeld.”

“What did you guys do?” Maggie asked, flopping down on the couch and tucking her legs underneath her.

So-Hee shrugged. “I…uhh…I opted out today,” she admitted. She opened her omnitool to turn on the screen in the living room and scroll through her programs. Despite not looking at Maggie, So-Hee felt her burning gaze.

“That’s not like you,” Maggie said. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing really. I’m just tired—”

“Bull,” Maggie interrupted. “I know something’s going on. You’re a shit liar.”

Maggie was right. She wasn’t that good of a liar. But she still didn’t want to tell Maggie about Rowan or anything involving that. If she did, Maggie might stay behind. So she grasped for the next best thing. “Evfra kissed me.”

The only sound in the room was So-Hee’s music still playing in the background. Maggie was just gaping at her. “Evfra,” she said, furrowing her eyebrows. “Evfra? Like the Commander of the Resistance Evfra?”

So-Hee nodded.

“And?” Maggie prompted.

“And what?” So-Hee asked.

The pillow smacked her in the cheek. “What do you mean” and what?” He kissed you! What did you do?”

So-Hee tossed the pillow on the bed, out of Maggie’s reach, before shrugging. “I kissed him back.”

“You cannot just say that like it’s no big deal, So-Hee,” Maggie said. “The Commander of the Angaran Resistance kissed you—”

“We’ve covered that.”

“And you kissed him back. That’s all?”

So-Hee sighed and flopped down on the couch beside Maggie. “Yes, that’s all,” she confirmed. “It’s not like he wanted to kiss me anyway.”

“What…?”

Ignoring the question, So-Hee selected the program and set it to download. It wouldn’t take too long, but it took long enough that Maggie was still staring at her. Damn. Maybe she shouldn’t have picked this topic. It turned out she didn’t really want to talk about two rejections in a row. But there was no way Maggie would let this go now.

“He kissed me the first time the last time he was here,” So-Hee said. “But he said he couldn’t do it, and I was like sure whatever.” She shrugged. “But then he kissed me again today after saying he wouldn’t, and then he just…stopped. I almost fell on my face.”

“Did he say why?” Maggie asked.

So-Hee shook her head. “No. I mean, does he really have to?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean…it’s me and he’s the Commander. I’m some freak alien that’s he fascinated in because I’m a freak. Maybe he just wanted to know what it felt like…I don’t know!” She leaned her head back. “I’m not used to being rejected.”

“You’re not used to being rejected for sex,” Maggie corrected her.

So-Hee rolled her eyes. “Thanks.”

“But maybe, kissing means something different. Maybe he likes—”

“No.”

Maggie sighed. “So-Hee, it’s bound to happen eventually. It happened for Emma, and she’s happy. Why shouldn’t you be?”

“You know why,” So-Hee snapped. “I’m happy with just sex. I don’t need anything else.”

“So-Hee—”

“Don’t,” So-Hee snarled. “If this conversation were reversed you wouldn’t like it either. I mean shit…you can’t even kiss someone, let alone be intimate. Do you want to talk about that?”

“No—”

“Then why do you have to push me for something I don’t even want?”

“Because I know you’re lying!” Maggie shouted. “Because if I could I would be with someone that cares for me and it’s not even fair to compare us. I can’t do those things because I could kill someone—”

“So could I!”

“No.” Maggie shook her head. “You think you’ll hurt someone. You think that you’re some kind of uncontrollable monster and you’re not. You’re just too fucking afraid to be hurt or rejected so you don’t even try!”

So-Hee clenched her jaw. “Why did you even come here if you’re just going to pick a fight with me,” she grumbled.

“Me?” Maggie stood up. “You’re the one who picked a fight, So-Hee. I’m just trying to be there for you. I want you to be happy and stop being so damn hard on yourself, but you are so determined to bring yourself down.”

“It’s just better for everyone if I don’t, Maggie,” So-Hee murmured.

“Why?” Maggie challenged. “Because of Hannah?”

So-Hee jerked. “Stop,” she said. This is not territory she was willing to stray into. Not tonight. Not ever.

“No,” Maggie argued. “I’m tired of seeing you beat yourself up over an—”

“Maggie!”

Maggie’s lips clamped shut.

So-Hee leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She ran her fingers through her hair, slightly tugging at the strands. “You’re going to get yourself worked up,” So-Hee murmured. “And I’m tired of arguing. I don’t want to argue with you before you leave.”

Maggie sat back down. “I don’t either,” she said. “I’m sorry I brought it up. But my point still stands—”

So-Hee stiffened.

“I just don’t want you to be alone.”

~

Maggie left a week later. All week So-Hee tried to ready herself for it. But to be honest, there really wasn’t any preparation she could’ve done that would’ve made it easier to let her friend walk onto the shuttle. It made her wonder if this is how it felt when Maggie saw her off to boot camp. Of course, So-Hee knew they would see each other, but she wouldn’t be within reach anymore.

The shuttle was being loaded when So-Hee reached the docking bay. Maggie’s things were already there as well. Would she have her own room? Or would she have to share? Would they be nice to her? Was this all a big fucking mistake?

Maggie was supposed to be checking all of the supplies but it was hard when So-Hee didn’t want to let her go. She pressed her face into Maggie’s hair smelling the Initiative shampoo that Maggie had infused with a hibiscus perfume. It was a smell So-Hee was going to miss in the middle of the night when she woke up and searched for Maggie beside her. Or at least the pillow Maggie slept on when she did stay the night.

Some of the dock workers snickered behind their hands at the “two lesbians with separation anxiety” but So-Hee didn’t care today. Normally, she would’ve threatened them, but that would’ve taken away from seeing her friend off.

And Maggie humored her the entire time.

Or maybe Maggie was just as nervous and scared and clingy too. They were the other’s anchor every day, whether those days were difficult or not. Now they were both going to be drifting in their lives with no tether and nothing close to grab onto. It was terrifying.

The time came.

The shuttle was leaving and Maggie needed to be on it. The other scientist, a junior that had been awoken recently, handed her the tablet that stated everything that was needed was on the shuttle. When Camden pitched a fit that he lost, he was offered to go under Maggie’s leadership, but he refused. His loss. The junior seemed nicer. And So-Hee was glad for that.

So-Hee pulled her friend in for one last, lingering hug. The entire time she swore to herself that she wouldn’t cry, but in the end, she couldn’t help the burning of her nose and the tears that began to swell up in her eyes. Even blinking them back wasn’t helping.

“Message me as soon you get there,” So-Hee ordered, leaning back to swipe at her eyes. “And if you need anything—”

Maggie kissed So-Hee on the cheek. “It’s going to be okay,” she reassured. “I promise.”

“Okay,” So-Hee said while nodding.

Maggie reached to squeeze So-Hee’s hands. “I love you, So-Hee,” she murmured. “We’re going to be okay.”

“We will,” So-Hee promised. “I love you too, Mags.”

With a final squeeze, Maggie let go of So-Hee’s hands and turned to walk onto the shuttle. She stopped just before boarding to turn and give So-Hee a small wave. So-Hee returned her, sniffing slightly. They could do this. She could do this. It was the best thing.

Maggie would be safer there.

So-Hee cleared the docking area and jogged back to the bay so she could stand at the window and watch the shuttle take off, taking her best friend with it. For a little while longer, she held it together. But when the shuttle was gone and she was back in her little silent apartment, the dam broke. So-Hee sank down onto her bed, hot tears dripping onto her knees. The apartment wasn’t silent anymore. It was filled with her sobbing.

She really was alone now.


	15. Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind*

The knock at the door startled her. She was sprawled face down on her bed. Her hair was a hot mess and she was only wearing her oversized hoodie and her standard black Initiative underwear. Really, she wasn’t fit for company. But So-Hee still opened the interface of her omnitool to see who was at the door. She groaned when she saw the Commander standing outside her door. Sure, she knew he was going to be on the Nexus, but she had spent her time actively avoiding him. God forbid he felt like he just had to kiss her again before insulting her.

Why would he seek her out if he wasn’t interested?

With a sigh, So-Hee unlocked her door. She would let him in, but she wasn’t getting up to greet him. He could come to her. And he did.

Evfra stepped down into her living area, well it was more like her living room and bedroom smashed into one. The couch was like two feet away from the bed. Sometimes she didn’t like it, sometimes it made it easier to get into bed after sitting on the couch. She rolled onto her side, the hoodie twisting around her torso to bare her thighs.

She didn’t miss the way his eyes immediately went to the exposed skin.

“Good evening, Commander,” she greeted, raising her hand. “Welcome to the pity party. I was beginning to feel like I was the only one that was going to show up.”

“Have you been drinking, Lieutenant?” he asked, the timbre of his voice making her shiver slightly. _Chill the fuck out, So-Hee._

“Nope,” she answered, putting emphasis on the p. “I am disgustingly sober and super into my feelings right now.”

“I see,” he said. “I should take my leave then.”

“You don’t have to. You wouldn’t come here without a reason, I’m sure,” she grumbled, sitting up and tucking her legs underneath her. She gestured to the couch. “You’re welcome to sit.”

Evfra hesitated before sitting on the couch. For So-Hee’s size, it was a normal couch, but it looked tiny when Evfra sat on it. And he looked uncomfortable. She didn’t know if that was because of the couch, or because he was in her apartment and she looked like a hot mess. Neither of them said anything at first. The air between them was just dead. And now So-Hee was uncomfortable too.

He cleared this throat. “Why are you “in your feelings?” if I may ask,” he finally asked.

She sighed, shrugging her shoulders. “I miss Maggie, that’s all.” It wasn’t entirely all, but it was a fairly good summation of why she was feeling crummy. Maggie had only been gone for a few days, but they were shitty days for So-Hee. “I suppose I should thank you for holding up your end of the deal,” she added begrudgingly. “But now I’m wishing I hadn’t asked you at all.”

“I didn’t do as much as you think,” Evfra said. “I had asked who they were considering and Maggie was already at the top of their list, both for the Angara and the Initiative. They find her passion for her research as an asset.”

So-Hee snorted. “I told her she could do it. She just never believed me,” she murmured.

The conversation dropped again. The only sound in the apartment was the soft music playing in the background. It wasn’t her usual fare. And it only added to her feeling sorry for herself. But she didn’t want to listen to anything else either.

_What's left to say?_

_These prayers ain't working anymore_

_Every word shot down in flames_

_What's left to do with these broken pieces on the floor?_

_I'm losing my voice calling on you_

_'Cause I've been shaking_

_I've been bending backwards till I'm broke_

_Watching all these dreams go up in smoke_

“This is…quite a contrast from the kind of music I’ve heard you listen to before,” Evfra commented on it.

She nodded. “It’s music my grandmother used to listen to a lot,” she said. “Every Sunday morning. I always knew it was time to get up and help her clean when I heard her music.” So-Hee couldn’t help the small smile that graced her lips when she thought of her grandmother.

“You must’ve loved her very much,” Evfra said.

So-Hee hummed her agreement. “She was a parent to me too. I miss her. Good thing she isn’t here though,” she murmured.

“Why?”

“I’d never get away with anything,” So-Hee said, laughing under her breath. “I’d have a bad idea and she’d appear out of nowhere to smack me with a wooden spoon. She had a knack of knowing when I was going to act up.”

“You were in trouble a lot.” It wasn’t really a question, but a statement. Anyone who met her would know she was the problem child.

So-Hee rolled over onto her back and stared at her ceiling. “I was a troubled child if you can imagine—”

“I can.”

She rolled her eyes. “But I got better for a while. Well, I at least toned it down for a good few years.”

“And then?” he prompted.

She sighed. “The school happened,” she grumbled. “The shitshow that it was, and it’s been the one thing I can’t shake.” Why was she saying so much? Earlier she was lamenting that she didn’t want to see him at all. And now here she was spilling her guts. He probably didn’t even care. Perhaps he was just too polite to leave. No. That didn’t sound like him. Then it was just his base curiosity of her. That made more sense.

She turned to ask him what he had come to see her for, but his eyes were glued to something behind her. So-Hee turned her head to see what he was staring at. The screen in her room was on and one of her slideshows was playing. Every few seconds the pictures would change. And he couldn’t tear his eyes from it. Right now, it was a picture of a forest. From when her grandmother made her go camping for a weekend if she remembered correctly.

“It’s a picture from Earth,” So-Hee said, drawing his attention. “Have you not seen any of the ones in the Centre?” she asked.

“No,” he answered. “I haven’t gone.”

“Really? It’s the first place most Angara go when they come to the Nexus,” So-Hee said. “What better place to get a watered-down, cookie-cutter version of our shitty history.”

She thought for sure he would have a retort for that, but that would have made him pull focus again. The picture had changed to one of a city. And he was staring again. It gave So-Hee a moment to look at him. The gruff, leave-me-alone expression he always had on his face wasn’t present right now. Not that she would dare say he looked softer, but he didn’t look as standoffish as normal.

“I have a lot of them,” So-Hee said. “Would you like to see more?”

Evfra looked at her. He looked like he wanted to say no like he believed that’s what he should do. The struggle was plain on his face. “Yes…I would,” he answered.

So-Hee sat up and swung her legs over to the side of the bed. This is why she liked having the couch so close. It was easy for her to push herself up, swing around, and sit back down on the couch. The tablet that was synced to her screen was sitting on the end table beside the couch. She reached for it and placed it in her lap. She exited out of the current slideshow.

One of the things her grandmother left her was a shit ton of family photos. Her grandmother always took pictures. School functions, vacations, and everything in between. When So-Hee was young, she scoffed at the philosophy of documenting memories at every turn. But now she was grateful. Every now and again she would look at them and remember that things weren’t always awful. And sometimes she had the hope that they wouldn’t always be.

She pulled a slideshow of pictures from a beach vacation they had taken the summer before her grandmother had passed. It was one of her favorite vacations. But she would just show Evfra the pictures of the ocean, not of her. That would be too awkward.

“What is that?” he asked.

“A beach,” So-Hee said. “Where water meets land basically. There's sand and shells. You go there to go swimming or just tan and hang out.”

“Did Earth have a lot of these?” he asked.

She nodded. “They were everywhere. Earth had a lot of water. Kind of like Voeld does, it’s just not all frozen.”

“And you swim in them?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s pretty fun,” she answered. “Maybe when Voeld unfreezes you’ll be able to swim in its waters.”

“I don’t know about that,” he murmured. “We don’t know what lurks beneath all of the ice.”

“Ominous,” she said, laughing lightly. “There were some pretty scary creatures on Earth, but we still swam anyway. I think humans like a little bit of danger with their everyday activities.”

“You are a strange species,” he admitted. “It is a wonder your species survived compared to some of the others.”

She shrugged. “I like to think it’s our tenacity.”

“Too stubborn to die,” he said. “After meeting some of you, I can see that.” His turned attention went back to the screen and he snorted slightly.

So-Hee looked and groaned. Of course. She stopped paying attention and one of the pictures she didn’t want him to see was on the screen now. It was the one her grandmother took while So-Hee was standing in the waves. Naturally, So-Hee didn’t notice the wave behind her, and right as it struck her in the back, her grandmother snapped the photo. It was not a flattering picture.

“If you breathe a word of this to anyone,” she threatened.

“It will be our secret, Lieutenant,” he promised, but she could see the amusement in his eyes.

She switched to a different slideshow and she showed him pictures of forests and cities, and more bodies of water, anywhere she had been to. They must have spent at least half an hour doing that. It was…relaxing. So-Hee didn’t expect that.

“Did you live in all these places?” he asked, breaking their tenuous silence.

She shook her head. “No, I just visited these places on vacation or school trips.” She went to switch to the family slideshow, but she hesitated. Why was she showing him this at all? The only person who had seen most of these was Maggie but showing them to him was entirely different. She was showing him her life. It was more than she had ever shown anyone other than Maggie.

Evfra’s gaze was burning a hole in the side of her face. Like he knew she was having her own internal struggle right now. Did she cut him off now and show him the door? Or was it okay to show someone else? To not be alone for a little while longer? To let him in just the tiniest bit? _What the hell. I’ve come this far._

So-Hee opened the family slideshow and selected a picture. A two-story old colonial-style building filled the screen. Her grandmother loved the style of old houses so much, that when her and her husband emigrated to America, he built her the house of her dreams. So-Hee wondered if her family still filled the house 600 years later. Or was it derelict now? Replaced by something standard and monotonous.

The siding was an off-white, and the door was brick red with glass on each side of the door. There were several windows all around the house. Her grandmother loved natural light. So-Hee remembered the red brick steps that she tripped over more than once when she snuck back into the house late. It didn’t matter how quiet she was when she left, Halmeoni would be sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of tea when So-Hee returned. She always expected a lecture or to be yelled at. But her grandmother would always smile at her and ask, “Did you stay safe?” and sip her tea. So-Hee would tell her yes and they would clean up the kitchen and go to bed.

The porch wrapped all the way around the side of the house. So-Hee spent a lot of summer evenings swinging on the porch with her grandmother after they had spent a long day tending to her garden. Sometimes if So-Hee closed her eyes, she could still smell the fragrance of daffodils, roses, and lilies, and fresh grass. And when it rained, the smell would permeate the air even more.

“It is a very large house,” Evfra murmured, interrupting her memories.

So-Hee nodded. “She had a lot of children. My father, and two sisters, and a brother. Then there were grandkids. But eventually, it was just her and I. The family would come on Sundays, for dinner. And they would be around on the holidays.”

“Still not as big as Angaran families,” he said. “But sizeable for humans, I have noticed.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “She only had one sibling, but her mother had several sisters and brothers. Eight in all I think.”

“May I ask…” he hesitated. “How did she—”

“Die?”

He nodded.

“Small cell cervical cancer,” So-Hee answered. “I didn’t even know she was sick. I just came home and she was gone.”

“That must have been difficult.”

She hummed. “I don’t remember much of it. It all sort of blurs together.” It was a half-truth. The days after her grandmother’s death were a blur. But the day of the funeral and all of the days after were not.

“If you had such a large family, why did you got to a school, instead of staying with them?” he asked.

_Fuck._

She didn’t think he would catch on that fast. And she couldn’t tell him the truth, because then she would have to admit her…no she wasn’t going to do that. So-Hee swallowed. “My aunts had so many kids, it was just too much to take me on too,” she said.

“Strange,” he mumbled. “That would’ve been unheard of in an Angaran family. I suppose it’s just another cultural difference.”

He bought it. She couldn’t believe that he just bought it. Or maybe he didn’t, but he was trying to play some long game with her. No. She didn’t think that was right. Maybe she was more convincing than she thought.

“Is that your father?” he asked.

So-Hee looked back at the screen. She swore slightly under her breath. “Yeah, that’s him.” She switched to a different picture. “He…both of my parents died in an accident when I was young. I barely remember it.”

“I see,” he said. “You have experienced a lot of loss, Lieutenant. Many of the Angara would empathize with that.”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” he answered. “We have all lost our families.”

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, but I definitely think the Angara have me beat after years of living under the Kett’s reign.”

“It’s not a competition,” Evfra said. “We do not have to compare the magnitude. That hardly matters on an individual level. Every loss hurts.”

“I…thank you, Commander…” She was surprised. Who would have expected that level of compassion out of someone so gruff all the time? Not her.

They settled back into silence. So-Hee switched back to one of the safer slideshows and they just watched picture after picture show up on the screen. Finally, she turned to face him slightly, tucking one leg underneath her. “I forgot to ask, why did you come see me tonight?”

He tensed at her question and she was immediately intrigued by his response. But she didn’t want to push him. Instead, she waited for him to sigh and reached beside him to procure a tablet. “I came to return this,” he said, handing it to her.

She made a face. “I don’t remember giving you a tablet.”

“You did not,” he answered. “When APEX came to Aya for the training they apparently gave it to some of my recruits. I caught them watching a video on their shift.”

Well, now she was definitely interested. If that was the case, he could’ve just taken it to Kandros, but he brought it to her instead. Why? She turned on the tablet and immediately began to laugh. Of course. Of all things to share, porn would be at the top of the list. She looked at the history and clicked the first video. This must’ve been then one he caught them watching. Lewd sounds came from the tablet speaker. A human woman was bent over a desk while a human male took her from behind. So-Hee backed out of the video and scrolled some more. They were clearly interested in humans. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but other species were also on the tablet. Why focus on just one?

The further back she scrolled she realized there was a shift. The videos were decently mixed in the beginning and then one night they switched to focus on humans. Maybe they were fascinated. Unless…

So-Hee looked at the Commander, but he was decidedly not looking at her. No. He couldn’t have. There was no way. Or maybe there was. She narrowed her eyes. “So…which ones did you watch?” she asked, keeping her tone light and teasing.

When his shoulders stiffened and he didn’t answer, she realized her hunch was correct. It wasn’t just the recruit that had watched some of these videos. Actually, according to the history Evfra had watched more than the recruits had. Why human women? What was the reason? It couldn’t be her…could it? She was right the first time, but could she be right the second time?

So-Hee set down the tablet on the couch beside her. She had a thought. It was probably a bad idea. But what did she have to lose? Dignity? She didn’t have much of that to start. Worst case scenario she was wrong and things were awkward. But the man had kissed her twice. She could be right.

_Fuck it_.

So-Hee sat up just enough to crawl towards him and swing her leg around to rest her knee beside his thigh. She pulled herself over the rest of the way to straddle him fully. Evfra couldn’t ignore her now. And he wasn’t. But he didn’t shove her off or tell her to get off. He wasn’t saying much of anything. His pupils were wide. She was fairly certain she was right again. Just in case, she didn’t lean too close to him.

“Do you want to fuck me, Commander?” she asked.

“I think I should,” he murmured. “If I appease my curiosity, I will stop thinking of you.”

So-Hee dragged a breath in through her nose. “I will try to take that as a compliment, even though it didn’t sound like one.”

“I don’t distract easily,” he clarified. “But you have been nothing but a distraction.”

“A little better,” So-Hee whispered. “Still needs some work.” She didn’t wait for him to reply this time. Compliments were nice but unnecessary. So-Hee kissed him this time, her fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. He responded instantly, his hands coming up to grip her waist. This time So-Hee was in charge, and she actually wanted to spend some time kissing him first. Her tongue brushed against his bottom lip and when he opened his mouth, she could taste fruit on his tongue.

Her fingers drifted lower, gripping the hem of his shirt, but he gripped her wrist to stop her. So-Hee pulled back. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I am not young and unscarred like some of my recruits,” he warned.

She relaxed slightly, letting go of his shirt. “Scars don’t scare me, Commander,” she said. “But if it makes you feel more comfortable, we can leave the shirt on.”

“I am fine with it,” he murmured. “I was just giving you fair warning.”

So-Hee didn’t believe him. If it didn’t bother him at all, he wouldn’t have said anything. It was strange to see someone like the Commander have a moment of self-consciousness. And it made her wonder if someone had rejected him before because of his scars. Their loss. _My gain_. Scars weren’t a deterrent to her. Everyone had them. They just weren’t always visible.

With a bit of coaxing she pulled his shirt off over his head and set it down on the couch beside her. Her eyes went immediately to his chest and abdomen. He was right. Some scars were small, some were mottled, and a few were long gashes that cut across his torso. Her fingers hovered over his chest. “May I?” she asked. A small grunt and a nod were all she was given. Her index finger traced the puckered blue skin of the scar that began at his shoulder and slashed across his chest to his side. Questions lingered at the tip of her tongue but she swallowed them down for now. This was enough.

She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to a smaller scar on his abdomen and hiding her grin as he shivered underneath her. “So, Commander…” she drawled. “Just how old are you?”

He huffed. “I suppose I would be…” he trailed off. “Close to 37 of your years.”

So-Hee drew back slightly. “37? You’re practically ancient,” she teased. “No wonder you’re so sof—”

His fingers tangled in her hair and he pulled her down to meet him in another kiss. As he kissed her, he tugged her hair, the tips of his fingers lightly digging into her scalp. The sensation shot right to her groin and she groaned against his mouth. “I am not soft,” he argued against her lips and kissed her again before she could say anything else.

Evfra let go of her hair—a move she vocally protested—to move his hands to the hem of her hoodie. He took his time working the fabric up over his stomach, his hands so invested in touching every bit of her skin that they could. So-Hee reached down to help him pull the hoodie over her head. After that he could touch whatever he wanted of her. Of course, that meant she had to pull away briefly. Something else she was going to protest until he leaned forward to press his mouth in between her breasts. A soft sigh tumbled from her lips.

This was a slower process than she was used to. Normally, both people knew what to do, and she didn’t spend a long time undressing them or kissing them. But this wasn’t like those times. Neither of them had experience in each other’s species. It was an entirely new experience. A strange change of pace for her, but she didn’t hate it.

And it would be interesting (fun) to see the Commander unravel.

With her hand on his shoulder, she coaxed him into leaning back against the couch. She shifted, moving her feet to the floor in between his legs before she sank down to her knees. Her fingers hooked into the waistband of his pants. But she waited for a nod from him before she began to pull them down, his hips lifting to help her get them off of him. Immediately, she was drawn to the mound of swollen flesh on his abdomen. Not that she was surprised, she had read the medical files on the Angara when she first learned of them.

The folds were swollen and glistening with fluid. So-Hee hesitated before touching them. “Is this okay?” she asked.

“Do you even know what you’re doing,” he asked, trying to sound stern, but she could hear the hint of desperation in his tone.

“I’ve done my research,” she answered.

“Oh? On which of my poor recruits,” he deadpanned.

So-Hee laughed. “None.” She dragged her fingers down his folds, savoring the gasp she pulled from him. “What can I say? I like grouches.”

“I—”

She leaned down, her tongue darting out from in between her lips to lap at the fluid dripping from him. Whatever he was going to say was lost in a moan. His hips bucked, rising up to meet her, as she pulled away slightly. Yes. Unraveling the Commander was going to be her favorite part of this. She would give him what he wanted then.

Pulling the flesh of his folds in her mouth, she gently sucked before releasing them. The arm of the couch creaked as his grip on it tightened. It made So-Hee feel incredibly pleased with herself. A feeling that only increased as she heard him clench his teeth before spitting out her title. “Lieutenant…please,” he murmured the plea, perhaps hoping she wouldn’t catch it.

But she had. And it was good enough for her.

Her fingers gently pushed his folds open, just enough for her tongue to delve in between them. The head of his cock was close to emerging. A fact she found out when her tongue darted over the head, and he cursed in Shelesh. She wondered if all Angara were so sensitive. Or just him?

The head of his cock appeared between the folds. So-Hee continued suckling the soft folds, not touching his cock until it fully emerged. It was larger than she thought it would be. She didn’t mind. Her fingers grazed the ridges on the underside. The head of his cock was a lighter shade of blue than his shaft. Her fingers wrapped around the base of him, not that she could fully do so, his cock already slick.

She could feel Evfra’s eyes on her. Like he was waiting for her appraisal or her disapproval. So-Hee gave him her approval by tracing the ridges with her tongue. When she looked up, she saw his head had fallen back to the couch, his abdomen quivering. That only spurred her on.

With her hand still around the base of his cock, she wrapped her mouth around his head. Evfra cursed again and dug his fingers into the couch. There was no way she could fit all of him in her mouth. But she didn’t really need to. Her fingers rose up to meet her mouth, moving the lubricant up and down his shaft. There was a fuzzy feeling in her mouth as her tongue swirled around the head of his cock.

Evfra’s fingers gripped her hair once more, and he gently tilted her head back. He was staring down at her, his pupils blown, and his abdomen heaving. “As much as I am enjoying your mouth Lieutenant, it is not what I came for.” With his grip tight, he stood up, gently tugging her to her feet. His mouth met hers, tasting himself on her lips. He moved towards the bed, pushing her back until her knees hit the mattress and she fell back onto her sheets.

So-Hee’s eyes didn’t leave him as he let go of her hair to kneel between her legs and smooth his hands down her sides. He tugged at her underwear, urging her to lift her hips, and pulled them off to drop them on the floor. For once, So-Hee felt nervous and vulnerable as he stared between her legs. But he didn’t look repulsed or otherwise upset at what he found. His fingers grazed the curly brown hairs of her pubic mound.

For a moment she thought he was just fascinated by her. But when he moved her legs over his shoulders, she realized that wasn’t quite the case. “You don’t have to, Commander,” she murmured, not wanting him to feel pressured to return the favor. “I am more than ready.”

“Hush,” he commanded, but his voice remained soft.

So-Hee just stared at him, stunned into silence. Any other person she would’ve thrown out for trying to tell her what to do but coming from him, it made her preemptively clench.

“You may be confident about your ability to take an Angara,” he murmured, his head moving in between her thighs. “But I am not.”

So-Hee gasped at the first swipe of his tongue over her dripping folds. He lapped at her cunt, taking a moment to taste her before his tongue pressed into her entrance. She fought to keep herself still, to keep herself from bucking her hips. Something that a normal woman could do with no consequence, but she was not a normal woman. And she did not want to be the one to call for help because she put the Commander through the ceiling.

His tongue traveled upward, flicking against her clit and she felt her heart stutter and nearly give out at the sensation. Apparently, he had found what he was looking for, as his tongue circled her clit making her cry out. She felt the rumble in his chest against the back of her thighs and she looked to see the pleased expression on his face. _So he can make a face like that. Cute._

One of Evfra’s hands left her thigh, his fingers brushing against her inner thigh. So-Hee knew what was coming. She wanted it. She wanted to know what it felt like. What he would feel like. But if it made him feel better to take his fingers first, then that’s what she would do. His single digit pressed against her entrance and she bucked her hips impatiently.

“Don’t you have patience, Lieutenant?” he asked.

“No, I don’t.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “And you’re taking too long,” she whined.

“If you’d rather I leave—”

“Don’t you dare, Commander.”

They stared each other down. Neither of them flinching. So-Hee knew he was bluffing. He wasn’t going to leave after all this. Would he? After all, he came with the intention of fucking her. It wouldn’t be right to just leave. She got her answer when his finger slowly pressed inside of her, his eyes not leaving her once. Her lips parted and she sighed as his finger disappeared all of the way into her entrance. She spasmed, her walls clenching around his finger before relaxing again. Based on the expression on his face, he hadn’t been expecting that.

“Just so you know, Commander,” she said, panting lightly. “I can do that whenever I want.”

Evfra withdrew his finger. “Thank you, Lieutenant,” he murmured.

Before she could protest the move, his fused fingers hovered at her entrance. His eyes moved away from her face and back down to her cunt. Carefully, almost reverently, his fingers slid into her opening. The gentleness at which he fucked her with his fingers was not something she would have expected from him. They stretched her, dragging against her walls and So-Hee couldn’t contain the cacophony of moans that spilled from her mouth.

With every stroke, he brought her closer and closer to the edge. It wasn’t his cock, but she was loathed to complain about the orgasm he was about to draw from her. His eyes were focused on her, watching the way her thighs began to shake, and the flush that began to radiate from her center and spread across her stomach and chest. So-Hee felt the heat in her cheeks and the tips of her ears.

When she came, her cunt clamped around his fingers. A cry flew from her mouth and she thanked god that the walls were soundproofed. Otherwise, there would be a lot of angry colonists in this section. She felt his fingers withdraw from her, leaving her empty again. Evfra leaned down, licking the ejaculate that dripped from her, making her jerk slightly.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his voice quiet.

She nodded. “Yeah.” She drew in a deep breath before she propped herself up on her elbows. He was staring at her again. “Are you?”

“I’m convinced,” he answered. “Unless you’ve changed your mind.”

“I haven’t,” she said, crooking her finger to beckon him. 

He hesitated a moment before climbing over her, his hands on either side of her head. “Is this comfortable for you?” he asked.

“It’s fine…” she trailed off, staring at his expression. “Are you really that concerned?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted. “You are…so small.”

She chuckled. “No one’s ever said that to me, well no one that wasn’t a Krogan….and it was usually an insult,” she teased. “Here,” –she placed her hands on his shoulders— “lay on your back. Make sure you’re comfortable.”

Surprisingly, he listened to her without arguing. He really did want to do this. With her. Of all humans. She was flattered. When Evfra was laying back, his head resting on her pillows, she straddled him again. “Is this okay with you?” she asked.

His gaze traveled up and down her body, his nostrils flaring slightly, and he nodded. So-Hee grinned. This was much better anyway. It gave her more control. More opportunity to fluster him. Slowly she spread her thighs apart, sinking down until she had trapped his erection against his stomach. Evfra’s breath hitched as she dragged her cunt across his cock. “Lieutenant,” he grumbled.

“Look who’s impatient now,” she teased. The glare he gave her made her laugh. But she didn’t want to wait much longer either. She reached in between them, gripping him around his base once more and shifted her hips to guide him to her entrance. The lubricated head of his cock pressed at her opening and she suppressed a small moan.

She moved slow. For every inch she would pause and give herself a moment to adjust to how he stretched her. Evfra hard barely made a sound. He was too mesmerized by the sight of his cock disappearing within her. So-Hee leaned back slightly, resting her hands on her shins to give him a better view. He made an appreciative noise in his throat.

When he was fully seated within her, she took another moment. She panted slightly, not used to feeling so incredibly full. But it wasn’t painful. No. It felt almost too good. She was almost afraid to move. Like she would come undone just from shifting in the slightest. And based on the look on Evfra’s face, he felt the same. Yet, his hands came up to rest on her hips. She took that as a sign that he was ready for her to move.

With his help, So-Hee dragged herself back up his cock before sinking down again. Her breath stuttered as he filled her again, over and over. “Fuck,” she muttered, gasping. No. Neither of them were going to last much longer. Not like this. Not with everything so new. And not when it felt so damn good.

Evfra’s fingers dug into her skin, his hips rising to meet hers. Words spoken too fast to be translated tumbled from his mouth. If she had to wager, they were probably swears. So-Hee began to feel that strange fuzzy sensation in her mouth again. He must be close again. And this time she wanted him to finish. Her fingers drifted to her clit, rubbing the small nub in tiny circles.

It was enough to bring her over the edge with a cry. Enough to coax the Commander into his own release when her cunt clamped down around him, drawing him in as far as he would go. A burst of static in her mouth made her yelp.

Evfra reached for her, his hands cupping her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t think that would happen.”

So-Hee tried to rid her mouth of the strange sensation, but her tongue still felt fuzzy. “It’s okay,” she said, her voice thick. “I just wasn’t expecting it.” She sighed, she supposed she should get off of him. But her thighs felt like jelly. Instead, she leaned down resting her forehead on his shoulder. “Sorry. I need a minute.”

Evfra’s fingers moved from her face, but his one hand lingered on the back of her head. It was still for a few seconds and then he began to run his fingers through her hair and stroking the back of her head.

“Are you petting me?” she asked.

“Is that not…I saw on the video…I thought it was customary,” he replied, sounding embarrassed.

So-Hee had to admit…it was kind of cute. “No, it’s fine,” she said. “I just…I don’t usually cuddle or anything after sex, but it’s okay. It’s kind of nice.” She didn’t want to outright ask him to continue but she hoped he would get the hint that she liked it.

He did.

For a few more minutes they stayed like that, and he gently stroked her hair the entire time. So-Hee wouldn’t admit it if ever asked, but it was the most relaxed she had felt in a long time. It almost put her to sleep. But eventually, she dragged herself off of him. “I’m going to shower,” she murmured. “You’re welcome to join me.”

“Lieutenant?”

“Hm?” So-Hee answered, standing up from the bed and praying her legs would not fail her now.

“I don’t think this should happen again,” he said.

She paused and turned to look at him. Of course, it’s what she expected. And it’s not that she thought he would’ve changed her mind. But it still kind of…sucked to hear it. Although, as she stared at him trying to formulate a response, she noticed he didn’t look as assured as he normally did. Maybe he wasn’t trying to convince her at all, but himself.

She sighed. If he wanted her again, this again, then he would let her know. That would have to be good enough.

Finally, she shrugged her shoulders. “If that’s what you want, Commander.”


	16. Ghosts

She was cold.

So-Hee opened her eyes. The ceiling above her was stark. She smoothed her hand down over her stomach, feeling the soft fabric of pajamas. Gripping the fabric in her fingers, she raised her hand to see the grey color. She knows these pajamas.

_Not again._

She squeezed her eyes shut. All she had to do was wake up. Simple.

Not.

When she opened her eyes, she was still underneath the stark ceiling. It wasn’t the dorm room this time. It was the nurse’s office. Another bad place. Another bad memory. She pushed herself up and swung her legs to the floor. They landed with a loud thud and she froze. If she was too loud, they might find her. But no one came and she breathed a sigh of relief.

So-Hee tried to push herself off the bed, but she felt so heavy. And so tired. The harder she tried the more her vision swam and her body just wouldn’t do what she needed. She huffed, trying to muster more energy, but there was nothing left.

“Just wake up,” she murmured.

The door opened and she started. Beyond the door was just darkness. If someone was coming, she couldn’t see who they were. Maybe it was the girls again. They were going to come and try to make her join them again. And she couldn’t even move. All she could do was close her eyes and murmur to herself over and over again. Something had to work. Anything.

A shuffling sound outside made her stop. Her eyes opened to see who it was. Who was coming to torment her tonight?

When she saw, she wished it was the girls.

Richard Bardon, the only male teacher in a school full of girls, stood in the doorway with his hip resting against the door frame. _Not him_. So-Hee tried to push herself up again, but her body was not cooperating with her brain.

He was the one person she remembered killing with some clarity. While she didn’t remember why she knew that she had. And it was the one she didn’t regret much. They told her she had imagined it, but she knew she hadn’t She remembered what he tried to do. Remembered the drugged tea he had given her. And remembered how hard it was to use her own body then too.

She waited for him to say something, anything, but he was silent. Even his footsteps were silent as he crossed the room to stand in front of her. The acidy taste of bile rose in her throat. He didn’t even speak when he cupped her cheek.

“Leave me alone,” she whispered, trying to inject her voice with venom, but it shook instead.

“You’re a special girl, So-Hee,” he finally said, his hand moving to grip the back of her neck.

_Wake up._

“They want to use you, experiment on you, see if you can make others that are just as special,” he continued, using his leverage to tilt her face up to him. “But I have a better idea.”

_WAKE UP_.

So-Hee whimpered as he lowered his face to meet hers. Why couldn’t she move at all? Her eyes moved around the room, looking for anything that could help her. Her eyes landed on a corner of the room that had been empty. It was occupied now. She was here. Just like she always was. Except this time, she was standing in the corner with a smug grin on her face, instead of laughing over Bardon while he screamed from the pain of a shattered knee. Now she didn’t care what happened to So-Hee. She wouldn’t be of any help.

_Lieutenant._

Hot tears dripped down So-Hee’s cheeks as Bardon’s cold mouth pressed against hers. It wasn’t fair. She couldn’t even fight this time. So-Hee closed her eyes one last time in the hopes that she would wake up from this nightmare.

_Lieutenant!_

So-Hee’s eyes opened and she was lying in her bed. But it wasn’t over. When most people woke up the nightmare was over, gone. Not for her. Bardon was still hovering over her, his lip curling into a sneer. At least he wasn’t kissing her anymore. And he wasn’t talking. He was just there. Staring at her.

But he wasn’t the only thing there.

Evfra couldn’t believe he fell asleep. He remembered that she had left to take a shower, and he had the wayward thought of joining her. A thought that he had quickly squashed. He must have fallen asleep shortly after. And even more surprising, she hadn’t woken him up and asked him to leave. Looking over at her, she was curled up on her side, the blankets pulled up to her chin. She had that relaxed look on her face again. It made him want to kiss her again.

He didn’t.

He did, however, utilize her shower. It wouldn’t do to go back to his own quarters with her scent all over him. The Moshae was sure to be suspicious already. It would only add to her case. And he would never hear the end of it. He spied the pile of her dirty clothes on the floor and he snorted. Why didn’t it surprise him?

The warm water hit his back first and he rumbled in approval. As soon as he was finished, he would dress and go back to his own quarters for the few hours he had before returning to Aya. When he left this apartment, he wouldn’t be coming back to it. His curiosity was sated. He was done. Hopefully, the Lieutenant felt the same way. She didn’t seem like the type to crave romantic entanglements either.

When he was finished, his towel deposited down the laundry chute instead of on the floor, he walked into the room to find her still fast asleep. Good. It would make things less awkward this way. Evfra located his clothes and pulled them on, making himself look presentable. Then he could work on his story for the Moshae. She was bound to question him.

A whimper from the bed made him pause while he was smoothing down his shirt. Turning back to look at her, he noticed the relaxed expression of earlier was gone. The Lieutenant’s eyebrows were knitted together, her face scrunched up in pain or discomfort. Was she in pain? The glistening of her cheeks stopped him.

She was crying.

It was a situation he had found himself in more than once. Evfra wasn’t a stranger to nightmares. Who would be after the years he had spent leading the Resistance? After the horrors he had seen the Kett wrought against his people? Without thinking, he had reached out to her. But he paused just before touching her shoulder. Maybe it wasn’t wise to wake her up. Perhaps she wouldn’t want to be caught having a nightmare like this. Especially not by him.

A small keening sound in her throat made him move. He touched her shoulder. “Lieutenant,” he murmured. She wasn’t responsive. Or she just didn’t hear him. He cleared his throat, raising his voice slightly. “Lieutenant!” he barked, wincing at how loud he was.

Her eyes opened. They were hazy and unfocused and they weren’t looking at him at all. But there was a panic in them. Her breathe wheezed out of her as if she couldn’t draw a proper breath. She didn’t move. She didn’t even blink.

“Lieutenant,” he said again, shaking her shoulder slightly. “Should I call someone? A doctor?” he asked, not knowing what the fuck to do.

But she was still staring ahead, focusing on a spot on the opposite wall. Was she seeing something? Was she still dreaming? What was happening? Evfra placed his knee on the bed, leaning close to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he tried to redirect her focus to him. But even with her eyes on him, it felt like she wasn’t seeing him. “So-Hee,” he murmured her name.

Her fingers twitched.

He took it as a positive sign. “So-Hee,” he said her name again. “I need you to tell me what you need. Can you do that?”

Her eyes finally focused on him. They traveled over his face, the relief in them surprising him. There was a moment of standstill before she drew in a gasping breath and moved. Her hands flew up to cover her face. For a moment, her shoulders shook like she was crying again but when she lowered her hands, her face was dry. “No doctor,” she murmured, her voice raspy.

It wasn’t until he caressed her cheek with his thumb that he realized he was still cupping her face. Evfra withdrew his hands, but he stayed near her. Now that she had scared him, he was hoping she would tell him what had just happened. So-Hee drew her knees up to her chest and leaned forward to touch her forehead to her knees. It was like she was trying to make herself as small as possible.

She cleared her throat. “I’m okay,” she said, but he didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or herself.

“Do you want to tell me what that was?” he asked, keeping his voice low.

“Sleep paralysis,” she mumbled into her knees. “It happens sometimes…when I have nightmares. You do have those, don’t you Commander?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“Sometimes my nightmares bleed into waking and I can’t move or speak. I just have to try and get through it,” she said, finally pulling her head up. But once again, she was staring at something over his shoulder. “Makes them more real.”

“What…” he trailed off, hesitating. “What do you see?”

So-Hee looked at him. “You’ve noticed huh?” she asked.

He nodded. “It’s hard to miss.”

“Fuck,” she huffed. “It’s…it’s not something I can talk about. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to,” he gently reminded her. “I do understand being haunted by the past, and sometimes the present. You aren’t alone in that.”

“I hate it,” she snarled. “I just want to be normal. That’s what we all want.” She leaned back against her pillows. “But it’ll never as long as we have to look over our shoulders. And even then, we won’t get the therapy we all desperately need—”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “Sorry. You came here for sex, not this. I didn’t mean to unload on you.”

Evfra snorted. “I also understand having no one to turn to,” he said.

“What about the Moshae?” So-Hee asked.

“She tries to mother me,” he answered. “Her and Paraan both try. But it is no replacement for any of my mothers. After losing them, I learned to rely on myself and only myself. It became necessary to survive and lead.”

“Lonely,” So-Hee murmured.

“Hm?”

So-Hee sighed, laughing, but there was no humor in it. “I was just thinking we are very lonely people. Kind of sucks.” She shook her head. “What time does your shuttle leave?” she asked, changing the subject before he could respond. Not that had a response.

Evfra looked at his ushataliin. “Three hours,” he answered. “I should return to my quarters.”

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, I’m sure you’re going to have to think of one hell of a story already,” she said. “I would’ve woken you, but you were out.”

“I apologize.” Evfra stood up from her bed. “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in the first place.”

So-Hee shrugged. “I’m a little glad you did,” she mumbled shoving her blankets off. “Thank you for waking me up. It’s usually Maggie’s job. But…” she trailed off, shaking her head. “Oh well. That’s life I guess.”

She walked Evfra the short distance to the door. For some reason, he didn’t want to leave her. Not alone. But he couldn’t stay. Staying was a path he didn’t want to go down. It wouldn’t work for him or the Lieutenant. Him being here tonight was far enough. And that was the end.

Stopping just short of the door, she turned to him. “Well…goodbye Commander. It was fun,” she teased, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.

But Evfra didn’t leave. “I feel like I should clarify something,” he said. When she didn’t say anything, he continued. “I would not be ashamed to be…”

She raised her eyebrows.

“I would not be ashamed of you,” he murmured. “But my people need me to be their leader. I cannot be that, and a companion. I—”

“It’s okay, Commander,” she whispered. “Really. Your people come first and I respect that. I’m not really the relationship type myself.” She shrugged. “More of the love them and leave them type,” she joked.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” Evfra said. He didn’t know if she was telling the truth or not, but he appreciated it all the same.

So-Hee nodded. “I’ll see you when I see you, Commander.”

The moment he was standing in the quiet and empty hallway, Evfra wondered if he was making the right choice. Could he be more than one thing? Yes, his people needed him, but what if—

No.

He chose correctly. He knew that years ago when he made the choice. And he would remind himself of it now. The next time he saw the Lieutenant, it would be under entirely professional terms. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thankfully, the halls were so empty as he walked back to his quarters. He was trying to think of something to tell the Moshae, not that he had to answer to her, but he just didn’t want her to think the wrong thing. Or the right thing in his case. But no matter how hard he thought, he was having trouble thinking of anything substantial. Perhaps, he shouldn’t say anything at all. That might make it worse.

He sighed.

“Evfra de Tershaav.”

He stopped in his tracks when he heard his name. For a moment, he thought it might be the Moshae. Who else would you use his full name? But it wasn’t her voice at all. It was also coming from behind him. He turned to see who would be addressing him so casually.

A blonde woman leaned against the wall behind. Had she been standing there? Did he not notice her while he passed her? Or had she followed him? With stiff shoulders, he stared at her. “Can I help you?” he asked, his voice low.

It didn’t have the effect he wanted.

Her blue eyes narrowed and she smirked. “Scary,” she murmured, pushing herself off the wall. “Don’t look so tense, Commander. I’m just here to talk.”

Evfra’s shoulders dropped. Why? He didn’t know. Everything about this woman was ringing alarm bells in his mind. This was no time to relax. He watched her clasp her hands behind her back and move closer to him. Her eyes traveled over him, scrutinizing him. “I can see what she likes about you,” she commented.

“She?” he asked.

Her eyes snapped back up to meet his. “So-Hee. Sometimes it’s so hard to pin down what she likes. I’m not even sure she knows really.” The woman shrugged. “But it’s nice to see her have fun.”

“Who are you?” he demanded. “And how do you know the Lieutenant?”

“Oh, we’re old friends,” the woman answered. “I doubt she’s told you about me though,” –she poked her lower lip out— “It’s like she’s ashamed of me.”

“That doesn’t tell me who you are,” he said.

She giggled slightly. “No, I suppose it doesn’t, Commander. Not that my name would mean anything to you. I came to ask you a question.”

Evfra didn’t like this at all. A woman who clearly knew So-Hee. One who was brave enough to approach him like it was nothing. Despite not having done anything, she felt…threatening. He couldn’t put his finger on it. But she was dangerous in a way he couldn’t articulate. And he wondered—

Was she one of them?

Naturally, some of the experiments wouldn’t be on Emma’s side. Some would possibly be working for Cerberus. Was this one of them? Perhaps one that had grudge against the Lieutenant. One that would be moved to orchestrate an attack on him, just to play a game with the Lieutenant. It seemed possible.

She stepped closer, her fingers reaching for the front of his shirt. Reflexively, Evfra grabbed her wrist before she could touch him. But she didn’t look bothered. “Let me go, Commander.” His fingers relaxed and his hand fell down to his side. With a grin, she rested her palm on his chest. “Stay still,” she urged, her hand moving up his chest to touch his chin.

Why couldn’t he move?

“What do you like about my So-Hee?” she asked, her thumb moving over his bottom lip. “And don’t lie to me.”

“She’s soft,” he murmured. “I like her laugh and the way she challenges me. She’s a fierce fighter, and she does what she feels is right even if it means going against orders.” _What was he saying?_ He opened his mouth to go on, but her hand covered his mouth and she shook her head.

The woman smiled, her eyes softening. “Yes, she is something, isn’t she? And you’re quite into her.” She sighed. “Here’s the thing, Commander. If you want to have your fun with her while you can, I won’t stop you. But in the end, she belongs to me.” Her upper lip curled. “I will come for her and standing in my way would be a very bad idea.”

Evfra balled his hands into fists. It was all he could do. The movement didn’t escape her notice. She stepped back. “You’re a fighter too it seems,” she whispered. “I’ll have to remember that.”

“Why are you telling me this?” he asked. “Do you think I won’t tell her?”

The corner of her mouth twitched and she laughed. “Oh, Commander. You won’t remember anything to tell,” she said. “You’re going to turn around, walk to your quarters, and forget ever meeting me.”

“I don’t think so—”

Evfra stood in front of the door to his quarters. When did he get here? He looked around. How did he not remember walking from So-Hee’s apartment to his own? Perhaps he was more exhausted than he thought. He had a few hours to rest before the shuttle. Giving the Moshae a story would wait then. But as he swiped his ushataliin over the interface to open the door, he had this foreboding feeling that he was forgetting something important. 

Nothing came to mind.

Just another sign of not getting enough sleep. The Moshae was right. He should make a more concentrated effort to curate a better sleep schedule. Although these constant trips to the Nexus weren’t helping. Eventually, they would become less frequent.

As he lowered his ushataliin he noticed a new file. A recently added note. According to the time stamp, he had just added it minutes ago. Odd that he wouldn’t remember. He opened the note, his eyes focusing on the cryptic words he had left himself.

_Warn her_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	17. Dealings

So-Hee woke up before her alarm went off. At first, she panicked thinking she might have slept through it, but when she rolled over, she saw there was still an hour before she had to get up and get ready for the day. She flopped back and pulled her blankets to her chin. It was doubtful she would be able to return to sleep, but she could at least relax for a bit. They still smelled like the Commander, and surprisingly, he smelled like flowers. But then again, Aya’s air was incredibly fragrant. It made sense.

She took another sniff, not hating it at all. He was probably still on the shuttle back to Aya. According to her clock, he would’ve left only a couple of hours before her waking up. She wondered if he managed to get any rest. And she also wondered what he told the Moshae. So-Hee snorted, wishing she could’ve been in the room for that. The Moshae was sharp. There probably wasn’t a story she would believe that wasn’t the truth.

After laying in bed for half an hour, her stomach began to rumble in protest. With a sigh, she shoved off her blankets and sat up. Breakfast first, then she could shower. Today was going to be a normal day. She was going to have a meeting at APEX headquarters and then go from there. At least, she hoped. Normal would be good after the hellish recent weeks she had experienced.

She trudged into the kitchen and opened the cabinet to pick out a ready meal. She quickly set it up, and while it was cooking, she grabbed herself water and a protein drink. It wouldn’t hurt to get some training in if she could. So-Hee downed the drink before she ate her mediocre breakfast—while dreaming of proper sausage and eggs—and took a few sips of her water to wash the taste out of her mouth.

With her extra time, she spent a little extra time in the shower and even some time drying her hair before throwing on her casual uniform. Right before leaving, she remembered the tablet Evfra had given her. She grabbed it from the couch really quick.

They were going to be shocked when she walked in early. It was practically unheard of. Hence, Helayphea’s surprise when So-Hee walked through the door to headquarters. “So-Hee?”

“Morning,” So-Hee murmured.

Helayphea just stared at her, the coffee she was making abandoned on the table. “Did something happen?” she finally asked.

So-Hee shook her head. “No. Why?”

“You’re never early,” Helayphea said. “Never.”

So-Hee shrugged. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

Helayphea narrowed her eyes. “No…something’s different…” she trailed off. “You don’t smell like alcohol, you don’t look exhausted, and you don’t look like a hot mess—"

“Thanks,” So-Hee deadpanned.

“And you’re kind of walking a little funny…OH!” Helayphea grinned, raising her eyebrows. “You must be feeling better.”

So-Hee kept her face neutral. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she murmured. She didn’t think the Commander would appreciate the entirety of APEX knowing about their night. Especially considering it was a one-time thing. Gossip was the opposite of what he would’ve wanted.

“So who was it?” Helayphea asked.

So-Hee dropped her gaze. “Nobody.” She shrugged, hoping Helayphea would drop it. But that would be asking too much.

“It’s never nobody, you’re always bragging…” Helayphea trailed off, pausing. _Oh no_. “So-Hee…do you owe me credits now?” she asked.

So-Hee looked around to see if they were alone. Which was enough of an answer for Helayphea as her laughter echoed in the empty hallway. So-Hee could hear Octanus in the meeting room, probably to ask Helayphea why she was laughing. It was an impending disaster. She could practically see it unfolding. But she wasn’t going to let it.

She grabbed Helayphea’s arm and steered her down the hall to the observation room. It was until the door has closed behind them and she was sure no one could overhear, that she turned back to Helayphea. “Yes.”

“I knew it—”

So-Hee shushed her. “You can’t tell anyone,” she said. “And I mean it Helayphea. No one.”

Helayphea nodded, but she looked far too excited. “I knew it would happen. I—”

“Helayphea,” So-Hee said her name sternly and Helayphea shut her mouth. “Promise.”

“I promise,” Helayphea spat back immediately.

“Promise what?”

Helayphea sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I promise I won’t tell anyone that you slept with the Commander.”

“Good,” So-Hee muttered, raising her omnitool to transfer the credits to Helayphea. Of course, that wasn’t the end of it.

“So how was it?” Helayphea asked.

So-Hee sighed, rubbing her cheek with her palm. It was great. So much so, that she did want to see him again, but it wasn’t going to happen. He had made that very clear and all she could do was accept it. And she did understand his reasoning.

“Oh no. Was it bad?”

“No,” So-Hee said. “It was fantastic.”

Helayphea grinned. “When are you going to see him again?”

“I’m not.”

“What do you mean?” Helayphea perched on the edge of the desk. “If it was great, why not?”

“It’s just not something he wants to do,” So-Hee said. “It was a one-off.”

“What?” Helayphea said, sounding as disappointed as So-Hee felt. “But you guys have,” –she mimicked an explosion with her hands— “chemistry.”

So-Hee shrugged. “Maybe so. But it is what it is.”

“Damn,” Helayphea mumbled. “We were so sure—”

“We?”

Helayphea paused, her eyes widening innocently. “Did I say we? I meant…me—”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” So-Hee interrupted. “And I know you’re lying.”

Helayphea sighed. “Some of us might have had a betting pool going, even the Pathfinder’s si…nevermind…” she trailed off under So-Hee’s glare.

“You better keep the promise,” So-Hee said. “No telling anyone, betting pool or not.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” Helayphea said. “I meant that much. But I’m not responsible if someone else figures it out. You’re not exactly subtle yourself.”

So-Hee huffed. “I am subtle.”

Helayphea laughed. “In your dreams, maybe.”

So-Hee opened her mouth, prepared to retort, but a knock at the door cut her off. She unlocked the door and it opened to reveal Saash standing on the other side. “What are you two doing in here?” she asked, staring at them suspiciously.

“Nothing,” So-Hee answered, brushing past. “Just talking, that’s all.”

“Liar,” Saash muttered behind So-Hee.

“It’s just personal…okay?” So-Hee sighed.

“No, I get it,” Saash said. “You consider Helayphea more of your friend than me. Fine.”

So-Hee whirled around to face her. “What?”

Saash shrugged. “You don’t have to say it.”

“That’s not—”

Saash sighed dramatically. “I guess you’ll just never consider me a friend, So-Hee. Whatever, I guess.”

So-Hee’s mouth dropped open. Was Saash guilting her? Seriously? That’s someone she would expect out of Helayphea, but not Saash. So-Hee narrowed her eyes. “It’s not going to work,” she said.

Saash laughed, clapping So-Hee on the back so hard the So-Hee stumbled forward. “Oh well. I tried.” She nudged So-Hee towards the meeting room. “Let’s go. Boss wants to talk to us before the rest of the pyjacks get here.”

What was happening? Was the sex with Evfra so good that she woke up in a different dimension? Or was she still asleep and this was some sort of strange nightmare? One where her team spent the day trolling her into oblivion. Shaking her head, she followed them into the meeting room where Arwann, Octanus, Irma, and Rui were already waiting. She took her usual seat in between Saash and Helayphea.

Kandros was standing at the front of the room, leaning slightly against the interface table. “Good,” he said as she sat down. “Let’s make this part quick. I delivered my official report to Tann about the attack—”

So-Hee stiffened.

“Since everyone involved is in this room and knows the truth, I decided that’s where it would stay,” he continued. “As far as anyone else is concerned, the information wasn’t accurate and there was no attack. I have also forwarded this version to the Commander, and the Moshae. They have already agreed to uphold it.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. Good. That was one less thing for her to worry about. And it was good to know that they were all on the same page about it.

“It’s weird to lie to leadership,” Helayphea murmured.

Kandros nodded. “It is. But until we know who we can trust, we are tightening ranks.”

Around her. He didn’t have to say it, but she knew what he meant. They were willing to protect her. Maybe she was dreaming. What did she do to deserve that? Probably nothing. And if they were found out, they could be hurt in the end. Kandros could lose APEX. Her fr…team could lose their jobs and maybe even face exile. Was she worth it?

The rest of APEX began to file in. Their chatters filled up the room, erasing the earlier conversation from the air. But not from So-Hee’s head. She couldn’t help but feel it was wrong to put them in this position. That she was putting too much on them. It didn’t seem fair of her.

It was too late to say something now.

The meeting passed by quickly. There really wasn’t anything of importance going on. No missions today, but they were to prepare for whenever they were training with the Resistance teams again. And that was on top of their usual duties. So-Hee barely paid attention. Her mind just wasn’t in it today. If anyone noticed, they didn’t say anything.

“That’s all I have to say,” Kandros said. “Is there anything that the Lieutenants need to address?”

So-Hee raised her hand, the tablet firmly in her grip. “I do,” she said. Several eyes went to the tablet, and all of them were confused. So-Hee stood up from her chair and leaned on the edge of her desk so she was facing everyone. “The Commander returned this tablet to me yesterday. He caught his soldiers using it during their shift.”

Murmurs filled the room. They turned into gasps and some bouts of laughter when she turned the tablet on and showed the room the videos that were listed. Only one person turned red around the ears. She didn’t call them out.

“There’s nothing wrong with being curious and sharing information, but please impress upon others the importance of discretion regarding stuff like this,” she said.

The laughter in the room died down just enough for everyone to agree. Even Kandros was having a hard time trying not to laugh. She could tell by the way his eyes dropped to the ground and his mandibles tightened around his face. But she was sure he would have a good one when he left the room. Good. He needed it. They all did.

So-Hee set the tablet back on the desk and sat back down in her seat while Kandros wrapped up the meeting, trying his best to keep his voice even. The other Lieutenants were still chuckling, but Helayphea was giving her a _look_. One that she was trying desperately to ignore. But she had to admit she was thankful that sharing porn was apparently important enough to do during training exercises. Otherwise, Evfra might not have ever approached her with interest. It was doubtful he would’ve been curious otherwise.

Or maybe she was too hard on herself.

When the meeting was over So-Hee opened the interface of her omnitool and pulled up Emma’s contact information. Earlier, she was pretty sure Helayphea was going to say the “Pathfinder’s sister” and she doubted Sara Ryder gave a damn about her sex life. And if she was right, Emma had some explaining to do.

Evfra sat at his desk. The datapads had piled up from him just being away for two days. Normally, he would be through them, but his mind was not where he needed it to be. No. He couldn’t stop thinking about the Lieutenant. No matter how hard he tried to bring himself back to the task at hand, his mind would wander back to her. It didn’t matter if it were thoughts of how she felt or sounded or the cryptic message he had sent himself that he couldn’t remember.

She was still a distraction.

Sleeping with her was supposed to have the opposite effect. He knew what it was like now. Not just having sex with the Lieutenant but having sex with a human woman. His curiosity should be sated.

It wasn’t.

Instead, he had made it worse. Now she was constantly at the forefront of his mind. He had thoughts of e-mailing her or calling her or seeing her again. Thoughts he tried to squash down, but they would well up again the moment his mind wandered. And then there was the dilemma of what he would say. There was nothing to message her about. He had already made it clear that they couldn’t do that again. What would it say about him if he asked for more? Especially since he couldn’t give anything back.

His recruits noticed, but they were trying not to. They could feel the short bursts of bioelectricity every time she crossed his mind. It was making the room, and him, uncomfortable. He expected more of himself. Eventually, he dismissed them early for the day. Perhaps he should take the rest of the day to get himself together. This was no way for the Commander to conduct himself.

Not over an alien.

Evfra sighed, stacking the datapads by order of importance. Anything urgent he would take care of, but everything else could wait until tomorrow. It would keep him from raising his arm and opening his ushataliin to debate what he could message the Lieutenant about. Something he had done several times. Not that he would admit that to anyone.

The silence of the room was a small comfort. Reminded him that he was alone right now. And this was how he liked it. He liked being alone. _Do I?_ Evfra completed one report and set it to the side to grab another. He would not entertain that line of thinking. This is what he had chosen and this what—

His ushataliin pinged, letting him know he had a notification. Hardly anyone every personally messaged him. Mostly the Moshae and Paraan, and also Jaal on occasion. Most communicated with him with their reports. He opened the interface to see who it was and was ashamed of the way his abdomen tightened when he did.

Subject: The tablet

To: Evfra de Tershaav

From: Lt. Park, So-Hee

I addressed the tablet issue at the meeting this morning. It shouldn’t be a problem again. Told them to be discreet about these things.

Just thought I’d let you know

So-Hee

Evfra stared at the words, picking them apart as if they somehow meant something else. There wasn’t much of a need to message him about something like this. Was there another reason she had reached out? Was she like him and couldn’t stop thinking about him? His fingers hovered over the interface as he debated how to respond. Did it even warrant a response?

But before he could, his ushataliin pinged with another message.

Subject: Hello again

To: Evfra de Tershaav

From: Lt. Park, So-Hee

Kandros also told us about the reports for the “attack.” Thanks for going with it even if it’s not exactly a concern for you.

So-Hee

Evfra sighed. Finally. Something he could respond to.

Subject: Re: Hello again

To: Lt. Park, So-Hee

From: Evfra de Tershaav

Should you be mentioning it over an unsecured e-mail? Also, if it could affect my people, it is my concern.

Evfra de Tershaav

Evfra closed the interface of his tool. This is the moment where he should stop this right now. There was nothing about this that could end well for him. But when his ushataliin pinged again, he immediately opened the interface.

Subject: Re:Re: Hello again

To: Evfra de Tershaav

From: Lt. Park, So-Hee

Arwann and Irma checked our omnitools and made sure they were secure. Pathfinder’s orders. Good thing Emma thinks of everything. And you’re right. Them being here is a threat to you too.

Sorry.

So-Hee

Evfra frowned.

Subject: Re:Re:Re: Hello again

To: Lt. Park, So-Hee

From: Evfra de Tershaav

Why are you sorry?

Evfra de Tershaav

He waited for a response, but the minutes ticked by and there was nothing. Perhaps she didn’t want to answer. Disappointment filled his chest and he closed the interface of his tool. Looking outside, he noticed the clouds in the sky beginning to turn pink and red. It was getting late. And he had done barely anything. Someone was bound to notice.

Evfra sighed, shaking his head. Maybe it was for the best if she didn’t answer. Not that it would help him with his concentration problem.

The tool pinged again.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re

To: Evfra de Tershaav

From: Lt. Park, So-Hee

Ugh. E-mail is so laggy somedays. Sorry.

I just feel…partially to blame for them being here. We all do. In a way, it also prepares us for when everyone else is going to blame us too.

Are we going to keep e-mailing?

So-Hee

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re

To: Lt. Park, So-Hee

From: Evfra de Tershaav

Why would your people blame you?

Perhaps.

Evfra de Tershaav.

When she didn’t respond for a few minutes, Evfra closed the interface again and stood up from his chair. His joints ached in protest. Clearly, he wasn’t going to get anymore work done here tonight. He grabbed the datapads that still needed to be looked at tonight and tucked them in between his side and arm. He could just as easily do it from his home.

Despite the beautiful and clear evening, he was having a hard time enjoying his walk home. He felt…guilty. Like he was letting his people down by entertaining the Lieutenant. The shame sat deep in his gut. But he was having a hard time quelling his…eagerness every time he received correspondence from her. Perhaps a side effect of stress and loneliness. He was certain it would pass eventually.

And what harm could it do as long as he did his duty well?

His ushataliin pinged shortly before he reached the residential area of Aya. It made him pick up the pace to get to his home. Then he would see what she had said. The lights of his living room flickered on the moment he entered, the door closing behind him. He set the datapads on the table before sitting on the edge of the couch. He opened the interface, searching for the new message.

Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Hello again

To: Evfra de Tershaav

From: Lt. Park, So-Hee

Attachment (1)

Download this. It’ll be easier.

So-Hee

Evfra hesitated before pressing the attachment. If he did, it was another step closer to the Lieutenant. But he pressed the link and an application downloaded to his ushataliin. It chirped when it was finished and he pressed the icon to open it. His synced tablet beside him also chirped. Whatever was downloaded to one, was automatically downloaded to the other. He was prompted to create a username and as soon he did, one friend showed up in a sidebar. It had to be her since she sent him the invite.

<SoHee> This is easier than e-mailing

<SoHee> and not as laggy

<SoHee> and Hi! 😊

Evfra stared at the little smiley face. Was this a common greeting when messaging? Or was she actually happy to be talking to him? He was too scared to ask her. But he wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted the answer to be yes or no.

<Evfra> You didn’t answer my question

<Evfra> Why would your people blame you?

<SoHee> Straight to it huh?

<SoHee> It’s what people do, especially humans

<SoHee> When they’re scared and unable able to go after the bigger enemy, they settle for the smaller ones. The ones they can hurt.

<SoHee> Cerberus will seem like an old enemy that they can’t get rid of. But people like me, and Emma, they can see us and they will think if they get rid of us and blame us, it will stop the problem

<SoHee> It never works that way. But it never seems to matter

<SoHee> Humans have incredibly faulty logic.

<SoHee> Myself included sometimes

<Evfra> How so?

<SoHee> I try to pretend my problems away all the time

<SoHee> Not something to be proud of really, but damn am I good at it

<Evfra> You’re very hard on yourself

<SoHee> I am, aren’t I?

<SoHee> I was thinking so earlier

<SoHee> But I bet you are too

<SoHee> Being the Commander and all

<Evfra> It is not without reason

<SoHee> Of course not

<SoHee> It’s the same for me

<SoHee> But not everyone understands my reasons

<Evfra> Because you blame yourself for everything that goes wrong?

<SoHee> Now you’re catching on, Commander

<SoHee> Gotta go. Kandros is giving me the stink-eye

<SoHee> Maybe you’ll message me later?

<SoHee> Or not

<SoHee> No worries if you don’t

<SoHee is offline>

Evfra couldn’t fault her logic. And her understood where she was coming from. Evfra took the blame for many losses in the Resistance. Every time there was a failure, he accepted the burden of blame. That is what leaders did.

But it was hard.

Something not many people understood. She did. Not just because she was a leader, but because of her proximity of involvement to bad things. And because of that, she could empathize with him. It was…nice.

With a sigh, Evfra stood up from his couch to get something to eat and finish the reports he didn’t at the office. It shouldn’t take long. And maybe he would be able to concentrate now that he had spoken to So-Hee. Of course, now he had other things on his mind. Like whether or not he would message her again. Part of him told him there was nothing wrong with it. And the other part told him he was allowing himself to be too comfortable with the risk.

He stacked the reports back on the table when he was finished. It was late. He could go to bed now. Maybe even wake up early. After all, he did say he would spar with the Lieutenant once he felt he was adequate shape again. Although that came with its own problems. He would be forced to be in close contact with her again if he did.

Evfra scrubbed his hand down his face and stood up to clean up the kitchen, before shutting down the front of the house. It was something he could figure out tomorrow, or the next day. If he ever figured it out at all. For now, he just focused on his nightly routine of showering and laying in his bed in the hopes that he would actually manage to get some sleep.

It wasn’t until he was lying in bed that he started to wonder what his mother, his family would’ve thought. Of course, dealing with aliens other than the Kett would’ve been foreign to them. And they would’ve untrustworthy. As he had been when he first met the Pathfinder. But would they want him to remain alone? Or would they accept him at least seeking comfort and empathy when he desired it? Perhaps the answer would be different if he was asking about one of his own people.

But he liked to think his mothers wouldn’t have wanted him to be alone forever.

He reached for his tablet and turned it on. He just wanted to see if she was online again, that was all. There was nothing that said he had to message her if she was.

<Evfra> Where do you prefer training? Aya or Voeld?

<SoHee> Aya

<SoHee> No question

<Evfra> What’s wrong with Voeld?

<SoHee> It’s pretty but too damn cold for me

<SoHee> Maybe when it unthaws a bit, I’ll like it more

<SoHee> You’re from Voeld though aren’t you?

<Evfra> I am

<SoHee> And which do you prefer?

<Evfra> I’m not particularly inclined to either

<SoHee> Voeld doesn’t feel like home?

<Evfra> No. Not anymore.

<SoHee> Gotcha

<SoHee> I’m surprised you messaged me

<Evfra> Me too

<SoHee> I get it

<SoHee> It’s okay you know

<SoHee> To just want someone to talk to

Was it? Was it really okay? Evfra didn’t know for sure. But he knew he did want that.

<Evfra> I will be returning to the Nexus in a week for another meeting

<SoHee> Better you than me

<SoHee> I would hate to be stuck in a room with Tann for a long period of time

<Evfra> He is trying

<SoHee> Hah

<SoHee> He’s an ass

<Evfra> That too

<SoHee> 😂

<Evfra> But Tann is not what I wanted to discuss with you

<SoHee> Oh?

<Evfra> I know what I said, but may I see you while I am on the Nexus?

<SoHee> I mean, I’ll be in APEX

<SoHee> Unless you mean something else?

<Evfra> I would like to see you in private…

<SoHee> Ah

<SoHee> is typing…

Evfra held his breath. He didn’t know why. If she said no it was no. He was certainly hypocritical for asking after making such a passionate case as to why he couldn’t. Yet, he hoped she would say yes for reasons he was trying to understand.

<SoHee> My door is open, Commander.

A week later, he was standing outside of her apartment door. The meeting had run long and by the time he wanted to stop by APEX, he had been informed that she had already gone home for the day. That was perhaps better for him. No one would know that came to see her then. And discretion was paramount if they were to continue seeing each other.

Minutes passed by, but he still hadn’t rung the doorbell.

“How long are you going to stand there?” a voice from behind startled him.

So-Hee was standing here, still in her APEX uniform. Then she hadn’t gone straight home like he thought she would’ve. Good thing he hadn’t rung the bell yet then. She stepped up beside him to swipe her omnitool over the door interface to unlock it. “Are you coming in?” she asked as the door opened. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

“I do,” he answered quickly. It embarrassed him.

But she didn’t make fun or smirk at him, she just nodded. “Okay.” She stepped inside. “I have to shower, but make yourself comfortable,” she called over her shoulder.

Evfra stepped inside, following her into the living/sleeping area while she grabbed clothes from her dresser and kicked off her boots. “We have to be discreet,” he said.

She turned to him, her clean clothes in her hands. “I know. I won’t tell if you don’t,” she teased. But she turned serious at the expression on his face. “What we do is our business. And we should also agree that it’s just sex…and talking. I don’t do relationships,” she warned.

“Neither do I,” he said.

“Good. Then this shouldn’t be a problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	18. Dissolve

<SoHee> No missions are coming in ☹

<SoHee> I’m bored

<Evfra> There’s nothing for you to do?

<SoHee> There’s only so many times I can clean my guns

<SoHee> Or ignore Rui every time he wants me to show off during sparring

<SoHee> I was thinking about taking a day and jumping on a shuttle to Havarl

<SoHee> But Maggie’s been busy and I don’t want to bother her 😕

<Evfra> You could come to Aya

<SoHee> So I can bother you?

<Evfra> If you’d like

<SoHee> You might regret that

When Evfra arrived at work, he didn’t expect the sheer amount of work that would end up on his desk. One of his teams had broken up a labor camp. And this one had flown under the radar. For how long, he wasn’t sure. It was possible it was a recent one. But it still meant finding some of their people, some alive and waiting to return to their families, and others that didn’t make it. He had to figure out how long this camp had been running, and whether or not it was one they had missed. A glaring error if it was. An error that cost lives.

And then there were the condolence letters. Of course, he could push that job off on someone else, but as the leader, it was his burden alone to inform the families. To offer his apologies for not being able to get to them in time. Every loss was like a blow even after so many years. It felt like a personal failure even if he said that sacrifices were necessary.

He stared at the current letter he was writing, the words blurring together into a mess of symbols that didn’t make a damn bit of sense. Closing his eyes for a moment, he rubbed his crown with his fingers. A small sigh escaped his lips. He just needed a moment and then he could look at the tablet again without going cross-eyed.

“I see that I have arrived at a bad time,” someone murmured from beside him.

Upon opening his eyes, he saw the Lieutenant standing beside him, roughly a foot away from his desk. Her eyes were on the mess of datapads on his desk. He had forgotten that he had invited her to Aya to “bother him” as she put it. When he had offered, he wasn’t entirely certain that she would take him up on it at all. And now she was here, but he was far too busy.

The soldiers standing at their interfaces turned to spare the Lieutenant a glance, but when they saw him glaring, they turned back around to mind their own business. Evfra straightened up in his chair. “Lieutenant,” he greeted.

She closed the distance and squatted down beside his desk and rested her chin on the edge. “That’s a lot,” she murmured so no one else would hear her.

He sighed, bending his head down so he could keep his voice low as well. “Yes. My apologies. I woke up to this.” He gestured to everything. “And I had forgotten I invited you here.”

She shrugged. “That’s okay. I can still see Aya,” she whispered. “I can check in with you later?”

“Yes,” he answered, nodding. “That would be better.”

So-Hee stood up, smoothing her hands down the fabric of her denim shorts. “Cool. I’ll see if Hahri is busy and bother her.”

Evfra chuckled quietly. “Check the training room. I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you,” he said, straightening back up. “Don’t cause any trouble, Lieutenant,” he said in a normal tone.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Commander,” she said, sticking her tongue out at him when no one was looking. “See you later,” she mouthed before turning and leaving his office.

His eyes were on her as she exited the room. It hadn’t escaped his notice how much more comfortable she seemed on Aya or Voeld than she did on the Nexus. Perhaps it was because there was less of a threat of Cerberus being present on Aya and Voeld. She was able to relax a little. Tearing his eyes away from the now closed door, he turned back to letter in his hand. 

Evfra worked on the letters slowly, but diligently. This wasn’t something he wanted to rush. Every family deserved the same care from him. He didn’t use a template for this very reason. It felt callous. And everyone thought he was callous enough already. Not that he bothered to try and tell them any different. It was better this way.

A container was set beside his arm and drew back slightly. He could smell the fruit paste, but something else as well. Looking up, he saw So-Hee setting a similar container and large canteen on the other side of his desk, moving datapads out of her way to do so. Why was she back so quickly? It had only been an hour—maybe two—since he had seen her walk out of his office. She grabbed an extra chair from one of the stations and moved it to the opposite side of his desk.

“You didn’t eat yet, right?” she asked, plopping down in the chair.

“It’s not even lunch,” he grumbled. “Why would I eat?”

She looked at with a raised eyebrow before looking around the empty room. He followed her gaze, wondering when everyone had left. It was the middle of the—

Oh.

Evfra turned to look at the window behind him. It was no longer light outside. That meant it wasn’t the middle of the day. Had he really lost a whole day already? He looked at the letters. There were still three left to compose. Why had the other seven taken him nearly the whole day? And that also meant he had gotten nothing else done. What would his people think of him being so incompetent?

The Lieutenant leaned over, gently pulling the letter from his grasp and setting it to the side. “Eat first,” she ordered, but she wasn’t loud. “Then you can finish.”

She took the lid of the container off and put it underneath the container so it didn’t take up more space. Evfra just watched her. Was this really the Lieutenant? He didn’t peg her for someone so…compassionate. Caring. Almost motherly. Or maybe it was just because she was a leader and did care for her team. And she considered him on the same level? He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure he wanted to ask. There was a strong possibility she would clam up if he did.

So-Hee took the lid off her own container and stared down at the paste. There was a look of disappointment in her eyes. Fruit paste wasn’t for everyone, it was necessary for sustenance, but Evfra understood how tiresome it was to consume. There was no joy in it. Covering a small sigh with her fist, she took a bite.

“You don’t like it?” he asked.

She shrugged. “It’s better than nothing, but it’s so…tasteless,” she mumbled with a mouthful. “And gritty. Not that the ready meals from the Initiative are much better. Calling it food almost seems like a sin.”

“You have strong food opinions,” he said.

“Of course,” she replied. “I went from eating Halmeoni’s food to garbage. If you knew what you were missing, you would feel the same.”

“Would I?” he mused watching her nod her head vigorously. “Who is Halmeoni?”

“Oh,” she mumbled. “It didn’t translate. Halmeoni is grandmother. Maybe it didn’t translate because I said it like a name. Sometimes these things are easily confused.”

“What was your grandmother’s name?”

So-Hee paused from putting another bite in her mouth. “Min-Ha.” She shoved the food in her mouth. “Do you always stay late?” she asked while chewing.

“Sometimes,” he answered. “Do you always talk when your mouth’s full?” he asked.

She swallowed. “Sometimes.” She grinned at him. Pointing to his untouched food. “You need to eat. Starving yourself doesn’t help anything.”

Evfra huffed, but she was right. He could eat and have enough energy to finish his work. Work that was going to carry him well into the morning hours. It made him feel bad for inviting the Lieutenant. Not that he presumed she only came here for him. But he was the one that invited her. He doubted that she would want to spend the night in his office. Perhaps he could arrange for her to have a place to sleep for the night. The shuttle wasn’t leaving until the early morning after all.

They ate in silence. She finished before him and sat back, opening the canteen. “There’s only one so we have to share,” she said after taking a few swigs. She screwed the lid back on and pushed it towards him.

He grunted in response, still only halfway through his food. So-Hee pointed at the datapads scattered across his desk. “What are all these?” Normally, he wasn’t so disorganized. It was a little embarrassing. He was supposed to be better at this. And he usually was.

“Reports. Requisition requests,” he said. “I just haven’t gotten to them yet.”

Before he could say anything, she grabbed a datapad and turned it on. Her eyes flicked over the information before she set it to the side and grabbed another. What was she going to do? He watched as she frowned before reaching for another datapad. “Why do you have so much information scattered across several different datapads?” she asked.

“Everyone submits their reports to me and I compile them,” he answered. “Then I determine what we can do based on what we have and what is needed.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“What about it doesn’t make sense?” he asked.

She set the datapad down. “No wonder you’re so overwhelmed,” she muttered. “You have several different sets of information that could go together scattered across several datapads instead of compiled into one. Why are you the one compiling the data?”

“So there are no mistakes—”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re just making more work for yourself. And who says you won’t make a mistake?”

“I see,” he huffed. “You were so bored you decided to come to Aya and insult how I do things.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not like that, Evfra—”

She was still speaking, but he had stalled out the moment she said his name. It just fell from her mouth like it was the most natural thing in the universe. He could still hear her, talking about how he had people he could rely on, but he was being stubborn. Yet it sounded like he was in a bubble and everything he heard was muffled.

“It’s clear you’re a good leader.” The bubble burst. “But you try and take all of the burden upon yourself, and maybe it’s worked for a while, but it won’t always work. One day it’s going to be too much and they’re going to scramble because you didn’t rely on them. All of that work for what…nothing?”

He cleared his throat as she stared at him expectantly. “Are you finished?” he asked.

“That depends,” she said. “Did you tune me out?”

“No,” he answered. “I don’t think I could if I tried.”

She blinked at him. The tips of her ears began to turn a shade of pink. She dropped her gaze, her hand coming up to rub the back of her neck. Maybe he had pissed her off, but she didn’t seem mad. More embarrassed than anything. “Right,” she muttered. “I forgot what I was going to say next…”

“Something else about my process,” he said. “More criticism I presume.”

She clicked her tongue. “No,” she mused. “Something along the lines of relying on people.”

“Like you do,” he answered sarcasm dripping from his tongue.

She snorted. “You’ve got me there.”

Evfra didn’t know why it was so easy to talk to her. The tension he had been carrying in his shoulders and upper back throughout the day lessened in her presence. And he wasn’t even angry at her criticism. It wasn’t entirely misplaced. It was similar to what he had been hearing from the Moshae for year. Stars, it was probably what his own mother would tell him if she were alive.

So-Hee reached across the desk to snatch a tablet pen. Without asking permission, she began to compile the requisitions into one list. Neither of them spoke. He just ate his meal and watched her. He watched the way she frowned at the data or scrunched her face up in concentration. Every so often she would brush her hair back behind her ears and every time it would slip free and tickle her cheeks.

It only took her half an hour to compile several requisition lists onto one datapad. When she handed him the datapad, he noticed how she had already broken it up by planet, and by importance. Even more personal requests were added to the list. Requests that he often skipped over because they weren’t feasible. Clearly, the Lieutenant felt that they were.

“It would easier for one person to give you a full list, for you to approve it, and for it to be sent to someone else to put together the supplies,” she said, pointing at the datapad with the pen. “And it’s an easy list you can send to APEX too.”

“Why?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” she challenged. “We’re supposed to be allies, or at least trying to be, but we can’t prove that unless we ask each other for help. There are plenty of times where supplies are left behind on bases because we don’t know if they’re important enough to bring with us. But if we know you’re in need, we have less of a risk of leaving something valuable behind.”

He hummed, thinking over her words. She wasn’t wrong. There could be value in sharing this information and letting them further prove themselves as reliable allies. APEX was already shaping up to be a valuable asset. And the Lieutenant had value all on her own.

“I suppose it would be worth trying,” he mused. “Do you have any other suggestions?” While he was eager to hear whatever else she had to say, he didn’t want to seem so.

“Yeah,” she said, collecting the empty datapads and standing up. “Stop beating yourself up,” her voice softened as she spoke. “You don’t have to carry every death on your own.” Without waiting for his response, she carried the empty datapads and began placing them at stations.

Evfra didn’t know what to say. If he didn’t carry their deaths, then who would? How could he expect others to carry it in his stead? Or carry it with him? He tightened his grip on his spoon so his hands didn’t shake. No one had ever said that to him before. Not even the Moshae.

His eyes flitted in the Lieutenant’s direction as she moved around the room. What about her? She carried death’s she wasn’t responsible for. They rested on her shoulders and wore her down. But she told him to do the opposite. It didn’t make sense. What made him better than her that he could shrug off his burdens.

Nothing.

The Lieutenant’s words were rooted in kindness, but there was no one he would share this burden with. It was too much. And he refused to expect someone else to carry it. She probably felt the same way about her own burdens. They were similar in that respect.

When she was finished, she sat back down in the chair across from him and took another swig from the canteen. “I’ll do the menial work while you work on the letters,” she stated. “That way you’re not stuck here all night.”

“I doubt this is how you want to spend your time on Aya,” he said. “You don’t have to help me.”

“How do you know this isn’t how I wanted to spend my time?” she scoffed. “Didn’t you know I love paperwork.” She grinned at him.

“I…” he sighed. “Thank you, Lieutenant.”

“You’re welcome, Commander.”

It was late by the time they finished. She had compiled all of the day’s data in a few datapads for him to look over and approve. And he begrudgingly admitted that it was easier that way. It certainly took less time. Perhaps he would try it out. If he could manage to relinquish that control.

The air was warm and clung to his skin as they walked out of Resistance Headquarters. Because it was so late hardly anyone was out. It was doubtful anyone would see them together at this hour. And since the shuttle wasn’t leaving until the morning, the Lieutenant needed somewhere to sleep. None of these things were spoken aloud. No agreements were made. Evfra just began walking towards his home and she walked beside him, concealing her yawns behind her hands.

When he had invited her to Aya, it had been his intention to be intimate with her again if she wanted. But now, it was late and the day had taken a lot out of him. He hoped she wouldn’t be disappointed if he declined to be with her tonight. The entire walk home he rehearsed how he would tell her in his head. And he hoped she wouldn’t take it as an outright rejection.

But when she trailed into his home after him, her eyes darting around to the sparse decorations and furniture, she gestured to the couch. “The shuttle doesn’t leave for a while; do you mind if I crash on the couch until then?” she asked.

So he didn’t have to tell her after all. She was perceptive.

“No,” he answered. “I have a guest bedroom. You can sleep in there.”

“Oh, sweet,” she said, following him down the hall. “A real bed is always better.”

He stopped at the door on the left and it opened. The guest room only had the bed, an empty desk, and an empty closet. It was never used, so Evfra never felt the need to put anything in it. Unfortunately, it smelled a little stale, but it was nothing an open window couldn’t fix. It didn’t seem to bother the Lieutenant. She stepped into the room and turned back to him. “This is great, thanks.”

Evfra nodded. “If you need anything, I’m right across the hall,” he said, pointing to his closed door. Although he doubted she would need anything.

“Thank you,” she repeated, smiling at him. “Goodnight, Commander.”

“Goodnight, Lieutenant.” He stepped back so the door would close, leaving her alone. But he didn’t immediately walk away. He could hear her move through the room and then open the window. It would be a little warm, but it would air the room out quickly. Determining that he wasn’t needed, he turned to go into the bathroom and get his shower in for the night. Perhaps he should have offered her the chance to use it, but she seemed keen to go to sleep.

The entire time he was in the shower, he was aware of how close she was. Of all things, he never expected her to be in his house. He never expected it to go this far. But he wasn’t complaining.

Why wasn’t he complaining?

It had been such a long and trying day, that he expected to go right to sleep, but he couldn’t. The want to sleep hung over him like a cloud. Yet he couldn’t reach it. He sighed, rubbing his eyes with his palms. Of course. It would be too much to expect to actually sleep when he wanted to. It always was.

He flung off the sheet and sat up. Looking towards the door, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was still awake. Probably not. But maybe…

Evfra stood up and quietly exited the room. The hallway was dark and silent, and he couldn’t hear anything else in the house. But he waited, seconds ticking by, in the hopes that he would hear her stirring in the guest room. And he also hoped he wouldn’t hear her. It would mean he would want to go to her. Not even to sleep with her, but just to be around her. The implications of that thought bothered him.

With a shake of his head, he turned back to go into his room when his ushataliin pinged with a notification.

<SoHee> Are you coming in?

He stared at this message for a moment. This was his chance to say no, but he didn’t want to. He closed the message and turned back to the guest room. The door opened and he could see her laying on the bed in the dark. She had stripped down to her undergarments and she was laying on top of the blankets. Raising her hand in the hair, she waved at him. Her other hand patted the blanket beside her.

Without a second thought, Evfra strode across the room to the opposite side of the bed. The window let in a cooling breeze that kept the warm air from being too stifling. It also let in the tiniest bit of light. Just enough for him to see her with some clarity. But he didn’t lay down, not yet.

“How did you know?” he asked.

“I could hear you,” she murmured. “And I figured you would have a hard time sleeping.”

He pushed the blankets aside and laid down on the cool sheets. She followed suit by lifting herself up enough to move the blankets and kicked them down to the bottom of the bed. Silence stretched between them as they laid in the dark. A foot of space existed between them. Should he break it first?

Turned out he didn’t have to. So-Hee reached her hand across to touch his arm. Evfra stayed stock still, letting her hand drift over his arm to his chest. In that moment he was glad that he opted out of a shirt after his shower. Until her fingers drifted across one of his scars. She had said she didn’t find them repulsive but had she really meant it?

When she didn’t recoil from touching the puckered skin, he cleared his throat, making her pause. “Do they really not bother you?” he asked.

He felt her shrug more than he saw it. “Everyone has scars. Not all of them are visible though.” She paused. “Can I ask about them?”

“Most of them are from fighting the Kett,” he answered. “There are very few that aren’t.”

“Hmm,” she mused, her fingers stopped at a smaller one. A bullet wound. “Even this one?” she asked.

“No, not this one,” he murmured.

When he didn’t say anything else, she patted his chest gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I…” he trailed. It was one of the smaller scars, but it ached the most. “Most of my family was taken. But there were a few survivors. My mother Joevett was one of them. She was my favorite of the mothers even if I would have never admitted it then.” His hand flitted to the scar, brushing against So-Hee’s fingers. “She was preyed on by the Roekkar and even began to fight her own people. I tried to reason with her…the way she looked at me I thought…” he sighed. “I thought maybe I had gotten through. But she shot me.”

So-Hee remained silent as he spoke, but her breath hitched when Evfra finished.

“I don’t know what’s happened to her since then. Especially now that Akksul has stepped down as the leader to allow for a more radicalized Roekkar faction,” Evfra continued. “But I don’t think I could ever forgive the kind of people that could convince a mother to shoot her own son. It’s why I won’t stop until the Roekkar are gone.”

So-Hee sniffed and he turned his head in her direction. “Are you crying, Lieutenant?”

“No,” she answered her voice a little thick. She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I…mothers should treat their children better,” she murmured.

Evfra rolled onto his side to face her. It felt like she wanted to say something more. But her silence indicated that she wasn’t going to. She just placed her hand over the scar, her palm pressing against the skin. Gently, he placed his hand over hers. It had been a relief to tell someone about the scar, about Joevett. The only other one who had known about it was the Moshae, and she had been rightfully angry. Joevett had been her friend once. It made the betrayal run that much deeper.

“I have scars too,” she said, turning his attention away from his mother.

“Hm?” He didn’t remember any scars from the times they had been together. Perhaps he hadn’t been looking hard enough.

Moving her hand from underneath his, she grasped his hand and moved it to her lower back. With his hand pressed against her skin, he felt a few tiny scratches right above her tailbone. He was confused. They were so small.

“How did you get these?” he asked.

“I fell off a trellis into Halmeoni’s rose bushes,” she answered, laughing under her breath. 

Oh.

She was trying to make him feel better.

“Why were you climbing a trellis?” he asked.

“I used to sneak out a lot. You know, go to parties or just go places and get into trouble, do crimes. You know. Teenage stuff,” she said.

“Ah, of course,” he replied. “Who doesn’t commit crimes as a teenager?”

She snorted. “I wasn’t a great kid. I was always in trouble. I’d use the trellis to get down from the bedroom window. Normally, I was fine. It was nothing to get up and down quietly…” she trailed off as his hand drifted up her back. “But one night, I went to my first big party and got drunk for the first time. Trying to climb a trellis while drunk was a bad idea—”

Evfra chuckled, imagining a younger So-Hee trying to do such a thing. He would’ve liked to have seen it.

“I made it halfway up before I lost my grip and fell into the rose bushes. Roses are covered in thorns. Somehow, she was already awake and waiting up for me to pull me out. But I think she enjoyed pulling all of the thorns out of my ass.” So-Hee paused, taking in a deep breath. “The next morning, she made me hangover soup. She wasn’t even mad at me. I don’t remember—out of all of the shit that I pulled—a time where she every really got mad at me.”

Evfra rubbed a gentle circle into her middle back prompting a sigh from her.

“I miss her,” So-Hee mumbled. “She would’ve loved to see Andromeda. Would’ve loved meeting the Angara too. And she would’ve been a really good diplomat. She was so good at bridging gaps between people. All I can do is alienate people.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Lieutenant,” he said. “You might be better at diplomacy than you think.”

She smirked. “Thanks. You probably don’t mean it, but it was nice of you to say.”

“Do you really think I would lie to spare your feelings?” he asked. “After all, you did insult my procedures and I listened.”

“I wouldn’t say I insulted them—”

“You did,” he interrupted, teasing her.

She scoffed. “Look here, Commander—”

Evfra leaned towards her, pressing his mouth against hers. The hand that had been rubbing her back, moved to slip underneath her sports bra. His palm was pressed to the skin between her shoulder blades. If she was mad about being cut off, she didn’t show it. Her ankle hooked around his thigh and she pulled herself flush against him, beating him to it. Right now, he just wanted to feel her skin against his. Feel her softness against his hard edges.

His other hand curled in her hair, his fingers pressing against her scalp. Something she clearly liked by the way she tilted her head back into his touch. Her own fingers trailed over his skin. They touched his scars with gentleness instead of curiosity. He didn’t even flinch when her thumb trailed down the scar on his face. Now that he knew she really wasn’t repulsed by them, he was more comfortable with her touching them.

Neither of them pushed it farther than this. They were pressed against each other, unable to keep their hands to themselves, but it wasn’t sexual. Was it breaking the rules? Maybe. He didn’t care. And he didn’t think she did either.

But she did pull away first. Presumably to catch her breath. But he caught the wideness of her gaze and the confusion on her face. This was just as baffling to her. “You should probably get some sleep, Commander,” she whispered, sounding slightly shaken.

“Probably,” he agreed, but he didn’t pull away, and neither did she.

The silence settled over them like a blanket. Evfra didn’t know when he fell asleep. But he did know he fell asleep with his hand still curled in her hair and with her skin pressed to his. When he awoke alone hours later, he almost wondered if it was a dream. If it wasn’t for the scent of her on the sheets he might have thought so. He never would’ve thought getting intimate with her once would have led him here. It was supposed to be a casual relationship only, but it was feeling less so by every meeting.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to think that he had chosen wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	19. Not Like The Others*

The smell of ozone and spent heat sinks infiltrated her helmet. Smoke filled the air. Thankfully, her helmet kept it filtered out of her suit. The Kett were putting up one hell of a fight. They didn’t want to lose another foothold in Heleus. There were barely any left now. Between APEX and the Resistance, the Kett were finally losing.

Rui—fully healed after several weeks—was meleeing with a group of Chosen, while Saash and Octanus were taking on an Anointed. Arwann and Helayphea were on the other side of the base with their own team and their own enemies to take care of. The base wasn’t large, but the Kett presence was. Like they were trying to pack as many as they could into the base. Not like they had anywhere else to go.

So-Hee was supposed to be supporting her team, Rui to be more specific. Irma wasn’t chosen to be on this mission and So-Hee had promised to look after Rui. But right now, she was frozen in place, staring at the figure right in front of her. If anyone else looked, they wouldn’t see it. It would just look like she had locked up in fear.

In a way she had.

That person was appearing in front of her again. But this time it wasn’t because of a dream, or to remind her not to fuck up, or to blame her for something. They were just there, smirking at her. This had never happened before. Not on a mission. Not when she was surrounded by enemies. And she couldn’t move.

_Why?_

Why were they coming to her like this? Just standing in front of her with their smug smile and their corpse-like appearance. Always a reminder to her of what she had done. Now it seemed her own hallucination was trying to kill her at this point. Distract her while enemies were bearing down upon her. It was working.

“Look out!”

Arms encircled her waist and pulled her out of the way as heat grazed her shield. A bullet. Fantastic. They were trying to get her killed now.

Rui tackled So-Hee out of the way as an Ascendant took its aim for her. Why wouldn’t they? She was an easy target. Fuck. Rui gripped So-Hee by the armor and tugged her behind some crates. His breath fogged up his visor as he took a moment. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“No,” So-Hee grunted. “I’m fucking up.” She peered back around the crate, but that person was gone now. _That’s right. She isn’t even real. You can ignore her._

Easier said than done.

Rui clapped her on the shoulder. “We’re almost done, Lieutenant. Just a little longer.”

She checked the clip in her assault rifle. “Okay, let’s go. Let’s finish this.”

Sharing a nod, they moved from behind the crates to take care of the last remaining Kett. But So-Hee still couldn’t shake what happened. She didn’t understand why her hallucinations were bleeding into missions. It had never happened before. And if it continued, she might get hurt, or someone else would while she froze up.

Even when they returned to the shuttle, victorious and with minimal injuries, she still couldn’t get it off her mind. What had changed? The entire trip back to the Nexus she was thrown sympathetic looks from the other Lieutenants. Looks she tried to ignore. They might think she was cracking. Maybe even recommend that she be taken off active duty for a while. Then what would she do with herself?

No. She couldn’t let that happen. APEX was all she could do; all she was good at. She wasn’t a scientist like Maggie or the Pathfinder’s sister like Emma. There was no other place for her in Andromeda.

These thoughts followed her back to the Nexus. Everyone else must’ve noticed her bad mood because they left her alone. No one ribbed her or teased her today. Even when she was in the training room, she was by herself. And the silence was almost too much. She wished everything was just normal again. Not even her music could cover up the silence.

So-Hee wrapped her hands before punching the bag. But as she stood in front of it, she didn’t really want to do that either. With a sigh, she dropped her hands and relaxed her stance. What the hell did she want to do?

_Message him._

She shook her head. There was no way she was doing that. She was already starting to think she had let the Commander get a little too close. The night on Aya didn’t go as she had expected. Sex didn’t happen at all, and she wasn’t nearly as disappointed about it as she thought. The only person So-Hee had shared a bed with that didn’t end in sex, was Maggie. But not anymore.

Why the Commander?

The kissing was nice. Phenomenal actually. It was something she could see herself doing often without sex. And that thought scared her. She couldn’t do intimate and loving relationships. Keeping her relationships purely physical saved them from getting hurt…and saved her from hurting them. Maybe she should stop seeing him.

But she didn’t like that idea either.

So-Hee sighed and leaned against the wall to slide down to the floor. Her music kept playing in the background while her thoughts looped around in circles. Yet none of them explained why Hannah would appear to her during a mission. Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Or a sign that she was heading for a breakdown. But she still didn’t know if that was right.

Giving up on working out, she unwrapped her hands and stood to change back into her uniform. Maybe a quick shower would help clear her head. At least enough for her to explain to Kandros why she froze. She was certain he would’ve read the mission report by now, and he would be wanting an explanation from her. _What if he suspends me_? So-Hee sighed. Kandros wouldn’t do that without good cause. She trusted him that much.

While in the shower, she turned the water as hot as she could handle it and turned so it hit her upper back. She winced. For the past few days, she had held a lot of tension in her upper back and shoulders. Her sleeping in odd positions when she did manage to knock out wasn’t helping either. Her body was protesting her lack of care. Maybe she could convince Helayphea to give her a massage. Just enough to loosen her back up.

After finishing her shower and getting dressed, So-Hee was walking down the hallway with a towel around her shoulders. She had one end of the towel in her hand and was drying her hair as she walked towards the meeting room. Her eyes were focused on her boots as she walked. It wasn’t until she noticed blue Angaran feet in front of her, that she looked back up.

She didn’t need to message him at all. Although, she didn’t even know he was coming today. Or had she, but she was too damn distracted to remember. What she didn’t expect was the burst of excitement in her chest when she saw him. It rendered her speechless. This couldn’t be…could it? No. She could not have feelings for the Commander. The relationship she was having with him was exactly the same as the relationships she had with others.

_Liar._

None of the others knew her. Not really. They didn’t know about her past, especially about the school. She didn’t answer questions about her family and her grandmother. And she definitely didn’t message them all the time with conversations that lasted hours. Being with the Commander was nothing like being with anyone else. He knew so much about her already that she didn’t have many walls up with him.

She had fucked up.

Miscalculated.

If she had really considered what the Commander knew about her already, she never would’ve slept with him, or allowed it to go past one time. Was it too late to backpedal now?

_I don’t want to_.

“Something wrong, Lieutenant?” he asked.

So-Hee shook her head, “No…” she trailed off. “Just tired is all.”

“You’re still not sleeping well?”

“No,” she answered, her eyes drifting to his mouth. “Sleeping well would be the oddity.”

Evfra was sharp and didn’t miss where her eyes were focused. But they couldn’t do anything. Not here. Not now. Even if the hallway was empty now, someone could come out at any time and see them. It didn’t matter that she wanted to kiss him right now. That she wanted to feel his hands on her again, and his cock sheathed inside of her. Maybe if she fucked him hard enough, she would forget that her life was falling apart and she was wading into dangerous territory.

When she heard the sound of the meeting room door opening, she acted without thinking. They were close to the observation room. All she had to do was pull him the few feet into the room and then they would be alone. And that’s what she did. The door closed behind him and she swiped her omnitool over the interface to lock it.

She didn’t know who moved first. It didn’t really matter. They met in the middle, their mouths crashing together. Evfra’s hand tangled in her hair while the other slipped underneath her shirt. With his leverage, he backed her up to the desk. The metal dug into her thighs before he helped her perch on the edge. Before she could think or breathe, his thigh was parting hers to press against her molten core. She ground against him, gasping into his mouth.

Before today, she never would’ve considered having sex anywhere in APEX. She had always tried to maintain some professionalism. But the moment she saw Evfra, professionalism went right out the fucking window.

He had her shirt pushed up over her sports bra and he was working towards getting it all the way off when she heard someone calling her name. They both froze. Of course, she couldn’t just have a quickie, could she? She sighed and her head lolled back. “Fuck,” she muttered.

Evfra’s chest rumbled, and she was fairly certain he was laughing or trying not to. He leaned down to kiss the exposed column of her throat. While his hands pulled her shirt back down and smoothed it down, his mouth traveled between the spot right underneath her ear and her collarbone. It prompted another sigh from So-Hee. The sex was ruined, but this was nice too.

_No. Bad So-Hee_.

“Are you coming over later?” she asked.

“Yes,” he murmured against her skin before stepping back.

So-Hee pushed herself off of the desk and reached up to fix her hair and make sure it didn’t look tousled. The entire time, he was watching her like he just wanted to mess it up again. And she wanted him to. If discretion wasn’t so important, she wouldn’t give a damn about being seen coming out of an empty room with him. But she doubted the Commander wanted to be seen with her. “I’ll go out first,” she said. “Wait a minute and then come out after me.”

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really have to. His eyes tracked her as she walked to the door. When it opened, she stuck her head out to look around and sighed in relief when it was blissfully empty. As she stepped out into the hall, she felt the Commander get closer to the door before she felt his hand smack her right asscheek. So-Hee jumped in surprise, turning to watch the door close on the Commander’s smug expression. She couldn’t help the laugh that erupted from her.

Before anyone could come out into the hall, she began walking towards the meeting room while trying to control her expression. She didn’t want anyone to read her easily. Although, it was hard when she was still laughing. She never would’ve expected the Commander to be so bold. Or funny. She was wrong about him after all. He did know how to have fun.

There was a lot more to him than she ever expected to find.

The other members of APEX were waiting inside, already seated for the meeting. But she wasn’t expecting Hahri and her team to be mingling with the members. So-Hee perked up when she saw them. Making a beeline for them, she raised her hand to wave. “Hahri!” She slid into her usual seat, and this time Hahri was occupying the seat behind her.

“So-Hee,” the Lieutenant greeted her. “It’s good to see you. Did Evfra find you?”

“Evfra?” she asked, playing dumb and trying not to look at him as he walked into the room. “No, I must’ve just missed him.” So-Hee ignored Helayphea’s knowing expression. Thankfully, no one else mentioned it and once everyone was seated, they began the meeting. Even with her excitement over Hahri being there, So-Hee still couldn’t help the tension that began to creep back into her neck and shoulders.

It stuck with her the rest of the day. Even when she and Evfra were laying in her bed later, she still felt stiff and locked up. He was laying on his back, his head cushioned by her pillows, and he hadn’t even bothered to put his clothes back on yet. So-Hee was laying on her stomach, her head resting on her crossed arms. Every time she moved, she winced. It didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Have I hurt you?” he asked.

“Hmm?” She turned her head to the side to look at him, grimacing at the pain in her neck. “Why do you think that?”

“You are clearly hurting,” he said, pointing to the expression on her face.

“Oh,” she murmured. “No, that’s not because of you. I’m just a little locked up.”

Evfra shifted, turning on his side. Her eyes fluttered closed as his hand moved up her back to the back of her neck. “Where?” he asked.

She snorted. “Everywhere,” she answered. “It’s mostly my upper back though.”

So-Hee tried to stifle the groan that fell from her lips as his fingers began kneading her skin. They started at the back of her neck before moving down to her shoulder blades. But it wasn’t just his fingers that felt good. They were also staticky as they drifted across her skin, the static coalescing into blissful shocks to her muscles. It was like having an intuitive tens system massaging her. She slowly felt herself begin to melt into the mattress.

Time didn’t mean shit as she hovered on the precipice of sleep. The only thing that kept her from falling over was her fear of having a nightmare. She didn’t want to ruin this. Spending time with Evfra was nice, and she didn’t want her stupid brain ruining it. And the pain in her upper back was subsiding. _Bless him_. And when her upper back felt better, his hand trailed down her spine to her tailbone.

She felt herself growing wet again at the thought of his fingers continuing their downward trend until they sank inside of her. What would the bioelectricity feel like? “Evfra?”

His fingers paused, resting on her lower back. “Hm?”

“The bioelectricity thing…do you use it for sex?” she asked.

“We can,” he answered, his hand resuming its ministrations on her lower back. Each pulse from his fingers made her squeeze her thighs together. He didn’t miss it either if the way his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated was any indication. “Sometimes it’s used to communicate, bring pleasure,” –his hand drifted lower until it squeezed her inner thigh— “and sometimes used to ensure pregnancy.”

“Oh?” she said as he slowly pulled her thighs apart, but she tried to remain aloof. “How does the pregnancy thing work?”

He snorted. “An odd thing to be curious about right now,” he murmured. “But I’ll answer you.” His hand moved upward, getting closer to her sex but remaining just out of reach. “Pregnancy is rarely accidental between Angara, unless they’re young and don’t have enough control over themselves. Something we discourage while the Kett still exist in Heleus. But partners use their bioelectricity to communicate that they are ready and…” he trailed off. “It is hard to explain. The pulses can open one enough to be receptive to being fertilized…if that makes sense.”

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, I sort of get it. I guess it’ll be something I can read up more on, on my own.” She didn’t want to distract him further. Not when he was so close to touching her.

He mumbled his agreement, leaning down to press a kiss to her shoulder blade. His mouth followed the same trail as his fingers had. Sparks dripped from his lips and bounced across her skin. Tiny moans escaped from her mouth. Her fingers curled in the sheets, clinging onto the fabric. And he hadn’t even touched her where she ached the most yet.

Vocal protests erupted from her when he stopped touching her altogether. He moved from beside her until she couldn’t see him. And now he wasn’t touching her at all. So-Hee pushed herself up on her elbows to turn around. Maybe that’s what he wanted. Her being on her stomach might’ve been awkward for him. But the weight of his hand settled on the middle of her back and he gently pushed her back down. “Eyes forward, Lieutenant,” he gently ordered, but he didn’t do anything else. He wouldn’t unless she gave him the go-ahead.

So-Hee laid back down, stretching her arms out in front of her. The thought of him fucking her like this stoked the fire in her belly. His hand drifted back down her back and down to her inner thigh. “Is this okay?” he asked, kneading her skin with his fingers. Her answer was to raise herself up on her knees and part her thighs as much as she could. His sharp intake of breath made her smirk.

She would never get tired of catching the Commander off-guard.

Anticipation made her quiver as she waited for him to touch her again. And she was sure he was enjoying it. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn’t have let this drag on for this long. But for him, she stayed perfectly still and quiet. Almost as if she was saying: _see, I can do it. I can be good_. Maybe he could sense it because his fingers dragged through the tiny curls that covered her labia. The sheets muffled her groan.

Evfra paused, leaning over her and using his free hand to cup her chin. He turned her head until her cheek was resting on the sheets instead. “I want to hear you, Lieutenant,” he said, withdrawing his hand.

Before she could open her mouth to respond—or argue in her case—his fingers trailed down her labia. The sparks—gentle this time—made her jolt, the moans tumbling from her mouth. Evfra paused, giving her a moment before his thumb brushed against her clit. She expected the sparks this time and was disappointed when she didn’t feel them. But she said nothing. She trusted he knew what he was doing with this.

Evfra alternated between using the electricity that arced from the pads of his fingers and a gentle touch. Like everything else, he was slow and methodical. Every time her brought her close with bioelectricity, he pulled away and waited until he was ready to work her up again with his normal touch. It drove her nuts. Curses mixed in with moans every single time he stopped. Some were so colorful it made him chuckle. And every so often, she spoke too fast for the translator to handle and he paused to listen to her curse him in English and Korean.

And when she had finally settled with the fact that he was going to keep her in this hell, his thumb pressed against her clit, working the nub in tiny circles. As he did so, she heard the slick sounds of his other hand sinking into his own folds. It should be her doing that. She wanted to be the one torturing him, sinking her tongue inside of him and around his cock until he sobbed her name. _Next time_.

The promise lingered in her brain for .02 seconds before she felt his cock at her entrance and her mind blanked.

But he didn’t move, didn’t fill her. She grunted in frustration. More than anything she wanted him inside of her right now. His thumb stayed on her clit, working it in circles until she felt the blood rush to her core and her thighs began to shake. Part of her wanted to stop it. She wanted to wait, wanted him fully inside of her so she could squeeze around his cock. It was only fair. But there was no fighting it when electricity made his thumb hum with energy and it sent her careening over the edge.

That’s when he entered her. All he had to do was press his tip into her entrance and her orgasm swiftly drew him in the rest of the way. The sensation made her shudder and pushed her into a second orgasm that made the air leave her lungs. Evfra stilled behind her, waiting for her. “You’re so not fair,” she mumbled after she caught her breath. Her hair fell into her face and she moved one of her hands to brush it back. She left it resting beside her face.

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss her shoulder blade. “Is that right?” he murmured. A small gasp left her lips as his teeth grazed her skin. His mouth moved across her back and shoulders, his teeth digging into her skin for a moment before his tongue soothed the spot. The entire time he didn’t move his hips at all. Not even when she wiggled back against him. Nothing she did broke him out of what he was doing. It was until his mouth reached the back of her neck that he paused.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yes,” his voice was gruff.

“Are you going to move?” she asked, not caring that she sounded a little whiny and needy.

His laugh was breathless against her ear. The sound yanking at something deep inside of her. She really liked the sound. So much so that she wanted to hear it again…maybe even all the time. _No_. She had already gone over this. It was just sex.

Evfra’s hand covered hers, his fingers lacing with hers as much as they could. The hand nearly engulfed her own. And the blue of his hand was such a pretty contrast to her own pale hand. He gently squeezed her hand and she couldn’t stop looking at how their fingers intertwined. “Don’t worry, So-Hee,” he murmured in her ear. “We are nowhere near finished.”

Her heart thudded in her chest when he said her name. It was the first…no the second time, she had heard him say her name out loud. And she liked it so much more than Lieutenant. Just like she liked calling him Evfra so much more than calling him Commander. It was too close, too comfortable.

_This is bad._

So-Hee woke from the nightmare, gasping as she tried to draw air into her lungs. The sound of a body hitting bricks lingered in her mind. Another reminder of the blood that stained her hands. So-Hee covered her eyes with her palms, her nails scratching at her scalp. Something shifted behind her and she froze. It wasn’t until she moved her hands from her eyes and stared at the mirror beside her bed to see a blue hand drifting over her side that she relaxed slightly. It was just Evfra. He had stayed again.

His hand rested on her belly and she felt his chest at her back. So-Hee kept perfectly still, unsure if he was cuddling her in his sleep—which would be hilarious—or if he was trying to comfort her. “Nightmare?” he murmured into her hair.

She nodded and his arm tightened around her midsection, so much so that she winced. “That’s a little tight, Evfra,” she said, but his grip didn’t loosen. Her hand wrapped around his wrist to get him to let her go, but he was immovable. It wasn’t until she glanced up at the mirror again that she realized the arm wasn’t blue at all. It wasn’t Evfra.

Struggling against the arm, she tried to draw in a breath, but it was like the room was running out of air. There was a cracking sound in her chest. It was a rib, it had to be a rib, but she didn’t feel any pain. Not yet. Dry lips pressed against her ear and she stilled. “Do you really think you can like anyone but me?” they whispered into her ear, their fetid breath making her gag.

“Let me go,” she murmured, her fingers sinking into their skin as she tried to pull their arm away. Blood, old and black and putrid, stained her fingertips as she tore at their flesh. But nothing stopped the arm from tightening more and more around her midsection. Crack after crack resounded in her chest. Fragments pierced her lungs, and some jutted out from her skin.

“You belong to me, So-Hee,” they said. “Only me.”

“Goddammit Hannah, let me go!” she shouted, struggling to get out of Hannah’s grip. Finally, she managed to pry herself free and push herself up. Swinging her legs over, she moved to get out of the bed and away from her personal ghost.

But it was a dream and getting away was never easy.

The floor disappeared under her feet and she fell down…

Down…

Down…

So-Hee jerked awake. She immediately dragged a deep breath in through her lungs. Just to make sure she could still breathe. Gently, she pinched her cheek, sighing in relief when she felt the smallest twinge of pain. Good. She was awake then.

Opening her eyes, she saw Evfra laying still beside her. So he had stayed again. His head was turned to the side and he was staring at her. “Nightmare?” he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet. Everything was still too fresh. The pressure of Hannah’s arm around her was still present in her mind. And the things she said. So-Hee belonged to no one. Not even a ghost. But that didn’t seem to matter to the ghost.

Evfra shifted beside her and she wondered if he was going to leave now that she had abruptly woken him up. But she really didn’t want him to go. She cleared her throat and he paused. “I know you probably want to go back to your room…” she murmured. “But will you stay…just for a little longer.”

In response, Evfra settled back against the pillows. She wasn’t sure if he was planning to leave, but just in case, she wanted him to stay. At least, until she fell back asleep. She didn’t want to be alone right now. Not with the silence.

So-Hee pulled her blankets up to her chin and curled up on her side to face him. His eyes were already closed, but she could tell he wasn’t asleep again yet. It was peaceful just to look at him. Something he seemed to feel because he opened his eyes and turned to look at her. Neither of them said anything. She didn’t want to talk about her dream, and he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk at all either.

Eventually, she felt her eyes grow heavy again. Sleep was tugging at her again. She just hoped she avoided nightmares this time around. Right before she went out again, she felt gentle pressure and warmth on her back.

_Do I like Evfra?_

Evfra heard the shower turn on. His eyes opened and he blinked at the lights overhead. It must be the day cycle already. That meant he had stayed over the whole night. Not that he had really planned on leaving. It was easier just to stay away the entire night instead of sneaking back to his own quarters in the middle of the night. He turned to look at the empty spot beside him.

He vividly remembered her waking up, shaken from whatever nightmares plagued her. It reminded him of his own experience with them. So much so, that as she drifted back to sleep, he tried his best to soothe her. What he had really wanted to do was ask her questions. He didn’t know if the Lieutenant realized that she spoke in her sleep. And he didn’t want to upset her by asking who Hannah was.

Sitting up, he contemplated joining her in the shower. They had taken one last night, but it couldn’t hurt to have another so he didn’t smell so much like her. As he swung his legs over the side, he felt his foot hit something that was sticking out from under the bed. He looked down to see a small crate. His curiosity was piqued, but he knew the Lieutenant would be upset if he snooped.

Still, he reached down and pulled it out from underneath the bed. He stared at the top, wondering what could be in it. Would she tell him if he asked? Or was it a secret? One of her many.

“What are you doing?”

He looked up to see her standing at the foot of the bed. Her hair was wet from her shower and she had a towel around her shoulders that she was using to dry one side of her hair. She was only dressed in her Initiative undergarments. And she had caught him red-handed. Not that he had actually done anything yet, but he was guilty of thinking about it. But she didn’t look mad.

A corner of her mouth twitched as she waited for him to answer.

“It was sticking out,” he said, pointing at the crate.

She nodded. “It was,” she agreed. “But not that far.”

“Apologies,” he murmured. “I was curious.”

The corner of her mouth lifted. “Do you want to see what’s in it?” she asked.

“I would,” he answered.

So-Hee snorted and let go of the towel so it rested on her shoulder. Bending over, she picked up the crate and set it on the bed beside him. She opened the top and set it to the side. “I wonder how others would feel when they realize their beloved Commander is nosy,” she teased.

He scoffed. “And you aren’t?”

“Of course, I am,” she said. “But it’s expected of me.”

Evfra couldn’t help his small chuckle. She reached into the box and he heard something crinkle. Whatever it was, she was staring at fondly, a small smile on her face. She handled it gently as she pulled it out. When she held it up for him to see, she made sure it didn’t touch the floor. It was beautiful. He wasn’t sure what it was, it looked like a dress, but something more formal perhaps. The bottom was a rich purple, and the top was a lighter pink with pink flowers stitched on the purple collar and sleeves. There was a bow—or tie—holding the top closed.

“What is it?” he asked.

“A hanbok,” she said. “It was my grandmother’s. She was married in it. Well…she was married in two different dresses because she had two different ceremonies. One was more public because she was a diplomat and it was a business affair as much as it was a wedding, and this one was for the traditional ceremony with close friends and family. It was her favorite.”

As she spoke, he couldn’t tear his eyes off of her. There was softness in her gaze and her voice. She touched the plastic like she wished she could touch the fabric. Her tone was wistful.

“Is it for you to get married in?” he asked, immediately wondering why he would even ask that. Right. It was just curiosity.

So-Hee snorted. “I’m not the marrying type,” she murmured. “But that was the intention. She always did tell me someone out there was going to love me and it wouldn’t matter if I was ready for it or not.” She sighed and laid it out on the bed. “I wish I could take it out though, but it’s over 600 years old. It might fall apart if I do.”

Before he could say anything, she reached back in the crate and produced a small pot. “One of my grandmother’s earthenware pots. She had so many each of the grandkids got at least one,” she said. “There’s the few family albums she left me. I’ve digitized them all, but having the actual books is nice.” She rifled around some more. “Oh! My universal controllers. I thought I had forgotten them.” She pulled out two strangely shaped handheld devices. “They’re for gaming. I could use my omnitool, but I prefer these.”

Evfra watched as she began to put everything back into the crate. He knew they weren’t allowed to bring much to Andromeda, but he realized how little that actually was. She barely had anything of her own, or of her family’s.

She put the lid back on top. “Pretty boring, huh?”

“You’re far from boring, Lieutenant,” he replied.

The tips of her ears turned pink, and she cleared her throat. “Right,” she muttered. “I should get dressed. We have to be at APEX soon. Showers open if you need it.”

He nodded, watching as she turned around to face her dresser. When she moved the towel, he couldn’t help but stare at her back and the tiny little marks that covered her shoulder blades, the middle of her back, and the back of her neck. Of course, he had been the one to put them there. But he hadn’t been thinking clearly when he had. By the time he had realized what he was doing, he was already lost in her. Even more surprising was the fact that she let him.

_I marked her like she belongs to me. What is wrong with me?_


	20. In Too Deep

So-Hee landed on her back with a thud and the air whooshed from her lungs. Hahri stood over her, grinning down at her. When she caught her breath, she began to laugh until Hahri joined her. Hahri offered her hand to pull So-Hee up and So-Hee took it without hesitation. Some of the others are paired off as well with their own mats. The training grounds on Aya are filled with the sound of grunts and bodies hitting mats.

“Pretty good, Lieutenant,” So-Hee said, leaning down to rest her hands on her knees. Sweat dripped from her brow and rolled down her face.

“You’re not going easy on me are you, Lieutenant,” Hahri teased back.

“Of course not,” So-Hee scoffed. “But I only use my strength against my enemies. I do have other skills you know.”

“I have no doubt about that,” Hahri said, she leaned close. “Like catching people’s eye.” She winked, the movement slow and deliberate like she was still getting used to it.

So-Hee laughed, caught off-guard. “I don’t know what you mean,” she replied, trying to keep her face and tone neutral.

“Then look up, Lieutenant,” Hahri said, smirking.

So-Hee’s eyes strayed up and she saw what Hahri was talking about. He was there. Not an unusual place for him to be. He did often leave his office to oversee the training. But his eyes were on So-Hee the entire time. If he kept it up, everyone was going to notice. Hahri noticing was more than enough. So-Hee quickly dropped her gaze, but she couldn’t help feeling…extremely pleased.

Shaking her head, she squashed that feeling down. Instead, she raised her arms and settled back into her stance. “Ready to go again?” she asked Hahri.

Hahri moved into her own stance. “Whenever you are, Lieutenant. Maybe you’ll actually take me down this time.”

They advanced towards each other, each of them going through the motions. They would grapple for dominance, get out of holds quickly, and eventually one of them would go down. It wasn’t easy considered they were evenly matched in skill. But now that So-Hee knew he was watching, she wanted to win. Even win Hahri had her pinned against the mat, So-Hee found a way to flip the tables and come out on top. Literally.

The entire time she felt Evfra’s eyes burning a hole in her. Hahri teased her about it relentlessly but thankfully kept her voice down so no one else heard. In the end, it was a draw between them. The teams were supposed to break for a shower and lunch down at the Tavetaan and return to the training grounds. The Lieutenants would meet while the other recruits would do group exercises. But as So-Hee was getting ready to head to the Tavetaan with the others, her omnitool pinged.

<Evfra> Office

She snorted. He certainly wasn’t one to waste words. But she didn’t know how she would be able to veer off to his office without being noticed. With a towel around her shoulders, she dried her hair as slowly as possible until only Hahri remained. So-Hee promised to join them as soon she was finished getting dressed. But based on the look on Hahri’s face, she didn’t believe So-Hee one bit. Yet she didn’t say anything as she left So-Hee in the showers alone.

So-Hee counted the seconds before she left the showers and made her way up the hallway. No one should’ve lingered so she should be safe and unnoticed. The way to his office was empty, but she walked quickly just in case anyone decided the show back up. When the door opened, she slipped inside quietly to see him looking over a datapad. She didn’t miss the lock on the door engaging once it was closed.

She noticed—with a certain amount of smugness—that there were fewer datapads cluttering his desk this time around.

Evfra didn’t look up as she walked over. Either he was invested in what he was reading, or he was doing it to tease her. No matter. So-Hee took her time walking around the room, her eyes straying to him here and there. But he didn’t look up once. Not even when she finally reached his desk and perched on the edge, facing him. The only indication he was paying attention at all, was the slight twitch of his fingers around the datapad.

So-Hee smirked. So, he was teasing her after all. She kicked off her shoes, letting them drop to the floor, and began to nudge his thighs with her toes. He huffed, one of his hands encircling her ankle. “Wait,” he said.

“You summoned me here,” she argued. “You could at least let me bother you.”

“I will not.”

So-Hee pushed out her bottom lip and pouted. “You’re not fair. I mean why else would you ask me to come here?”

He looked up then, his face smooth. “Why do you think I called you here?” he asked, his hand still gripping her ankle.

“Watching me grapple got you hot and bothered so you wanted me to come up to your office while no one was around.” She shrugged. “I get it. Office sex can be hot.”

“And you can’t think of another reason?” he asked, not giving anything away.

Suddenly So-Hee didn’t feel so sure. There was a chance it could be business-related. Maybe. But alone? It was something he could’ve addressed over message or with the other Lieutenants. “Well…why else would the door lock?” She gestured back to the door.

“Malfunction,” he said quickly. “I’ve been meaning to have it looked at.”

No. She didn’t believe it. So-Hee looked at him—really looked at him—and noted how dilated his pupils were even though he was stoic. His nostrils flared slightly the longer she stared at him. And then she grinned. “Maybe so, Commander,” she said. “But you forget, I know how you respond when you’re turned on.”

“You seem confident.”

She grinned. “Of course, if I’m wrong, I’ll just leave before I make an even bigger ass of myself.” She slid off the desk, prompting him to let go of her ankle. Naturally, she wasn’t actually going to leave. But she was going to call his bluff by pretending.

Just like she figured, the moment she moved away from the desk, he stood up from his chair to hook his fingers into her waistband and pull her back to him. Before she could declare her victory over calling his bluff, his mouth met hers and his fingers moved up to tangle in her hair. She forgot how bad she wanted to tease him when her own hands were unraveling his rofjinn and divesting him of his shirt.

Evfra backed her up the desk and she let go of him long enough to hop on the edge. Immediately, he was moving in between her legs and pushing her thighs apart. Everything moved so fast. And he didn’t bother to fully undress her. He shoved the top of her tank top down until it was secured underneath her breasts, his mouth following behind until he greedily captured a nipple in his mouth.

She was right there with him. When he tugged at her shorts, she lifted her hips to help him remove them. He cupped her over the fabric of her underwear, his thumb rubbing a circle over her clit. The friction of the fabric over such a sensitive spot made her buck her hips. She bit back her gasp in an effort to be quiet. This was his office after all.

“I don’t want to be gentle,” he murmured, as his mouth moved back up to her neck.

“Then don’t,” she said before his lips came crashing against hers, his teeth grazing her bottom lip.

His hands left her to tug his pants down just enough. She wasn’t surprised to see that he had already emerged, pearlescent fluid beading at his tip. Sheer want filled her, so much so that it surprised her. Sure, she enjoyed sex, but very rarely did she want someone so much it made her breathless.

_Fuck._

One hand hooked underneath her knee to pull her flush against him, and the other pushed the fabric of her underwear to the side. Despite his plea that he didn’t want to be gentle, his fused fingers still teased her entrance, making sure she was ready enough for him. Satisfied with how wet she was, he wrapped his fingers around the base of his cock and pressed inside her.

True to his word, he wasn’t gentle.

He filled her with a quick snap of his hips, his abdomen firmly pressed against the back of her thighs. The sound that tore from her throat was a mix of a gasp, a sigh, and a moan. It dripped from her lips in a garbled mess. And the moment he began to move, she switched to curses. They mixed with the sound of skin smacking together. The sound echoed in his office, and she hoped no one could hear it.

This wasn’t like spending time in her room, where they could go as long as they wanted. As much as she wished it were, this would have to end quickly or they would be found out. Thankfully, she was already close. And she knew how to bring him tumbling over the edge behind her. So-Hee reached between them, her fingers finding the sensitive pearl above her cunt.

Evfra leaned down, his mouth searching for hers once more. Despite the frenzied movement of his hips, his kiss was gentle and searching. For what? She didn’t know. Or maybe she didn’t want to. But her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into the kiss, pushing down the fear of what she might find in it.

So-Hee went over the edge first, crying against Evfra’s lips while he eagerly swallowed the sound. Just like she thought, he wasn’t far behind her, his fingers digging into her hips so hard she might bruise. He kept her still while she fluttered around him, dropping his head to groan into her shoulder.

Under normal circumstances, So-Hee would be cleaning up and getting dressed by now. But neither of them moved. Evfra pressed a kiss to her shoulder and gently moved inward. He placed gentle kisses across her collarbone, only stopping when he reached her neck. When he nuzzled her she was surprised. It was such open affection that at first, she didn’t know what to do, or if she was supposed to do anything at all. Then she realized how much she liked it. The need for it hit her like a punch to the gut.

His mouth moved to press a kiss to the spot beneath her ear and he pulled away. So-Hee curled her fingers into fists so she doesn’t reach for him as he does so. This was exactly what she was supposed to avoid. But after being thrown a crumb, she wanted him to touch her again, hold her even.

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

“Wait a moment,” he murmured. “I have a towel here somewhere.”

If she were smart, she would end it. The next words out of her mouth would be a quick and decisive end to this before she was in too deep. Before it would be too late to back out without getting hurt…or hurting him. But when she opened her mouth, the words wouldn’t come out. “Were you planning this?” she asked instead.

“Perhaps,” his answer was short.

So-Hee laughed, unable to help herself. That earned her a pleasantly surprised look from him. God she almost choked on the laugh when she looked at his face. People didn’t look at her like that. And he shouldn’t either. But she didn’t want to correct him.

She was in fucking trouble.

<SoHee> Kandros is making me take time off ☹

<Evfra> Making you?

<SoHee> Yeah

<SoHee> Something about me being stressed and needing to take leave

<SoHee> Blahblahblah

<SoHee> I think Helayphea put him up to it

<Evfra> Are you stressed?

<SoHee> …

<SoHee> That’s not the point

<SoHee> They’re mothering me

<Evfra> If you’re not taking care of yourself properly, then I understand the need

<SoHee> You’re supposed to be on my side

<Evfra> When did I agree to that?

<SoHee> 😠

<SoHee> Buttface

<Evfra> I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like a terrifying configuration

<SoHee> 😤

<Evfra> How many days?

<SoHee> …

<SoHee> 5

<Evfra> Do you have to stay on the Nexus?

<SoHee> No

<SoHee> But Maggie is too busy for me to go to Havarl

<SoHee> So I don’t really have anywhere else to go

<Evfra> Come to Aya

<SoHee> For 5 days?

<Evfra> It doesn’t have to be for the entire time if you don’t want, but you’re welcome to spend as much of it here as you’d like.

<SoHee> Where would I stay?

<Evfra> With me

<SoHee> Is that okay?

<Evfra> It’s my house. I don’t have to ask for permission.

<SoHee> I mean like…

<SoHee> Are you okay with me being there for several days?

<SoHee> Really okay…not like obligated just because I have no friends and no life

<Evfra> I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t mean it

<Evfra> Will you come?

<SoHee is typing…>

<SoHee is typing…>

<SoHee> Yes

It’s later than Evfra would like when he leaves his office. Ever since his interaction with the Lieutenant over a week ago, he is noticeably more distracted while sitting at his desk. Sometimes he can’t help the way his mind strays back to her. And now she would be spending several days with him on Aya. In fact, she should be at his home already. He had sent the code ahead to her so she could go from the shuttle to his house. Originally, he had hoped to beat her there, but it was a long day.

When he walked into his home, she was sitting on the couch a duffel bag resting at her feet. Her face was awash in an orange glow, from her omnitool being open, but she closed it when he walked in the door. She raised her hand to wave at him. Despite her smile, he could tell she felt awkward and a little tense. This was probably new for her. Yet here she was.

So-Hee stood up, walking around the couch. “How was work?” she asked.

“Long,” he said. “How was your trip?”

“Long,” she echoed, grinning at him, but after a moment her expression fell slightly. “I can’t wait to spend some real time on Aya, but are you really sure this is okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” he asked.

She shrugged. “Just…you can’t really hide me—”

Evfra closed the distance between them in a stride, his hands cupping her face as he leaned down to kiss her. _I’m not going to_. Despite being cut off, she responded instantly, her arms moving around his neck. _I don’t want to hide you anymore._

Never in a million years would he have ever thought he would mesh so well with an alien. Not until the universe dumped So-Hee in his lap and he would be a fool to hide her away. There would be those who would disagree, but he could handle that. For her, he would handle it. A thought he never thought he would have.

But that didn’t mean it was easy for him to declare it.

She was so outspoken against relationships. There was a high chance she might reject him if he confessed his growing fondness of her. It wasn’t a thought he liked to dwell on, but he had to face it sometime. He was going to tell her. And he was going to hope that she felt the same. Enough to give him a chance.

Just not now.

He didn’t want to ruin her time here. And he selfishly wanted as much time with her as he could get. Just in case. But when her five days were done, he would tell her then and accept whatever outcome came from it.

_Stars, let me have this._


	21. Bound to Be

The first day on Aya, So-Hee wakes up in the late morning. It’s the first time in a long time that she sleeps in. And the first time that in a few months that she hasn’t had a nightmare. Maybe hanging around Evfra was better for her than she thought.

_Wishful thinking_.

By the time she’s up, Evfra is already in the office for the day. She just shoots him a quick message, but she doesn’t want to bother him too much while he’s working. Not if she actually wants to see him in the evening. After all, the whole point of this was to spend some time with him. And she actually did want to do that.

She took her time getting around for the day since she didn’t have anywhere she had to be. A lot of her morning was spent sitting on his back patio, just taking in how pretty Aya was. It was a slow moment. Something she hadn’t had in a long time. And she was struck by how much her grandmother would’ve just loved this. It made So-Hee wish she wasn’t so alone in Andromeda. That her family had somehow come here and they were just waiting to be awoken.

But she knew it wasn’t true.

When she finally had enough of her thoughts, she closed up the house and left. Her steps were aimless, she just wanted to move and see. She circled a few of the buildings in the residential area, sticking to the paths and brushing her fingers against the leaves that hung low over her head. Eventually, her feet led her back to the city and she walked through the market.

If the Angara were surprised to see a human just walking among them, they hid it well. But she was certain they were used to it now by how often the Pathfinder team and APEX came by nowadays. It was nice to see the species getting more comfortable with each other. She hoped no one fucked it up.

Finally, she found herself in the government building and she remembered that the Moshae’s lab was here. No one batted an eye as she pressed the button beside the door and waved at the small camera. The door opened and she walked down the steps into the lab.

The Moshae was surprisingly not too busy to be happy with So-Hee’s visit. To So-Hee’s surprise, she spent most of the afternoon talking with the Moshae. While the Moshae wasn’t shy to ask her about the harder topics like Cerberus, and what So-Hee believed they intended—nothing good was her default answer—but also asked her about Earth and So-Hee’s life before coming to Andromeda. It was easy to talk about things with the Moshae. And the Moshae always knew when So-Hee was growing uncomfortable with certain questions. Eventually, they ended up talking about foods from Earth, which So-Hee talked about at length. A conversation that just served to make her hungry.

However, she did not once ask why So-Hee was on Aya.

By the time they were finished, So-Hee was ready to eat. Was Evfra going home for dinner? Or should she just go ahead and eat? Her questions were answered when he messaged her asking where she was. He was already back at the house and waiting for her. The way her heart thumped in her chest when she realized someone was waiting for her, concerned her. But it was a little late to change course now.

She was here. She might as well enjoy it.

It was strange to be sitting at a dinner table with someone again, but even stranger that it was with someone like Evfra. That isn’t to say she didn’t like it. She did. A lot. And she liked it even more when he added her to the menu after they had cleaned up the dishes, first with her perched on the edge of the counter, and second with her pressed against the wall in the hallway because they were too eager to even make it to the bedroom.

The second day started the same. She woke up and Evfra was already gone for the day. The morning dragged on as she took her time getting ready, spending most of it just sitting around. She even dozed off while sitting on the lounge chair outside and woke up feeling pleasantly warm and mildly sweaty.

She spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the museum, seeing the artifacts and reading the information. It was amazing to see, but also a sad testament to how much they had lost when the Kett arrived. More of the Angara stared at her today. Mostly the museum’s curator, Avela, kept looking at So-Hee with a strange look on her face. It wasn’t an unpleasant one. More like she was appraising So-Hee.

Perhaps being here two days in a row was drawing the attention. But Evfra didn’t seem concerned at all. If he were, he wouldn’t have invited her in the first place. So-Hee tried not to think of the implications about it all. But she couldn’t help how her mind wandered, and where her hopes lied even if she didn’t want them to.

This time, when Evfra arrived home, she was already there—freshly showered—waiting for him. He set dinner down on the table and reached for her immediately. So-Hee was certain he was going to have sex with her again because he didn’t want to wait. To her surprise, he just kissed her earnestly before pulling away to set up dinner as if nothing had happened.

The sex would’ve been less confusing.

After dinner, they sat on the couch and Evfra showed her how to work the interface so she could watch movies or shows when she’s alone. It turns into an hour of them trying to figure out how she can sync her omnitool to the interface and ends with her showing Evfra old funny videos from Earth. He doesn’t laugh as she does, but he does seem relaxed and sometimes she even sees a semblance of a smile.

She falls asleep on his shoulder and later feels him carrying her to bed.

But she wakes alone again. This time she wakes to a message on her omnitool from Hahri. So-Hee doesn’t question how they know she’s on Aya, she was pretty sure several people knew at this point. She just accepts Hahri’s invitation to join some of the other Resistance members at the waterfall. It’s been so long since she’s been swimming. Of course, she said yes.

Settling into her little routine, So-Hee gets ready and hangs around in the living room to mess around with the interface some more until it’s time for her to meet Hahri in the marketplace. Despite how crowded it is, So-Hee noticed Hahri quickly and jumped up so Hahri can see her through the crowds. Some of the Angara chuckle.

“So-Hee!” Hahri greeted her as So-Hee drew closer.

“Hey Hahri,” So-Hee replied.

“Are you ready to swim?” Hahri asked, offering her arm for So-Hee. “Or is there something you need first?”

So-Hee shook her head, looping her arm through Hahri’s. “I’m good. I haven’t been swimming in a long time.”

Hahri led her past the marketplace and they veered down a trail through the trees. It wasn’t a trail So-Hee had noticed before, but she noted it for future reference. Especially if she spent more time on Aya like this. _Slow down, girl_. She heard the sound of rushing water and excited speech through the trees. It didn’t surprise her that there would be a lot of people there. It was warm, and water was nice on warm days. Shit, if the Nexus had a pool, she would be there all the damn time.

When they break through the trees, she noticed it wasn’t just Hahri’s team there, but also quite a few Angaran families. They looked a little wary of So-Hee but otherwise ignored her. The children, not so much. They looked and pointed at So-Hee—mostly at her hair—and looked like they’re going to approach before they were scolded by their mothers. Hahri led her towards the team where everyone greeted her like it was completely normal for her to be there.

And for the moment, it feels like it is. Like this was a space she belonged in, if only for a day. She relished the feeling for now. Who knew when she would have it again?

They sat on the shore for a while, just talking and drinking fruit juice while the sun beat down on them. But eventually, it got hot and they all gravitated towards the water. The Angara strip down to nothing. So-Hee kicked off her shorts and pulled off her tank top but kept on her plain Initiative underwear and sports bra. If they notice the hickey Evfra left on her collarbone—and no one could really miss it—they don’t say anything.

No one brings up why she’s there. At least, not until she and Hahri were swimming close to the waterfall while the others were several feet away. With the roar of the waterfall masking their conversation, Hahri leaned close. “What are your intentions, So-Hee?”

“What?” So-Hee asked, leaning back against some of the smooth rocks.

“With the Commander, with Evfra,” Hahri clarified.

So-Hee dropped her gaze, shrugging. “I don’t have any really.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Hahri said. “Maybe you believe it, but I don’t.”

“Evfra is…he’s…I don’t know,” So-Hee murmured. “I really don’t, Hahri.”

“That I believe,” Hahri responded. “May I give you advice?”

So-Hee shrugged. “Sure.”

“Many of us respect you. I consider you a friend. And we all respect and care for Evfra. He has led us through these dark times. If you hurt Evfra, many of us will not feel the same way for you that we do now.” Hahri rested her elbows on the rocks near So-Hee. “None of us have seen Evfra so…soft and caring of something other than the Resistance. Even if it ends, please end it well. I don’t want to see either of you hurt.”

So-Hee didn’t know what to say to that, and Hahri didn’t demand an answer. But it left So-Hee with so much to think about. Was Evfra really changing from being around her? Did he have feelings for her then? And why did that thought make her happier than she should ever be? So many questions that she carried back to the house with her. They bounced around her while she showered, and even spoke louder than the random program she selected on the interface.

And they definitely didn’t quiet when Evfra walked through the door. She swallowed them down to smile at him. “How was work?” she asked.

“Easy, thankfully,” he responded. “It’s going to storm tonight. I hope you weren’t planning on going anywhere.”

She shook her head. Considering nights were all they had, she saved them for him. They ate dinner as usual and the storm began shortly after they finished. Lightning lit up the sky and rain pattered against the windows. So-Hee sat on the couch, tucked into his side with her legs stretched out to rest on the table. They had selected something to watch but she hadn’t been paying attention to it. All she could think about was Evfra’s arm around her shoulders, his fingers stroking up and down her upper arm.

_Is this what it could be like?_

A streak of lightning lit up the room and a few seconds later the power flickered before turning off, plunging them into darkness.

“The generator should kick on,” he murmured.

They were silent as the seconds ticked by, but by the time a minute passed she realized the generator probably wasn’t going to kick on. He sighed and shifted, pulling his arm away. “I should go check it.”

So-Hee reached out, her hand wrapping around his. “It’s fine,” she said. “I’m not scared of the dark.”

He snorted, but he sat back, tucking her into his side again. She was turned towards him. Even in the dark, she could see him well enough to stare at his profile. He must have felt her staring because he turned his head to stare at her back. It still made her uncomfortable when he just looked at her. It made her feel like he could actually see her and that scared the shit out of her. Especially if he liked what he saw. Then he might try and push their relationship into something more serious.

And she might say yes.

_No._

She couldn’t. She knew better. And she wasn’t going to think about this anymore.

Pushing herself up, she swung her leg over his legs and maneuvered herself so she was straddling his lap. His hands automatically went to her waist to pull her flush against him. _Yes_. This was fine. This is all it was supposed to be anyway. So-Hee kissed him fervently, trying her best to push the thoughts from her brain. They were a hindrance.

Evfra went along with it at first. One of his hands slipped up the back of her shirt to press against her skin while the other ran through her hair, tugging lightly at the strands. But then he gently tilted her head back to put some space between them. “Something’s bothering you,” he murmured.

She shook her head, but he wasn’t convinced.

“Do you think I can’t tell?” he asked.

So-Hee sighed, her shoulders sagging. “It’s really not a big deal, Evfra.”

“I think it is.” He let go of her hair to cup her cheek instead. The touch was so gentle it confused her all over again. On one hand, she wanted, _craved_ , to be touched like this. On the other hand, she knew it would end badly if she let this continue.

_Or maybe it wouldn’t_.

“This thing…” she whispered, averting her eyes. “It’s not casual anymore, is it?”

Evfra seemed hesitant to answer, but it didn’t stop him from looking her in the face. “No, I don’t think so.” His thumb swiped over her cheekbone. “But I don’t mind either. I…I am willing to see where this goes, even if it goes nowhere.”

“Evfra, I don’t date. For good reason even if I don’t want to talk about that reason. I like spending time with you, but I don’t know if I can.” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I can do this. Or if I would be any good at this. And really, why me? I can’t really be your first choice, can I?”

He sighed. “You think so little of yourself,” he murmured. “But you are. You are my only choice. I understand your hesitation, and I will not push you into anything you don’t want. But if there is a chance that you do want this, I’m hoping you’ll try.”

So-Hee didn’t know what to say. There were things she wanted to say, but she couldn’t. Knee-jerk reactions wouldn’t help her at all. She needed to think it over. Really think if this was something she really wanted. It was a big risk for both of them. But she was more worried about hurting him than anything.

“I need to think about it,” she whispered.

He nodded. “I understand.”

So-Hee swallowed. “We have two days left. I’ll give you my answer before I leave,” she promised.

It was dark—and with the lightning, it was hard to tell for sure—but she swore he smiled at her, happy enough with her answer. But he closed the space between them before she could ask and captured her mouth again. It felt different now that everything was out in the open. She couldn’t ignore the truth, or her growing feelings anymore.

She just hoped she could make the right choice.


	22. What a Wicked Thing to do, to Let Me Dream of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm posting this late. One of our cats got sick and didn't make it. I will still be posting chapter 23 this weekend, the schedule won't change. Thank you <3

So-Hee woke up with her mind heavy. Looking to the side, she noticed the sheets were rumpled from where Evfra had slept. She rolled over and touched the spot to find it was still warm. It was a surprise. The other nights he had gone back to his own bed, but not last night. She remembered the conversation, the awkward silence after that she covered by kissing him. After that, he carried her to bed while the storm raged on outside. They laid there in the silence with their thoughts until she fell asleep first.

Kicking off the covers, she sprawled out on the bed. But it was hard to relax now. She had to give him an answer tomorrow night. Either yes or no, and she didn’t like either of them. But it couldn’t continue like this. That much was clear.

_What would be so wrong about saying yes?_

So-Hee was surprised by how much she wanted to say yes. But it wasn’t fair. She had lied to him, and he couldn’t make a clear decision if she didn’t tell him the truth. Yet, she didn’t know if she was prepared enough to deal with the possible rejection. He might completely push her away if he truly understood why she kept people at a distance.

Maybe that would be easier.

But she wanted to be selfish. To take this opportunity and let whatever was going to happen just happen. And maybe she should. Who knows? Maybe it would be okay in the end.

So-Hee sighed and burrowed her face into the sheets. She was no closer to an answer. There were too many what-ifs. Too many things that could go oh so wrong. And all of them would be her fault.

Tired of just lying there, she rolled over to get out of bed. Maybe she should just stick around the house for the day? Just take some time to think on her own. It would probably be for the best.

She walked into the living room when she noticed the patio doors were open. Automatically, she was wary. But when she noticed it was just Evfra she relaxed for a moment. And then she tensed up all over again. He was standing in the middle of the patio, facing the city, and the interface of his ushataliin was open. Normally, he was already gone for the day. Maybe he had slept in? Or maybe he wasn’t going in at all? Her heart jumped at the thought of spending the day with him, but she pushed the feeling down.

When she stepped outside behind him, he didn’t acknowledge her. Or maybe he just didn’t notice. So-Hee stared at his back. Before she could convince herself not to, she moved forward and slowly wrapped her arms around her waist. Her cheek was pressed against his back. It rumbled slightly as he chuckled. She felt one of his hands cover her own.

_Can I say yes?_

“Morning,” he said, letting her cling to him for a moment.

“I’m surprised you’re here,” she answered. “You’re usually at HQ by now.”

“Usually,” he agreed. “But I was waiting for you. I think you should come with me today.”

So-Hee pulled away. “Why? Are you putting me to work?” she teased, expecting him to laugh. But when he turned to face her, he didn’t look amused.

Her mouth straightened. “Did something happen?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“I received a message from Kandros. Apparently, there will be a liaison for APEX waiting for me when I arrive,” he said, his expression unreadable.

“Liaison?” She shook her head. “We don’t have a liaison for APEX.”

He nodded. “I know. But it seems Tann has taken it upon himself to assign one.”

So-Hee’s jaw dropped. That sneaky son of a bitch. She scoffed. “Un-fucking-believable.”

“I feel the same,” he said. “It is unnecessary—”

“Of course it is!” Her voice climbed an octave. “Tann just wants to exert control over everything, but APEX doesn’t belong to him, and he’s trying to find a reason to remove Kandros from the lead. I won’t let this happen.”

Evfra cupped her face, not bothered by her outburst. “Neither will I,” he promised. “That’s why I want you to come with me. You are a good judge of character and I value your instincts.”

The praise made her feel simultaneously pleased and uncomfortable. Especially since she knew he meant it. He drew back before she could say anything. “Get ready. We’ll go together.”

So-Hee hurriedly changed into her normal clothes and scarfed down a protein bar she had shoved in her pack. She didn’t want to waste a bit of time. As they walked to the HQ together, she felt her anger simmering underneath her skin. Tann was shit, but this was low even for them. There was no way she would let Tann take APEX from Kandros. There was no way she would let herself be controlled by him.

The moment they walked inside, Evfra was informed that the person was waiting inside his office already. So-Hee walked right beside him, a place she never expected to find herself, as they entered his office. The liaison was sitting with their back to the door. But as the doors opened, they stood and turned to face the Commander.

So-Hee thought her heart might stop.

Bile rose in her throat and she pressed her lips together to keep herself from throwing up. _This is a fucking nightmare. It has to be._

_Please._

“Good morning, Commander,” the woman inclined her head slightly, but not before her dark brown eyes flicked over to So-Hee. “Thank you for meeting with me on such short notice. I am Min-Seo. I will be the liaison between the Initiative and the Resistance.”

“Is a liaison necessary?” he asked instead of greeting her.

“Director Tann believes the alliance will be smoother if a third party handles the communications between APEX and the Resistance,” she answered, straightening up. “I assure you, Commander, I am good at my job.”

“We will see,” he said. Evfra gestured to So-Hee. “This is Lieutenant—”

“Park So-Hee,” the woman finished. “Yes, I have read all of the employee files for APEX. In fact, I was wondering if I might speak with the Lieutenant before we have our meeting.” Her eyes moved back to So-Hee.

So-Hee shoved her hands in her pockets so no one could see them shake. _I don’t want to talk to her_. Keeping her face blank—which was no easy task—she gave Evfra a small nod. “Alright,” Evfra said. “I will wait.”

The woman inclined her head again. “Thank you, Commander. I won’t be long.” She walked past So-Hee first, taking care not to touch So-Hee at all.

“Are you okay?” Evfra murmured.

So-Hee nodded. “Yes,” she lied, hoping he would buy it. “I’ll go talk to her. Maybe I’ll find something out.”

Evfra nodded, but he didn’t look wholly convinced. So-Hee made herself turn around and follow Min-Seo out of the room. The woman didn’t speak to her at all, she just walked out of HQ at a brisk pace and trusted So-Hee to follow. Which she did. It wasn’t until they rounded a corner into an empty space tucked beside the building that Min-Seo stopped. They were alone.

Min-Seo turned to look at her, her eyes narrowed and scrutinizing. Her arms folded over her chest. The silence stretched between them. But So-Hee could already hear the words in her head. _Live like you don’t exist_. So-Hee swallowed hard and dropped her gaze.

“I didn’t expect to meet you so soon,” Min-Seo finally said. “No one told me you would be here.”

So-Hee said nothing.

Min-Seo sighed. “There’s no need to beat around the bush, so I’ll make this quick. It’s clear you have some relationship with the Commander. You need to end it.”

“I don’t—”

“What?” Min-Seo demanded. “You don’t want to end it?”

So-Hee kept her eyes on the ground, but she shook her head.

“So you don’t end it, and then what? Eventually, he figures out how disappointing you are. Or how you only offer violence here and he throws you away. You are lacking, So-Hee. And the Commander is too important of a person for you to have as a plaything,” Min-Seo said. “Do you really think you’re worth causing a diplomatic incident over?”

So-Hee didn’t answer. There was no point.

“Tann was worried about the alliance being fucked up by APEX. Apparently, his concerns were correct.” Min-Seo uncrossed her arms. “Either end it So-Hee, or you will lose. It would be embarrassing for you to be a Corporal again—”

“You can’t do that,” So-Hee finally said something. “You don’t have the authority—”

“I do now,” Min-Seo cut her off. “Tann has given me full permission to do what is necessary to clean up the alliance. And Kandros can not save you. Not with APEX in such a precarious position.” Min-Seo checked her omnitool. “I should get back to the Commander. I’m sure you’ll make the right choice. For once,” she threw the last statement over her shoulder as she walked away to leave So-Hee alone.

So-Hee pulled her still shaking hands from her pockets and swiped at the tears that began to drip down her face. _This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t fair_. She choked back a sob.

There was no way she was going back to the office. Evfra would know something was wrong. And So-Hee wouldn’t be able to tell him. It would be another lie she would have to unravel. The one she hoped she would never have to.

Min-Seo had won again.

So-Hee turned to go back to the house. Evfra would be busy for at least a few hours and that would give her time to pull herself together. The smart choice would be to try and leave while Evfra was still in there. But she couldn’t do that. She didn’t want to. But it was clear her choice had been made for her.

_Just let me have tonight_.

So-Hee was in the shower when he returned. In the end, he had spent nearly a full day at headquarters, and she had returned to the house to hide…and think. Her mind chased itself into circles. And she was still no closer to knowing what to do. Or what to say. So she just stood under the warm water, letting it hide the tears that had dripped down her face.

This is how Evfra found her. Just standing under the water with her shoulders hunched inward. He didn’t ask what was wrong. She wouldn’t have told him the truth even if he did.

He stepped into the shower behind her. At first, nothing happened. He didn’t even touch her. But after a few seconds past, she felt his mouth brush in between her shoulder blades. It was so gentle that if she wasn’t so hyper-aware, she might have missed it. The second kiss was a little firmer. Like he had made sure she wouldn’t shatter first before touching her.

She didn’t deserve it. Not with what she was planning.

But if this was all she had, then she was going to take it.

So-Hee turned around, her hands and mouth seeking him out. And he obliged her. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her softly like her lips were made of glass. It was So-Hee that nudged his mouth open to deepen the kiss. She was the one that pressed against him like she was trying to meld her body to his.

Despite her insistence, Evfra didn’t move any faster. It was like he was trying to savor her. Maybe in a way, he knew and he wanted to take his time. Or maybe this was his plea to her to say yes. Something she knew she couldn’t say now. A relationship with Evfra was impossible.

The time between them leaving the shower and him laying her down on the bed was a blur. They didn’t even pause to dry off. The wet sheets clung to her skin but she didn’t care. Not with Evfra pressing her into the mattress, his hands roaming every inch of her skin. The way he touched her made her want to cry all over again. It’s never like this. Achingly bittersweet and loving. It’s a feeling she wants to experience again and again. But she’ll have to settle with carrying it with her when this is over.

An hour later they’re lying on the bed, but this time they finished showering and changed the wet sheets to dry ones. So-Hee is on her stomach, her cheek resting on one forearm, while Evfra is holding her other hand. They haven’t said much. But they keep touching each other. Just small touches here and there like they’re reminding each other that the other still exists.

“I’m going to take tomorrow off,” Evfra finally spoke up, his thumb brushing over her knuckles.

So-Hee raised an eyebrow. “A day off? You?”

He nodded, ignoring her teasing tone. “I want to spend the day with you,” he murmured. “What do you want to do?”

_I want to stay._

“Hmmmm.” So-Hee pursed her lips as she thought of the things she would actually want to do. “We could go to the market in the morning. It’s nice in the morning.”

“Is that all?” he asked.

She snorted. “No. Then we could go swimming while it’s hot.”

“We could,” he agreed.

“Have lunch in the Tavetaan, visit the museum, and come back for dinner and spend the evening together,” she said, ticking everything off on her fingers. They were all things she had found herself wanting to do with Evfra while she had been here. Now they wouldn’t even get the chance.

“Sounds like a busy day,” he mused, raising her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles.

“Is it too much?” she asked.

He shook his head. “If that’s what you want to do, we’ll do it.”

_I wish_.

Evfra watched her sleep. There was something wrong. He knew it deep in his gut, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Ever since she had laid eyes on the liaison, So-Hee had this look in her eyes. It was like sadness mixed with fear. What was she so afraid of? What is it him? Had he pushed her far too soon? Evfra had to admit, it had been a long time since he considered having feelings for another person. And his feelings for So-Hee had come by complete surprise.

That didn’t mean she felt the same.

Her brow creased as she slept and she mumbled incoherencies. Whatever she was dreaming, it sounded like it hurt. Evfra found himself reaching across to run his fingers through her hair and stroke her cheek with his thumb. It seemed to soothe her momentarily. But he didn’t stop just in case the bad dreams come back to plague her.

Eventually, Evfra feels himself drifting off beside her. He falls asleep excited—for the first time in a long time—about spending the entire day with her.

But when he wakes up, the bed is cold beside him. For a moment, he thinks that maybe she couldn’t sleep and she was just sitting outside or in the living room. It’s wishful thinking. When he sits up, he notices his ushataliin has a notification for him. Dreading it, he opens the message and his heart sinks. It’s just a single word.

<SoHee> Sorry

So it was him after all.

He should’ve known better.

This was never meant to end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	23. All Around Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Attempted sexual assault, drugging

<Evfra> Are you all right?

<SoHee is offline>

The first week was okay. She pretended. She smiled. She laughed. She did everything she could to not think of him. And no one notices.

She set her messenger so he always sees her as invisible. Thankfully, he doesn’t send more than the one message. It saves her from having to battle with herself on whether or not to answer. Everything is fine.

Until it isn’t.

The second week is worse. She missed him. It’s like a gaping hole in her chest. It makes her feel hollow. And she wants nothing more than to message him. Even if it means telling him the truth. But she doesn’t. Min-Seo was shitty and cruel, but she was also right.

So-Hee just wasn’t worth it.

But knowing that doesn’t make this any better. It still hurt. And she was still miserable.

Ten days in and she found herself pausing outside of Vortex on her way back to the apartment. Anything to delay going to her empty and quiet apartment with bedding that still smelled like him. One drink couldn’t hurt. She promised Maggie she wouldn’t get out of control, but just one was okay. Right?

Anan is surprised to see her considering it’s been weeks. So-Hee takes her usual seat at the bar. And she only sticks to the one drink. _There. That’s not so hard_. It made the night a little easier. She even wakes up feeling a little better in the morning. When she goes to the meeting in the morning, she does a good job of joking and laughing like nothing is wrong.

But not everyone is convinced.

Helayphea watches her the entire time. Her eyes constantly scrutinized So-Hee for the entire meeting. It made So-Hee feel vulnerable, and she faltered a few times. Her tone would drop off and her shoulders would tense up. Thankfully, those moments didn’t last long.

She thought she was safe and had escaped notice until Helayphea slid into the seat beside her at the bar. So-Hee was on her second drink—if she could handle one then two should be fine—and she looked at Helayphea warily. “What’s up?” she asked.

“You tell me,” Helayphea said. “I thought you stopped drinking.”

So-Hee shrugged. “it’s just a drink. What can it hurt?”

“Something happened,” Helayphea stated. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“If I did, I would have,” So-Hee answered, taking another sip.

Helayphea sighed. “Did something happen with Ev—”

“Drop it, Helayphea,” So-Hee snarled. “If I wanted you to know, I would have told you. Why are you even getting in my business anyway?”

“I’m worried…we’re all worried, So-Hee. We just want to be there for you,” Helayphea said, keeping her voice low and gentle.

“Why?” So-Hee asked, her voice climbing an octave. “Why do you constantly stick your nose where it doesn’t belong? It’s not like we’re friends.”

She regretted it the moment it left her mouth, but she clamped her mouth shut. It was better to push them all away now. Or they would get hurt. Or she would. If that made her a coward, oh well. She was tired of being hurt.

Helayphea just blinked at her, stunned speechless by So-Hee’s declaration, but it only takes her a minute to compose herself. “I see,” she murmured as she slid from the barstool. “In that case, I’ll just leave you be.”

“Thank you,” So-Hee whispered, her hands tightening around her cup.

Seconds passed where Helayphea waited, just in case So-Hee took her words back or decided to stop acting like an asshole. But she didn’t. And Helayphea left her alone at the bar. So-Hee tried to swallow the guilt that filled her mouth like battery acid. It didn’t go down easy. She gulped down her drink to help. Two drinks turned in three turned into four.

She didn’t bother going in the next day. When she finally woke up—her head pounding so hard her eyes teared up—she sent Kandros a message that she wasn’t feeling well. Helayphea probably already told the others about her outburst. They were probably angry with her. And she didn’t want to face that. She didn’t want to face any of it. She just wanted her bed to swallow her whole so she would never have to do anything again.

Another day passes like this. She wakes up, drinks, lays in her bed, and sleeps. If there are missions, Kandros doesn’t call her. No one does. It’s her own damn fault. She’s alone. Not even Maggie would come find her now.

It’s the evening when she gets the message that Evfra is coming to the Nexus. There was no way So-Hee was going into work now. Not while he was there. There would be a day where maybe she could maintain some professionalism around him, but that wasn’t today or tomorrow or the next day. And thankfully, Kandros doesn’t make her come in.

She finds herself in Vortex again. This time she’s sitting in one of the booths by herself. It’s not quite busy yet so no one was else was itching to use it. The glass in front of her is nearly empty. It’s her third one of the night, and she considers that it might be time to call it a night when someone slides into the booth across from her. She looked up into unfamiliar green eyes.

Heaving a sigh, she begins to slide from the booth. “If you wanted to use it you just had to ask,” she grumbled.

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” he shot back.

So-Hee paused. “Do I know you?” she asked.

  
He shook his head. “I’m Jack,” he said, holding out his hand and then retracting it when she doesn’t touch him. “Thought maybe it would be okay if I bought you a drink. Get to know each other a little.”

Her knee-jerk reaction is to say no, she isn’t interested, but she paused. Maybe this was what she needed. Something to take her mind off of Evfra. Of course, it could backfire. But it could also work. So-Hee slid back into her seat. “Just one,” she replied.

Jack smirked and got up to walk to the bar. Her eyes follow him as he weaved his way through the dance floor and to the bar. He leaned close to talk to Dutch. While Dutch pours their drinks, So-Hee looks down and grabs the still partially full glass in front of her to drain it. As soon as she’s done, Jack is sliding back into the booth and placing a new glass in front of her.

“So what’s your name?” he asked, sipping his drink and watching her with eager eyes.

“So-Hee,” she answered, picking up her own drink.

“And what do you do, So-Hee?” He leaned close.

She drained half of the glass before answering, “I work for APEX.”

“Nice!” he said, grinning. “I work in engineering. Not glamorous, but someone has to keep the place running.”

So-Hee fought the urge to roll her eyes. Another self-important asshole. Oh well. There was little else on the Nexus. And it was only for a night. She could handle it for that long. “So, Jack,” –she slurred his name slightly— “do you come here often?”

He snorted. “Not often enough if this is the first time I’m seeing you.”

“Maybe. I’m only recently…available…” she trailed off and down the rest of her drink.

His smile grew wider. “Lucky me then.”

The music slowed down and she paused. Such a weird choice in a club. But she shrugged it off. “Lucky you,” she agreed. “Lucky for you I really need some help forgetting.”

Jack tsked and leaned back. “Damn. If I had known you would’ve been this eager, I would’ve held off,” he murmured.

So-Hee just blinked at him. Why was the music so damn slow? And the dancers began to blur together into an amorphous blob. Jack was talking to her, but she was having such a hard time paying attention to what she was saying. “Hm?”

“I said maybe we should get out of here,” he said, standing beside her now. She had no idea when he had gotten up,

“Sure,” she mumbled.

Jack offered his arm, and when she got up and wobbled unsteadily, she took it. He bore the brunt of her weight as they exited the club. Everything was moving around her and it was making her nauseous. She didn’t think she had drunk that much, had she? But something didn’t feel right.

Alarm bells went off in her head when he veered away from the occupied living quarters and towards the ones that weren’t open yet. So-Hee pushed away from him, but she stumbled, unable to keep herself upright. Jack wrapped his arm around her waist and anchored her back to his side. “You fucking drugged me,” she mumbled, her words crashing into each other.

At first, she wasn’t sure he understood her, but he laughed. “Like I said, if I had known you would’ve been this eager, I would’ve waited. But better safe than sorry. Especially since I have some friends I want you to meet.”

“I’m going to fucking kill you,” she warned.

“What are you going to do, So-Hee?” he asked, pausing to lean her against the wall. “You can’t even stand on your own. But you’re going to kill me?” Jack laughed, “You know, I’m not sure I want to wait and it’s not like anyone comes down here anyway.” His hand slid down her waist and over her hip.

So-Hee tried to push against him, but her arms felt boneless. All of her strength was gone. _So this is what it feels like_. Jack kissed her bare neck, his hands pulling up the hem of her dress. So-Hee looks over his shoulder, a familiar face was looking at her from the other side of the hall. But she looked…different. Less corpse-like than usual. Maybe it was the drugs.

She walked closer until she was right behind Jack. Why did she look so real? Her lips curved up into a smile as she looked So-Hee up and down. It made So-Hee’s skin crawl. Or maybe that was because Jack’s hand was going underneath her dress now. But So-Hee was so focused on Hannah. “I fucking hate you,” she whispered.

Hannah grinned wide and leaned down until her lips were pressed against Jack’s ear. “Stop.”

Jack paused, his hands still lingering on So-Hee, but he didn’t move an inch. _No fucking way_. So-Hee had to be imagining things. But Hannah cupped her hand around Jack’s ear to whisper. So-Hee didn’t catch the words, but Jack backed away. The fear in his eyes almost made her laugh. He turned around and began walking back the way they came, the movements jerky.

It was just her and Hannah now. Except it couldn’t really be Hannah, because Hannah was dead. The last time So-Hee had seen her, really seen her, her head had cracked open on patio bricks and she had bled out. But not-real-Hannah closed the space between them and cradled So-Hee’s face in her hands. Her hands felt so warm and real. It had to be the drugs.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” she murmured.

Hannah pressed her forehead to So-Hee’s. “Do you think of me, So-Hee?” she asked, her lips an inch from So-Hee’s. “That makes me happy,” she whispered.

“Fuck off.”

Hannah’s lips part and she laughs. “I’ve missed you.” Before So-Hee can say anything else, Hannah leans forward, brushing her lips against So-Hee’s. “So much,” she added, kissing So-Hee with a little more force. She sighed as she pulled away. “I wish I could take you right now, but they won’t let me. But you’re safe now.”

“What—”

Hannah backed away, letting So-Hee slid down the wall until she was sitting. “I like the purple,” Hannah said, leaning down to tuck a piece of So-Hee’s hair behind her ear. “It suits you.”

She was gone as quickly as she appeared. That was the first time Hannah had ever appeared to her like that. It couldn’t have been real, but it felt so real. Especially the kiss. So-Hee tried to push herself up to follow, but she couldn’t. Her vision blurred around the edges. She didn’t want to pass out here. She didn’t even know where here was exactly. And no one was coming to help her.

Fuck.

She really fucked up.

Her eyes began to close, no matter how hard she tried to stay coherent. But her body fought her at every turn. A noise brushed the edge of her consciousness. It sounded like her name. Was someone calling it? She couldn’t even answer. She was so tired. The darkness was pulling her under far too quickly for her to call back.

Gentle pressure on her face.

Her name again.

A flash of blue.

And she was gone.

Evfra was surprised when So-Hee didn’t show up once. It wasn’t like her to miss meetings. But he supposed she was just avoiding him. She didn’t have to. He wouldn’t have made things awkward for her. Not in front of her teammates and Kandros. Whatever he wanted to say to her, he was capable of holding it in.

And he had a lot to say.

Finding her gone had hurt enough. But then she didn’t speak to him for two weeks. Wouldn’t even let him know she was okay. And didn’t even give him the courtesy of ending things between them. She was just gone. Like she could disappear and he would be fine with the giant hole that she left behind. But he wasn’t fine.

Evfra was fairly certain her teammates knew something was wrong as well. If their nervous stares were any indication. Even Kandros kept glancing over her empty seat but said nothing about it. And no one brought it up. It was until Evfra was walking off the tram to head to his quarters for the night, that he heard someone calling his name. When he turned, he saw Lieutenant T’Peo jogging to catch up with him.

“Lieutenant,” he greeted. “Is there something wrong?” he asked.

She hesitated before shaking her head. “Not really,” she answered. “I just thought you might like an escort to your quarters.”

Evfra didn’t think she was telling the truth. There was something bothering her. But he obliged her by nodding and she fell into step beside him. It paid off. “It may not be my place…” Helayphea trailed off. “But are things with you and So-Hee—”

“I don’t know, myself,” he answered, not needing her to finish her question.

“Something happened, but she won’t talk to any of us,” Helayphea said. “And I’m worried about her.”

“She hasn’t spoken to me either.” He shook his head. “I don’t have answers for you.”

Helayphea sighed. “Sometimes she’s so difficult. We want to be there for her and she just won’t let us.”

“She is stubborn,” he agreed.

“Helayphea!”

They both look up at the Asari that is standing outside of Vortex. She looks vaguely familiar to Evfra, but he can’t quite place her. She looked nervous.

“Oh, Anan,” Helayphea said. “What’s up?”

“You haven’t seen Lieutenant Park, have you?” Anan asked.

Helayphea shook her head. “No, she’s not in there?”

“No,” Anan said, cursing under her breath. “She was here, but she left with some guy.”

Evfra looked away as she said this. They technically weren’t in a relationship, and it shouldn’t bother him, but it did.

Helayphea looked pissed. “I can’t believe her.”

Anan shook her head. “Dutch thinks he saw the guy slip something in her drink, but she was gone before we could say anything. And I don’t know which way she went—”

“Fuck!” Helayphea shouted. She opened the interface of her omnitool and a second later Arwann’s voice crackled over the line. Before the Salarian could say anything, Helayphea was telling her to search the security footage to figure out where So-Hee went. When Arwann told her that it was the unoccupied section of housing, Helayphea took off in that direction and Evfra was close behind her.

He wasn’t one to panic normally, but he could imagine the awful possibilities of So-Hee being drugged. It didn’t matter that he was hurt or upset with her. That could wait until she was safe.

Arwann talked them through the halls, and relief filled him when he saw her sitting on the floor looking relatively unharmed. But why would they drug her and then just leave her? Arwann confirmed that the halls were clear so they wouldn’t be ambushed, but the culprit was walking back to the docking bay.

“I have her, Lieutenant,” Evfra said, leaning down to touch So-Hee’s face. She blinked up at him, her gaze unfocused before her eyes began to flutter closed.

Helayphea nodded. “Arwann, call Octanus and Saash and have them meet me in the docking bay, also call Anan and tell her to save the glass So-Hee was drinking out of if she hasn’t done that already.” Her footsteps disappeared back down the hall.

Evfra scooped So-Hee up into his arms, her head lolling against his chest. “Don’t worry, So-Hee,” he murmured. “I have you.”

She was unresponsive as he carried her back through the halls towards her apartment. He swiped her wrist over the interface so the door opened. The lights flickered on and he carried her into the living area to set her down on the bed. The bedsheets were already pulled back, making it easier to pull them up around her. She didn’t even stir.

He doubted she would want to wake up to him watching over her, but there was no way he was leaving her like this. Not when he barely knew what had happened. Was it Cerberus? Or just an opportunist? Why had she started drinking again? He had so many questions for her, but there was no guarantee she would answer any of them.

With a sigh, he sat on the couch and waited.

Helayphea messaged him an hour in saying the man had thrown himself over the balcony. He was injured, but alive and being held for questioning. Evfra responded that So-Hee hadn’t woken up yet, but she was safe. Then he settled back into the silence.

It was a few more hours before she stirred. When she first opened her eyes, she just stared at the ceiling, her eyes glassy and still a little unfocused. A few minutes later, she flung off the sheets and hurried to the bathroom. He wasn’t even sure she had noticed him sitting there. The door closed behind her, and he heard the sounds of her getting sick.

He wanted to check on her. Make sure she was okay, but he didn’t think she would like that. So he sat there quietly and waited. A few minutes, later he heard the water running, and then she walked back out of the bathroom. She paused, finally noticing him.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice gravelly.

“I brought you here,” he answered. “We found you in the hall, passed out. And I stayed to make sure you were alright.”

So-Hee didn’t say anything. She turned her back to him and walked over to her dresser. He turned his head as she pulled her dress over her head and tossed it to the floor. When she stepped back into his view again, she was wearing a tank top and shorts. “You didn’t have to stay,” she grumbled. “I’m fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Just because you say that, doesn’t make it true,” he said. “I’m not the only one who thinks so. Everyone—”

“Everyone what?” she spat. “Just because I’m not there you all decide to talk about me behind my back. Don’t you have better things to do than gossip about me, Commander?”

“Why are you trying to pick a fight?” he asked.

“Maybe because I’m tired of everyone getting in my damn business. I don’t know what’s so hard about leaving me the fuck alone!”

“Do you really want me to leave you alone?” His voice was quiet, muted. This wasn’t what he wanted to happen, but if this was her answer to him, then he would have no choice but to accept it.

So-Hee seemed hesitant for a brief moment, but it disappeared as quickly as he noticed it. She clenched her teeth. “Yes,” she answered. “What we had was fun, but it’s done. I just want you to go.”

Evfra stood. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he said. There were no other words he could offer. If she declared them done, then they were done. But he couldn’t help but notice the way her eyes shone in the light. Perhaps it was a trick. Something he wanted to see.

She was silent as he left her apartment. There was a sense of finality to it. Evfra should’ve been okay with it. He knew what this was when he started it. Casual only. And it seemed he was the only that felt it could be more. That they could be more if they wanted to. It was wishful thinking. Of course, she wouldn’t want to choose him.

He should’ve known better.


	24. The Joke Was On Me

So-Hee received the message as soon as she stepped out of the shower. While drying off, she opened her omnitool to pull up the message. It’s just an attachment. When she opened it, her breath hitched in her throat. It was a picture from a security cam located across the hall from her apartment. And it showed Evfra leaving her apartment.

That bitch.

They were watching her. Was it the entire time, or did they start when Evfra came to the Nexus? Her omnitool pinged with a call notification the moment she closed the message. Dread sank in her gut like a stone. But she answered the call.

It’s Kandros.

“I need you to come to Tann’s office,” he said, his subvocals tinged with worry and anger. It takes a lot to actually piss of Kandros, but it seems Tann has finally succeeded.

“I’ll be there,” she responded, ending the call right after.

She doesn’t worry about drying her hair all the way. She just chucked her towels down the laundry chute and walked into her room to quickly put on her uniform. They were probably summoning her because of the photo. There was no other reason she could think of. Tann had wanted a reason to punish her, and now he would have it. But first, he had to get past Kandros.

As soon as she pulled on her shoes, she was moving out the door. She was scared. She always lost when she went against Min-Seo. And she could lose again. This time it was something really important to her. She worked hard for her rank, for her place in APEX. How would it look to be demoted back to a Corporal? It would be embarrassing…humiliating. Min-Seo knew that. It was the easiest way to get So-Hee to back down.

But So-Hee wasn’t going to just let this go.

When she walked towards the tram, she noticed a space underneath the balcony that was taped off. People were gathered around it whispering to each other. Upon closer inspection, she saw streaks of dried blood on the floor. Had someone taken a fall? Or was it something else? She could ask one of the other Lieutenants later. One of them would probably know.

The tram is packed, but So-Hee feels incredibly alone. And like an ass.

The ride gives her plenty of time to think of Evfra. Of the look on his face when she told him to leave her the fuck alone. It was the exact opposite of what she wanted. But she didn’t want him in the middle of any of this. Not that it seemed to matter now if they were calling her for a meeting. If she was punished anyway, then she hurt him for nothing.

Her steps slowed once she got off the tram. She didn’t want to go into the office. She didn’t want to face Min-Seo again.

_Live like you don’t exist._

So-Hee clenched her hands into fists before shoving them into her pants pockets. When she entered Tann’s office, the secretary pointed for So-Hee to go up. There was no smile or nod this time. They must know this probably wasn’t going to go well.

Kandros, Min-Seo, and Tann are waiting for her as she walked up the ramp. They are standing around the interactive table. Tann and Min-Seo are on one side, and So-Hee stepped up to stand beside Kandros. Two against two.

Kandros looks pissed. His mandibles are pulled tight around his face. His taloned fingers are curled into fists, and his shoulders are tense. Whatever was said to him before she arrived had angered him. She could imagine what that was.

“Good of you to join us, Lieutenant,” Tann said, sniffing slightly. “Or should I call you Cor—”

“You should not,” Kandros snapped. “APEX is under my purview, and the only one that has the power to demote is me. And considering you have not offered a reasonable argument for demotion, I will not be doing so.”

“The Lieutenant has displayed unprofessional behavior at every turn,” Tann argued. “She constantly flouts authority, and has also entered an unacceptable relationship—”

“My soldier’s relationships are no one’s business,” Kandros said.

“Normally that would be true,” Min-Seo spoke up. “But when it comes to the Commander of the Resistance, it is everyone’s business.”

“We’re not in a relationship,” So-Hee said.

“Oh? Then why was he at your apartment last night?” Min-Seo asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Nothing happened,” So-Hee argued. “We talked. He left. That’s it.” She didn’t bother saying that she ended it. Were they going to try to police her talking to him too? Not that he would want to talk to her now, but that wasn’t the point.

“If you’re so concerned about the Commander, then why isn’t he here?” Kandros demanded. “Perhaps he should be.”

“That is not necessary,” Tann said. “The Lieutenant has already caused enough trouble for future diplomatic relations. We don’t need to add to them by bringing the Commander into a situation we can handle on our own.”

“There is no situation to handle,” Kandros shot back. “I will not be demoting the Lieutenant when nothing has happened. In fact, what happened between them is between them regardless of your argument to the contrary.”

Tann sighed. “Favoring the Lieutenant isn’t doing you any good Kandros. You’re showing that you cannot be impartial—something I have worried about for a long time—and that’s why I assigned a liaison.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “If you cannot punish the Lieutenant appropriately, then I’m sure the other leaders will agree that you are no longer fit to command APEX.”

It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. So-Hee felt like she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. They were really going to take APEX from Kandros because of her? Because she dared to breathe in the Commander’s direction? No. That couldn’t be it. They were just using her actions as the catalyst. Tann has wanted to remove Kandros for some time now.

So it was her fault. She was going to be the reason Kandros lost APEX. Fuck.

Kandros shook his head. “You are out of line—”

“Demote me.”

They all looked at her. Kandros looked at her in shock. But this was the right thing to do. There was no way she was going to let Tann take APEX. He wasn’t worthy of it. Neither was Min-Seo. If this was what they wanted from her, then she would take it.

“Lieutenant!” Kandros barked.

“Demote me to Corporal,” she repeated. “If that is the punishment, I will take it.”

Tann smirked. “And two weeks suspension.”

So-Hee’s fists tightened but were thankfully hidden in her pockets. “Fine,” she forced out through clenched teeth. “Demotion and suspension.”

“Thank you for being reasonable, Corporal. It is noted,” Tann replied. “Perhaps this will be a new leaf for you.”

She swallowed her smart-ass retort before they hit her with something else. “Are we done here?” she asked, instead.

Tann waved his to dismiss her, and she turned her back to them. Kandros followed her down the ramp and out the doors. Once they closed, Kandros whirled around to face her. “What are you doing?” he demanded. “You wanted me to fight for APEX, but you wouldn’t even let me fight for you?”

“It’s better this way Kandros,” she answered quietly. “I won’t let them use me as an excuse to take APEX from you.”

“Lieutenant—”

“Corporal,” she corrected. “Just let it go, Kandros. I’ll be fine.”

“Bullshit,” he said. “I won’t let them get away with this.”

She smiled, nodding her head. “I trust you. But for today, just leave it be. I’m sure you have a meeting to attend. The others will want to know, just…keep it vague.”

He sighed. “So-Hee—”

So-Hee backed away. She just wanted to go back to her apartment. She wanted to be alone. Shaking her head, she turned and walked towards the tram before Kandros could say anything else. Sometimes there was just no winning against certain people. Min-Seo was one of those people.

The ride back to her apartment was quieter. There was plenty of room for her thoughts to scream at her. _Useless. Coward. Spineless_.

_You brought this on yourself_.

So-Hee found herself standing outside of Vortex. But she couldn’t make herself go inside. She vaguely remembered the night before. The asshole that drugged her. Hannah. A very realistic Hannah that kissed her. And then Evfra finding her. How did he even know she was in trouble? Would he know she was in trouble now?

She wanted to call him. Hell, she had wanted to call him when she was in the meeting. He would’ve squashed their bullshit. But she didn’t want him in the crossfire. Not when Min-Seo was her opponent. And not when she wasn’t the right person to fight for such a relationship. She wasn’t deserving. She wasn’t worthy.

Turning her back to Vortex, she walked to her living quarters. What the hell was she supposed to do for two weeks? It was doubtful they would even let her leave the Nexus. She wanted to message Maggie, but she knew Maggie would be busy. And she wasn’t going to beg Maggie to come back. It wouldn’t be fair.

_If you hadn’t shit on Helayphea…_

Her teammates probably wouldn’t want to talk to her either. Not after how awful she was to Helayphea. She was going to go insane with two weeks to herself.

The moment she walked in her apartment she kicked off her boots and flopped down on her bed. Rolling over, she grabbed the edge of the blanket and cocooned herself. Maybe if she went back to sleep and woke up again, she could do everything over. Wake up for the first time Andromeda and not fuck everything up this time. Doubtful. She was a hot mess.

She pressed her face into the fabric to soak up any tears. What the hell was she crying for? This was her own damn fault. Everything was. Having no friends, check. Being alone, check. Being an asshole to any romantic interest, check. But being an asshole to Evfra, hurt worse than any of the other ones.

And she didn’t even give him her answer like she promised.

Not that it mattered now at all.

“Yes,” So-Hee mumbled into the blanket.

_I wanted to try._

Muted voices woke her up. She tensed up, ready to throw her blanket off and get up swinging. Which is exactly what she did. Thankfully, she paused right before she smacked Saash in between the eyes. The Krogan glared at her and So-Hee settled down. Helayphea and Arwann were sitting on her couch while Octanus was leaning against the wall beside her bathroom door.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asked.

“Staging an intervention,” Saash deadpanned. “We’re tired of you avoiding us.”

So-Hee rolled her eyes. “Just fuck off,” she mumbled, rolling back onto her side and pulling the blanket over her head. No one moved.

Helayphea sighed. “Nobody’s leaving until you tell us something, So-Hee. Something’s going on—”

“People don’t get demoted for nothing,” Saash grunted. “Talk.”

So-Hee sneered even though they couldn’t see her. “Leave me be.”

Silence filled the room. They waited for So-Hee to crack, and she waited for them to leave. Neither of those things happened. Finally, Arwann sighed. “I did some research on the Liaison, Kim Min-Seo.”

“And?” Saash asked.

“Kim is the surname from her second marriage—”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Saash interrupted.

“I think it has to do with everything,” Arwann answered. “Her surname from her first marriage was—”

_Don’t say it._

_Please._

“Park.”

Silence gripped the room once again. So-Hee stayed very still, she even kept her breathing low and even. Maybe they wouldn’t put it together—

“Is she…is she your mother, So-Hee?” Helayphea asked.

So-Hee flung the blanket off and sat. “Why can’t you just mind your own damn business—”

Helayphea pushed herself off the couch and covered the distance between them. Her arms went around So-Hee’s shoulders and she pulled her in close. So-Hee’s words ended in a small whine as she found her face in the crook of Helayphea’s neck. The tears that threatened her before were now running down her face and soaking Helayphea’s uniform.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Helayphea asked. “Or Kandros?”

“I haven’t seen my mother in years,” So-Hee choked out.

“I thought she was dead,” Saash mumbled, earning a punch to her shoulder from Arwann.

“It’s easier,” So-Hee answered. “It’s better to tell people she’s dead. Then they don’t ask questions I don’t want to answer.”

“Like how does a mother do this to her own kid?” Octanus asked, breaking his silence.

So-Hee snorted. “This isn’t new for her. She dumped me in my grandmother’s lap, and then when my grandmother died, she dumped me in Cerberus’ lap.”

“Motherfucker,” Saash snarled.

“And that’s why you ended things with Evfra?” Helayphea asked. “She was there on Aya and saw you two, didn’t she?”

So-Hee nodded.

“You got demoted because of that?” Saash asked, earning another nod from So-Hee. “What bullshit.”

“So-Hee, you have to tell him,” Helayphea said. “Evfra deserves the truth. And I doubt he would want her as a liaison if he knew she threatened you.”

So-Hee shook her head. “I can’t do that,” she whispered.

“And why not?” Helayphea demanded.

“Because she was right about one thing,” So-Hee answered. “I am not good enough for Evfra. And it was better to end it now before it soured later. I don’t want to ruin things for APEX or Kandros anymore than I already have.”

“You can’t seriously believe that?” Helayphea asked, her voice climbing an octave. “So-Hee we’ve all seen you these past months, and you’ve been actually happy! Do you really think you’re not good enough?”

So-Hee dragged a deep breath in through her nose before she nodded. “I just want to…let it go. It’s over,” she mumbled.

But no one looked convinced. Hell, she wasn’t even convinced.

Evfra sat on the shuttle, the Moshae sitting beside him. They were waiting on the liaison to join them so they could return to Aya. He couldn’t wait. He just wanted to get off the Nexus. Seeing her didn’t go how he expected. It had just hurt him in ways he didn’t think he could be hurt. It wasn’t a pleasant surprise.

“I didn’t see the Lieutenant,” the Moshae mused. “Are you seeing her before we leave?”

“No,” he answered, staring down at a tablet, but he wasn’t looking at anything. From the corner of his eye, he saw the Moshae’s mouth turn downward.

“Did something happen?” she asked.

The sound of footsteps coming up the ramp to the shuttle kept him from having to answer—to lie. He didn’t want to discuss it. He just wanted to forget about everything. Just leave her alone as she wanted. Maybe he could convince his thoughts to do so as well.

He expected the liaison to be the one stepping aboard, but he was surprised to see Lieutenant T’Peos instead. Her chest was heaving like she had run to get to them before they left. Had something happened? Evfra set aside the tablet, ready to get up and go if needed.

“Oh! Helayphea,” the Moshae greeted her. “Is something wrong?”

Helayphea looked at Evfra. “Will you talk to her again before you leave?” she asked.

Evfra leaned back. “No,” he said.

“But—”

“She has made it clear that she does not want to speak to me,” Evfra interrupted. “I will respect her wishes.”

Helayphea sighed. “That’s not what she wants.”

“Then she should be the one telling me that,” he rebutted. “I wouldn’t have expected her to send someone else to speak for her, not when she is capable of speaking for herself.”

“She doesn’t know,” Helayphea admitted. “She’ll probably be pissed when she finds out, but I’m not willing to just let this go. Not after she was demoted—”

“She was what?” the Moshae asked. “Why?”

Evfra frowned. This was the first time he was hearing of it. When had she been demoted?

“For unprofessional conduct.”

Helayphea turned to see who had answered instead of her and stiffened. The liaison stepped on board. “Lieutenant T’Peos, I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Why didn’t you tell them about demoting So-Hee?” Helayphea demanded.

“It is not important—”

“Bullshit!”

“Lieutenant T’Peos, I understand you consider her your friend and want to defend her. But _Corporal_ Park has been allowed far too many liberties. People must face punishment for their actions,” Min-Seo said, keeping her voice level. “And if you have any other complaints, I would be more than happy to hear them, but please don’t bother Commander with such trivialities.”

“You may consider her trivial, but we don’t,” Helayphea said, she turned back like she was going to say something else to Evfra, but she clamped her mouth shut and stomped off of the shuttle.

“My apologies,” Min-Seo said.

“Why wasn’t I informed?” he asked.

“It is an internal matter, Commander,” she answered. “We did not think it important.”

“What unprofessional conduct would make you demote her?” the Moshae asked.

Min-Seo sat down across from them. “The Corporal has a history of dismissing authority and acting out of line.”

“And this was your best course of action?” The Moshae didn’t look convinced, and frankly, neither was Evfra. Something wasn’t sitting right with him.

“I know it may seem harsh, but I assure you, this was the best option,” Min-Seo said. “Perhaps in time, she will earn her rank again. But she needs to show the proper respect first.”

No. Evfra didn’t like this at all. He was already wary of the liaison, but her attitude regarding So-Hee…was troubling. And Helayphea clearly knew more than she was able to say. Perhaps nothing was as it seemed in this situation.

He was going to get to the bottom of it.


	25. Not Enough

“I’m not going,” So-Hee mumbled.

“You are,” Helayphea said.

“I don’t want to go,” So-Hee tried again.

“Too bad, Corporal.”

So-Hee crossed her arms over her chest piece. There was no reason for her to be here. They could’ve done this without her. But Helayphea wouldn’t take no for an answer no matter how much So-Hee protested. And she had…a lot. However, since Helayphea now outranked her, So-Hee had no choice but to go with them to Voeld.

She just hoped Evfra wouldn’t be there.

Or Hahri. She had listened to what they told her that day at the waterfall, and she had done exactly what they had warned against. At best, they would be disappointed with her. And at worst, they would be angry and hate her. She hated both options.

Her fears were realized when they made it to the training site. It was an old Kett base that had been cleared before by the Pathfinder. But it was large and the teams would be able to take sections and play their war games. Bonus if they found anything in the base.

Evfra was standing with Anjik Do Xeel and her mother. They had a station set up with monitors, where they could observe the teams. So-Hee wished they had done it from the base. She didn’t want to see Evfra, and she definitely didn’t want to see Min-Seo. As she passed the station, Helayphea stepped between her and it. So-Hee was grateful. But that didn’t stop Min-Seo from seeing her.

“Corporal Park,” she called from the station. “What are you doing here?”

She felt Evfra’s eyes burning into her back before she turned around to face the station. But before she could answer, Helayphea jumped in. “Her suspension is over and I wanted her on my team. If you have a problem with it, be sure to take it up with Kandros.”

Min-Seo’s eyes were intense even through her visor. “I see you’ve taken to having your friends speak for you.”

“That’s right,” So-Hee agreed. “I don’t think you’d like what I have to say.” It was a moment of sheer bravery on her part, but also sheer stupidity. Min-Seo’s lip curled and she glared at So-Hee. Perhaps she’d take another rank for the threat. But she was already ruining APEX for So-Hee, why not just kicked out at this point?

There was a sense of satisfaction that Min-Seo couldn’t say anything back. Not if she wanted to reveal herself. And So-Hee knew she would rather die than admit she was So-Hee’s mother. So for the moment, So-Hee took her small victory and tucked it in her pocket before turning her back to the station. If she stayed, she might try to talk to Evfra. She couldn’t. All he would have to do is ask her the right questions, and she would fold like a house of cards. It was better just to stay away from the temptation.

She stuck next to Helayphea like a baby animal sticking to their mother. But Helayphea didn’t seem to mind. She seemed to know how awkward and shitty this was for So-Hee but was resolute in the fact that So-Hee needed to be here. And she had spent the last two weeks trying to convince So-Hee to reach out to Evfra. There was just no way So-Hee was going to do that. It didn’t matter that she missed Evfra. She missed talking to him. She missed being around him. She missed his dry sense of humor, and the way he kissed her.

Hahri noticed her the moment she entered the training grounds. When she noticed Hahri looking at her, she dropped her gaze in shame. What was there to say? Nothing that would make the situation any better. They probably hated her now like Hahri warned her they would. But she was surprised when Hahri broke away from her team to walk over to So-Hee.

And when Hahri opened her mouth to say something, So-Hee preemptively flinched before anything came out. “Are you okay, Lieutenant?” Hahri asked to So-Hee’s surprise.

So-Hee shrugged. “Not entirely,” she admitted.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

So-Hee shook her head. “Not really.” She sighed. “I’m sorry, Hahri. I really was listening to you. Things just…well…turned out this way.”

Despite So-Hee’s explanation—or lack thereof—Hahri still looked disappointed. “I know, So-Hee,” she murmured. “But I can’t speak for the others.”

So-Hee nodded. “I understand. I can hang back today.”

“You’re not doing that,” Helayphea said. “You’re on my team remember.”

“Helayphea—”

“This would be easier if you would just tell him—”

“Drop it, Helayphea,” So-Hee grumbled.

Hahri just watched them as they bickered back and forth. If she had any questions, she kept them to herself. Instead, she gestured to an Angara So-Hee had never seen before. “We have a new recruit with us today. Perhaps we could pair him with the Lieutenant?”

Helayphea nodded. “I like that idea. What do you think?” she asked So-Hee.

“Oh, now you’re interested in my opinion,” she muttered.

Helayphea glared at her.

So-Hee shrugged. “It’s fine with me. He hasn’t had time to hate me yet.”

“That’s the spirit,” Helayphea mumbled, smacking So-Hee on the arm.

“I’ll introduce you,” Hahri said, gesturing for So-Hee to follow her.

The other Angara stared at her as she walked past them. Those that she had shared camaraderie with beforehand were muted now. Not that she blamed them. She had dropped the ball on their Commander. It wasn’t surprising that none of them felt favorably toward her right now. But the new recruit just looked nervous. Apparently, he hadn’t much experience with aliens before. So-Hee would be the first one he worked with. That made her nervous too. She wasn’t the best first impression of humanity. But he seemed to take it in stride.

A half-hour later they were in their assigned section waiting for the games to start. Their opponents were Hahri and Helayphea. It wouldn’t easy to win with a new recruit, but So-Hee was confident enough. Although, her heart wasn’t in it. She sat perched on one of the tables while the recruit, Sanaal De Naval, walked around the room.

Every few seconds he was inundating her with questions. She answered most of them. Some of them she barely had time to answer. But she didn’t mind. He was young, and it was better than being treated with indifference right now.

“Did you live on Earth?”

“Yes.”

“What was that like?”

“Warm.”

“All of Earth was warm?”

“Most of it.”

“Did you live alone?”

“No. I lived with my family.”

“Where are they now?”

“Probably dead.”

He paused. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugged. “That’s what happens when you leave people behind.”

“I couldn’t imagine leaving my family behind. Why did you?”

“I could give you the usual cookie-cutter excuse most people will give you.”

“But what’s the truth,” he pushed.

“I don’t know anymore,” she murmured.

Sanaal waited a minute before he began asking her different questions. She chuckled under her breath but answered them. As he asked, he moved around the room, not stopping once. It was making her tired and they hadn’t even done anything yet. He stepped near a window, looking out at the icy visage of Voeld.

“Why did you—”

_Click._

Sanaal froze and So-Hee sat up. Neither of them moved for a second.

“I think I stepped on something,” he whispered.

“Don’t move,” So-Hee ordered as she slid off of the desk. Carefully, she made her way over to him. The floor tile he was stepping on was slightly depressed. _Fuck._ It was a booby trap. Wouldn’t the Resistance have known about them? Or maybe it was forgotten. “Helayphea,” she called over the comms.

“What’s up?” Helayphea responded. “We’re almost ready to start.”

“I need you to evacuate everyone from this section immediately,” So-Hee said.

“What’s going on?” Hahri came over the comms.

“Sanaal stepped on something, a pressure plate. I’d wager there’s an explosive underneath,” So-Hee answered, trying to keep her voice, even so, Sanaal didn’t freak out.

“We swept this place,” Hahri said. “I…how could we have missed it.”

“It’s okay,” So-Hee murmured. “It’s easy to miss. Just get everyone out, okay?”

“That means you too, Lieutenant,” Evfra said over the comms. “We can send a team in to disarm it.”

“It’s ticking,” Sanaal whimpered, tears dripping down his cheeks.

So-Hee squatted down to listen. She cursed under her breath when she heard it too. “Forget it,” she said. “We don’t have the time.” She stood back up and walked over to close the door. It might help contain the blast. There was no way they would have time to even get to it anyway. It was probably primed to go off a few seconds after he stepped off. And if he didn’t, it was probably going to go off anyway.

“That’s an order, Lieutenant,” Evfra shot back. “I’m on my way down.”

So-Hee dragged the table she had been sitting on behind Sanaal. She tipped it on its side. “Its not going to wait for you Evfra,” she said, slightly out of breath. She dragged another table over to the other one. It wasn’t the most secure shelter. But it should keep them safe from any debris or shrapnel. If it worked of course. There was always the possibility that it wouldn’t. She might die today.

But she wasn’t leaving Sanaal to die.

“Please don’t do something stupid, So-Hee,” Evfra pleaded.

She laughed, short and humorless. “You know me.” She stepped up behind Sanaal and gently wrapped her arms around his waist.

“That’s what I mean,” he answered.

“I don’t want to die,” Sanaal sobbed.

“You’re not going to,” she promised. “Did they tell you anything about me?”

He shook his head.

“Well, I’m really strong. Stronger than the average human. Hell, I’m stronger than a Krogan,” she said, her arms tightening slightly. “I’m going to lift you, and uh…I’m gonna throw you a little, okay?”

“Okay,” he sniffed. “And then what?”

“And then I’m going to get us under the shelter I made, and we’re going to wait until a team can come get us,” she said. “Do you got that?”

He nodded.

“So-Hee!”

She froze at Evfra’s panicked shout over the comms. She should’ve told him the truth. She fucked up. Maybe it was too late now. “Hey, Evfra,” she murmured. “I’m sorry. I’m just…really sorry.”

“It’s fine, So-Hee. We can—”

So-Hee tugged Sanaal off the plate.

“That’s right. I don’t think you’d like what I have to say.”

Evfra watched as So-Hee and Lieutenant T’Peos walked away. The liaison beside him looked angry behind her visor. No matter how he looked at it, the liaison had an issue with So-Hee. One he didn’t understand. As far as he knew, they hadn’t met before that time in his office. But the more they interacted, the more he knew he was missing something.

“Excuse me a moment,” the liaison muttered, walking away with her back to the Angara.

When she was out of earshot, Anjik turned to Evfra. “You’re right,” she said. “They way they speak to each other is odd, but familiar. It seems they do have a history.”

Evfra sighed. “I thought so. I just wish I knew what it was.”

“You won’t ask?” Anjik prodded.

“No,” he grunted. “I don’t think she would give me the truth even if I did.”

Anjik shook her head. “I’m surprised that’s keeping you from trying.”

“What would you do?”

“Fight for her anyway,” Anjik said. “I would never stop fighting for the people I loved.”

“I wouldn’t say I love her—”

“But you do care for her. Maybe it will be love. But you’ll never know if you do nothing,” Anjik interrupted him.

Evfra didn’t have a response. And even if he did, the liaison rejoined them, so he fell back into silence. Anjik had a point. But So-Hee was stubborn. Her stubbornness rivaled his own. He could persist and keep trying and something fruitful could come of it. Or it would just push her further away. Was he willing to risk it?

They waited as the teams got into position. There was some sparse chatter as they did so, but the comms were mostly quiet. It wasn’t until he heard So-Hee’s voice asking for an evacuation of her section that he paid attention to what they were saying. The new recruit had stepped on a bomb. _We checked for those._ Clearly, it was something the Resistance had missed.

He ordered her to evacuate as well, but she refused. Before he knew it, he was running down the path to the old base. Of course, she wouldn’t listen to him. Of course, she would take things into her own hands. He might lose her to his own negligence. The place was supposed to be swept clean. If something was missed then it was his fault.

“Hey, Evfra,” her voice crackled over the comms, quiet and muted.

“I’m sorry. I’m just really sorry.”

No.

He was sorry.

He was so close.

Why wouldn’t she just listen to him?

He tried one more time, but he was met with silence. Her comm went quiet and he was afraid.

The explosion rocked the ice underneath his feet and he stumbled. _No_. He hoped her plan worked; he needed it to. She needed to be safe. But there was nothing on the comms from either of them.

There was a crowd around the hole that now existed in the side of the base. The wall was blown outward, bits of metal and glass were littered on the ice. That didn’t stop the teams from moving in to clear the debris. The ceiling has collapsed, bringing down some of the floor above as well. And she was buried somewhere underneath it all.

“If you move the smaller pieces, Corporal Hanazawa and I can use our biotics on the larger pieces!” Helayphea shouted, sounding as panicked as he felt.

“Anything?” Evfra asked as he approached, but he already knew the answer.

Helayphea shook her head, her eyes were glassy. “It could’ve just knocked out their comms though. They could be fine,” she said, not sounding very convinced.

“—lo.”

Everyone paused.

“Lieutenant,” a voice crackled over the comm.

“Sanaal!” Hahri answered, relieved. “Are you hurt? How is the Lieutenant?”

Evfra held his breath. _Please let her be okay_.

“I’m okay,” he said. “The Lieutenant…I think she’s hurt…she’s not moving.”

“Sanaal, I need you to tell me what you can see,” Helayphea took over. “Anything you can tell us will help us prepare to help her.” She gestured for the teams to keep moving as much as they could. Who knew what they would be facing when they unearthed them?

“I…I can’t really see much,” he admitted. “I think her visor’s broken.” There was a pause. “I touched her back, it’s wet but the fluid is clear. I don’t think its blood—”

“Her medigel injectors are damaged,” Helayphea said. “Anything else? Can you hear her breathing?”

Another pause. “Yes, but it doesn’t sound normal.”

“Does it sound wet?” Helayphea asked.

“No…just like she’s in pain,” he said. “Oh! She moved! Lieutenant—”

“Leg…” a faint voice came over the comm. “Can’t move…”

“So-Hee!” Helayphea cried out. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Sorry…sorry…”

Helayphea sighed. “I think she’s out of it.” She looked up. “Arwann! We need a stretcher. We’ll need to transport her back to the Nexus as soon as possible,” she said, turning to Evfra. “We need to get the shuttle close. We won’t be able to carry her far.”

The moment he nodded, Anjik got over the comms and ordered someone to bring a shuttle over. It was then he noticed the liaison. She was standing there, staring at the wreckage with the oddest expression on her face. Everyone was shocked, but there was something else there too. Guilt. What would she have to feel guilty about?

“Eomma…” So-Hee’s voice crackled over the comms again, and the liaison stiffened. “Can I…”

“We’re coming to get you So-Hee, just hold on,” Helayphea said, looking confused.

“I want to live like I exist…” So-Hee mumbled. “Can I do that?”

Helayphea choked back a sob. “So-Hee—”

“Small stuff is moved!” Saash shouted. “Let’s get the rest out of the way!”

Evfra watched as Helayphea and Corporal Hanazawa moved closer. Blue blazed over their skin as they lifted the first large piece of debris. They were careful as they moved things. Too fast and they might disturb the already unstable section. Too slow and the Lieutenant might not make it. Evfra felt like he didn’t breathe the entire time. It was until he saw the table that he moved closer. He wanted to be there. What if she needed him? Arwann was beside him with the stretcher.

They saw Sanaal first. He was curled up on his side. She had managed to get him fully underneath the table and safe. Evfra could see her arm still curled around his waist. They managed to get him out first. He didn’t even look injured. Just shaken up. But Evfra could tell the Lieutenant wasn’t so lucky.

While she had gotten Sanaal under the table, she didn’t make it all the way before the bomb went off. A large portion of the ceiling had fallen on her leg, pinning her to the ground. Her helmet was indeed broken, pieces of the visor were scattered around her face.

Everything moved in slow motion from then on.

Her team looked panicked. Helayphea knelt down beside So-Hee, to shine a light on the part that pinned So-Hee’s leg. The look on her face told everything. It wasn’t good. Between Saash and Hahri and Hanazawa’s biotics, they moved the piece off of her. Blood painted her leg armor and pooled underneath her. Gently, Helayphea and Arwann rolled her over onto the stretcher. Her head lolled to the side.

The shuttle arrived as close to the base as it could safely land and her team was on the move. Evfra wanted to go. But he knew he couldn’t. There was no justification for his presence there.

This was his fault.

He had to figure out what happened. What went wrong. There were reports he needed to file now. What he wanted didn’t matter now. There was no way he could be by her side right now. Anjik touched his shoulder and he looked at her, startled.

“Go!” she ordered.

“I can’t—”

“We can handle this without you Evfra, now go!” Anjik gently shoved him towards the shuttle.

Hahri nodded at him, and that was all the permission he needed. The liaison turned to him, but he brushed past her. There was no way she was going to stop him. He trailed behind So-Hee’s team, and he was the last one to walk onto the shuttle. To his surprise, no one objected to his presence. But he sat out of the way.

Arwann and Saash sat in the pilot’s seats to get the shuttle moving back to the Nexus. Helayphea shoved a small device into Hanazawa’s hands and he ran it up and down So-Hee’s body. “We can send this ahead to the medical team so they know what to expect,” Helayphea murmured, peeling pieces of So-Hee’s armor off until she was left in her bodysuit.

“Hand me the medkit, there’s a mild sedative. I don’t want her to wake up right now,” Helayphea ordered while Rui grabbed what she needed.

Evfra watched, feeling completely useless. He focused on her face, on how slack and pale it was. And he also noticed the tears that still glistened on her cheeks. Had she cried while in pain? The guilt sunk its claws into his chest. They should’ve done a better sweep of the base. If he had, then this wouldn’t have happened. Then she would be okay.

Irma sat beside him and laid her hand on his forearm. “It’s going to be alright, Commander,” she reassured him. “So-Hee is a fighter.”

He wanted to believe her.

He needed to believe her.

So-Hee had to be okay.

He didn’t want to lose her.

_Please._


	26. Fade

The medical team met them at the docking bay. She was immediately taken for surgery. Evfra wouldn’t have even known where to go from there if her team hadn’t led him to the medical wing. There were some looks, but he didn’t care about those. He had been already been prepared to be more open about being with her. And now he wasn’t afraid that tongues would wag over his presence here.

The wait was agonizing. For the first few hours, there was nothing. The waiting room was full. He was surrounded by her team, Helayphea on one side of him while Irma was on the other. Everyone else was scattered around. Eventually, even Kandros joined them.

“Did anyone call Maggie?” Irma asked.

Helayphea shook her head. “I’ll go do that real quick.” She stood up from the chair and walked out into the hall.

No one had even bothered to change out of their gear. They didn’t want to miss any news about the Lieutenant. Neither did he. And the only person who had contacted him was the Moshae. He let her know that there wasn’t any news yet, but that he would tell her when he had something to tell her. Surgery sounded serious, but none of them knew the true extent of her injuries. Not yet.

Evfra hoped it was good news. But the guilt still sat in his gut. He knew the Resistance teams would be feeling the same. However, as the leader, it all fell to him. Her diagnosis was on him. _Please be okay_.

It was a total of five hours before someone came into the waiting room. Kandros walked out of the room to speak to the doctor in hushed tones. Everyone else waited with bated breath. It was deathly silent in the room. The silence remained as Kandros walked into the room, his eyes looking everywhere but at the people that waited so patiently for the news. It made Evfra’s heart sink.

“She’s stable now,” he said. “She fractured several of her ribs, several bruises, and the damage to her leg is…extensive.”

“How extensive?” Irma asked, her voice hushed.

“It’s broken, and some muscle damage. They suspect nerve damage as well, but they won’t know how much until she wakes up. The recovery period will be long, and…” he trailed off to sigh. “They don’t think she will regain full mobility of her leg.”

“What does that mean?” Helayphea asked. “In the long term?”

“It means, she won’t be able to do fieldwork again,” Kandros answered, scrubbing his talon-fingered hand down his face.

It was Evfra’s second-worst nightmare. The first being if his mistake killed her. But this was hot on its heels. So-Hee loved APEX, and she loved missions and training exercises. His mistake just cost her that. How could he bear to look at her again? Helayphea sank down in her seat beside him.

“When can we see her?” Rui asked, sitting up in his seat.

“She’s in recovery now. The doctor’s said it’ll be about an hour before she’s in a room, and then we can see her in small groups until visiting hours are over in three hours,” Kandros answered. “Why don’t you all go get cleaned up and come back. You look like shit.”

No one laughed, but the team began to file out one by one, until only Helayphea, Kandros, and Evfra were left. Helayphea sniffed beside him. “She didn’t want to go. I made her go anyway,” she murmured.

“It’s not your fault,” Kandros said. “It’s not one’s fault. Pressure plates are hard to find let alone disarm.”

“But it should have been found,” Evfra argued, although weakly. He wasn’t much in the mood for debating whose fault it was when the answer was clear to him.

“Then one of your team might’ve died while finding it,” Kandros shot back. “And So-Hee wouldn’t have been happy if someone else died to spare her. It’s no one’s fault.”

With a sigh, Helayphea stood up. “I’ll be back in an hour,” she said before leaving.

That left Evfra and Kandros alone in the room. Kandros sat down in a chair, finally, but the silence remained between them. Evfra appreciated Kandros’ argument, but it didn’t fully absolve the guilt he felt. Not when she was laying in a room unconscious and hurt. And not when he was full of regrets. The day Helayphea showed up on the shuttle, he should’ve heeded her. He should’ve spoken to So-Hee then. Now he wasn’t sure he would get the chance to fully tell her what she meant to him.

“How long did the doctor’s say she would need to recover?” Evfra finally asked, breaking the silence.

“At least six months, maybe longer. Once she heals, she’ll need physical therapy for her leg,” Kandros answered.

“I see,” Evfra said. “And that will be on the Nexus?”

Kandros nodded.

“Will she be safe here?” Evfra asked.

“Honestly?” Kandros murmured. “I don’t know. I’m worried about that too. It seems they can get to her on the Nexus, but I wouldn’t know where else I could send her.”

“There is one place where she would be untouchable…protected.”

“You don’t mean—”

“Aya,” Evfra confirmed. “She would be safe there. And it might be a better environment for her recovery.” There was also Evfra’s selfish reason for wanting her there. So he could be the one to make sure she was safe. She would be close.

“That would be ideal,” Kandros agreed. “I just don’t think Tann would agree. He would argue about not having doctors that can treat human injuries.”

“The doctors on Aya have been learning human physiology. They have also treated the Ryder siblings for minor injuries. I could also have caretakers that see to her everyday needs,” Evfra said.

Kandros hummed under his breath as he considered Evfra’s answer. “And what would be your reasoning, your official reasoning?”

Evfra took a moment before answering. “She was injured in one of our exercises, and we would like to aid in her recovery. Angara take care of their injured family members. And many have a lot of respect for the Lieutenant.”

“That…might work,” Kandros mused.

“There is also the matter of her saving my life once, and I would like to return the favor.”

“I can definitely work with that,” Kandros said. “But it would help to have others on our side.”

“The Moshae would agree,” Evfra said. “And I believe the Pathfinder would as well. That should be more than enough to deter Tann’s arguments.”

“Should be,” Kandros agreed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why do you want to? Your real reason.”

“I…care for her,” Evfra answered.

Kandros nodded. “I suspected as much.” He sighed. “I’ll trust her care to you then.”

It was a little over an hour before the doctor let Kandros know that she could have visitors. Evfra expected Kandros to join him, but the Turian excused himself to place the call to the Pathfinder first. Perhaps it was a thinly veiled attempt to allow Evfra a moment of privacy with her since her teammates had yet to return. It was appreciated nonetheless.

The sight of her made him freeze as soon as he entered the room. He expected her to look hurt, but he wasn’t expecting the tubing that forced her mouth open. Medical tape surrounded it to keep it in place. Another tube, much smaller in scale, went from her arm to a small liquid-filled bag hanging beside her bed. Her leg was encased in a cast and it was propped up with a harness.

Staring at her now, he realized how fragile she really was. With her, it was easy to forget. Her chest rose and fell steadily. But she was still.

Evfra stood beside the bed. He wasn’t sure of what to do or what to say. Would she even hear him? Would she want to? Gently he touched her hand, turning it over until her palm was face up. Her fingers didn’t even curl inward when he placed his palm against hers. He sighed. “I’m sorry, So-Hee,” he murmured.

There was no response. He didn’t expect one. So he just stood there, gently holding her hand and staring at her face. Part of him hoped she would stir. Maybe even crack a joke. But she didn’t. And she wouldn’t.

He leaned down, raising her palm to his lips. “Don’t worry, So-Hee. I’ll make sure you’re safe. Even if you hate me for it.”

_It’s the least I can do._

The whispers surrounded her as she came to. Her entire body throbbed with pain. There was something in her throat, and it hurt. So-Hee wanted to reach for it, but she didn’t even know where her hand was. Much less, how to move it. None of her limbs listened to her brain’s call. Where was she? Was she still trapped?

So-Hee didn’t remember much after the bomb went off. After she slung Sanaal over the desk like he weighed nothing and then urged him to climb under the desk it was just…blank. Had she been hurt?

She focused on the whispers first. They were voices she recognized, but her mind was still sluggish. She was having a hard time naming them. But their presence met she was safe. Unless she was dreaming. She didn’t think so.

Then she focused on her hand. It had to be around here somewhere. Hopefully, it was still attached. Finally, she felt her fingers and she began to curl them inward. The whispers stopped. With a better idea of where her hand was, she lifted it, reaching towards her face to finally get whatever was jammed down her throat the fuck out.

Something grabbed her hand. “No,” the voice was firm. Female…scared…Maggie.

_Maggie’s here._

Oh fuck.

That meant something bad had happened.

How hurt was she?

She didn’t want to know.

So-Hee tried to swipe at her face again, but Maggie’s grip tightened ever so gently. “You can’t out-match me So-Hee, don’t even try. The doctor is on their way to take it out,” she murmured.

“I don’t blame her,” another voice said. “I hated it when Lexi had to do that to me.”

_Emma_.

So-Hee’s eyes fluttered, the light blinding her, and she shut them just as quickly. That was an awful idea. Footsteps made her tense, but when she heard Maggie greet the doctor and let go of her hand, she relaxed. But only a little. Something sticky was pulled away from her face and she grunted at the gross feeling. Warm hands tilted her head back and the apparatus in her mouth was slowly pulled out. So-Hee fought—and lost—the urge to gag around it. Her throat constricted painfully and she coughed.

“Good,” a deep voice murmured. “Try not to breathe too deeply. Your ribs are fractured, and we don’t need you coughing.”

“Sore,” she muttered, wincing at how her voice cracked on the one word.

“You’re going to be,” they agreed. “Are you in a lot of pain?”

“Everything hurts.”

“Scale of one to five?”

“Four.”

“We’ll give you something soon then. Can you open your eyes?”

“Bright,” she complained.

“On it,” Emma said, her footsteps moving across the room.

“Try now,” the voice urged.

So-Hee slowly cracked open one eye. The lights had been dimmed. It still hurt a little, but not as much. She opened her other eye and stared at the three people surrounding her. The third was the only one she didn’t recognize. She stared at the name on their uniform, but it wasn’t familiar to her. “Good,” they said. “Do you remember what happened?”

So-Hee shrugged. “Not much,” she admitted.

They took in a deep breath. “Well, from what I understand, a portion of the ceiling collapsed on you when a bomb went off? Does that sound right to you?”

So-Hee frowned. That meant she didn’t even make it under cover, or at least not all the way. She eyed her leg, too afraid to ask about the damage. “Yeah,” she answered. “What about Sanaal?”

The doctor looked confused, but it was Emma who spoke up. “Barely a scratch on him. You got him to safety just in time.”

So-Hee sighed in relief. “That’s good…at least.” She eyed her cast. Might as well ask. Waiting wasn’t going to make it any easier to swallow whatever bad news the doctor would tell her. She could rip off the bandaid now and wallow later. “So…” she trailed off while staring at her leg. “What’s the damage?”

They pursed their lips slightly. “The good news is, your ribs will heal just fine as will the bruising on the rest of your body—”

“And the bad news?” she asked, her voice hushed.

Both Emma and Maggie frowned. Maggie was sitting beside her, and gently took So-Hee’s hand in her own. Emma was standing at the foot of the bed. She dropped her gaze to the floor. That didn’t make So-Hee feel good at all. It had to be really bad.

“Your leg was crushed. Both your tibia and fibula were broken in several places. Thankfully, your knee was relatively unscathed,” they said. “But unfortunately, due to the nature of the injury, there was some muscle damage and possible nerve damage. We just aren’t sure how extensive it is yet. As you heal, we’ll be able to get a better idea.”

“What does that mean _exactly_?” she asked, not wanting to know the answer.

“It means that after you heal, you will still need several months of physical therapy. And you may not regain 100% mobility of your leg again. That means—”

“No more APEX,” she murmured, swallowing hard.

The doctor nodded. “Unfortunately, yes. But we will do everything we can to avoid that possibility.”

So-Hee appreciated the enthusiasm, but she couldn’t rejoice in it right now. The possibility of something she loved being snatched away in an instant loomed in front of her. Her nose burned and tears filled her eyes. She shut them in the hopes of keeping the tears contained. What good was she if she wasn’t a part of APEX? There was nothing else she was good at. Nothing else she could do here. Except, just…exist. They would vilify her for not pulling her weight in Andromeda.

What if they put her back in cryo for it?

She looked away from the doctor, trying to maintain her composure.

“I’ll leave you for now so you can process. If you need me, just press the call button. And I’ll put in the order for painkillers,” they said, thankfully understanding what she needed right now.

She waited for their footsteps to fade down the hallway before she released the sob she had been holding in her chest. In an instant, Maggie sat on the side of the bed to gently wrap her arms around So-Hee’s shoulders. Her fingers threaded through So-Hee’s hair while So-Hee’s tears soaked the fabric of her shirt. Emma was on the other side of her, her hand resting on So-Hee’ forearm.

“It’s going to be okay, So-Hee,” Maggie soothed.

“It’s not,” So-Hee whispered, her voice thick with tears. “Nothing’s going to be okay.”

Neither of them had anything to say about that. Not that So-Hee would’ve been up to listening to it. Instead, they just let her cry until she was tired all over again. Shortly after, a nurse walked in with a syringe. So-Hee tensed at first, but she was reassured that it was just a painkiller, and it would be easier to take it through the IV than to have to swallow pills.

It worked fast. She felt her eyelids begin to close, sleep tugging at the edge of her mind. Maybe this was a dream and when she woke up, she would really be fine.

But she knew better.

That’s not how anything worked.

But her dreams were nice at least. She dreamed of Evfra, and Aya. She dreamed of lying in bed with him. Hell, she could even hear his voice perfectly. His hand covered her and it was warm and pulsing with his usual energy. It comforted her. More than the doctor’s platitudes about not giving up on her. Maybe they meant it, but sometimes that didn’t mean they could actually do anything to stave off an inevitability.

“I’m sorry I left the way I did,” she murmured to dream Evfra.

“I know,” he said, his other hand stroking her cheek.

“And I’m sorry I was mean to you.”

“I know,” he repeated, his hand brushing the tears from her cheek. Funny. She hadn’t realized she was crying.

“I didn’t want to,” she whispered. “I wanted to stay.”

Evfra didn’t say anything this time. She felt the gentle pressure of lips moving across her forehead. It felt so real that she questioned if she was dreaming at all. But when she woke up alone and in the darkened room, still in a hospital bed, she remembered that she was. Somehow that hurt her even more. She had hoped that he would be there.

But she knew better. There was no way Evfra would show up after the way she treated him. And now she wouldn’t even get to see him during training exercises. So-Hee bit back a bitter laugh. Of course. It was just like her to fuck up so bad that she wouldn’t even get to see the person she liked in passing. That was her own damn fault. Everything was her own damn fault.

She was just getting what she finally deserved.


	27. Let Me Be

She was stuck in the medbay for three days. It sucked. Someone was almost constantly sitting with her—not that she really minded that part—but everyone treated her like she was suddenly so fragile. It was frustrating. So when the doctors announced that she could leave the room and recover in the comfort of her own place, she was ecstatic.

Dressing was difficult. Her ribs ached and she was constantly reminded to be careful so she doesn’t do further damage to herself. Thankfully, Maggie is there to help her. Emma would be too, but after the second day, she was recalled back to the Tempest. Being a part of the Pathfinder’s crew meant she didn’t have much freedom to be where she wanted.

When So-Hee is dressed, she tried to stand, but the doctor immediately stopped her. Instead, they wheeled in a wheelchair which she eyed with derision. “Do I have to?” she mumbled.

“Yes. You’ll be able to use your crutches around your apartment, but for longer distances, we want to use the wheelchair,” they said.

With a grumble, So-Hee slid from the bed to chair. Maggie was there the entire way to help support So-Hee’s weight and to keep her from falling. As Maggie was getting her settled in the chair, Kandros walked in.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, staring at her leg for an uncomfortable few seconds.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” she shot back, knowing she sounded like a jerk.

“So-Hee,” Maggie mumbled, touching her arm gently. “You can be honest without being an ass.”

So-Hee sighed. “Everything sucks,” she grunted.

Kandros nodded, suddenly looking nervous. So-Hee didn’t like that look. It made her think he was going to tell her something that was going to piss her off. But for now, he was silent. Maggie grabbed a bag the doctor had prepared that had So-Hee’s antibiotics and painkillers, as well as instructions on the care she needed. So-Hee wasn’t sure how she was going to do most of it when the instructions made it clear she would need help. And there was no way Maggie was coming back to the Nexus. While So-Hee wanted Maggie to help take care of her, she would be angry if Maggie gave up Havarl for her.

To help Maggie, Kandros grabbed So-Hee’s crutches so they could exit the room. Maggie wheeled So-Hee into the hallway and to the waiting room where her teammates were waiting for her. At first, they looked happy, but as always, their eyes strayed to her leg and they sobered up immediately. Great. This was going to be a thing now.

Then she noticed a duffel bag slung over Helayphea’s shoulder. “What? Are you coming for a hospital stay too?” So-Hee joked, gesturing to the bag.

Helayphea looked at Kandros, who winced. “No, this is…this is some of your clothes,” Helayphea said.

“Why?” So-Hee asked. “I’m going back to my apartment. You could’ve just left them there.” For a moment, she thought it might be a joke. That they were fucking with her. But no one was laughing. What the fuck was going on?

Kandros cleared his throat awkwardly. “You’re not going back to your apartment,” he said.

“Why?” So-Hee asked. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Well, nothing really—”

“So why can’t I stay in it?” she demanded.

“You need someone to assist in your care, so we thought—”

“Who are you pushing me on, Kandros?” she asked. “And why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I—”

“I mean, I know I need help, but you don’t have to make one of them take me in to do it,” she continued.

“They’re not,” he said. “Taking you in that is…” he trailed off. “You won’t be spending your recovery on the Nexus.”

So-Hee furrowed her eyebrows. He better not mean what she thought he meant. Or this better be one hell of a joke. “Where am I spending it, Kandros?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“Well, it was discussed and agreed upon that you might receive better and more dedicated care somewhere other than the Nexus. We felt it might not be safe for you to be in a vulnerable position with our worries about Cerberus’ insurgence, and—”

“Stop delaying and fucking tell me, Kandros!”

“Aya,” Maggie answered for him. “You’re spending it on Aya, where you will be safe.”

_Oh no._

_Oh fuck._

_Oh fuck no._

“No,” she snarled.

Kandros sighed. “The Resistance feels bad about the situation, and Aya’s doctors will also have the opportunity to learn more about—”

“I don’t fucking care,” she cut him off. “I’m not going.”

“It’s already been decided. Even the Pathfinder agreed—”

“Oh well, then I guess it’s okay then,” So-Hee’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she sneered at Kandros.

“Don’t be a jerk, So-Hee,” Maggie said. “It’s for the best.”

“For the best!” So-Hee was going to fucking lose it. “You sure as fuck didn’t consult me about what’s best for me!”

“So-Hee!” Saash snarled at her.

“What?” So-Hee snapped. “Let me guess, you all think it’s what’s best for me too.”

Nobody said anything, but then again, they didn’t have to. Their guilty expressions spoke for themselves. She was in the minority in this. And not really in the best place to fight back. She didn’t want to go to Aya. Min-Seo was there. That was the last place So-Hee wanted to be because of that.

How did they even get Tann and Min-Seo to agree to this? It must have been a three against two decision, which meant Evfra had something in it as well. It was the only scenario So-Hee could think of. Evfra, Kandros, and the Pathfinder joining up to get this approved.

It was bullshit.

So-Hee sat back in her chair. “Fuck all of you,” she murmured.

With a sigh, Maggie grabbed the duffel bag from Helayphea and slung it over her shoulder. “Let’s go. The shuttle leaves in an hour,” she said.

So-Hee didn’t bother saying goodbye. This was so fucked. How could they just make this decision without her? Why did they think she would just accept it? And Evfra…why the fuck would he even want her on Aya? Which also raised the question of where she would be staying. With him? With some poor family?

Maggie wheeled her to the tram and sat down beside her. Eyes strayed to her often. Some of them full of questions, others full of pity. So-Hee kept her eyes in her lap to ignore them. What she really wanted to do was let them have it.

The entire wait was spent in silence. So-Hee wanted to be happy that she was spending this time with Maggie, but she couldn’t bring herself to be. Not when her friend was loading her onto the shuttle that was going to take her to one of the last places she wanted to be. Hell, she would take Kadara over Aya right now. She was surprised when Maggie took a seat beside her on the shuttle and strapped in. They were the only two onboard. Probably Kandros’ doing.

They were in an hour into the flight when Maggie finally said something. “You’re an asshole,” she murmured.

So-Hee scoffed. “Rich coming from you right now.”

“Don’t even,” Maggie warned. “Don’t compare this when you’ve been lying to me for months.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” So-Hee asked even though she was afraid of the answer.

“They told me about Rowan, about Cerberus fucking with you, and about your relationship with Evfra…” Maggie trailed off, drawing in a deep breath. “Why wouldn’t you even tell me about Evfra?”

“I promised to keep it a secret—”

“When have you even kept a secret from me, So-Hee?” Maggie asked. “This isn’t your first “secret” relationship that no one was supposed to know about, but you always told me anyway. Why not now?”

“Maybe I didn’t think you would care,” So-Hee answered, her voice hushed.

“Why?”

So-Hee shrugged. “You’re on Havarl now. You’re busy—”

“You could still message me! Or call! I always make time for you,” Maggie argued. “Or are you angry that I went to Havarl?”

“Maybe I am,” So-Hee sneered.

“You’re the one who wanted me to! You encouraged me and pushed me to go for it! And now you’re mad that I actually did it?” Maggie shook her head. “What do you want from me? From everyone? Do you even know?”

So-Hee clamped her mouth shut. The truth: she didn’t know. She didn’t know a goddamn thing about what she wanted from others or even herself. And what did it matter now? She’s going to heal sure, but it won’t be enough. Once again, she won’t be enough. So what the fuck did it matter?

Maggie sighed and sat back when So-Hee didn’t answer her. “I’ll help you get settled, but then I have to catch the next shuttle to Havarl. They won’t let me be absent for much longer,” she said.

After that it was silence again. So-Hee found herself dozing off for the last few hours of the trip. Her dreams didn’t draw her all the way in like they usually did, but So-Hee still found herself dreaming of Min-Seo. Of her harsh words and cruelty. Evfra couldn’t keep her safe from that. Not if Min-Seo had access to her.

When So-Hee woke, her ribs ached and her leg felt like it was on fire. A whimper escaped as she adjusted in her seat before she swallowed it back down. Maggie still reached into the bag underneath her seat and procured a small bottle. Shaking two pills into her hand she handed them over to So-Hee and opened a bottle of water. So-Hee eagerly swallowed them down, hoping they would work quickly.

It was light out when Maggie wheeled her off of the shuttle. So-Hee kept her head down, but she could still feel the stares as Maggie pushed her through the city. She must look so pathetic like this. Weeks ago, she was walking around the city like she belonged. Now she just looked like a charity case.

When they made it to the government building, the Moshae was waiting for them. “So-Hee!”

So-Hee looked up as the Moshae touched her cheek. “I am glad to see you’re alright,” she said.

So-Hee bit back her smart-ass answer and just nodded, forcing a tiny smile on her face.

The Moshae looked to Maggie. “I’m going to escort you to where So-Hee will be staying. The caregivers are already there,” she said, looking back at So-Hee. “They’re excited to meet you.”

So-Hee snorted, earning a smack on the shoulder from Maggie, but once again said nothing. She doubted anyone was excited to meet her. Especially like this. She wasn’t exactly pleasant to be around on her best day, and this was not her best day. But So-Hee bit her tongue as Maggie followed the Moshae to the housing district. The entire time So-Hee hoped they weren’t taking her where she thought they might. But when they turned down the path towards Evfra’s home, she knew.

No one was letting her off the hook apparently.

There were two Angara waiting inside that she had never met before. Both Angara looked her over as Maggie stopped her in the middle of the living room. Both of them were the same hue as Evfra, but they had black markings on their crowns and cheeks. They both looked mature. Like mothers.

So-Hee shifted in her chair.

“So-Hee, this is Sanehi,” the Moshae said, gesturing to the woman closest to her. The markings on her crown almost reached her nose and they branched outward across her forehead. The ones on her cheeks were small dots under each eye. “And this is Fahra.” The Moshae gestured to the other woman, who’s crown markings were similar, but the ones on her cheeks were two lines that reached the corners of her mouth.

“It’s lovely to meet you, So-Hee,” Sanehi greeted her. “We’ll be taking care of you during the day. Is that alright with you?”

So-Hee shrugged. “I don’t think it would matter if I wasn’t,” she muttered.

Maggie opened her mouth to chastise her or apologize to the Angara, but Sanehi just smiled at her. “You’re angry and frustrated. I understand.” Sanehi kneeled down so she was eye level with So-Hee. “You don’t have to shy away from your feelings with us. We will accept them.”

So-Hee just stared at her, speechless. It was the first time since the incident that anyone had said that to her. Everyone either tried to cheer her up or tried to ignore the truth staring them in the face. Which just served to make her angrier. But in a few short words, Sanehi told her it was alright to be angry. It reminded So-Hee of her grandmother.

Before she could try to formulate a response, Sanehi was up and moving. She gestured for Maggie to push So-Hee down the hallway. They stopped outside the door on the left. Evfra’s “guest” bedroom. She guessed it was hers now. For the short time she would be staying. There was no way she was going to allow herself to become comfortable here. Fahra took the bags from Maggie and set them down on the end of the bed. Crutches were already propped up beside the bed. They must have been sent ahead for her.

True to Maggie’s word, she unpacked So-Hee’s clothes. It all fit into the dresser with room to spare. It was kind of sad how few clothes she had. Her shoes were placed in the closest, even though she probably wasn’t going to get to wear any of them. There was still something in the duffel bag, but Maggie didn’t bother taking it out. It looked like the rest of So-Hee’s personal items, the things her grandmother had left her. Maggie set the bag inside of the closet and shut the door.

With the wheelchair parked in the corner, So-Hee pushed herself up, using the arms. Sanehi had her arms out just in case So-Hee pitched forward, but So-Hee managed to limp her way to the bed and sit on the edge.

“Are you hungry?” Sanehi asked.

So-Hee nodded. “Just a little,” she murmured.

“Do you want to eat in here?” Sanehi asked.

So-Hee looked around the room before staring at the bed. If she stayed in here, she would think about Evfra and the last time they shared this bed. She shook her head. Fahra handed her the crutches, but Sanehi was the one that helped her stand and adjust herself so she could walk. So-Hee was in between the two Angara as they left the room. Maggie trailed behind them. The Moshae was still waiting in the living room.

With help, So-Hee maneuvered herself to the couch and plopped down. The jolt made her wince. She had to be more careful. Aya doctors might be okay with minor injuries. But she didn’t think they would know what to do if she further broke her rib and punctured an organ. Sanehi placed a pillow on the table in front of the couch and helped So-Hee rest her leg on it.

The Angara went into the kitchen while Maggie and the Moshae lingered in the living room for a minute.

“I’ll message you when I’m back on Havarl,” Maggie said. “Make sure to let me know how you’re doing.”

“I will.”

“And message me if you need anything,” Maggie continued. “I will answer, I promise.”

“I know, Maggie,” So-Hee said. “You’re going to miss the shuttle.”

Maggie sighed. Their conversation from earlier still hung between them, unresolved. But Maggie still leaned down to kiss So-Hee’s cheek. The Moshae said her goodbyes as well and offered to escort Maggie back to the docking bay. With that, So-Hee was left alone with Sanehi and Fahra. And for the most part, they left her alone. Sanehi made sure she ate and then set up the interface so So-Hee wouldn’t be bored.

So-Hee had something playing in the background, but she wasn’t really paying attention. Her eyes kept straying to the windows and she watched as the light began to darken. Despite it getting later, Evfra didn’t come home. Maybe he was avoiding her. But he had to come home sometime, right? How else was she going to argue with him over this ridiculous idea?

Eventually, she dozed off while stretched across the couch. She had hoped he would come home. A small part of her—a part she squashed down repeatedly—just really wanted to see him.

Fahra had gone home by the time Evfra returned home. But Sanehi had stayed behind. She was sitting at the dining table with her ushataliin open when Evfra walked in. She looked up, greeting him quietly. He wondered why she was being so quiet when his eyes went to the couch. A small sigh escaped him. The whole point of giving her a bedroom was so she would sleep in an actual bed. But of course, she was stubborn.

Sanehi followed him as he walked to the couch. Careful not to put too much pressure on her midsection, he lifted her from the couch. Her head lolled against his chest, and a small sigh fell from her lips. She felt so small in his arms. Quietly, he carried her down the hall and to her room. Sanehi went inside first to pull down the sheets and blankets so he could set her down.

He felt eyes on his back as he pulled the blankets over her and gently tucked her. His hand strayed to her forehead where he brushed stray hairs away from her eyes. So-Hee’s breath stuttered for a moment, before deepening once again.

“How is she?” he asked as he stood, careful to keep his voice low.

“She is angry,” Sanehi said. “But that’s to be expected.”

He nodded. “If it gets to be too much—”

“She saved my son’s life,” Sanehi cut him off. “If her anger is what I have to deal with, then so be it.”

“Thank you, Sanehi,” Evfra murmured.

“Although I am surprised,” Sanehi murmured. “I never thought I’d see the day where you would look at someone with such tenderness.”

Evfra huffed slightly. “Neither did I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	28. Cracks Between These Walls

The first time So-Hee wakes up, she is uncomfortably warm and covered in a sheen of sweat. It’s not even light outside yet and she doesn’t want to be awake. Something stirs behind her, but she doesn’t bother looking. It’s probably just Sanehi checking on her. So-Hee swallows, her throat feeling a little dry. “Do I have to get up now?” she grumbled, closing her eyes again. Sleep called her. She was so damn tired.

“No,” a deeper voice than she expected answered.

_Oh._

_It’s Evfra._

But she didn’t stay awake long enough to do anything with that information.

The second time she wakes up, its brighter outside and she sees Sanehi moving around the room to pull fresh clothes from the dresser. So-Hee wanted to drift right back to sleep, but the burning pain in her leg and the ache in her ribs say otherwise. She swallowed hard before struggling to push herself up on her elbows. That’s when Sanehi noticed she was awake and dropped the change of clothes at the end of the bed to help So-Hee sit up.

So-Hee tried not to cry at the pain. But she can’t help the way her eyes water as she tries to maneuver herself into an upright position. Even with Sanehi’s help, the movement made her ribs scream out. And the burning pain in her leg was searing now. She hated this. She felt pathetic. Once she was sitting up, Sanehi reached for the bottle and a glass of water that was sitting on the bedside table.

She nearly choked on the pills that Sanehi pressed into her palm because she tried to swallow them quickly without the aid of water. She just wanted the pain to abate. Gulping down the water, she finished the glass in less than a minute. It didn’t do much to quell the dryness of her throat. Or the lump from choking.

“Would you like to bathe first? Or eat first?” Sanehi asked, smoothing So-Hee’s hair away from her face.

So-Hee wanted to shower. They didn’t give her the opportunity to shower while in the hospital, just the sponge bath she had the second day. Hell, they didn’t even let her shower before leaving for Aya. So she felt disgusting. But she didn’t think she would be able to stand on her own in the shower or raise her hands above her head long enough to wash her hair. She wasn’t sure about letting Sanehi or Fahra help her wash up, but there would be little other choice.

“Bathe,” she murmured.

Sanehi nodded. “I thought so,” she said. “It always makes me feel better.” She grabbed the crutches from beside the bed and helped So-Hee until So-Hee felt secure enough to stand on her own. They walk together from So-Hee’s room to the bathroom where Fahra is already waiting.

There is a chair in the shower, that wasn’t there before, and So-Hee let out a breath in relief. Maybe she wouldn’t need that much help then. There was also a tub adjacent to the shower that was filled with steaming water. But Sanehi helped her to the chair first.

“I thought you might like soaking for a little while after showering,” Sanehi said. “It would help relax you, maybe even help with the pain. Is that alright?”

So-Hee nodded. “I’ll try it.”

They helped her get her shirt over her head so she didn’t strain herself too much. But she tried her best to get her shorts off on her own. She liked that they didn’t really help her unless it seemed like she couldn’t do it, or until she asked for help. It didn’t matter that it took her nearly five minutes of wincing and shifting her hips to get her shorts and underwear off. They let her do it.

“Would you like me to wash your hair first?” Sanehi asked.

“Please,” So-Hee answered.

Sanehi grabbed the shower nozzle from the wall while Fahra left the room with So-Hee’s dirty clothes. Warm water hit the top of her head and she relaxed instantly. Sanehi was gentle as she lathered So-Hee’s hair with shampoo, massaging So-Hee’s scalp as she did so. Nobody had washed her hair for her—not even Maggie—since her grandmother. It felt the same. So-Hee sniffed, taken off-guard by the thought.

“Are you in pain?” Sanehi asked.

“No,” So-Hee said, her voice hushed. “I’m fine.”

Sanehi rinsed the shampoo from So-Hee’s hair. “What else would you like me to do?”

“Um…” So-Hee trailed off. “Would you wash my back? I won’t be able to reach,” she muttered, feeling her cheeks grow warm.

“Of course.” Sanehi reached for a washcloth, “Is there something wrong?” she asked as she scrubbed So-Hee’s back with the soapy cloth.

“This is just a little embarrassing is all,” So-Hee said.

“What is? Being naked or asking for my help?”

“The second one,” So-Hee answered. “I’m not really embarrassed about being naked.”

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about needing help,” Sanehi said. “Many people do. That is why I am here after all.”

“Because you like helping people?” So-Hee asked.

“I do,” Sanehi said, rinsing off So-Hee’s back. “I have helped many who come back injured from war with the Kett. Some of them are my own family members, some of them are not. It never matters to me.”

“So it’s not a pity thing,” So-Hee joked, but it fell flat. “Sorry.”

“You’re not pitiful, So-Hee,” Sanehi said, placing the washcloth in So-Hee’s hand. “In fact, I think you’re very brave and selfless and strong. That’s why I volunteered when Evfra announced you would be recovering here.”

So-Hee just stared at her. “Or maybe I just wasn’t thinking fully and now I’m paying the price,” So-Hee murmured, dropping her gaze.

“Do you really believe that?” Sanehi asked. “Do you think that you saving someone when anyone else could’ve walked away, an act of thoughtlessness?”

So-Hee didn’t know how to answer that.

“Listen to me carefully, So-Hee. You saved my son, a person you didn’t even know, and ensured he would come home—”

So-Hee looked back up at Sanehi. “You’re Sanaal’s mother?” she asked.

Sanehi nodded. “I am. And he walked away from something that could have taken his leg or killed him, because of you. Our family will not forget that.” She gently touched So-Hee’s shoulder. “I will care for you for as long as you need. Not just because I want to thank you, but because I think you are an incredible person.”

So-Hee felt herself getting choked up over Sanehi’s confession. What was she supposed to say to that? Other than “thank you” she was at a loss for words.

“I’m going to help Fahra change your bedding,” Sanehi said. “Call me if you need anything, or when you’re ready for the bath.”

So-Hee waited for Sanehi to leave before she began scrubbing herself with the washcloth. It took her awhile to reach everything, but thankfully she still could. Her injuries could’ve been a lot worse. Or she could’ve died. So-Hee supposed she should be more grateful that she wasn’t dead. But that didn’t mean she had to be okay with the injuries she did sustain.

She heard Fahra and Sanehi have a quiet conversation in the other room, along with the sound of sheets being rustled. They were nice, and she was thankful for that. Admittedly, it would’ve been hard for her to take care of herself if she were alone in her apartment. And definitely hard for her teammates to help her when they had their own lives to tend to. She begrudgingly accepted that Aya was the best place for her to recover. But she didn’t like it. Today was fine. And maybe tomorrow would be too. But at some point, she was going to have a run-in with Evfra—this was his home after all—or her mother.

Sanehi walked back into the bathroom, jerking So-Hee from her thoughts. She awkwardly cleared her throat, “I’m ready to rinse off now,” she said.

Grabbing the showerhead, Sanehi rinsed the soap off of So-Hee’s body. While she did so, Fahra reentered the bathroom and waited to assist with getting So-Hee in the tub. It wasn’t as difficult as So-Hee thought it might be. They just steadied her as she stood up from the shower chair and walked the few steps to the tub. There were bars—that she didn’t remember being there before, but then again, she hadn’t paid much attention to the tub in her earlier trips—beside the tub that she gripped while gently lowering herself into the tub. Sanehi did most of the work in making sure So-Hee didn’t outright fall.

The water was blessedly warm and it made her want to fall asleep instantly. She sank down until the water was just below her chin.

The doorbell rang, echoing through the hallway. Sanehi straightened and frowned. “I’ll go see who it is,” she said. “Fahra stay with So-Hee.”

The door to the bathroom shut behind her and So-Hee heard her footsteps recede down the hallway. Maybe it was the Moshae, or someone else—she didn’t know who—who wanted to see one of them. It was just her and Fahra in the bathroom now. Fahra perched on the edge of the tub towards So-Hee’s feet.

“Do you work with Sanehi often?” So-Hee asked to break the silence.

Fahra nodded. “Yes. I’ve worked with her for several years now.”

“And you’re just like…caregivers?” So-Hee asked.

“Surely, you have something like that as well,” Fahra answered.

“Yeah, we have caregivers. Mostly for the elderly or the sick.”

“Most of the elderly and the sick are cared for by their families. Although, sometimes there is no one left in the family. Or the family needs help. That’s where we come in.” Fahra folded her hands in her lap. “Sanehi’s husband returned from the war with grievous injuries, many didn’t think he would make it, but she wouldn’t give up on him. Since then, Sanehi helps those who need it. I am learning from her.”

“So you’re like her apprentice,” So-Hee mused.

Fahra nodded. “Yes, exactly. There are others who do the same work, but I’ve known Sanehi since I was a child. She took me in when my family was taken by the Kett.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” So-Hee said. “The Kett have taken a lot from you.” And it made her own problems seem so small in comparison.

“They have,” Fahra agreed. “But I try to think about what I have gained instead of what I have lost. Sanehi has been a wonderful mother to me.”

So-Hee sank down further under the water until it covered her mouth. It kept her from saying anything even though she had nothing to say. Not about mothers.

“What about your family?” Fahra asked. “I have heard that so many of the colonists left behind their families.”

So-Hee shrugged and moved her mouth above the water to answer. “It’s just me. Most of my family passed when I was young. And those left…well…I suppose I didn’t know them well enough to stay.” Mostly true. She wanted to get to know them more. But she was always scared of putting them in danger. So she stayed away. They were devastated when she told them she was leaving for Andromeda. She tried not to think about it.

“I’m sorry, So-Hee. That sounds so lonely,” Fahra murmured.

“APEX has been pretty awesome,” So-Hee said. “My teammates have…” she trailed off. Could she even call them her family? Hell, she told them all to go fuck themselves before she left for Aya. God Maggie was right. She was an asshole. “I suppose that doesn’t matter now. I may not even have that anymore,” she whispered, glaring balefully at her submerged leg.

Before Fahra could response, the bathroom door opened and Sanehi walked in looking annoyed. “I’m sorry it took so long.”

“Who was it?” So-Hee asked.

“The liaison,” Sanehi answered, not missing the way So-Hee stiffened at her words. “She delivered gifts from your team and asked to see you. She didn’t seem happy when I told her no.”

“I can imagine,” So-Hee said, feigning nonchalance, but she was relieved that Sanehi sent Min-Seo away. So-Hee was in no shape to battle her mother right now.

“No matter,” Sanehi changed the subject. “Why don’t we get you dressed so you can eat?”

Half an hour later, So-Hee was sitting at the kitchen table eating a ready meal. Fahra and Sanehi watched her shove the gloopy buffalo chicken in her mouth with varying degrees of disgust. So-Hee couldn’t blame them. Ready meals weren’t meant to look or taste good. And she was used to it by now. It was better than choking down dry protein bars.

The basket with gifts sat in front of her. She wanted to open it, but she also didn’t at the same time. Even though Min-Seo said it was from her team, it was probably just a bunch of generic get well stuff. Still, when she was finished eating, she reached to drag it in front of her. The first thing she pulled out was a data chip from Rui and Irma. Well, it was mostly from Rui. It was a collection of Japanese metal he had been begging her to listen to. Now she had the time.

Saash sent her a collection of her favorite spicy ready meal packs. Arwann sent a collection of Salarian games for So-Hee to add to her emulator programs. Helayphea sent a satchel of dried flowers she had apparently been collecting on missions. Octanus sent her a shotgun mod—which didn’t do her much good right now. And Maggie sent her a satchel of a variety of chili pepper seeds with a note that read: DO NOT JUST THROW OUTSIDE AND TAINT THE NATIVE FLORA OR SO HELP YOU. That made her giggle. She wondered how much trouble Maggie would be in if anyone found out she sent these to So-Hee.

The only thing left was a small nondescript carton with no note in it. She opened the lid and frowned at the small tea bags inside. It’s not that she hated tea, it just wasn’t her favorite.

“What is it?” Sanehi asked.

“Just tea.” So-Hee shrugged. “It’s leaves and such from a plant. You steep it in warm or hot water and drink it.”

“Oh! We have drinks like that,” Fahra said. “Would you like me to make some for you?” she asked, reaching for the box.

So-Hee shook her head. “Maybe tomorrow,” she said. “I’m good with just water today.”

“Of course,” Sanehi said while Fahra took to the box to set it on the kitchen counter. “Would you like to sit on the couch?”

“Yeah,” So-Hee answered. “Maybe I can sync my omnitool to the TV and find something to watch or play.”

“Whatever you want to do,” Sanehi said. “You can also sit outside whenever you like. Just let me know.”

“Thank you, Sanehi.”

After making sure she was comfortable on the couch—meaning she was surrounded by pillows and had her leg propped up on the table with a pillow underneath—Sanehi opened up the patio doors and cracked the windows. A slight breeze filled the living room with the scent of Aya’s flowers. It was relaxing. And it made the room warm.

So-Hee dozed off while her omnitool was still syncing.

He was surprised to find her asleep on the couch again. Her face was lit by the glow if images on the screen. He was glad she was using it, but that didn’t mean he wanted her to fall asleep in front of it. Not when a bed was so much more comfortable. He sighed. Sanehi chuckled from the kitchen table. “She can’t help it. Poor thing is exhausted.”

“How did she do today?” he asked.

“Good,” Sanehi said, nodding her head. “She napped after breakfast and again after lunch. This was of course after she spent a considerable amount of time swearing about trying to sync her omnitool to the screen.”

He snorted.

Sanehi smiled. “She finally got it to work after dinner and fell asleep shortly after.”

“Thank you, Sanehi,” he said, keeping his voice low so he didn’t wake her. “I can take it from here.”

“Of course,” Sanehi answered, inclining her head.

Evfra waited until Sanehi left and the front door locked behind her before he stepped into the living room. The images on the screen made him pause. She must have been looking at pictures of her family again. Evfra understood. She was feeling lost and unmoored right now. Even though she didn’t talk about them often, he knew family was important to her. It made him feel bad that he would never have a family to offer her. And it also reminded him, that when she was healed, he would have to let her go.

_I should be here._

He shook his head.

_She doesn’t want me here._

A new image popped up and he stared at it. It was a young—very young—So-Hee in a black hanbok and clutching a woman’s hand. The woman was wearing a black dress, and her face was partially covered with black glasses. But there was still something about her that was familiar. Evfra stared at the image until it changed to something else. He couldn’t place who the woman reminded him of. It was going to bother him until he could.

Evfra shut off the screen before turning back to couch. Just like the night before, he gently picked her up and carried her down the hall to the bedroom. The sheets were already turned down—Sanehi probably knew he would do this again—and he set her down. He was careful as he tucked her in so he didn’t wake her, but she didn’t stir at all.

He leaned down to press a small kiss to her temple but stopped himself. That wasn’t their relationship anymore. And he couldn’t do those things. With a small sigh, he straightened back up.

_Am I doing the right thing?_


	29. Don't Want to be Saved

So-Hee woke up in the bed…again. She knew she hadn’t fallen asleep in the bed. It meant either Evfra was carrying her to bed every night, or Sanehi was. And her money was on Evfra.

Minutes after she awoke, Sanehi was in the room to help her get up and clean up before breakfast. It was like she had “So-Hee is awake” radar. Or maybe it was just coincidence. Either way, it meant So-Hee was sitting at the kitchen table an hour after she woke, shoveling in her breakfast. The ready meal was actually a breakfast this time. As well as some fruit paste that Sanehi encouraged her to eat because had been reading how important fruit was to the human diet.

After she was finished, So-Hee rested her elbows on the table while Sanehi and Fahra moved from cleaning up after her to cleaning up the kitchen in general. “I haven’t seen much of Evfra,” she commented, her chin digging into the tops of her hands.

“He has been busy,” Sanehi said, only pausing for a moment to answer. “There were a lot of questions about the incident on Voeld.”

“Tann accused him of negligence—”

“Fahra!” Sanehi hissed. “Everything is fine, So-Hee. Evfra has the situation well in hand.” She grabbed a small kettle—So-Hee didn’t realize they had something similar to kettles from Earth—and filled it with water. She placed it on a small surface and fiddled with a knob until a circular spot on the surface began to glow.

“Maybe I should say something…” So-Hee mused. “Although I doubt Tann would listen to me anyway.”

“Probably,” Sanehi agreed. “But I don’t think it’s necessary. It was an accident. Bombs hidden under pressure plates would be hard to detect without setting them off.”

So-Hee hummed in agreement as she watched steam come from the spout of the kettle. “Evfra doesn’t blame himself…does he?” she asked.

“Why would you think that?” Sanehi asked, stepping away from the kettle. Fahra moved in her place with a cup in her hands.

So-Hee shrugged. “He shoulders a lot. I just don’t think he should with this.”

“Have you told him that?” Fahra asked, pouring the steaming water into the cup.

“I haven’t seen him.”

Sanehi stared at her, her eyes searching for something. “The liaison keeps him occupied regardless. It seems even more so since it was announced that you would be coming here to recover.”

So-Hee kept her face blank. “I guess they just don’t want this to happen again.”

Sanehi frowned but didn’t say anything else. So-Hee dropped her gaze to the table. Of course, Min-Seo was keeping him occupied. She was trying to keep him away from So-Hee as much as possible. But she also didn’t think Evfra was fighting it. And that was on her. He didn’t want to deal with her and she couldn’t blame him. Because she knew herself. She knew she would pick a fight with him. If only to get him to change his mind. And to keep Min-Seo off her back.

A cup was placed in front of her. Red liquid sloshed up the side but stayed in the cup. The smell wafted up to her nostrils. It smelled like fruit juice and something…else. Something familiar. It sparked in her brain but she couldn’t place it. She sniffed it tentatively.

“It seemed a little pungent,” Sanehi said. “So I added fruit juice to help with the flavor. It should make it easier to drink.”

So-Hee frowned momentarily and then shrugged before grabbing the cup and bringing it to her lips. The fruit juice did help, but it was still incredibly bitter. So-Hee fought to swallow it. She didn’t know who sent it, but she didn’t think she would be thanking them for it. The familiarity of it still lingered in her mind. But maybe she was just imagining it.

Sanehi watched as So-Hee drank it all as quickly as she could. It was difficult considering it was hot, but she wanted to finish it so she could be done with it. She certainly didn’t want to find out what it tasted like cold either. When done, she slid the cup away from her.

“Where would you like to go?” Sanehi asked while Fahra grabbed the cup.

“Couch is good I think,” So-Hee said. “I think I want to try and play something.”

Sanehi grabbed her crutches while So-Hee pushed herself up from the table. “I’ve been interested in these video games you’ve told me about. Would you mind if I sat with you?”

So-Hee shook her head. “I don’t mind. The company will be nice.”

They walked into the living room and So-Hee carefully lowered herself down onto the couch and set the crutches beside her. It was getting easier to use them. Although she still had some trouble balancing herself. Good thing she was never really alone and someone was around to catch her when she stumbled. Sometimes she wished that person was Evfra.

It was selfish. She had treated him badly, but she still wanted to see him. And now he was so close, but she couldn’t bring herself to try and see him. It wasn’t right. Or fair to him. Not when she wouldn’t allow him so close again. She couldn’t.

But she missed him.

So-Hee turned on the screen from her omnitool, thankfully she wouldn’t have to spend all day trying to sync everything again and pulled up her emulator. She turned on her universal controller and synced it to her omnitool. With it, she scrolled through her selection of games. There were so damn many. And she always spent too much time trying to pick one. But she eventually settled on one and waited for it to load.

The cheery loading screen popped upright as a yawn escaped her. Suddenly she felt so sleepy. Like she hadn’t been sleeping at all. So-Hee covered her mouth with her hand as another one came along.

“Perhaps you should rest,” Sanehi suggested.

“Maybe,” So-Hee mumbled. “I’m sorry. I just got so tired.”

“You don’t have to apologize, So-Hee. You’re recovering, and your body is going to tell you what it needs.”

So-Hee switched the controller off and backed out of the program. Instead, she put on an old television show and turned the volume down. She was probably going to just fall asleep, but she could watch it until then. Sanehi helped So-Hee lay down, a pillow propping her head up and another to prop her leg up. A thin blanket was draped over her and she pulled it up to her chin.

She didn’t even make it five minutes.

Evfra sat at his desk reading another message from Tann. To be honest, he wasn’t paying much attention. He was tired of the constant communication from the leader of the Initiative. Mostly because he was insufferable and demanding. Evfra closed the message. He would deal with it later.

The liaison, Min-Seo, sat across from him for their daily meeting. It felt a little much to meet so often, but Evfra was trying to keep the peace while Kandros figured out a plan to end this ridiculous situation. If there were to be a liaison in the first place then they should have been picked by the leader of APEX. And it should be someone who knew and worked well with both APEX and the Resistance. This person was not Min-Seo.

And then there was this nagging feeling about her and So-Hee that wouldn’t go away.

A sense of familiarity—and outright hostility—when the two were in the same room. He also knew she had gone to his home to see So-Hee. And was angry when she was turned away by Sanehi. Evfra hadn’t banned anyone from seeing So-Hee, but Sanehi reported that there was something about the woman she didn’t like. He trusted Sanehi’s instincts and trusted her to keep So-Hee safe.

“May I ask you something?” he asked, setting down his tablet.

Min-Seo looked up from her own tablet. “Of course, Commander.”

“How long have you known So-Hee?” he asked.

Her eyebrows drew together and her mouth opened before snapping shut again. It had taken her off-guard. She looked like she didn’t know how to answer. And she certainly didn’t look like she wanted to answer. “We’ve had run-ins before. On the Citadel.”

“I see,” he said. “Are they the reason for the hostility I sense between you two?”

“Ah,” she muttered. “So you’ve noticed.” She sighed. “I suppose it won’t stay secret forever. So-Hee and I…have not had pleasant dealings in the past. I have tried to let it go, but she excels at holding grudges.”

Evfra hummed. It still felt like something was missing, but Min-Seo was clamming up. He could tell from the tension in her shoulders and the way she wouldn’t look directly at him. Something she had no problem doing before. “Did your past dealings influence your decision to demote her?” he asked.

Min-Seo’s eyes flashed. “Are you accusing me of misusing my power, Commander?”

“Not at all,” he said, his voice smooth. “It was just a question.”

“I did not make that decision alone. The simple fact is, So-Hee has a problem with authority. She always has. And in Andromeda, it just won’t stand.” Min-Seo leaned forward. “Not when so many things can be jeopardized by the wrong decision. She has to learn to think about the bigger picture, and what is at stake while she is being selfish!”

Evfra was surprised by her outburst. “The bigger picture…?”

Min-Seo dropped her gaze. “The whole of Andromeda, of our existence here. Everything hangs in such a tedious balance. One wrong move and we’re done here, and there is no going back. There is much to lose here.”

“I don’t understand how one person could sway these outcomes,” Evfra said. “The success of our people hinges on many decisions. Not just one.”

“That is true,” Min-Seo admitted. “And So-Hee doesn’t know how to be part of the many. She focuses on what she wants, and that is not what we need.”

“Strange,” Evfra murmured. “For someone supposedly so selfish, she risked her own life to save someone else. I wonder if we see the same person.”

Min-Seo’s shoulders hunched inward. “Yes,” she whispered. “I was surprised as well. Perhaps she learned something after all…” she trailed off. “Do you have children, Commander?” she asked out of the blue.

Leaning back, he shook his head. “I do not.”

“I do,” Min-Seo answered. “Two children. And my husband. All are still asleep.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

She nodded. “I would do anything for them. I want them to wake up and feel safe.”

“I can’t imagine a mother that wouldn’t,” he said.

“But sometimes, in order to ensure that safety hard decisions have to be made. To protect them I will do what is necessary, even if others don’t understand,” Min-Seo said. “I understand you are fond of So-Hee, but she is destructive. I just hope you won’t have to see that side of her, Commander.”

Min-Seo picked up her tablet again and that was that. The conversation ended with Evfra feeling more confused than when he started. She answered one question only to give him several more to think over. He wanted to ask So-Hee, but he knew he wouldn’t get an answer from her either.

He looked at Min-Seo, at the way the corners of her mouth turned downward. It looked…familiar somehow. Evfra picked up his own tablet and raised it to cover everything from the nose up. Just like the woman in So-Hee’s picture was covered. But Min-Seo couldn’t be that woman, could she? And if she was…what the hell did it mean?

Whispers woke her from her sleep.

She was stretched out on the couch with her leg propped up with pillows. It was her second nap of the day. She had only woken up earlier because Sanehi wanted her to eat dinner and then So-Hee fell right back asleep. She hadn’t realized she was so tired. And her entire body ached even though she slept all day. One would think she would feel better after getting so much sleep. But she felt so unrested.

“Are you going to keep avoiding her?” Sanehi asked.

“If I can.”

Evfra’s voice made her squeeze her eyes shut.

“Evfra,” Sanehi scolded but kept her voice quiet. “You can’t keep this up forever. The two of you will have to speak.”

“I know,” he agreed. “But for now, she needs time to adjust.”

“She will adjust better if you’re just honest with her.”

“About what?” he asked.

“About why you brought her here in the first place,” Sanehi pressed.

“Kandros and I agreed—”

“So you’ve told me,” Sanehi interrupted. “But I know you better than that Evfra. You obviously care for this woman. Knowing that might help her.”

“It won’t.”

Sanehi just sighed. It seemed she wasn’t in the mood to argue with him any further. So-Hee was grateful for it. She didn’t want to hear about Evfra caring for her. It just reminded her what she was losing out on by pushing him away. And it made her question keeping her secrets and the lies. But if she told him it would complicate everything. Make it worse. For both of them.

A few minutes later, they bid each other goodbye and So-Hee heard the door opening and closing. Another minute later and the screen was shut off, cutting off the show that had been playing. She fought to keep herself still and her eyes shut when she felt Evfra’s arms moving under her knees and her back. So he was the one carrying her to bed every night. And he was so gentle as he did so.

Evfra set her down on the bed and pulled the blankets over her. She felt his fingers ghost over her forehead before his steps receded from the room and the door closed. Even then she still waited a few minutes before letting herself look around the room. It was so dark she couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face. She laid in the dark with the blanket pulled up to her chin and listened as the shower turned on in the bathroom.

It reminded her of the last time they were together on Aya. How much she had wanted to stay then, how much she had wanted to say yes to his proposal.

It was easier to avoid those thoughts on the Nexus. But not here. Every single thing in his home reminded her of the good times they had together. And just how good they were together. But when it came down to it, she couldn’t stand up for their relationship. She was a coward.

The tears were hot as they splashed down her cheeks.

She was an asshole. And a fucking coward.

Evfra deserved better than her.


	30. Fight Those Demons

So-Hee didn’t wake up in her temporary bed.

When she realized where she was, she cursed out loud. The upside to taking painkillers to sleep was that she barely dreamed. No nightmares for a week.

But now here she was again.

So-Hee sat up in her bed and stared at the other beds in the dorm. They should be empty. They were always empty before. But they weren’t now. The only bed that was, was the bed to her left. Hannah’s bed. That was normal. Hannah very rarely spent the entirety of her nights in her bed. She was probably waiting for So-Hee. She was always waiting.

Quietly, So-Hee pushed her blankets off and moved her feet to the floor. She shouldn’t have to be quiet in her own dream. But she didn’t want to disturb the others in their beds. Although, dreams didn’t have logic. They might wake up anyway. She just hoped they wouldn’t.

A flash of light illuminated the room for a mere second before a clap of thunder made her jump. So it was going to be a dream of that night, huh? Then So-Hee knew exactly where Hannah would be. Why draw this out by keeping her waiting?

So-Hee stood up from the bed, the floor chillingly cold under her feet. Silently, she walked down the middle of the room, her eyes darting around to make sure the lumps under the blankets didn’t move. Another flash of light blinded her and she pressed her hands to her eyes. When she removed them the lumps were gone.

The girls stood beside their beds. Their accusatory glares burning holes into her skin. So-Hee held her breath. _Don’t look at them._ Keeping her face forward she kept walking to the door. _Don’t acknowledge them._ Her heart hammered in her chest. _They can’t hurt me. This is my dream._ So-Hee’s hand wrapped around the doorknob and she quickly stepped into the hallway. The door slammed shut behind her.

Her feet carried her down the hall and down the stairs quickly. She wouldn’t wake up unless she faced whatever her mind had in store for her. It was better to just get it over with.

The air outside was warm and stifling. It was always humid at the school. It’s how she remembered it. Sweat trickled down her face and then cooled when the wind picked up. The storm wasn’t real either, but it felt like it could be. It was always vivid when she thought of this moment. She turned to walk towards the patio tucked behind tall shrubberies. It was hidden well enough. It’s why it was always their place.

So-Hee always knew what to expect at this moment. After all, it was burned into her brain. It was always Hannah, their argument, and then the incident.

But So-Hee wasn’t expecting to see two figures sitting on the bench.

She stopped in her tracks. She stared at the back of Hannah’s head, it was normal and familiar to her. But the other person…he couldn’t be in her dream. Not here. Not at this moment.

They turned to look at her. Hannah’s cruel blue eyes held a world of malice, but there was also a hint of smugness in her smile. And Evfra…Evfra looked at her with fear. For the first time ever. It made her heart drop in her stomach. Not him. Anyone else could be scared of her, but not him. She would never hurt Evfra. Not even if her life depended on it.

“What did you tell him?” So-Hee asked, her voice tinged with desperation.

“That which you have failed to,” Hannah answered, her smile growing wider.

“No,” So-Hee murmured. “Evfra, I—”

“You lied to me,” he accused, his voice cold and unfeeling. “About everything.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t, not everything please—”

“I can’t trust you,”

“Maybe not,” So-Hee said. “But I only lied to protect—”

“Yourself.”

She couldn’t argue that. She was trying to protect herself. From being hurt and from her mother, but she was also trying to protect him. From her more than anything. She was lacking. And she wasn’t good enough. Not for him, not for relationships, and maybe he was right not to trust her. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to hear.

“This is your own fault, So-Hee,” Hannah said. “If you would just face what you’ve done then maybe people could trust you. Then maybe someone would actually care about you. But no one even knows who you are. Not really.”

“Shut up,” So-Hee snarled.

“Or what? You’re going to kill me again?” Hannah taunted, standing up from the bench.

“It was an accident!”

“Was it?” Hannah shrieked. The wind picked up, whipping her hair around her face. “Or is that what you tell yourself? If it’s true then why do you carry guilt? Why do you see me all the time? If it was an accident, then why have I haunted you ever since?” She stepped forward, making So-Hee step back. “And if it was an accident, then why are you so afraid you’ll hurt someone else?”

“I—”

“Because it wasn’t, So-Hee,” Hannah said. “You meant to kill me. To stop me.”

“No—”

“Then why do I haunt you?” Hannah asked again.

So-Hee swallowed. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

Hannah rolled her eyes. “You spend so much time in the past that you can’t see what’s right in front of your face, So-Hee. You know the answers. And one day they won’t wait for you to decide to unearth them.”

The ground underneath their feet began to tremble and shake. So-Hee stumbled backward trying to catch her balance. The bricks cracked and shifted in front of her. As the ground began to rip itself apart, the bricks fell into a gaping maw. So-Hee moved back as the crack grew wider and wider to keep herself from falling in. Her leg began to ache as she did so.

The crack stopped right in front of her feet. She looked down, bending over slightly to stare into the hole. There was no sign of light. Even as lightning flashed overhead it illuminated nothing. It was just darkness. Sharp pain in her ribs made her straighten. But when she looked back up, Evfra was gone. It was just Hannah staring at her from the other side of the hole.

“Mend the fucking gaps, So-Hee. It’s time,” Hannah sneered.

“What?”

Hannah rolled her eyes again. “You’re so clueless. Maybe you just need a little push.”

Hands pressed against So-Hee’s back, but before she could turn around, they shoved her. So-Hee tipped forward, teetering over the edge. But she didn’t fall. She breathed a small sigh of relief. The ache in her leg was beginning to turn into throbbing pain.

Hannah sighed. “I guess we’re out of time.”

“What—”

Pain akin to shoving a burning hot poker in her leg cut her off. So-Hee keened in her throat, and she doubled over. The floor disappeared and she closed her eyes thinking she was going to fall.

But she opened them. She was in her bed. It was still dark in the room and for a moment she thought everything, even the pain, was just a dream. When the searing pain dug into her leg again, she realized it wasn’t. She clamped her lips shut to keep her sounds to herself. She didn’t want to wake Evfra.

Her arms shook as she pushed herself up on her elbows. With her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she looked over to her bedside table for the bottle of painkillers. But it wasn’t there. Just a glass of water. Maybe Sanehi kept them in the kitchen then.

Tears stained her face. She couldn’t stop them. She just tried to remain quiet as she swung her leg to the floor. It made contact with the surface and the pain shot up from her ankle. So-Hee’s fingers dug into the edge of the nightstand as she waited for it to pass.

Thankfully, Sanehi kept the crutches close to the bed. So-Hee stretched to reach them on the other side of the nightstand. But she was in pain and clumsy, and as her fingers failed to grasp them, one of them began to slide down the wall and the other went with it. They clattered to the ground. There was no way she could bend over to reach them.

“Fuck,” So-Hee sobbed, trying to push herself up with her hand on the nightstand. Maybe if she kept to the wall, she could make it to the kitchen.

The door to her room opened and the lights flickered on automatically. She blinked at the sudden onslaught of light. It made her lose her balance and she began to pitch forward. But arms encircled her waist and carefully set her back on the bed. Every movement made her leg throb and she tried not to audibly cry out.

“What were you doing?” Evfra asked, sounding concerned and exhausted.

“Hurts,” she murmured, gesturing to her leg.

“Stay here,” he ordered.

Just as quickly as he entered, he exited the room. So-Hee wanted to curl herself into a ball, but she couldn’t even do that. All she could do was twist her fingers in the sheets and wait for Evfra. It didn’t take him long to return. And with him were two small pills that she swallowed eagerly. Now it was just a matter of waiting for them to work. She would just have to cry through the pain until then.

She expected Evfra to leave. But he sat down on the edge of the bed beside her. “Is there anything else I can do to help?” he asked.

Soaking in the tub might help. But then he would have to help. It was too late to call Sanehi even though So-Hee was tempted to ask him to do so. She ignored the temptation. If she wanted to feel better, she would just have to accept Evfra’s help. And she hated the part of her that was pleased about it.

“A bath,” she answered, not looking him in the eye.

Evfra stood up and exited the room. She heard the sound of running water in the bathroom. The silence at which he did things perturbed her, but at least he wasn’t bothering her with questions. So-Hee grabbed the hem of her tank top to get a head start on undressing. Being naked around him should bother her. But she knew she was going to need his help to get her shorts off and then to get in and out of the bath. Being naked was the least of her worries right now.

When Evfra walked back into the room, she had her shorts down to her knees. He helped work them down her legs the rest of the way and tossed them to the side. This probably wasn’t what he was expecting when he signed on to have her here. Maybe he expected the caregivers to do all the work. But he didn’t complain as he picked her up and carried to the bath. In fact, they were both quiet. So-Hee was so sure she was going to pick a fight when she finally saw him, but nothing was coming to mind.

Evfra gently lowered her into the warm water. He didn’t let go of her until he was certain that she was settled into the tub. Steam rose from the water and she breathed in deeply. At first, her leg was just uncomfortably hot and she grimaced. Maybe this wasn’t all that good of an idea. But eventually, the warm water and the painkillers helped her relax. The pain in her leg nothing more than a small twinge.

She expected him to leave the moment she was comfortable, but to her surprise, he sat on the rim. Good thing it was an Angaran tub and could handle his weight. Now that she wasn’t focused on her pain, she could look at him. He looked exhausted. The blue under his eyes was a darker shade than normal. It was doubtful he was getting enough sleep, and what little sleep he was getting wasn’t very restful. Especially since he was in her room the moment there was a noise. He must be listening for her every night.

It made her feel like an even bigger asshole.

Feeling her eyes on him, he turned to look at her and she didn’t look away in time. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Nothing,” she murmured. “Just…you look tired.”

“I am,” he admitted.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“You don’t have to worry about anything,” he said. “I have things well in hand.”

She believed it. This was Evfra after all. He was the most capable person she knew. But that didn’t mean everything was okay. She wanted to push him, but they didn’t have that kind of relationship anymore. They couldn’t. So she shut her mouth and sank further down into the water.

“While we are speaking, I do have something to ask you,” he continued.

“Hm?”

“Why were you demoted?” he asked.

It wasn’t the question she was expecting, and she didn’t want to answer it. She didn’t know what to say. There was always the truth, but that was a can of worms she didn’t want to open. Not while she was here on Aya with her mother in spitting distance.

“I was told it was for misconduct, but I don’t believe it,” he said, pushing for an answer. “And I am even more surprised that you accepted—”

“I did,” she cut him off. “I accepted my demotion because I didn’t want Kandros to lose APEX.”

“Why would he—”

“It doesn’t matter, Evfra,” she said. “I made the choice to not fight it. Please drop it.”

“Very well.” He stood up from the tub. “Are you ready to go back to sleep? Or do you want to sit here a little longer?”

She shook her head. “I’m ready to get out.”

Evfra grabbed a towel from an open shelf and set it on the edge of the tub before he reached into the water to pick her up again. When she was out and sitting on the edge, she reached for the towel to dry off the parts of her that she could reach. Evfra drained the water from the tub. She handed him the towel when he was done to dry her legs and back. When finished, he wrapped her in a dry towel and picked her up. So-Hee could’ve asked for her crutches, but she liked it when he carried her.

_Bad_.

He sat her down on the edge of the bed. The painkillers were definitely working now. She was ready to go back to sleep and she wasn’t even laying down yet. He handed her fresh clothes and she almost said fuck it and just went to sleep in the towel. But while he picked up her dirty clothes and left the room, she pulled on the tank top and slowly shimmied her shorts up her legs. She wasn’t in the mood to fight with her underwear so she set them back on the bedside table.

When Evfra returned, she was already laying back down with the blankets pulled up to her chin. The towel was somewhere under the blankets with her and she didn’t give any fucks about it. She would find it in the morning.

“What else do you need?” he asked.

With her eyes half-lidded and sleep creeping along the edge of her consciousness, she figured what else did she have to lose tonight? “Will you stay?” she asked. “Just until I fall asleep.”

She expected him to say no. Hell, anyone else probably would. But to her surprise, he flicked off the lights and padded across the room. She didn’t really see him, but she felt the bed dip beside her and his comforting presence on the other side of the bed. If she reached out, she could touch him. Which was a bad idea because then she might ask for this again.

This was a one-time thing.

“Evfra?” she mumbled.

“Hm?”

“I know why Kandros wanted me to come here, but why did you?” she asked.

“So you would be safe.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“No,” he admitted.

She shifted her head in his general direction. “What’s the other reason?”

“I care for you,” he said, his voice closer than it was a moment ago. Had he moved closer to her? It was so hard to tell. The bed was so damn big.

“Oh.” So-Hee swallowed hard. It was one thing to overhear Sanehi accusing him of caring, but something else to hear it from him. “You shouldn’t,” she whispered.

“It doesn’t work that way,” he answered.

“Fuck,” she mumbled, trying to fight the sleep that was trying to overtake her.

She felt his fingers in her hair. “Go to sleep, So-Hee.”

“’Kay.”

She was right about it being a one-time thing. When she woke in the morning, the bed was cold and Evfra was gone for work already. Sanehi was there like usual, but So-Hee wasn’t as happy to see her. The conversation just kicked up more emotions for her. And more questions. About what she wanted. And what she really wanted was becoming an unavoidable truth.

She wanted Evfra.

But there was never a chance to tell him that. She didn’t even have the chance to work up the courage.

For a week the days crept by and she didn’t see him at all. He only came home when she was already asleep. And he was gone when she woke up again. She hated it.

Maybe it was time to rethink her choice.


	31. Scared to Breathe

So-Hee was finishing her daily cup of tea when the doorbell rang. Sanehi stood up from the kitchen table and walked over to the front door to answer it. When So-Hee heard Min-Seo’s voice she froze, clutching her empty cup between her hands. She was surprised she didn’t break it. At first, Sanehi refused to let Min-Seo in, but So-Hee knew she wouldn’t stop trying. It would be better to just get it over with.

“It’s fine,” So-Hee called from the chair. “I’ll see her.”

Sanehi came back in the kitchen while So-Hee used her hands to push her chair back from the table. Using her crutches to stand, she turned to face Min-Seo. The woman’s face was like stone. There was no concern or worry. There was nothing at all. Even though she didn’t expect anything, So-Hee still felt the disappointment like a ball of lead in her stomach.

“I came to see how you were doing,” Min-Seo said, her eyes flicking down to So-Hee’s leg.

“We can talk in my room,” So-Hee said, using her crutches to walk into the living room. After a little over a week of practice, she was getting better at traversing the house with them. She was also having less pain. Which surprised her, but she wasn’t going to complain.

Min-Seo followed So-Hee down the hallway. So-Hee could feel her eyes burning holes into So-Hee’s back. Thankfully, Fahra and Sanehi stayed in the kitchen. So-Hee didn’t want them to know either. They would probably think she was pathetic for being pushed around by her own mother. Or that something was truly wrong with her to be so unloved.

The door closed behind them and So-Hee sat down on the bed, leaning her crutches beside her. Min-Seo stood opposite her, just within reaching distance, but she still felt miles away.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you okay?” Min-Seo asked.

“I have a broken leg and I may never fully recover,” So-Hee answered. “Do I seem okay to you?” It wasn’t just the broken leg. It was the thought that she may never be able to do the one thing she liked ever again. That she may lose her friends, her teammates. Her sleep was awful. Even though she slept nearly all the damn time, she never felt well-rested and her dreams never released their hold on her. She was close to spiraling. But why say all that? Min-Seo didn’t really care. She was here for another reason. It was always another reason.

Min-Seo sighed. “You’re living with the Commander and being taken care of by him. You seem alright to me.”

“Then you’re sorely mistaken,” So-Hee sneered. “But what do you care? Why are you even here?”

“You shouldn’t be here,” Min-Seo said. “You would have been fine recovering on the Nexus—”

“I didn’t ask to come here,” So-Hee protested.

“Don’t lie to me!” Min-Seo snarled. “If I know anything about it’s that you’re a liar—”

“I am not—”

“You begged the Commander to bring you here. You used the fact that he felt guilty and his pity—”

“He doesn’t pity me!”

“Then what would you call this?” Min-Seo asked. “Why else would he do all of this?”

“Because he cares about me,” So-Hee choked out.

“Cares about you?” Min-Seo scoffed. “Do you really think anyone could honestly care about you? The real you?”

So-Hee swallowed hard, trying to keep her tears at bay. “Eomma—”

_Smack!_

So-Hee’s cheek burned and she touched it gently with her fingers. The tears she had tried to keep to herself, spilled over, dripping onto her fingertips. But she didn’t cry out loud. She didn’t say anything at all. She just stared at a spot on the floor to avoid looking at her mother.

“Eomma? Me?” Min-Seo said. “Don’t ever call me that again.”

So-Hee didn’t say anything. This was it then. There wasn’t going to be any reasoning with Min-Seo. She wasn’t much of a mother to So-Hee in the Milky Way and that wasn’t going to change in Andromeda. Any hope So-Hee had was dashed in that instant. And it meant she truly had no family here. Had she made a mistake in running? Should she have stayed in the Milky Way?

“Listen to me carefully,” Min-Seo instructed. “I don’t care how you do it, but you will convince the Commander to send you back to the Nexus and you will refrain from seeing him again.”

Why should So-Hee do anything she said? She wasn’t her mother. She wasn’t even her boss. Right now, with So-Hee in recovery, Min-Seo was nobody to her. “No,” she whispered.

“What?”

“I said no,” So-Hee repeated.

“You ungrateful—”

“That is enough!”

They both turned to the door. Neither of them had heard it open, nor had they heard Sanehi step into the room. But she was there and her eyes were hard like steel. “You need to leave,” she said to Min-Seo. “And I would advise you not to return.”

“I apologize for the yelling, but—”

Sanehi slashed her hand through the air. “I heard enough. You are not to come here again, not while I am in charge. And Evfra will be hearing about this.”

Min-Seo’s mouth pressed into a thin line and she straightened up. “Fine. I’ll be going then.” She didn’t even look at So-Hee again as she left the room. Sanehi stepped into the hallway to watch as Min-Seo departed, but she also kept So-Hee in her sights. So-Hee just stayed on the bed, clutching her reddened cheek. Min-Seo had never smacked her before. It caught her off-guard, but it also hurt in a way that she couldn’t measure.

Sanehi stepped back into the room when Min-Seo was gone. She sat on the bed beside So-Hee, her hand gently moving So-Hee’s so her knuckles could brush against So-Hee’s cheek. “It hurts?” she asked.

“Not really,” So-Hee murmured.

“It does,” Sanehi said, clasping So-Hee’s hand in between her own. “Mothers should never strike their children in such a manner.”

So-Hee looked at Sanehi in surprise. Maybe Sanehi heard everything then. She couldn’t help but ask, “How did you know?”

“A mother knows,” Sanehi answered. “I had my suspicions before, but today confirmed them.”

“Please don’t tell Evfra,” So-Hee whispered. “It will just make everything worse.”

“I won’t tell him,” Sanehi agreed. “But I think you should.”

So-Hee shook her head. “It won’t accomplish anything. Once I’m healed, I’m going back to the Nexus and staying away from Evfra.”

“Do you really want that?” Sanehi asked.

“It’s doesn’t matter,” So-Hee answered. “My mother may be cruel and shitty, but she’s not wrong about one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m not right for Evfra,” So-Hee admitted. “And just because I want to be doesn’t mean it will be true. He could get hurt. He could be targeted. And I’m…I’m not a good person, Sanehi.”

“I don’t believe that for one second,” Sanehi argued. “And I don’t think Evfra does either.”

“You don’t know everything about me. About the things I’ve done. If you did, you’d see me differently,” So-Hee said, pulling her hand away and shoving them both under her thighs.

“Don’t assume anything, So-Hee,” Sanehi warned. “Especially about Evfra. He is no stranger to having to make hard choices. Choices that made him alienate himself from his people because he would prefer ire to be directed at him, and not at those that work with him.”

“It’s not the same—”

“No one is going to know that if you don’t talk to them. And I mean actually talk to someone. You speak to me often, but you don’t tell me anything. You hold all of the hurt inside of you and you just serve to hurt yourself further,” Sanehi interrupted. “What are you so afraid of?”

_Myself._

So-Hee hunched over, staring at a spot on the floor. Her lack of reaction made Sanehi sigh in disappointment. A sound So-Hee was used to hearing. She was a disappointment to many in her life. Why should now be any different?

“I watched Evfra grew up,” Sanehi said. “I saw what losing his family did to him. And I watched him rise to lead the Resistance and how he closed himself off to be able to do so. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve seen a fraction of the man that came before. I never thought I’d see it again. And I know it’s because of you.” Sanehi stood up from the bed. “I’m not asking you to care for someone you don’t have feelings for. Nor am I placing the responsibility of making Evfra happy on your shoulders. But I am asking you to think of yourself too. Of what you want. Because I don’t think pushing everyone away is what you really want.”

_Of course it isn’t_.

“I know you get tired around this time,” Sanehi said like the previous conversation didn’t happen. “Do you want to rest?”

So-Hee nodded.

Sanehi took the crutches from where they were leaning on the bed and placed them in between the bed and the table. So-Hee pushed herself up on her arms so Sanehi could pull the blankets down, and Sanehi watched to make sure So-Hee was comfortable before she walked around the room to pull down the blinds in the windows. Before leaving, Sanehi turned back. “Think about what I said, So-Hee. I’ll wake you for dinner.” She flicked off the light, plunging So-Hee into darkness.

Despite being tired it took forever for her to fall asleep this time. She just kept questioning whether or not she should tell Evfra the truth. Would he still be okay with her? Or would he send her away? If she told him the truth there was always the possibility that he would reject her. Maybe she could just start small. Start with Min-Seo. But that filled her with dread.

Min-Seo would be angry if So-Hee told the truth. She might retaliate. Not just against So-Hee, but against Evfra too. It could ruin the alliance. And it would be So-Hee’s fault.

She finally fell asleep no closer to an answer than she was before.

Dark clouds were beginning to encroach on the city when Evfra left headquarters. It was supposed to storm heavily all night and much of the next day. It wouldn’t have bothered him to go home while the storms were raging, but he didn’t want Fahra and Sanehi to be out during them. He sent everyone nonessential home early as well. With the Kett presence dwindling, they could afford it.

When he entered his home, Sanehi was sitting at the kitchen table and Fahra was sitting beside her. They looked up in surprise when he walked in. So-Hee wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Perhaps she was actually sleeping in her bed this time.

“Is something wrong?” Sanehi asked immediately.

He shook his head. “No.”

“You’re never home this early,” Fahra said.

“Yes, what’s the occasion?” Sanehi asked.

“Storms are coming in. I don’t want you out in them, so I came home early,” Evfra answered. “And I was thinking that you might want to actually join your family for dinner instead of being here all night.”

Sanehi stared at him like he was lying and if she concentrated hard enough, she would be able to sniff it out. But eventually, she nodded and stood. “It would be nice,” she admitted. “But if you need help—”

“I’ll call if I do, but I think I’ll be fine.”

“Alright.” Sanehi pushed in her chair. “Her dinner is ready. Wake her up in an hour to eat, after she eats, she takes her antibiotics and a painkiller if necessary. She has been needing them less so I leave it up to her. Other than that, just keep an eye on her. She has improved with using her crutches and gets around well enough on her own.”

This is why he liked Sanehi. She was a mother through and through, it didn’t matter if the child belonged to her or not. Another reason why he chose her. He had hoped she would be of great comfort to So-Hee. Perhaps even remind her of her grandmother in a good way. He wanted Sanehi to help her feel safe here.

Sanehi patted his shoulder, bringing him back to their conversation. “Be easy with her,” Sanehi said. “She is hurting.”

“I will,” he promised even though he had no premise for what she said. It didn’t matter. He didn’t plan on being harsh with So-Hee at all. Even if she lashed out at him.

With that, Fahra and Sanehi left and he was alone in the kitchen. Evfra made sure the door was locked behind them and does the same with the patio doors. Thunder begins to rumble in the distance. He made the right choice.

He walked down the hallway, pausing outside of her door. It was quiet in her room. She must still be sleeping then. Taking a quick detour into his room, he grabbed his tablet from his bedside table and made his way back to the living room. Anything important would be sent to him, but for now, he could go over some of the reports from his couch. And for an hour that’s what he did.

When the hour was up, he set his tablet down and stood up from the couch. The sky still rumbled ominously outside, but the rain hadn’t begun yet. It would soon. He walked down the hall and into her room. It was dark, but he could see the vague outline of her in the bed. She didn’t even stir when he was standing beside her debating if he should even wake her. But Sanehi would have him if he didn’t make sure she ate.

Gently, he touched her shoulder, biting back his smile at the squeaky groan he elicited from her. “Time to eat, So-Hee,” he said, keeping his voice soft so he didn’t startle her. It worked…sort of.

She quickly rolled over and just blinked at him.

“I’ll have your dinner on the table,” he said like it was normal that he was home at this time. “I’ll be working in the living room. If that bothers you, I can move to my room.”

“S’fine,” So-Hee mumbled, pushing herself up.

“Do you need help?” he asked.

She shook her head, reaching for her crutches when she was upright. Evfra stepped back so she could swing herself around and stand up. When he was certain she was fine, he stepped back out of the room, keeping the door open so the hall light illuminated the room. He trailed behind her as she made her way to the kitchen. While she sat down, he grabbed her meal and carried it over to the table. She avoided looking at him and her voice was quiet as she mumbled a “thank you.” Evfra walked back into the living room so she could eat.

He tried to focus on his work, but he was also listening out for her in case she needed him. But everything was quiet except for the sounds of her eating. Eventually, his work did suck him in. It wasn’t until he looked over to check on her that he noticed she wasn’t sitting at the table anymore. But her crutches were still where she had left them propped up on the chair beside her. He set the tablet down and stood up, wondering where she could have gone. The sound of the faucet turning on in the kitchen drew him in. She was leaning on the edge of the sink, washing her dishes to set them in the rack.

“I could’ve done that,” he said. “Why didn’t you call me?”

She shrugged, turning off the water and reaching for a towel to dry her hands. “I’m trying to do what I can. Makes me feel a little less useless.”

“You’re not useless.”

She leaned on the countertop and carefully limped her way back to the table. “I certainly feel like it.” She paused right in front of him. Mostly because he was blocking her way to her crutches.

Evfra turned to grab them and hand them to her, watching her balance herself on one leg until she had her crutches under her arms. Where did they go from here? She had eaten. And Sanehi said she would usually use the living room after doing so. Evfra expected her to banish him to his room, or maybe she would even go back to her own room. But she walked around him and towards the couch.

She sat on the opposite end of the couch from where he had been sitting and set her crutches beside her. If she wasn’t going to say anything to contrary, then Evfra was going to consider it was alright that they shared the couch. He sat down and picked up his tablet again. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her struggle to lift her leg onto the table. He moved a little closer to grab a pillow and place it on the table before gently grabbing her ankle and moving her leg onto the table.

“Thanks,” she grumbled, settling back onto the couch.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, not moving back to his side of the couch. There was only a foot of space between them. But she said nothing.

It was quiet for a few minutes before the screen turned on, bathing the room in its glow. He watched, careful that she didn’t notice him, as she opened her omnitool and pulled up a program. When she grabbed the small controller—a game controller she had called it before—and turned it on, he realized she was going to play a game while sitting with him. It wasn’t what he expected. It seemed almost normal. Except things weren’t normal at all. Not with so many things unsaid between them.

So-Hee turned the volume down on the screen before launching the game. Presumably, so she didn’t disturb him while playing. The music on the title screen was upbeat. Evfra couldn’t help but watch her while trying to focus on his work. She controlled a small character that looked sort of like her. The game itself seemed rather monotonous. She ran around an island and collected shells, fished, caught bugs, and spoke to strange-looking animal creatures. Despite the simplicity, Evfra couldn’t help but be taken in by it.

“It relaxes me,” she said when she noticed him staring.

Evfra dropped his gaze for a few minutes to look back at his tablet. But eventually, he was staring at the screen again. It was nighttime in the game, and he watched her climb cliffs to reach the north end of the island. She switched the camera view to the night sky. They both watched as stars streaked across the screen and every time she would press a button to make her character close their eyes and clasp their hands. Evfra wasn’t sure what the point of it was.

Eventually, the stars stopped coming and So-Hee set the controller down beside her. She placed her hands over her face, her fingers rubbing her cheeks. Evfra tried not to look at her full-on, but he could tell how worn down she looked just from small glances.

“I’ve lied,” she murmured.

He didn’t know what she was speaking about specifically. “I know.”

“When Halmeoni died, my aunt did want me to stay. The house was plenty big enough for her kids and me,” So-Hee clarified.

“Why didn’t you?” 

“I…I wasn’t given a choice. Soo-Young didn’t have guardianship and I wasn’t legally an adult yet. When Halmeoni died, custody reverted to my mother.”

“How is that possible? I thought she died?” He set down his tablet and fully turned towards her.

So-Hee leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. “That’s the lie,” she joked humorlessly. “Sometimes it feels like she had. Sometimes it’s easier to just tell people that instead of the truth.”

“The truth?”

“She hates me,” So-Hee said, her voice wobbly. “I think she always has, but my dad always tempered her. But after he died, I guess she couldn’t hide it anymore. A week after his funeral she gave me a bag and told me to pack as many clothes as I could and that I was going to spend some time at my grandmother’s.” So-Hee crossed her arms over her chest. “I thought maybe it would be for the weekend or the rest of the summer. My grandmother worked hard to make it a good summer, but I always asked when mommy was coming back. When Halmeoni enrolled me in school I knew, and I stopped asking.”

Evfra didn’t know which was worse. Having a mother that had died suddenly or having a mother that willingly abandoned her own child. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “No mother should treat their child like that.”

“Yeah.” She huffed, but he could tell it was to keep herself from crying. “Sometimes I’d get cards for my birthday, with a credit chit stuffed inside. I think my grandmother did it so I would feel like my mother hadn’t completely abandoned me. But I knew different.”

They fell into silence. Evfra was truly at a loss for words. There were no apologies he could make that would even cover the amount of pain she must feel. And it explained a lot of her behaviors. “Did your mother take you to the school?” he asked.

So-Hee nodded. “She showed up in the middle of the funeral. Didn’t even let me change. The car ride was several hours.” She finally looked at him. “I thought—for a stupid, brief moment—that she was taking me home, and we would get to be a family again. But she told me she couldn’t do that. That I was a danger to her other children and she had to keep them safe. Then she begged me to live without bothering her…to live like I didn’t exist.”

_Eomma…Can I…I want to live like I exist…Can I do that?_

It was what she had said after the incident. He didn’t understand what it meant then. He thought maybe it was just the mutterings of someone who was in pain. But now… “So-Hee…” he trailed off. “Just who is your mother?”

She turned her head so she wasn’t looking at him anymore. “I’m surprised you haven’t guessed,” she said.

He stared at her profile. The woman he saw in the picture that day came to mind. And the striking resemblance she bore to someone else. “The liaison,” he whispered.

So-Hee nodded. “Before she was Kim Min-Seo, she was Park Min-Seo.”

Anger filled Evfra. Not at So-Hee. Never at her. It was at the woman who treated her so cruelly. At the mother that was supposed to love her child unconditionally. And at the woman who clearly lied, and clearly had a hand in everything that had transpired since the last time So-Hee was on Aya. And it also made him wonder. “Is she the reason for your demotion?” he asked.

So-Hee didn’t answer him at first. But her shoulders tensed and she refused to look at him. That told him enough. Evfra’s hands curled into fists. “What exactly was the reason for the demotion?”

She didn’t answer him.

“You can tell me yourself or I’m going to ask Kandros,” Evfra warned. “And I don’t think he will lie to me.”

So-Hee pressed her lips into a thin line. He could tell she didn’t want to answer—probably because he wouldn’t like the answer—but he needed to know. There were too many things he didn’t know already. “For having an inappropriate relationship,” she finally answered.

He drew in a quick breath through his nose. “Your relationship with me.”

She nodded.

“Is that what you discussed when she was first on Aya?” he asked.

So-Hee nodded again.

“What did she say to you, exactly?” he asked.

So-Hee sighed and rubbed her nose. “That I wasn’t good enough, and not worth causing a diplomatic incident over,” she answered her voice thick. “And that if I didn’t stop seeing you, she would demote me.” She sniffed and looked down, but he could see how glossy her eyes were becoming.

“And you did,” he said. “So why were you…” he trailed off before cursing. “Is it because I came to see you on the Nexus?”

So-Hee nodded and he cursed again. He didn’t know who he was angrier with. Himself for missing all of the signs. Or at Min-Seo and Tann for demoting her for something they had no hand in. Their relationship was their business and it wasn’t anyone’s right to tell her she wasn’t good enough for him. Or that they would be so unprofessional as to break an alliance if the relationship didn’t work out. He sat there, simmering, too angry to speak.

She just sat there with her shoulders hunched forward and her eyes in her lap. Maybe she was afraid he would lash out at her. Or somehow view this as her fault. His anger wasn’t for her, but she wouldn’t know unless he told her. Slowly—and very gently—he reached for her hand to clasp it in between his own. “Do you really believe you aren’t good enough?”

“Of course I do,” she muttered. “I mean…you know…” She gestured to herself vaguely.

“I don’t,” he said. “I can guess why you have such low self-worth, but I can assure you that I don’t see you the same way you see yourself.” Evfra’s other hand came up to wipe the stray tears from her cheeks before cupping her chin. “I just see the person I care about.”

“There has to be someone else, someone better for you than me,” she argued, albeit weakly.

He shrugged. “Maybe,” he said. “But I’m not choosing a fictional person I don’t know. I’m choosing you. If you don’t feel the same, then I can live with that. But I won’t allow anyone to bully you in such a way again.”

That just made her cry harder. Evfra closed the distance between them, letting go of her chin and hand to pull her as close to him as she could get. Her face was buried in his rofjinn and her shoulders shook under his arms. So-Hee’s fingers clutched the fabric of his shirt.

Now that the truth was out, maybe more than her physical injuries would be healed on Aya. But that was up to her. Regardless, he would be here more. He would be here for her. And no one was going to stop him from doing so.


	32. Where We Left Off

So-Hee’s eyes hurt. It was from crying too much. But she opened them anyway. It was dark in her room and she could still hear the sound of rain. She wasn’t sure if it was even morning because of it. And what confused her even more, was Evfra asleep beside her. While he had carried her to bed and laid beside her until she fell asleep, she didn’t know that he would stay. She wasn’t complaining.

_I won’t let anyone bully you again._

Did he really mean it? Could he even protect her like that? And why would he? Sure, he cared for her, but she was mean and rude and generally unlikeable. She had ghosted him and picked fights with him. There had to be someone better suited for him. But he didn’t seem to care about that. Just her.

So-Hee inched closer to him. Her eyes drifting over the scar that stretched from his crown to his chin. He was so still and silent while sleeping. Even though he said he had been plagued with nightmares like she was, he seemed so much more equipped to handle it. He was firm and steady, like a rock. He was a rock and she was a turbulent sea. Volatile. Chaotic. Destructive. And with enough force and time, a turbulent sea could wear down a rock to nothing. That was what she was afraid of. She didn’t want to do that. Not to anyone. And especially, not to Evfra.

He shifted beside her and she squeezed her eyes shut so he wouldn’t catch her staring at him like a creeper. A soft touch to her side turned into an arm snaking around her waist. She was gently pulled closer until her forehead was touching his chest and his chin was resting on top of her head. Was he doing this because he believed she was asleep? Was he still asleep? She remained still.

Evfra huffed. “You are terrible at pretending to sleep,” he grumbled, his hand resting against her lower back.

“I am not,” she argued, keeping her voice low.

“You are,” he repeated. “You are never this stiff when you are actually asleep. And your breathing is off. Not to mention, I saw you open your eyes.”

“How? I was looking at you the whole time.”

“Were you?” he asked. “Or perhaps I was awake first and pretended to sleep when I saw you wake.”

“That’s just weird,” she said tilting her head back to look at him. “You’re a weirdo for that.”

“You were doing the same thing,” he reminded her.

So-Hee cleared her throat. “What time is it?” she asked instead.

“Almost time for breakfast,” he answered.

“Is it? It seems early. It’s so dark out.” She rolled over trying to look through the small crack in the blinds. Rain pattered steadily against the window.

“It’s the storms,” he said. “It’s going to storm all day and tonight as well.”

“Oh.” So-Hee glanced at him. “Is that why you’re not at work?”

He nodded. “That’s part of the reason. I also didn’t want Fahra and Sanehi to have to traverse the city in the rain. The storms can be very dangerous.” He paused. “If you would prefer them here, I can make arrangements—”

So-Hee shook her head. “No, that’s fine,” she answered quickly. Everything was tentative, but he was here and she wanted him to be here. “I guess that means you’re my caretaker for today.”

“I am.”

She cleared her throat. “Cool…uh…” she trailed off. “I usually shower first then eat. But if you want to skip it, we can.”

“Why would we skip it?” he asked.

She shrugged. “It might be more than you want to do that’s all.”

“Are you self-conscious because you’ll be naked? Or is it because I’ll be helping you do something you want to be able to do for yourself?” he asked.

“Both, I guess,” she answered. “I know it’s weird that I’ve been naked in front you before and now I’m being strange about it—”

“It’s not weird,” he said. “These are two different situations. One where you feel you have control, and one where you don’t. That’s more normal than you think.” He touched her hand gently, waiting a moment before curling his hand around hers. “If you think I’m going to somehow view your body as disgusting now that the situation is different, I can assure you that won’t be the case. But if you feel more comfortable having Sanehi help you then I can call her to help, or you can wait until tomorrow. I will defer to whatever makes you comfortable.”

So-Hee contemplated. It was the first time someone had succinctly put her feelings into words. Especially regarding receiving help. With Sanehi it was a little different. Sanehi reminded her so much of her grandmother. And having a motherly figure helping her was different than having Evfra help her. He was someone she was attracted to. Someone she liked. And she was worried he would look at her differently. He said he wouldn’t, but was she willing to take that leap?

After a minute, she nodded. “I’d like to shower.”

Evfra sat up and she watched as he got up from the bed. While he walked around the room to her, she shoved the blankets off and swung her legs off the bed. “Carry or crutches?” he asked.

Asking him to carry her would be taking advantage. She could use the crutches just fine. But she liked it when he carried her. “Carry,” she answered.

Evfra picked her up and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Being carried by him—just being close to him—was one of the few times she actually felt secure. And she wanted to feel that way for as long as possible. The room and the hallway remained dark, but the moment they stepped into the bathroom, the lights clicked on. So-Hee blinked at the onslaught of light.

He carefully set her down in her shower chair. After doing so, Evfra walked back out of the room and she heard him rummaging in the drawers. So-Hee took the time to undress herself. It was getting easier and easier every day. Her ribs were hurting less. Even the pain in her legs didn’t come as often. Although, when it did it nearly took her out every time. When he walked back in the room, she had just finished shimmying her underwear down her legs. Evfra picked up the dirty clothes and moved them to a small hamper tucked beside the sink.

“Do you want to soak too?” he asked.

So-Hee nodded. Evfra turned on the faucets to fill the bath. While it was filling, he grabbed the showerhead. “Would you like me to wash your hair first?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Sanehi washed it yesterday and since I wasn’t sweaty, it’s fine.”

Evfra handed her the showerhead and washcloth so she could clean what she could on her own. “You don’t wash it every day?” he asked, turning off the water to the bath when it was full.

“No. Washing every day can actually be bad for most hair,” she said, surprised at how normal this conversation was. “It can strip the oils out and dry it out. So I wash it twice a week unless otherwise necessary.”

“Good to know,” he said, standing up when she needed help washing her back.

So-Hee closed her eyes as he gently scrubbed her back. It seemed she really was worried for nothing. He treated this like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Thank you,” she mumbled.

“For what?” he asked, running the washcloth over her shoulders.

There were many things. For thinking of her safety. For making sure she had a safe place to recover. For finding caregivers like Fahra and Sanehi. For being forgiving. For caring about her at all. “For everything,” she answered, hoping he would understand what she meant.

He paused for a moment. “You don’t have to thank me for treating you like you matter,” he said simply before grabbing the showerhead to rinse off her back.

So-Hee didn’t know what to say. Was that all it was? Just treating her like she mattered. It felt like so much more.

Evfra hung up the showerhead, and when she was ready, he steadied her as she limped the few steps to the tub. He stepped into the bath with her to keep her from falling as he gently lowered her until she was seated comfortably. For a moment, she thought he might join her. She almost teased the possibility. But it might be too soon for that. For the jokes, or the implications. They hadn’t even really confirmed that their relationship from before could start again. So she kept her mouth shut and just leaned against the back of the tub.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, exiting the room.

Closing her eyes, she relaxed into the warm water. At first, she heard him moving about in her room, and then she heard him moving down the hallway. After that, she didn’t hear anything at all. She was still tired and the water was relaxing. It wasn’t until Evfra gently coaxed her awake that she realized she had dozed off in the tub.

She rubbed her hands down her face and took a deep breath. Why was she so damn tired all the time? When she lowered her hands, she realized how close he was. He was kneeling beside the tub, his elbows resting on the edge beside her. His face—his mouth—was inches from hers. It would be nothing to just close the distance…but she didn’t. Even though she really wanted to.

Instead, she let him help her out the bath and dry off and get dressed. He brought her crutches so she could walk to the kitchen while he drained the tub. Although, she felt his eyes on her to make sure she made it safely down the hallway. The lights in the living room were off and the blinds were partially opened. So-Hee could see the rain and the dark clouds overhead. The lights in the kitchen were dimmed. Some people might want it brighter, but she liked the mellow lighting. She liked being able to see the storm.

Breakfast was already sitting on the table for her. But she noticed there was just enough for her. Was he not eating with her? Did he think she wouldn’t want him to? So-Hee pulled out her chair and lowered herself into the seat before setting her crutches to the side. Breakfast was the usual fare of fruit paste, a ready meal, water, and a cup of tea. Maybe one day breakfast would be eggs and actual fruit, and bread—god she missed bread—and coffee. But for now, this would have to do.

“Is that enough?” Evfra asked as he walked into the kitchen.

She nodded with a mouthful of fruit paste before swallowing. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Would you like me to eat with you?”

So-Hee nodded. Evfra grabbed his own portion of fruit paste and water and sat beside her at the table. Neither of them spoke. So-Hee just didn’t know what to say. A normal conversation was nice, but she constantly felt like she was pushing off the more important conversation they needed to have. The conversation she was scared to have.

“You know what would make this taste better?” she asked instead, pointing to the fruit paste with her spoon.

Evfra looked up at her. “What?”

“Honey,” she answered. “Although it probably wouldn’t be ethical to have bees here. Not that I know how to keep bees. But it would add some sweetness and stickiness. I think you would like it.”

“We have fruit nectars and tree sap, but they aren’t in high demand,” Evfra said. “Would you want to keep bees?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know. But now that I probably won’t be APEX anymore, I should probably start thinking about what I want to do. The kind of future I could have in Andromeda…”

“What do you envision?” he asked.

“For my future?”

He nodded.

“I didn’t think I would do much beyond APEX. Which is silly I know. I should’ve thought about backup plans.” She sighed. “But there were times I’ve thought about…don’t laugh,” she warned.

“I won’t,” he promised.

“There are times I’ve thought about what I would do when I’m tired of fighting. I remember how much I loved being at my grandmother’s. How nice it smelled all the time. How warm it was. And how nice it was to do mundane things like cooking, and baking, and helping her tend to the garden,” So-Hee said, swirling the spoon around in the fruit paste. “Sometimes I catch myself thinking about having a cute little house with flowers, and fruits, and vegetables. About drinking coffee on the porch in the morning. Maybe having a dog or cats, or chickens because I love eggs. And maybe I’m not al…nevermind. It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not,” he said. “Dreaming of a quiet life that fulfills you isn’t stupid.”

“Thanks, Evfra,” she mumbled. “What about you?”

“I don’t know,” he answered. “The only way I could imagine a quiet life is if the Kett are gone completely.”

“What about retiring?” she asked.

“Doubtful,” he said. “I intend the see the Resistance through to the end, whether it be mine or the Kett’s.”

She nodded. “Understandable.”

They finished their breakfast in silence. It was hard to tell what Evfra was thinking about, but So-Hee was thinking about her dream. She was surprised she told him in the first place. But she was always spilling her guts to Evfra even when she didn’t understand why she was doing it. Now that she had told him, she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like if he joined her in this dream. It would be nice to grow old together with someone. And maybe he would like chickens and cats and dogs and flowers and…her.

_I don’t even like me._

It was just a pipe dream after all. Andromeda wouldn’t be quiet enough in her lifetime for her to have some peace. And with her being borderline useless now, maybe they would stick her back into cryo until there was a better time to wake her. The thought terrified her. The few people she had would be gone. She would have to start all the way over.

Evfra stood up from the table first and gathered up the dirty dishes while she sipped her tea. Her eyes followed him as he moved to the sink. If she went back into cryo, she would lose him for good. Did she want that?

_No_.

Then she needed to talk to him. She needed to tell him how she felt. Even if she wasn’t 100% sure and settled in her feelings, and she didn’t really know what to do, she should tell him. But right when she opened her mouth, his ushataliin pinged. He narrowed his eyes when he looked down at it. “I have to take this,” he said. “Are you okay?”

So-Hee clamped her mouth shut and nodded. He didn’t look convinced, but as he walked by, he touched her shoulder gently. Then he was walking down the hall to his room and the door closed. She heaved a sigh and stood up from the table. Using just one crutch she slowly made her way to the sink to wash her empty cup.

Evfra was still in his room when she exited the kitchen. She walked to the couch and plopped down. Her controller was still sitting on the table. But she didn’t feel much like playing at the moment. She didn’t even turn the screen on at all. Instead, she leaned back and just watched the rain. It was soothing. Calming. Before she knew it, she was asleep again.

This time when she woke up again, she was laying down on the couch. Her head was propped up by pillows and a blanket was covering her. Evfra was in front of her, kneeling beside her, his hands brushing across her forehead. Maybe he was checking to make sure she didn’t have a fever, she wasn’t sure. But she was sure that once again he was close to her. And this time she didn’t stop herself.

Cupping his face, she closed the distance between them in seconds. Evfra didn’t push her back or pull away. In fact, when her lips pressed against his softly…tentatively, he cupped the back of her head with one hand while the other moved around to her back. He kept her steadied—anchored—while he kissed her back fervently, leaving her mouth feeling bruised. But she didn’t care. This was weeks’ worth of missed opportunities. Weeks’ worth of times she had wanted to kiss him and she didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against his mouth the moment she paused for air. “I didn’t want to leave.”

“I know.” Evfra kissed her again. Once. Twice. So many times, she lost count. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	33. Make Me Wanna Scream

The schedule changed. Fahra and Sanehi still came at the same time every morning. It was Evfra that changed. Some mornings he was already at work when she woke up. But other mornings he was the one that woke her for the day, or he was still lying beside her if they woke early enough. She liked those mornings the best because they had time to just be together. He was also home for dinner nearly every night. Every night was theirs until So-Hee fell asleep. She always fell asleep first.

Most nights they just sat together and watched TV or he watched her play a game. Others were spent with her in his lap and they could barely keep their hands of each other. But every time it got too hot and heavy, Evfra pulled away. She wasn’t healed enough. He didn’t want to hurt her. So-Hee pouted every time and would insist that she felt better, hell she barely hurt at all anymore, but it didn’t sway Evfra one bit.

One morning, Fahra and Sanehi walked in the door and So-Hee was already showered and dressed for the day. She was also perched on the edge of the counter with Evfra standing in between her thighs. At first, So-Hee hadn’t even noticed anyone had walked in. It wasn’t until Fahra giggled that So-Hee stopped kissing Evfra and pulled away, her face turning pink. Evfra didn’t look bothered.

“Morning,” he greeted the two.

“Good morning,” Sanehi said, while Fahra was still giggling behind her. “We’ll give you a moment.” She tugged Fahra out of the kitchen.

So-Hee slumped forward, her head resting on his chest. Her arms were still around his neck. His hands were pressed against her back and he slowly worked them upwards. He wasn’t embarrassed, but he seemed reluctant to let her go. He would have to. The Resistance needed him. And he would be back later. It’s not like he was going to go back to avoiding her again. So-Hee tightened her arms slightly without thinking.

“It is time for me to leave,” Evfra gently reminded her.

“Do you have to?” she asked.

Evfra huffed in amusement. “Yes,” he said. “It will only be for a few hours.” He gripped her waist and helped her slide from the counter until she was standing. “Maybe I’ll come home early today,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss her again.

She moved her hands to cup his face. “Sounds nice.” With a sigh, she dropped her hands. “I suppose you should go.”

Both of them were reluctant, but Evfra couldn’t shirk his responsibilities to stay with her all day. She wished. But she accepted his final kiss to her temple and watched as he left the house. When he was gone, she made her way to the kitchen table and pulled the chair out. Fahra and Sanehi—having heard Evfra leave—entered the kitchen.

“I see things are going well,” Sanehi said.

So-Hee nodded. “So far,” she replied. “Hopefully I don’t screw it up,” she muttered.

“You are so hard on yourself.” Sanehi set So-Hee’s breakfast in front of her while Fahra brewed the cup of tea.

“I’m trying not to be,” So-Hee said. “It’s easier said than done.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Sanehi reassured her while patting the top of So-Hee’s hand.

Fahra set a steaming mug of tea in front of So-Hee. “I think you two are adorable together.”

So-Hee snorted. “Not the words I would expect to describe me and Evfra.”

“It’s true,” Fahra insisted. “The two of you are so…soft together.” She sighed.

“Do you have someone, Fahra?” she asked.

Fahra nodded. “I do. We’ve known each other since we were children. He promised to ask me to officially join the family when he is no longer a recruit. I believe it is like marriage in your culture.”

“Oh? He just joined the Resistance?” So-Hee asked while picking up her spoon so she could start eating. “Have I met him?”

“It’s Sanaal,” Sanehi answered before Fahra could.

So-Hee paused. “Really?”

Fahra nodded.

So she hadn’t just saved someone’s son, but also someone’s future fiancé. It almost made everything worth it. She would never regret saving Sanaal’s life, but she wished it hadn’t been at the expense of her future in Andromeda. Still…she couldn’t bring herself to be truly mad about her choice. Not after seeing the open and loving expression in Fahra’s gaze.

With a small smile, So-Hee began eating her breakfast while Fahra and Sanehi began to clean up the kitchen. They hovered over her a lot less. Maybe it was because Evfra was around more, or maybe it was because it was getting easier for her to move around. And she was having less pain. It seemed like she was really starting to improve and recover, and at a faster pace than she would’ve thought. Although she wasn’t really complaining. She hated the stupid cast. It was itchy all the damn time.

She saved the tea for last. She pulled the mug closer to her and leaned over to sniff the aroma. It always smelled like the fruit juice that Fahra or Sanehi added to mask the pungent flavor. But not today. The smell nearly made her eyes water. Just what was in this stuff? The feeling of familiarity poked at her again, but she didn’t know how it was familiar. But it was something…like a pervasive itch in the back of her mind. She knew it. She…

Taking a small sip, she nearly spat it right back out. It was bitter, and had a faint taste of copper, almost like blood and…

So-Hee stared down into the cup. At the dark red liquid. A growing sense of horror gripped her chest.

_No._

_There was no fucking way._

“I’m sorry,” Sanehi said. “I forgot to warn you we were out of fruit juice. I will have to get some later from the mar…So-Hee?”

“Can I see the box this came in?” So-Hee asked.

“Of course,” Sanehi gave So-Hee a look of concern before she grabbed the box from the counter and walked over to set it down on the table.

So-Hee ripped open the box, tearing the cardboard slightly. The teabags fell to the table. She counted the six that were left. Two weeks. She had been drinking this stuff for nearly two weeks. _Please don’t be what I think it is_. She grabbed a tea bag and ripped the parcel open. Sanehi asked So-Hee what was wrong as So-Hee poured the leaves onto the table. But So-Hee didn’t register her. It was like she was in a vacuum. All she could hear was the blood pounding in her ears.

The red leaves scattered across the table. But right in the center of the bag was a small red flower. It had been dried; its petals curled close to its center. But she knew what it was. She remembered the way it floated in teacups, so deadly but looking so innocuous. She didn’t suspect then, but she should’ve remembered now.

So-Hee stood up from the table, knocking her chair back to the floor. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she announced to a surprised Sanehi. She didn’t even bother reaching for her crutches. It would slow her down. She needed to know. And she needed privacy.

Her ribs didn’t ache and neither did her leg as she limped down the hallway, faster than she should be able to move without her crutches. Sanehi was hot on her heels, but not close enough to get into the bathroom after So-Hee. As soon as So-Hee was in the bathroom, she closed and locked the door. They would stop her. She couldn’t allow that. She had to know.

Sanehi knocked on the door, calling her name, but So-Hee ignored her. Lifting up her shirt, she stared at the bruises underneath her left breast. They were yellow and green now. Normal. She pressed her fingers against the skin expecting tenderness. But there was nothing. No sharp pain. Not even an ache. She pressed a little harder. If she was wrong, she risked undoing any bit of healing she had done in the past couple of weeks. But she didn’t think she was.

Ignoring Sanehi’s orders and then pleas to open the door, So-Hee sat down on the edge of the tub. She stuck two of her fingers into the edge of the cast. Nothing hurt there either. But there was only one was to be really sure. Evfra was going to be pissed.

The cast was made out of a hard, but flexible plastic. It was supposed to be more durable than a plaster cast. But nothing was durable against So-Hee. She stuck her fingers in as far as they could go and she began to pull the cast apart. It was stubborn at first. It stretched slightly and then it began to crack. She took advantage of this weakness to break the cast all the way down and pull it off her leg.

The skin was smoother than it should’ve been. She knew they operated on her leg. Had to cut open her skin to stare the muscle and nerve damage in the face. They had to push some of her bones back together so they would heal. There should be scars, still deep and pervasive, and stitches or staples to hold her skin together. There was nothing but what felt like small shallow scratches that had healed.

It confirmed her fears.

Evfra had brought her to Aya to be safe, but they had still found a way to get to her. _Evfra_. Now that she knew what she had been drinking, she would have to stop. And she knew what would happen then. What if she killed him? She remembered the last time. The way her fingers broke as she tried to get out of the small room Alec had kept her in. And she had remembered she wanted to get out because she wanted to hurt him…to kill him. Or what if she did what Rowan did? He killed himself to keep from killing her. Would she do the same?

So-Hee’s hands shook and she pushed herself off the tub. Her leg was stable underneath her. No pain. Nothing. Panic gripped her chest tighter, her heart beat so fast she felt it thud against her sternum. Her ears began to ring. _Please let this be a nightmare_.

She was never so lucky.

Evfra had only been in his office for an hour when he got the call. When he saw it was Sanehi, he automatically answered the call. He thought maybe it was that he had forgotten something, or that they needed him to get something before he returned later in the day. But her panicked voice set him into motion immediately. She hadn’t even gotten the words out before he was rushing out of the office. It Sanehi sounded worried then it was bad; then it was about So-Hee. He needed to get back home quickly.

His recruits stared at him as he hurried past them. But none stopped him. He kept to the less-crowded streets in the city to get to the residential area faster. From what he could glean from Sanehi’s call, So-Hee was acting strange and had locked herself in the bathroom and she hadn’t come out. Nor had she let them in.

Fahra was standing in the living room when he arrived. Sanehi was standing at the bathroom door by herself. It was still closed. Evfra opened his ushataliin to override the lock. With that, the door opened and he was stunned.

Her cast was broken into pieces and they were cast aside. She was standing in the middle of the bathroom just…frozen. “So-Hee,” he said, slowly entering the bathroom. How was she standing so well with a broken leg? It shouldn’t be possible. Her chest was heaving and he heard her labored breathing from where he was standing. It was clear she was upset, scared even, but at what? What had happened?

When she turned to him, her eyes were glassy and slightly unfocused. Bright red blood dripped from her nose and down her mouth and chin. “Evfra,” she murmured. “It didn’t work.”

“What didn’t?” he asked, approaching her slowly so he didn’t alarm her.

So-Hee raised her hand to touch the blood and she stared at the droplets on her fingertips. She froze, unmoving. As soon as Evfra was a foot away from her, her eyes rolled back in her head and she began to fall backward. He was close enough to catch her, but she was dead weight. They went down together. His hand was pressed to the back of her head so she didn’t hit it on anything.

“Call the medical wing,” Evfra ordered. “Tell him I’m bringing her there.”

He heard Sanehi’s footsteps disappear down the hallway and the sound of her calling someone. Evfra was careful as he picked up So-Hee. Taking her cast off must have done some damage and he didn’t want to do anymore. As quickly as he arrived, he left the house to get her to the medical wing as fast as he could. Fahra and Sanehi were right behind him. He wanted to know what happened, but it could wait until So-Hee was secure.

When he entered the headquarters, everyone gave him a wide berth. He didn’t even want to go through the scanner, but it was important before entering the medical wing. The doors opened and he saw the doctor already waiting inside. They gestured to an empty bed—most of them were empty anyway—but this one had a scanner that had been installed specifically for scanning the Milky Way species. It was something Evfra had requested when he asked for So-Hee to recover here.

He set her down on the bed, being very careful, and stepped back even though he didn’t want to. The blood on her mouth was beginning to dry. Thankfully, her nose had stopped bleeding. While the doctor scanned her, Evfra finally turned to Sanehi. “What happened?”

“I don’t know. She was drinking her tea—I had told her that we had run out of fruit juice—and she just got pale and asked for the box. She ripped open a bag of the tea, stared at it, and then went to the bathroom to lock the door,” Sanehi said, her eyes full of tears. “I had followed her, but I wasn’t fast enough to stop her.”

“Why would she do this?” Fahra asked, her voice hushed.

No one had an answer.

The doctor finished the scan and pulled the scanner back up to the top of the bed. “I need to look at the scan. Give me a moment, please.” They walked away to the other side of the room where their computers were. Evfra noted that the doctor looked confused. The scans should be able to be viewed from his ushataliin or a tablet right away. Maybe there was something wrong with the equipment.

_Or wrong with her_.

Evfra shoved the thought from his head. He reached down to cover her hand with his. “Where is the tea from?” he asked.

“It was in the gift basket that was given to us for her,” Sanehi answered. “It didn’t say who it came from.”

“Who delivered the basket?”

“The liaison…Min-Seo.”

Then Evfra was going to have to question her. But first, he would wait to know that So-Hee was okay. He wanted her to be okay. Needed her to be. They had made strides in going forward. He didn’t want to lose her now.

So-Hee opened her eyes and winced at the bright light. She wasn’t sure where she was at first. But it only took her seconds to remember she was in the medbay, and why she would be here. Reality crashed down on her and she covered her face with her hands. Her fingers dug into her eyebrows. This couldn’t be fucking happening. Not here. Not with Evfra.

Speaking of…

Someone’s hand—she could guess who’s—wrapped around her wrist to pull one of her hands way. She blinked up at Evfra’s furious expression. He was leaning over her. “What were you thinking?” he asked, and she could tell he was trying hard to control his tone. But it did little to cover the anger or the tremble of worry in his voice.

“I—”

“Do you have any idea how much you scared us?” he asked, not letting her answer.

“Evfra—”

“I don’t understand,” he said. “Why would you do this?”

So-Hee sighed and pushed herself up on her elbows. Evfra wasn’t the only one in the room with her. Fahra and Sanehi were there as well looking just as worried.

“I—”

“We have to get you a new cast quickly before you cause any more damage—”

She was getting annoyed that he wouldn’t let her get a word in edgewise. If he would, she could tell him what was going on.

“Commander,” a new voice entered the conversation, this time he interrupted Evfra. All four of them looked to the Angaran doctor who just looked confused. “A new cast will not be necessary.”

“What do you mean?” Evfra asked.

“I looked over the Lieutenant’s scans, a few times, and I’ve determined a new cast is unnecessary. Her leg it’s…” they trailed off and just handed the scan to Evfra. “The bone has completely healed.”

Evfra stared at the scan. “It’s only been two weeks,” he said, unable to tear his eyes from the scan “This can’t be possible. The machine must be broken.”

The doctor shook their head and opened their mouth to speak, but So-Hee beat them to it. “It’s not broken, Evfra.”

He looked at her again.

So-Hee swung her legs to the side, and before anyone could stop her, she stood up from the bed. There was no pain. She didn’t collapse. It was just as the scan showed. The bone had healed. She could walk on it just fine. Evfra stared at her leg in disbelief.

“How—”

“The tea,” So-Hee answered before he could finish asking. “It’s the same…the same as then.”

“How is that possible?” he asked.

“It came in the gift basket,” Sanehi spoke up. “The box doesn’t say who it was from.”

“I have an idea,” So-Hee spat.

“Min-Seo,” Evfra said.

She nodded. “She’s the only one who could’ve put it in there. No one else from APEX would’ve.”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Evfra said. “Let’s ask her.”

Evfra opened his ushataliin and instead of calling Min-Seo directly, he called Hahri to escort the liaison to the medical wing. Since the wing was empty, it was better to question her here. Hahri informed him that the Moshae was also on her way. So-Hee felt relief. The more people on her side, the easier it would be to confront her mother. And it was time to do so. This shit needed to end. At this rate, Min-Seo was going to kill her. Or have her kill someone else.

The doctor excused themselves since they weren’t needed for this part. And if the tension in the room was any indication, they didn’t want to be here for whatever was going to happen. For example, So-Hee losing her shit.

When Min-Seo entered the room, the Moshae was in front of her and Hahri was behind her. They wanted to be sure Min-Seo didn’t try to avoid this. Not that she could. Aya was small. And she controlled nothing here. Not even So-Hee. Not anymore. But Min-Seo just looked annoyed. That meant they told her nothing. Yet when she saw So-Hee standing there with not cast and no support, her annoyance morphed into shock.

“Lieutenant…how…”

So-Hee held up her hand to stop Min-Seo from speaking any further. Enough was enough. So-Hee was taking control of this. “Are you trying to kill me?” she asked.

Min-Seo gaped at her a moment before she straightened her back and squared her shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

“The tea,” So-Hee said. “You put it in the basket. Why?”

Min-Seo narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. The gift basket arrived from the Nexus, I just brought it to you.”

“I don’t believe you.” So-Hee crossed her arms over her chest. “Do you have any idea what that shit does?”

“Lieutenant—”

“It kills people!” So-Hee shouted. “It’s killed at least 50 girls, it killed Rowan, are you trying to kill me too? Why?”

“Lieutenant I don’t know what’s happened,” Min-Seo said, her voice seemed calm, but So-Hee could hear the wobble. Her veneer was cracking. “I can assure you I don’t have anything to do with this. Whatever this is exactly. A tea that kills people…are you well?”

“Don’t do that,” So-Hee warned.

“You went through something tragic, Lieutenant. I understand you’re feeling fragile,” Min-Seo continued. “But you’re clearly not in your right mind. Perhaps you need something else. Maybe we should consider that putting you back into cryo is the best—”

So-Hee clenched her jaw. “No—”

“That will not happen,” Evfra interrupted. “I don’t know how I missed how manipulative you are the first time I saw you speak to So-Hee, but I am not missing it now.”

Min-Seo’s eyes flashed. “Commander, I—”

“No one is going to believe your bullshit anymore, Eomma,” So-Hee cut her off this time.

The room fell silent. Min-Seo’s eyes darted around. She was quickly realizing that So-Hee was right. No one was going to believe her lies. “Don’t call me that,” she whispered.

“What? Eomma? Mother?” So-Hee demanded. “You are my mother whether you like it or not. A piss poor one at that.” She shook her head. “I know you hate me, but to poison me? To put everyone here at risk? Why?”

Min-Seo dropped her gaze to the floor. “I don’t hate you,” she mumbled.

So-Hee laughed, but it wasn’t amusing. “You don’t hate me? What the fuck do you call this? Love?”

Min-Seo’s hands curled into fists. “I’ve tried So-Hee,” her voice wobbled even more, sounding thick with tears, but her eyes weren’t even glassy. “When your father told me some of the women in your family were powerful, I thought it was figurative. And then when you were three you gripped my fingers so tightly you broke several of them. I cried thinking my daughter was going to be a mutant, but your father…he was so excited to know that his daughter was chosen to carry his family’s legacy. I wasn’t.” Min-Seo looked at So-Hee again. “I just wanted you to be normal. If you were normal then I could…then we could be a family again. They told me it would make you normal!”

And there it was. So-Hee wasn’t the child she wanted and was therefore disposable. It was just fear. Her mother couldn’t control her and that made her afraid.

“Who told you that?” So-Hee asked.

“I…I don’t know…”

“Don’t lie to me!” So-Hee barked.

“I’m not!” her mother cried. “I can’t remember. I try to, but it feels like a gap…” Her mother frowned.

Just like Rowan. He couldn’t remember either. So-Hee would never be able to put an end to this if she couldn’t figure out who was trying to come after her. There were only so many people that carried a grudge against her. But none of them that were also involved with Cerberus. No one alive anyway.

So-Hee scrubbed her hands down her face. She wanted to interrogate Min-Seo. To find out anything else she could, but she was running out of time. The withdrawals were going to come for her and she needed to be in a safe place. A place where she couldn’t hurt anyone.

“You came into our city and poisoned someone in our protection. That will not stand,” Evfra said, his tone even but deadly. “You will be investigated thoroughly—”

Min-Seo’s eyes grew wide. “Please!” She dropped to her knees. “I will face whatever punishment, but please don’t report this to the Nexus.”

“And why shouldn’t I?” Evfra asked.

But Min-Seo didn’t answer Evfra. She turned her face to So-Hee, this time she was crying. “They’ve threatened my…your siblings. And my husband. They’re still in cryo. They told me if I don’t do what they ask then I will never see them again,” she pleaded. “Do whatever you want to me, but if you tell the Nexus they’ll hurt them. Please, So-Hee.”

So-Hee leaned against the medical bed. Suddenly, she was just tired. So fucking tired of all of this. She just wanted to live. Was that really too much to ask? “So I’m an acceptable sacrifice for your other children,” So-Hee murmured. It wasn’t a question. The answer was already known. Her shoulders slumped forward. “I can’t…” she trailed off, but she was directing it to Evfra.

Thankfully, she didn’t need to say much else. He seemed to understand right away. “Hahri, please escort the liaison to her quarters. She is not to leave until I say so.”

Hahri nodded, looking at Min-Seo with disgust. “Yes sir.”

“So-Hee—”

So-Hee shook her head. “Go to your quarters,” she told her mother. “If they contact you, you lie and pretend everything is going according to plan. I will decide what to do later, but I have more pressing things to worry about. And I don’t want to look at you anymore.”

That was enough to get Min-Seo to shut up and leave the medical wing. So-Hee didn’t know what she was going to do. It wasn’t fair that Min-Seo was willing to put her on the chopping block to spare her other children. The normal ones she wanted. But it wasn’t fair for them to suffer because their mom was hot garbage. She didn’t know what to do.

Evfra cupped her cheek. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“No,” she answered honestly. “But I’ll worry about that later.”

Fahra, Sanehi, and the Moshae moved closer. It was nice to have so many people with her, but right now she was just worried about their safety.

“Do you have holding cells here?” she asked.

“Why?” Evfra asked.

“You need to put me in one—”

“What?” the Moshae interrupted her this time.

“It’s safer for everyone,” So-Hee tried to explain.

“You’re safe now, So-Hee,” Sanehi spoke up. “Why do you need a holding cell?”

“Not for me,” So-Hee said. “For you.”

“What are you talking about?” Evfra asked.

So-Hee sighed. “The withdrawals are worse than the side effects. I’ve been through it before. And I need to be locked up so I don’t accidentally hurt someone.”

Evfra stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I’m not locking you up,” he said.

“But—”

“No,” his voice was firm. “We will go back home, just the two of us if you are that worried about everyone else’s safety.”

“Listen—”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” Evfra said. “And I’m not locking you up.”

So-Hee grumbled in frustration. “You’re so stubborn,” she argued.

“I am.”

“Fine,” she grunted. “But at least call Emma. That way if I get out of control, there is someone who can keep me from hurting someone else.”

“I will call her,” he agreed.

With that, So-Hee stood up from the medical bed so they could go home. She didn’t know for sure how long they would have before she started having problems. Last time, she has been asleep and woken up right as it started. Before they could leave Sanehi pulled her into a tight hug. “It will be okay, So-Hee,” Sanehi murmured into So-Hee’s hair. So-Hee didn’t know if she was referring to the withdrawals, or her mother, or just everything. But it felt nice either way. It nearly made her cry right then, but she held it in.

Evfra gripped her hand firmly in his and he didn’t let go the entire way back to the house. They were both quiet. Although probably not for the same reasons. Evfra was worried about her. And So-Hee was too, but she kept replaying Min-Seo’s words in her head. Min-Seo resented her because So-Hee accidentally broke her fingers. Because her father loved her so much when Min-Seo couldn’t bring herself to do so.

_Normal._

_Maybe I would’ve been normal if I had a mother who loved me._

The moment they stepped into the house—the place she had felt safe for the past couple of weeks—Evfra pulled her into an embrace. His chin rested on top of her head. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?” she asked, the question muffled by his shirt.

“I thought you would be safe here,” he answered. “I was negligent. I—”

“Don’t,” she said. “This isn’t your fault. I am safer here than on the Nexus.”

Evfra’s arms tightened around her. “Please don’t scare me like that again.”

She didn’t answer. There were no guarantees. Not where she was involved. And definitely not where Cerberus was involved. Instead, she just buried her face in his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. Time was ticking down and she was scared.

_Don’t you dare hurt him, So-Hee._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	34. Withdrawal

The night was uneventful. Evfra watched her closely, but all he could see was how nervous and scared she was. She was quiet for most of the night. And she would go back and forth between being close to him and trying to sit as far away as she could on the couch. He wanted to be close to her, but he didn’t want to push her for affection.

When it came time to sleep, she insisted they sleep in separate rooms. He agreed, but he found himself unable to sleep well. He would lay in the silence and listen for any noises from her room. Anything that would indicate that she was in distress. That she needed him. But it was quiet all night.

When he finally decided to get up for the day, it was still quiet in her room. He poked his head in the door just to reassure himself that she was still there and okay. He could see her chest rising and falling and hear the gentle snores coming from her bed. That was good enough for him. He left her to sleep and quietly made his way to the living room.

It was early. He opened the doors to the patio. Despite the early hour, it was already warming up outside. He stepped outside for a few minutes to soak in the sunlight. While outside, he messaged Sanehi to remind her not to come today. Evfra was going to stay home to be with So-Hee and to watch over her. She didn’t tell him what the withdrawal symptoms would be, or what he would need to look out for. She hadn’t spoken much at all the night before. But with Cerberus involved, he believed her fear.

He also checked for a message back from Emma. He saw that she had read the e-mail, but she didn’t respond. Maybe she was just busy. But he also noted that he had a missed call from her. He had set his ushataliin to silent the night before, it would only notify him of messages that were marked as an emergency. Something he had never done before. Evfra brought up her information to call her back, but the line rang several times with no answer.

He sighed.

Evfra could only hope that she was already on her way. If only for So-Hee’s peace of mind. He went back inside but left the doors open to let in the soft breeze. The fragrance of the flowers throughout the residential area filled the living room. He did like the smell of Aya better than Voeld. The icy planet just smelled like…cold. Would he want to go back when his time on Aya was over? If it was ever over. As long as the Resistance still prospered, he didn’t think he would be leaving.

Walking into the kitchen, he spied the leaves still scattered across the table. The box was sitting next to the mess. His first instinct is to throw it away. But it’s evidence. Perhaps something Emma would like to have. After all, she was the one trying to build a case against Cerberus, and by extension, the Initiative. He swept up the leaves and tried to stuff what he could back into the ripped open tea bag. Everything he collected was put back in the box and he closed it.

He checked the cooler for fruit juice, but they were out. There was no way he was going to the market right now. Instead, he grabbed a cup of water. After taking a sip, he set it to the side and began to prepare their breakfasts. That way when she woke up it would be ready for her. She had barely eaten the night before, but she needed to eat this morning.

But he would let her sleep as long as she could. Perhaps, she would sleep through the worst of it and wake up feeling better. Less scared. He could only hope. With their breakfasts readied, he set them to the side and opened his ushataliin to look at the time.

That’s when he heard the crash.

It came from the living room. He hurried out of the kitchen and past the dining table to step into the living room. So-Hee was standing in the middle of the living room. One of the end tables beside the couch was knocked over—it was probably what crashed—and she was holding up one end of the larger table. Her eyes darted underneath the table like she was searching for something.

“So-Hee?” he called her name.

When she looked at him, he inhaled sharply. She looked disoriented. And pissed. Her eyes moved over him at first, like he didn’t even exist, but they moved back to him just as quickly. They narrowed, but she still looked unfocused. It was like she was looking right at him, but she still didn’t see him.

“Where is it?” she asked, her voice raspy.

“Where is what?” He kept his voice low and calm. It looked like anything might set her off. This was what she was afraid of. She wasn’t here. Not really. And she was agitated. It was a bad combination for someone like her. But he wasn’t scared of her.

“I know you’re keeping it from me,” she accused, jabbing her finger in his direction. “You’re always lying to me!”

“So-Hee—”

“Stop!” she shouted, bringing her closed fist down on the back of the couch. He could hear the metal frame twisting and warping underneath the fabric. “I’m not going to let you lie to me anymore.”

Evfra backed away. Just because he wasn’t scared of her, didn’t mean he was going to let her get to him. Not until he could talk her back down. But So-Hee didn’t even wait for him to say anything else. She charged at him, her feet stomping across the carpet. Everything happened slowly and quickly at the same time. He saw her coming at him and was going to dodge out of her way. All he had to do was get her to the room and then he could lock her in. It would hold her well enough. He hoped. But he never got the chance.

Blue streaked in front of him and he saw the two bodies hit the ground before he could register what happened. Emma had come in through the patio door—good thing he had left it open—and had tackled So-Hee before she could even reach Evfra. Without thinking, Evfra took a step forward to help So-Hee, but Jaal was there to pull him back and keep him from getting hurt.

Perhaps he wasn’t the most qualified to deal with her. Not like this. But Emma. They were both superpowered people. Emma was one of the few that could grapple with So-Hee using her full strength, and win.

Emma was on So-Hee’s back, keeping her pressed down to the carpet while she reached into her jacket pocket for something. Her other arm was wrapped around So-Hee’s neck. But Emma wasn’t hurting her. She was just trying to keep So-Hee still while she pulled a syringe from her pocket. Popping off the guard with her thumb, she stuck the needle in So-Hee’s neck and depressed the plunger. When the liquid was gone, she tossed the needle out of So-Hee’s reach so Jaal could grab it without being in danger.

So-Hee still thrashed around for a minute, trying to fight back against Emma. Despite the grip Emma had, her free hand began to run through So-Hee’s hair. Like she was trying to soothe So-Hee. “Just go to sleep, So-Hee. It’s going to be okay.” He heard her murmur into So-Hee’s ear. Finally, So-Hee’s movements became sluggish until she stopped moving altogether. Even though she looked limp, Emma still waiting a few minutes before releasing her. And when So-Hee didn’t move, Emma exhaled in relief.

“Are you okay?” Emma asked him.

“What was that?” he asked.

“A sedative. It should keep her out for the worst of it,” Emma answered. “What room is she sleeping in?”

Evfra pointed down the hall to the door on the left. He was thankful Emma had shown up when she did. And that she had come prepared. He was hoping she would have the answers he sought. The answers So-Hee hadn’t given him the night before.

She stood up and carefully rolled So-Hee over to pick her up. Without waiting for guidance or help, Emma walked down the hall and Evfra was right behind her. Upon entering the room, Emma went straight to the bed. Evfra pulled back the covers so Emma could lay So-Hee down on the sheets. The two of them arranged her so she would be comfortable and Evfra pulled the blankets up to her chin. So-Hee’s chest rose and fell steadily. They watched for a moment to make sure she wasn’t waking back up.

“Thank you for coming,” Evfra murmured. If Emma hadn’t shown up, it could’ve been a catastrophe.

Emma nodded. “I pulled the files on the project as soon as you e-mailed me. Dad noted what happened the first time she went through withdrawals. As soon as I saw, Jaal and I took a shuttle.”

“Not the Tempest?” Evfra asked.

“We’re escorting another team to Meridian,” she said. “Scott couldn’t leave them there. So Jaal and I—kind of—stole a shuttle.”

“Kind of?”

“We did,” she confirmed with a small laugh. “Scott said he would handle it. But someone’s going to be pissed when they find out.”

“Thank you,” Evfra repeated. “I can arrange to have the shuttle returned.”

“Scott would like that,” she said. It was silent for a moment before she sighed and grabbed a chair from the corner. Placing it next to the bed, she sat down. “This part should be over in about five hours. I’ll sit with her.”

“I should stay—”

“Not for this part,” Emma was firm in shutting him down. “If she wakes up, I have another sedative ready to go. But it will be harder if I have to account for someone else’s safety. And trust me, the fever is the worst part. I’ll need you for that.”

Evfra didn’t like it. He wanted to be here. He wanted to be close. But he also understood Emma’s logic. With a final look at So-Hee, he exited the room. For a few minutes, he just stood in the hallway just in case he was needed. When Emma doesn’t ask for him, he went back into the living room.

Jaal had righted the overturned table and was sitting on the couch with his ushataliin open. When Evfra walked into the room, Jaal closed it. Nothing was said at first. Jaal knew that Evfra wasn’t someone who liked being bombarded with questions. So he waited.

The quiet was overwhelming for once. It had been a long time since he had felt this kind of concern for someone else. A kind of concern that went so far past professional courtesy, and even past the kind of worry you would feel for a friend. It made Evfra wonder just how much he felt for the Lieutenant. Of course, he liked her. But it didn’t feel like just that anymore. It was turning into more than he was equipped to deal with. And it almost felt like too much.

“How do you deal with it?” Evfra asked.

“Hm?”

“The worry,” he clarified. “I feel…out of my depth sometimes.”

Jaal nodded. “I feel that way often. To be honest, I just try to follow her lead most of the time. There are some exceptions…” he trailed off.

“She wanted me to lock her up,” Evfra said. “I didn’t want to do that to her.”

“Understandable. I wouldn’t do it with Emma either.” Jaal sighed. “Sometimes what she asks is too cruel, and I can’t fathom doing it.”

“What do you mean?” Evfra asked.

“She brings up what we need to do should something happen and she is no longer on our side. I don’t see this happening, but she still thinks we should have contingencies in place.” Jaal frowned. “But I couldn’t do what she asks of me. Never.”

Evfra didn’t have to ask what it was. He could guess. Would he be able to kill So-Hee if she asked? No. He couldn’t do it either. And it was horrible to think about.

Before Evfra forgot, he e-mailed Hahri to have a team return the shuttle to Meridian as he had promised. But after that, he turned his ushataliin to emergencies only. He wasn’t going back to HQ unless it was a dire emergency. Hopefully, that didn’t happen. His place was here. And for five agonizing hours, he would wait.

When Emma finally emerged, he was alert. What was next? The fever?

She nodded at him. “She’s still asleep. But the fevers starting to set in. I gave her something that should help keep it from getting deadly, but we still need to keep an eye on her.”

Evfra stood. “I will.”

“I know,” Emma said. “We need cold water. Do you have a pitcher, or a basin, or something big that will work?”

He walked into the kitchen to grab what she asked for. Sort of. It was just a bucket. But he filled it with cool water from the tap. While the bucket was filling, he looked over to see Emma staring at the box on the table. “Is this it?” she asked.

He nodded.

“Good.” She opened the box to peek inside, but she touched nothing. “Between SAM, Lexi, and Suvi, they might be able to figure out just what the hell it is.”

“You don’t know?” he asked, turning off the water.

She shook her head. “Dad never managed to get a sample of it. So much of the evidence was destroyed before he could get to it.” She closed the box back up.

With Evfra carrying the water, she followed him down the hallway. When she asked for washcloths, he pointed her towards the bathroom and she went to grab what she needed. The room was dark and quiet when he walked in. So-Hee’s breathing was sounding more ragged now. He set the bucket on the bedside table. When he touched her forehead, he was concerned by how hot it was. It felt like it was searing his hand.

Emma walked in with a stack of washcloths. There was also a device sitting on the bedside table that he hadn’t noticed before. It wasn’t there earlier. She picked it up and pressed it to So-Hee’s forehead. After a few seconds, it beeped and Emma stared at a tiny screen on it.

“It’s 101 degrees now,” she murmured. “We need to cool her down as much as we can. If it goes over 104 it can be really bad and I don’t know if we would be able to get her help in time.” She dipped a washcloth in the cold water and wrung it out before lifting So-Hee’s head slightly to hold it to the back of her neck. “I’ll have to change out the water when it gets room temperature, but we just want to keep her head cool.” She grabbed another washcloth and wet it before folding it and placing it on So-Hee’s forehead.

“How long does the fever last?” he asked.

“Last time it was close to twelve hours,” Emma said. “It will probably be about the same. But the high fever only lasted for a few hours. After that her temperature will slowly go down. She’ll sleep most of the time.” Emma changed out the washcloths. “She might wake up here and there for water. Too bad I couldn’t bring Lexi or we could’ve done an IV.”

“Would that have helped?”

She nodded. “It would have kept her hydrated at least.”

Emma stepped back so Evfra could take over. He pulled the chair closer to the bed so he could be right beside her. Every time he would press a cool washcloth to her forehead, his fingers would also brush her hair back from her face.

When she was confident that he could handle it, Emma backed away. “I called Maggie already and she’s on her way.”

“Thank you,” he said. “I didn’t think of that.”

Emma shrugged. “No big deal. Sorry everyone’s just dropping in on you.”

“I appreciate it, and I know So-Hee will,” he answered.

Emma nodded. “I’ll check on you in a bit and change out the water. We’ll trade places later.” With that, she left the room and left Evfra alone with So-Hee.

He fell into the rhythm of wiping her face, and brow, and her neck with a cool cloth and dunking them back into the cool water and doing it again. For an hour, she was still and silent. The sound of her breathing was all that filled the room. But after that hour, he could tell her sleep was anything but peaceful. Her brow furrowed, she frowned, sometimes she groaned or grumbled unintelligible words. He soothed her as well as he could.

When she grew silent for a moment, he leaned close, his lips on her ear. “I’m here, So-Hee,” he murmured, wondering if she could even hear him. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

Her head turned towards him and he hoped she would awaken, but she didn’t. His thumb brushed over her cheekbones. Kissing her temple, he went back to dabbing her face with the cool cloth. Despite her absolving him, he couldn’t help but feel like this was his fault. If he had placed better protections, or if he had been more communicative with her in the first place, perhaps he would have known sooner. Or would have prevented it altogether.

When she woke up, he would apologize to her again. He would also make sure that she knew, without a doubt, how he felt about her. This was the first time he had cared for someone like this. And he didn’t want to just let it slip through his fingers. It was no longer a situation where he just wanted to see where it was going. He could see where this relationship would go. All he needed to know, was if she wanted it to go to the same place.

True to her word, Emma returned at the end of the hour to change out the water. When she returned with the fresh water, she asked him if he wanted to switch. But he didn’t. Not yet. He might not at all. Emma nodded and turned to leave.

“I have a question,” he said, making her pause before leaving. “When you find their plans and the evidence you need to reveal Cerberus, what do you intend to do?”

Emma didn’t hesitate when she answered. It was clearly something she had thought of often enough to already know the answer.

“I’m going to destroy it all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ushataliin-global tool, Angaran wrist device
> 
> Angaran words are credited to The Angaran Expansion Project and [MyrddinDerwydd](https://myrddinderwydd.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project on Tumblr](https://angaranexpansionproject.tumblr.com/)  
> [The Angaran Expansion Project AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1458790)


	35. Mend The Gaps

Music pulsed around her. Bodies grazed her from all sides. But she didn’t care. Her body moved in time to the beat. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t think of anything but the music and the way it prompted her to move. It’s how she knew it wasn’t real. She knew there were things going on. Things she should be thinking about. But nothing touched her here. Here, she didn’t have to face anything else going on.

Hands settled on her hips and she felt someone behind her. Probably some nameless, faceless specter she had imagined. Their lips brushed her ear and she leaned back.

“This is a pretty nice dream,” Rowan’s voice in her ear made her freeze.

She quickly extricated herself from his grasp. Why Rowan? Was it the lingering guilt she still felt over his death? But the whole point of this place was to not think about these things. So why was he here?

Unless she wasn’t as in control as she thought?

“Why—”

“Why am I here?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Because your mind’s decided it’s time,” he answered, holding his hand out to her.

She didn’t take it. “Time for what?”

“Time for you to close the gaps,” he said. “You’ve been avoiding remembering for too long.”

She didn’t want to. There were things missing from her time in the school, and she was content with forgetting. What she remembered was bad enough. She didn’t know what else she would find in the recesses. It terrified her.

Rowan turned and pointed towards the middle of the dance floor. Her eyes followed and she saw the gaping hole in the floor. It should be swallowing people up, but they danced around it like it didn’t exist. Maybe to them, it didn’t. Or maybe it was because this was all in her mind and it didn’t have to make sense.

So-Hee didn’t budge. She wasn’t going near that thing.

“So-Hee,” another voice scolded her from behind. She didn’t have to look to know who it was, but she did anyway. Her grandmother, and to her surprise, and her father stood there. How long had it been since she thought of him? And not just in passing, but spent an actual moment missing him.

“Oppa!” she cried and launched herself at him.

His embrace was just as warm and loving as she remembered. He always hugged her hard, like he might never hug her again, even though she had to be more careful with her own hugs. It never bothered her. Her father always made her feel loved. Life was cruel in taking him away.

“I missed you,” she mumbled into her dad’s shirt. It even smelled like him—warm spice and freshly-cut grass. She didn’t think she would remember what he smelled like.

“I know, sprout, I know,” he said, calling her by her nickname. He was the only one that called her that. Mostly because So-Hee shot up several inches one year and came up to his chin.

They pulled back slightly so So-Hee could pull her grandmother into the hug. The smell of flowers mingled with her dad’s scent. She enjoyed their embrace, the memories of what it felt like to be held by them. But it wouldn’t last forever. She knew them. She knew what they were going to say. What she didn’t know, was whether or not she would listen to them this time.

“It’s okay to be scared,” her father murmured into her hair. “But you have to be strong, So-Hee.”

“I am strong,” she argued.

He sighed. “Physically, yes,” he agreed. “But you let fear rule you instead of conquering it. You will not win against your enemy unless you face what’s missing.”

He was right. But she still hesitated.

With her still locked in an embrace, her father and grandmother stepped forward which forced So-Hee to step back. They were walking her back to the gap. So-Hee tried to dig her heels in. She was stronger. They couldn’t move her unless she allowed it. But that didn’t always work in dreams.

They didn’t stop until she was at the edge. She felt the abyss at her back. She clawed at their arms to keep herself from falling back, but they pulled away from her. She was hanging on by a thread. Rowan joined them, standing beside her father. He didn’t try to push her, but he didn’t help her either.

“It’s time to face it,” he said. “Do it for me. And for them.” He gestured beside him and that’s when she noticed. The nameless sea of faces weren’t so nameless at all. The girls, most of them she knew while others looked familiar even though she couldn’t place them, stopped dancing to look at her. They didn’t look dead here. They looked exactly as she remembered them. Everyone was counting on her. Was what she needed to remember that important?

So-Hee looked back at her father. They were right. It was time she pulled back the veil.

It was time to close the gaps.

She let go of her father’s arms and he let go of her.

The darkness swallowed her up.

And she fell…

And fell…

And fell.

So-Hee stood in front of a cabinet. The drawer was open and her hands were resting on top of a file. Noise to the left of her drew her attention and she saw Hannah sitting at the Headmistress’ desk, searching the computer. That’s right. They were looking for something. Evidence. So-Hee had a bad feeling and she had wanted to search for something that would confirm her feelings about the place. But that hadn’t happened. Or so she thought.

How could she forget?

Turning back to the files, she began to open them. They were dossiers on all of the girls. Medical records, notes, etc. As she read them, she remembered how strange it was to have nothing on their education. It was supposed to be a school after all. And her file was the strangest of them all. They had been watching her, they had known she was different. Her file was the biggest.

Then there was the last file. It was Hannah’s. _Don’t open it!_ Her brain screamed at her the moment she touched the file. Of course, that meant she had to. All she had to do was open the file and read the words at the top for the crack in the dam to blow open. Memories flooded in.

_CERBERUS ASSET: DO NOT INTERFERE_

She lied. Hannah lied.

_Sit down and be quiet like a good girl, and I’ll tell you what you want to know._

So-Hee had found out. Hannah had told her the truth, tried to make So-Hee compliant, but instead, she made So-Hee forget. _That’s right._ They were alike. Special without serums or injections. Just born this way. But Hannah could control people. She could tell them what to do and what to feel at her whim. And she pulled So-Hee’s string like a fucking puppeteer.

Lana.

_“Get up and teach her a lesson.”_

_I don’t want to._

So-Hee stood over Lana, her knuckles open and bleeding. But the blood that dripped from her hands wasn’t just from her. Lana clutched her broken jaw and nose with one hand and her other hand clutched her broken ribs. The other girls screamed and cried for So-Hee to stop. Only one laughed. Hannah’s blue eyes glittered as she stared at So-Hee. There was so much adoration in them. But Hannah didn’t love So-Hee. Not really. She just loved having someone to control.

Bardon.

_“He was going to hurt me.”_

_“Don’t believe her. She’s using you. Why don’t you ask her what’s done to her family? Ask her about the other girls, the other classes.”_

_“Hurt him, So-Hee. Hurt him before he hurts us.”_

_Hurt him._

And she had. He had fought back against her, but it was futile. It was the first time she had killed someone. Yes, he was a piece of shit. But So-Hee would never forget his pleas or the look of pure fear in his eyes. It was the first time she understood why people would be afraid of her. Even more so with someone else controlling her.

Valeria. Lea. Kelsey.

_“Break her fucking wrist if you have to!”_

Bone crunched under her fingers.

_“I need you to take care of them for me. I need you to kill them…for me. For us.”_

Bile rose in her throat. She didn’t want to. She wasn’t going to. But Hannah screeched in her head, sounding like a broken record. They told her the truth. Hannah was revealed for who she was. And So-Hee could fight back against the thrall in her head.

_Loose ends._

People. They weren’t innocent, but So-Hee wasn’t going to be the one. Her steps carried her back to Hannah. Ready to confront. Ready to face against the real enemy.

_“Take care of her and we can go.”_

_“No.”_

_“What did you say?”_

So-Hee had said no. She refused. No more killing. Not for Hannah. Not for anyone else. She was no longer compelled to do anything Hannah said. It didn’t matter how hard Hannah plead or screamed in her face. So-Hee didn’t budge.

But in the end, she did kill again.

Hannah.

_“Get off me!”_

Uneven brick. A heel that caught. She stumbled back. So-Hee didn’t grab her fast enough. For years, So-Hee had remembered the sound of a skull cracking against brick. She remembered the blood that seeped into the cracks. Hannah’s silent look of surprise.

_“I’m sorry! Don’t die.”_

So-Hee had gone to get help. But the soldiers were there. They didn’t listen. She fought them. But they made her sleep. Alec told her they never found a body. Just blood. Had Hannah lived? It couldn’t be possible, could it? They would’ve found her. In the school. Or even in the woods. There was no way she could’ve gotten far with her injuries.

What if they did find her?

What if she just made them forget?

Then she would have all the time she needed to get away.

_No. It couldn’t be possible._

So-Hee clapped her hands over her face. If Hannah was still alive then…

_Then…_

So-Hee scrubbed her hands down her face. The school was gone. Replaced by familiar metal underneath her feet. Doors lined a hallway. The lights were harsh and bright. The Nexus. She saw herself. Leaning against a wall, trying and failing to hold herself upright. She remembered this. Barely. But she remembered the asshole drugging her and bringing her down this hallway. They never made it to their destination.

_Hannah._

She had been there. So-Hee thought she wasn’t real. Just another hallucination. But Hannah whispered in the man’s ear and he walked away. That’s right. He had thrown himself over the railing into the docking bay. No reasonable person would do that. Unless of course, they were being compelled to.

All So-Hee could do was watch as Hannah stepped close to the other her. So-Hee mimicked the movement until she was inches away. She stared at the side of Hannah’s face as if that would somehow tell her whether or not Hannah was actually alive. Hannah cupped that So-Hee’s face.

_“I’ve missed you.”_

So-Hee could still remember Hannah’s lips on hers.

_Fuck._

Hannah was fucking alive. It was her. Everything was her. The attack, Valeria and the others, Rowan, and the tea. She was the only one alive that would have a grudge against So-Hee. And she had been fucking with So-Hee for weeks.

_“I like the purple. It suits you.”_

“Fuck you!” So-Hee shrieked inches away from Hannah’s face.

This was it.

The truth.

And now she knew what she would have to do.

So-Hee woke up, a groan escaping her lips. Her head was pounding. How long had she been asleep? She felt like shit. When her eyes began to open, she could see blue. Evfra. Had he stayed with her the entire time? That would’ve been a long time. She had so much to tell him now. And she was going to. The truth needed to come out.

Without thinking, So-Hee reached for his face. It was so much softer than she remembered. And so was his mouth when she pulled him down to kiss him. Why was he so stiff?

A cough across the room drew her attention and she pulled back to look. Evfra was standing on the other side of the room, near the entrance. If he was over there then who…? So-Hee opened her eyes fully and turned her head. Emma was sitting in a chair beside the bed, her face still smooshed between So-Hee’s hands, and she was just blinking at So-Hee.

The bed began to shake underneath her. So-Hee looked behind to see Maggie sitting on the bed beside her with her hand covering her mouth. The shaking of her shoulders indicated her quiet laughter. So-Hee looked back to Emma still feeling a little confused.

Emma’s lips curved into a small smile. “Hello,” she said.

“Hi,” So-Hee answered, albeit a little meekly.

“Care to let my face go?” Emma asked.

So-Hee dropped her hands and cleared her throat. “Sorry…I saw blue and…” she trailed off.

“Emma and I look nothing alike,” Evfra deadpanned.

So-Hee glared at him. Of course, they didn’t. But dammit she was still confused and tired and feeling like shit. He could cut her some slack.

“How are you feeling?” Maggie asked, still smirking.

“Like shit,” So-Hee answered.

“At least your fever’s gone,” Emma said. “It took longer to break than I thought.”

“But it’s done?” So-Hee asked.

“It should be,” Emma said. “But Jaal and I are sticking around Aya for a few more days just in case.”

“Me too,” Maggie piped up. “The junior’s covering for me.”

“Thanks,” So-Hee murmured.

Maggie stood up from the bed. “Want to shower? I can help.”

So-Hee nodded. She had sweat profusely and she felt disgusting. A shower would help. She kicked off the covers, marveling at how easily she could use her leg. There were a few twinges of pain. Perhaps it was from the damaged nerves. But the bone was no longer broken. Emma and Maggie stared at her leg warily, and Maggie even held her arm out for So-Hee. Other than it feeling weak from disuse, it felt fine. But she still took Maggie’s arm.

Evfra stepped back, his expression unreadable. He stayed in the bedroom with Emma. Was he angry with her? Or was it something else? Maybe he was upset because there were so many people in his house. And it was her fault.

Maggie turned on the water while So-Hee stripped off her damp clothes. The water began to soothe her aching body the moment she stepped underneath. Maggie helped her wash her hair because she was too tired to hold her arms over her head. But she was able to do everything else on her own. Finally. She hated feeling like a burden to other people. Although she was sad she probably wouldn’t get to see Sanehi much now.

She was glad everyone was here. Now she could get everything off her chest. And she would be able to tell Emma who had been fucking with her. They could put an end to it now. Well, So-Hee would have to be the one to do it. Now that she knew Hannah couldn’t control her anymore, all bets were off.

Emma helped Evfra strip the bedding off of So-Hee’s bed. All of it would have to be washed. But he didn’t mind. He was just relieved she was awake and apparently feeling better. Of course, he would never let her live down kissing Emma on accident. And he didn’t think Emma and Maggie would either.

“I’m glad she made it through again,” Emma said.

“Me too,” he replied. “I was…”

“Scared?”

Evfra nodded. It wasn’t something he liked admitting out loud. Thankfully, Emma didn’t push it. “I just wish I knew who was behind this,” she said, changing the subject.

“We should speak to the liaison. It seems she may know something about it,” Evfra said. “She is So-Hee’s mother.”

Emma stiffened. “I see.” She sighed. “I’ll do that while I’m here then.”

Evfra dropped the dirty bedding on the floor and kicked it to the side. Emma followed suit while he opened the closet to grab fresh bedding. Between the two of them, it barely took any time to remake the bed. So-Hee would probably want to rest again soon since. While she seemed alright when she awoke, he could tell she was still exhausted. She needed rest.

Sure enough, she walked back in shortly after they had finished making the bed. Her wet hair clung to her neck and skin. A towel was wrapped around her. A small yawn escaped her lips. She tried to hide it with her hand.

“Tired?” Emma asked, seeing it as well.

So-Hee shrugged. “A little.”

“Go back to sleep,” Emma said. “We’ll still be here.” Without waiting for So-Hee to argue, she grabbed the dirty laundry and walked past So-Hee to leave the room. The door closed behind her, but Evfra could hear Maggie exiting the bathroom and then the two of them talking as they walked further down the hallway.

“I don’t want to go back to sleep,” So-Hee grumbled, walking over to the dresser to grab shorts and a tank top.

“If you need rest, you need rest,” Evfra said.

So-Hee kept her back to him as she dropped the towel and pulled on her clothes. “Are you mad at me?” she asked, sounding small.

Evfra walked around the bed until he was behind her. “Why would you think that?” He kept his voice soft.

“You seem mad,” she mumbled.

“I’m not,” he said. “I was…am worried.”

“I’m sorry I scared you.” So-Hee turned to face him. “This is not what I wanted to happen.”

“I know that.” Evfra cupped her face. “I’m not angry with you. I’m just glad you’re alright.” He touched his forehead to hers.

“I have some things to tell you,” she said, her minty breath washing over him.

“Later,” he murmured. “You need to rest.”

She huffed, but she didn’t argue. “Fine. But will you stay with me?” she asked.

“If that’s what you want.”

“I do.”


	36. Out in the Open

Evfra was still lying beside her when she woke up for the second time. But he was awake. She could tell by the way he carded his fingers through her hair. Instead of greeting him vocally, she wrapped her arms around his waist and shifted until she was pressed against him. There were no casts or achy ribs to keep her away this time. She felt his small huff of laughter as much as she heard it.

“How long did I sleep?” she murmured.

“A few hours.”

“Not long enough,” she complained, pressing her cheek to his chest.

“You slept for half a day before that. That wasn’t enough?” he asked.

“It doesn’t count,” she argued.

“How?”

“It just doesn’t,” she grumbled. She pulled away so she could tilt her face up to look at him. “I’m the injured party here and you’re picking on me,” she complained.

“I’m just glad you’re alive for me to pick on you,” he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead.

How could she stay mad at him when he said something like that?

So-Hee pulled her arms back so she could wrap them around his neck instead. When she went in for a kiss, he met her halfway. But that wasn’t enough for her. She was awake and alive. Evfra’s hands drifted down to her waist to hold her flush against him as their mouths clashed together. They were both hungry. It had been a while since they had been intimate. And she wasn’t injured anymore. There wasn’t anything to stop them really.

Were the others still here? Probably. But she didn’t care right now.

Pushing Evfra back, So-Hee gently straddled him, her knees resting on either side of his hips. Yet when her hands went to his rofjinn he drew back slightly. “There’s something I should tell you.”

“What?” she asked, inches away from his lips.

“Your mother is here.”

So-Hee pulled away. “You should’ve led with that.” With a sigh, she straightened up, resting her hands on her thighs. “Why is she here?”

“She said she wanted to check on you—”

So-Hee snorted.

“I said no at first. But Emma convinced me that it would be easier to question her here without prying eyes and ears,” he finished.

“Unbelievable,” So-Hee muttered.

“Emma said she would inform me when Min-Seo was gone. But she hasn’t yet.” He placed his hand over hers. “You don’t have to see her. We can wait in here until she is gone.”

That was So-Hee’s knee-jerk reaction. But it would be better to handle her mother now so she wouldn’t have to do it later. That way she could get everything out in the open with everyone here. So-Hee shook her head. “I’ll go talk to her,” she said. “I have some questions myself…and some answers.”

Evfra just looked at her in confusion, but So-Hee didn’t go any further. Instead, she got off of him and got out of bed. He followed her and they both walked out of the room together.

The living room was filled with natural light. So-Hee could tell from the brightness that it was just past the middle of the day. They would have several more hours of light before it was nighttime. So-Hee was looking forward to sleep again. Or maybe she was just looking forward to getting this over with.

When she walked fully into the room, she saw a chair from the kitchen table sitting in the middle of the room facing the couch. Min-Seo was sitting in the chair. Emma was sitting across from her while Maggie was standing behind Min-Seo with her arms crossed. Jaal was sitting beside Emma. Did Evfra ever have this many people in his house at once? Probably not.

Min-Seo stood when So-Hee walked into the room. She opened her mouth to say something, but So-Hee shook her head. There was really nothing her mother needed to say to her right now. Not even an apology would do anything for So-Hee right now. She grabbed another chair from the kitchen and set it down several feet beside Min-Seo, but instead of facing the couch, she turned the chair to face her mother. Evfra stood behind her.

“What do you have?” So-Hee asked Emma.

Emma sighed. “So far, not much. She can’t remember the name of the person who woke her up, or who instructed her. But I do know that she was woken up and put in this position to mess with you. At first, she said no, but they threatened the rest of her family in cryo to make her comply.”

“Were you instructed to make me end my relationship with Evfra too? Or did you do that because you wanted to?” So-Hee asked.

Min-Seo turned in her chair to face So-Hee. “I was told to, yes. But I also did not want relations between the Angara and the Initiative to be destroyed because someone was coming after you.” She folded her hands in her lap. “The Commander could have gotten hurt—”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” So-Hee asked. “That I don’t know how dangerous it is to be with me?”

“I—”

“And do you know whose fault that is?” So-Hee continued, not letting her mother speak. “I was noticed and targeted by Cerberus because of you. If you had never put me in that school in the first place, none of this would’ve happened. Or were you hoping their experiment would kill me too?”

“I didn’t know!” Min-Seo argued. “I swear I didn’t know anything about what they were doing at that school. If I had I would’ve taken you somewhere else—”

“Why?” So-Hee asked. “Why couldn’t you have just left me alone? I was fine where I was.”

Min-Seo’s shoulders dropped. “I was afraid you try to come and live with me. Or that your aunts wouldn’t take care of you like your grandmother did. The school was a quick solution so you would have somewhere to be until you were of age.”

So-Hee shook her head. “I just don’t understand what would have been so bad about taking me home with you.”

“So-Hee—”

So-Hee raised her hand to cut her mother off. She really didn’t want to hear the answer. “It doesn’t matter anymore,” she said. “Let’s just get this over with.” She turned to Emma. “Do you have all of your files with you?”

Emma nodded. “Yeah, why?”

“Even employee files?”

“If dad could pull them then yes. Am I looking for someone?” Emma asked.

“Hannah,” So-Hee said. “Her last name was Roswell—or so she told me—I don’t know if that was her actual name or not.”

Maggie pushed herself off of the wall. “Hannah?” she asked. “The same Hannah that—”

So-Hee nodded.

“I…remembered…” So-Hee trailed off and sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “Hannah was at the school when I went there. We became friends…quickly. Too quickly.” She frowned. “Can you find her?”

Emma already had a tablet on her lap. She tapped the screen and So-Hee watched as she scrolled through the files. After a minute, she wordlessly handed the tablet to So-Hee. “Is this her?”

So-Hee stared down at the picture attached to the file. Hannah’s piercing eyes stared at her. A long time ago those eyes made her stomach flip with nervousness. Now they just made her angry and sick to her stomach. She nodded. “Would you recognize a picture of the person that gave you instructions?” So-Hee asked her mother.

“I think so.”

So-Hee flipped the tablet so Min-Seo could look at the picture. When her mother’s mouth pursed and her eyes tightened, So-Hee knew her answer before her mother vocalized it. Hannah was the person that had spoken to her.

“And you know her?” Min-Seo asked.

So-Hee handed the tablet back to Emma. “I did. And I can tell you, you can’t remember her because she didn’t want you to.”

“That doesn’t make sense—”

“There are more people like me than you ever thought,” So-Hee cut off her mother. “Emma is as well, and so is Maggie. Hannah is too.”

Min-Seo’s eyes darted between the three girls. Her face paled. “How?”

“It’s a long story,” Emma said. “More of a story than I’m comfortable sharing with you since we can’t trust you. But yes, there are quite a few of us here.” She looked at So-Hee. “Did Hannah orchestrate the events at the school?”

“Some,” So-Hee answered. “She was a plant. Masquerading as a student to keep staff and students in line. But she liked using her powers to hurt people, to…control them. Like she did me.”

“You don’t have to go any further,” Maggie murmured.

“No, it’s okay,” So-Hee said. She looked at Min-Seo. “You put me in that school. It’s time you understand exactly what I went through.”

Min-Seo looked like she wanted to say something, but she knew the odds were stacked against her in this room. No one would defend her here.

“The tea you put in the basket, they made us drink it every day like clockwork. It was supposed to make the girls mutate into…something else, but it never worked. Eventually, it just killed them. I watched a girl throw herself down the stairs because she wasn’t in her right mind.” So-Hee leaned forward. “Hannah controlled me like a puppet because it was fun. I broke a girl’s face and ribs because she told me to. I killed a teacher because she told me to. I never wanted to do any of those things.”

Her mother shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “I’m sor—”

“We were going to leave the school. She was going to make me do whatever she wanted. Hell, she almost did. I don’t know how I did it, but I fought back against her orders in the end. And it made her rage.” So-Hee sighed. “I didn’t think it was Hannah, because this entire time I thought she was dead. I thought I had killed her—”

“It would’ve been an accident,” Maggie said.

“I don’t think that matters,” So-Hee said. “Accident or no, it would’ve been someone else I killed. I felt…guilt all of these years. But when I woke up, I barely remembered anything except the fact that she was dead. Everything else was just barely there…some of it just gone entirely. Alec told me they had never found her body. He probably thought I made it up.”

“He didn’t,” Emma said. “It was in his notes that they found blood, so he believed you. He just thought that somehow the body was taken before he could get there.”

So-Hee looked at Min-Seo. “I’ve had nightmares for years. I’ve been haunted by the things I’ve done ever since. And then you give me the same shit, and I almost hurt Evfra because of it.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t care that you hated having a child like me. This was wrong and you have to know it.”

Her mother was silent for a moment. The whole room was silent. So-Hee wanted to turn around and look at Evfra, but she also didn’t want to. What if he saw her differently? It didn’t matter that Hannah had controlled her; she had still hurt so many people for no reason.

“When they first woke me, I was surprised,” Min-Seo spoke, her voice quiet. “I met with Tann and that woman shortly after. They told me what position I would be in…and then they told me that you were a Lieutenant for APEX. I declined the position at first.”

So-Hee was surprised to hear that. But she didn’t say anything.

“The threat was subtle, but I understood that they would hurt my husband and children if I didn’t do what they asked. When you stopped your relationship, I thought that would be the end of it. That they would leave you alone and I could transfer from the position.” She clasped her hands tightly in her lap.

“The picture?” So-Hee asked.

“I didn’t take it,” Min-Seo said. “Tann called me in that morning and told me what I would do. That woman was not there. But Tann reminded me what was at stake.” She closed her eyes. “After the incident, I thought it would be over. They were so angry when you went to Aya. When they gave me the tea, they didn’t tell me what it was for just that it would make you normal, but a part of me knew it wasn’t good. I told them I wouldn’t do it. And then…nothing…I don’t remember anything until I was bringing the basket here and leaving it with your caregiver.”

So Hannah had pulled out her powers at the last minute and made her mother do it anyway. Knowing that didn’t make it all much better. But it did put it in perspective. So-Hee was surprised that her mother had declined to mess with her at first.

“I understand your anger—”

“You don’t,” So-Hee cut her off.

Min-Seo paused. “I will take whatever punishment you see fit, but please, spare my children.”

_I’m your child too._

So-Hee curled her hand into a fist to hide the shaking. There was no point in arguing about it. “You can’t stay here,” she said, her voice firm. “But maybe we can think of a solution.”

“Anything controlled by the Initiative is a bad idea,” Emma piped up. “And keeping them in cryo will also leave them vulnerable.”

“An Angaran planet would be better,” Evfra finally said something. His voice was neutral and So-Hee could glean nothing from his even tone.

“Scott can take anyone out of cryo, he just needs a good enough reason for Addison.” Emma pressed her lips together as she thought.

“My husband is a medical doctor,” Min-Seo said. “Does that make it easier?”

Emma blew out a breath. “It might…the base on Voeld lost one of their medics recently. As far as I know, a new one hasn’t been woken yet.”

“And we could use a liaison for the Resistance base there,” Evfra added. “It would also allow us to keep a close eye on you.”

Emma nodded. “That could work as well. I’ll ask Scott.”

“Won’t Tann still want a liaison on Aya though?” So-Hee asked.

“Probably,” Emma answered. “But if we get ahead of this, Evfra and Kandros can pick a new candidate and place them before he can make any other suggestions.”

“Good idea,” So-Hee said. “Helayphea would be a good choice…”

Emma just stared at her. “Yeah, sure…Helayphea.”

“We’ll discuss it,” Evfra said. “But so far I am on board with this plan.”

Min-Seo heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me,” he grumbled. “If it were my choice it would not be this easy for you.”

Min-Seo grew quiet again. Well they had a plan now. One where her mother’s other children—the ones she actually wanted—would hopefully be safe. It didn’t soothe So-Hee’s heart. It wasn’t a balm for her soul. So-Hee’s feelings towards Min-Seo were unchanged. Her mother burned the bridge between them a long time ago.

“I think we’re done here,” she said.

Min-Seo stood, bowing her head slightly. She opened her mouth but quickly shut it again. So-Hee was grateful she didn’t say anything more. With that, Min-Seo left to go back to her apartment on Aya. She wasn’t allowed to go anywhere else.

“I can probably have them out of cryo and moved in a week or so,” Emma said. “I’ll message Scott.”

“Thank you,” So-Hee said.

Emma shrugged. “Might as well use being the Pathfinder’s sister to our advantage,” she joked before sighing. “What a mess.”

“Sorry,” So-Hee mumbled.

“It’s not your fault,” Emma said. “None of this is. I’m just glad you were able to figure it out. There’s just one thing I still don’t understand.”

“What’s that?” So-Hee asked.

“Hannah can control people. She controlled you before, but why didn’t she just do it again?” Emma asked. “Unless—”

“She can’t,” So-Hee finished. “Maybe when I broke her control once, it made it so she can’t do it again. So she used anyone else to get to me.”

Emma frowned. “Maybe,” she mused. “But your mother also confirmed that Tann is a part of this.”

“What does he have to gain from being involved with Cerberus?” Evfra asked.

“I don’t know,” Emma said. “But we’re going to figure it out.”

Emma, Maggie, and So-Hee sat outside as the sky was darkening. Evfra and Jaal had left to go to the Tavetaan to get food, and Evfra had also made the offhand comment of getting fruit juice as well. The girls expected them to be gone for a little while since the Tavetaan would be busy at this time. So-Hee thought it was nice to just sit with her friends, especially since she was sandwiched in between them. It made her feel secure. It also made her happy Angaran lounge chairs were big enough to accommodate three—well 2.5 to be exact—humans. Emma’s head was resting on the back of the lounge chair, and Maggie’s head was resting on So-Hee’s shoulder.

“This is nice,” So-Hee vocalized.

Emma hummed in agreement. “Quiet.”

“It doesn’t feel like it will last,” Maggie whispered.

The other two nodded. So-Hee felt it too. Like there was something big coming. It was building just beyond the horizon. Eventually, Cerberus was going to come crashing down on their heads and they needed to be prepared for it.

“There’s something I wanted to talk to you about while I’m here,” Emma said.

“What’s up?” So-Hee asked.

Emma sighed. “I’m worried about what could happen if Cerberus gets their hands on me,” she said.

“Do you think they will?” Maggie asked.

“I don’t know,” Emma answered. “I know it’s part of their plan. And I have to consider that they might succeed.”

“What do you need from us?” So-Hee asked.

Emma turned her head to the side to look at So-Hee. “I need to know if the time ever comes, that you will kill me.”

“What?” Maggie nearly shouted.

Emma shushed her. “Not too loud. If Jaal hears me, we’ll end up arguing again.” She stood up from the chair and shoved her hands in the pockets of her hoodie while she began to pace back and forth. “I’ve asked him, and my siblings, hell even the entire crew. They all say they won’t do it. But they don’t understand, if Cerberus gets ahold of me…if they can control me, I’ll—”

“Kill them,” So-Hee finished.

Emma nodded. “I can’t let that happen.”

“This is bullshit,” Maggie whispered. “We shouldn’t have to actively plan how we can kill one another so we’re not a danger to people we care about.”

“No, we shouldn’t,” Emma agreed. “And I’m hoping it won’t come to this. But if it does…”

So-Hee nodded. “Last resort only,” she said, looking Emma in the eyes. “If we are absolutely certain that we can’t stop you any other way, only then will we consider it. Agreed?”

Emma held out her pinky and So-Hee curled her pinky around Emma’s. “Thank you,” Emma whispered.

“This fucking sucks,” So-Hee said.


	37. The New Normal*

Emma and Maggie stayed for two more days. While Emma and Jaal spent their nights at Jaal’s apartment on Aya, Maggie spent the entire time with So-Hee. And most of the time Evfra and Jaal would be at headquarters, leaving the three on their own. They tried not to think about earlier conversations or about the future that loomed over their heads. Instead, they hung out just like friends with no other cares.

It was the most fun So-Hee ever had.

Unfortunately, the fun had to come to an end. Emma, Jaal, and Maggie were taking a shuttle together to Havarl. Maggie would go back to work, and Emma and Jaal would meet the Tempest there for whatever their next assignment was. So-Hee wished they could stay. But she still felt safe on Aya. Especially now that she knew what she was up against, and who she was up against.

She walked them to the docks and waved at the shuttle as it took off. Some of the other Angara stared at her. She was sure the news of her spontaneous healing had already made its rounds around the city. As long as it didn’t leave it, she was fine. She and Emma had already discussed that if she went to the Nexus, she would have to fake her injuries. And to make sure she wasn’t found out, all of her check-up appointments were assigned to the Tempest doctor and the doctor here on Aya. They had thought of everything.

So-Hee walked back through the city, taking her time. She had been here for weeks, but she had spent it cooped up in Evfra’s house. It was nice to take in the fresh air and sunlight. And to be around other people.

Evfra was at headquarters and she began to make her way there. He had reassured her that Min-Seo was mostly kept in her quarters for now. They falsified reports for Tann so the Salarian had nothing to question. It was just until Min-Seo’s family was awakened and moved to Voeld. Then Aya would be free and clear of her presence.

She was greeted when she walked inside Headquarters, she expected to go right to his office, but the Moshae was waiting right inside and flagged her down. “How are you feeling So-Hee?” she asked.

“Better,” So-Hee answered. “Did you have a meeting with Evfra?” she asked.

“Not quite,” the Moshae said. “I was looking for you. The doctor wants to start your physical therapy.”

“Physical therapy?” So-Hee asked. “I’m fine though.”

“Your injuries have healed,” the Moshae agreed. “But they want to make sure you aren’t exerting yourself too much while you gain your strength back.”

So-Hee shrugged. “Is it really necessary? I mean—”

“It’s Evfra’s orders. And the doctors,” the Moshae interrupted her. “You will go.”

So-Hee knew better than to argue with the Moshae. It would be like arguing with her grandmother. It would get her absolutely nowhere and she would still end up doing whatever the Moshae said. So instead of arguing, she followed the Moshae down the steps towards the medical bay. The two guards nodded at her while she and the Moshae followed decontamination procedure before entering.

It was nice seeing the medical wing so empty. It meant fewer Angara were coming back with serious injuries. Many were able to recover at home if they were injured. It was a positive sign of the Kett presence decreasing in the Heleus cluster. Now efforts could be focused on resupplying and rebuilding. It was an effort So-Hee wanted to be a part of.

The doctor waved her over. “Morning, Lieutenant. How are you feeling?” they asked.

“Better.” 

“Good. Doctor T’Perro sent over the information we needed to start your physical therapy. Are you ready to proceed?”

“How long am I going to have to do it?” So-Hee asked.

“Until the Tempest doctor clears you,” a gruff voice came from behind her.

She hadn’t even heard Evfra enter. She didn’t know he would be here. Why come if he sent the Moshae to escort her? But she was glad to see him regardless.

The doctor nodded. “When you are cleared, you will be able to resume your normal training here on the training grounds. Of course, we will still monitor you in case any problems should arise.”

“The training grounds? Not APEX?” So-Hee asked, looking to Evfra.

He shook his head. “Your injury was supposed to take at least eight weeks to heal. Plus, several months of physical therapy. If we are to hide your spontaneous healing from the Nexus, then everything must be conducted here.”

That made sense. Although it also made her sad. She wanted to be able to train with her team. And even though she had healed, she still couldn’t go back to missions. Of course, there were worse places to be stuck than Aya. At least she could be here and bother Evfra the entire time. _Months._ Months with Evfra. So-Hee felt a burst of excitement in her belly. There was always the chance he would get tired of her in that time, but she didn’t dwell on that. No. This was happiness. For once.

“Will you be doing these exercises with her, Commander?” the doctor asked.

“I will,” Evfra answered.

The Moshae turned her head to try and hide the upward curve of her lips. “I will take my leave then,” she said. “Let me know if you need anything, So-Hee.”

So-Hee nodded as the Moshae left the room. “Weird. She brought me here and then left.”

“I asked her to bring you because I knew you would not argue with her,” Evfra said.

“That’s cheating!” So-Hee glared at him.

“Perhaps,” He said. “But it worked.”

The doctor looked away to hide their laughter. “If you are ready, Lieutenant…”

“I suppose,” she grumbled.

So-Hee hadn’t realized just how weak her leg had become. Of course, her strength never actually waned, but the more she used her leg the more tired she became. It also ached if she used it for too long. That meant she couldn’t walk for long periods of time. The serum had healed her bones, but it barely touched her muscle damage and the muscle she had lost during her short recovery. The tea wasn’t as strong as it used to be or she hadn’t been drinking it long enough.

She was lying on the floor in the living room with a pillow underneath her lower back. The side doors to the patio were wide open to let in the light and the breeze. She was beginning to love the smell of the flowers that wafted into the room. It always lingered at the end of the day. And it clung to Evfra. That’s part of why she liked it so much.

The doctor had told her to do the exercises at least once a day, but twice if she could manage it. After dinner, Evfra asked her if she wanted to do them, and she said yes. She could handle it. And she wanted to get better so she could train normally again.

He was kneeling in front of her with the heel of her foot on his shoulder. His fingers massaged her ankle while he gently pushed her knee as close to her chest as was comfortable. It was a provocative position. And So-Hee couldn’t help the way her thoughts wandered. This was the first night they had been alone in days. Before then she had been injured and he had refused to have sex with her. But she wasn’t injured now.

Yet, he still seemed to ignore the subtle way her hips shifted. Or the looks she kept throwing at him. Either he was oblivious…or he was ignoring her on purpose.

She couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he wasn’t attracted to her as much anymore. She had been here for over a month. And he had witnessed her at her absolute worst. Not just behavior-wise, but Evfra had seen firsthand how disgusting humans could be. Maybe it turned him off. _Probably_. So-Hee sighed and stopped looking at him.

Evfra leaned back so her leg could straighten, and he massaged her calf to keep her leg from cramping up. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

She shrugged. “Nothing,” she mumbled.

“Really?” His hands moved up to her knee. “Your bottom lip is almost to the floor.”

“It is not,” she protested, pausing to take in the small smirk on his face. “Stop teasing me.”

Evfra gently moved her leg back down to the floor. “You know, I cannot fix a problem if I do not know what it is.”

“It’s not a problem,” she grumbled. “If you’re not attracted to me, then that’s—”

“Who said I was not attracted to you?”

“No one really. You just don’t seem interested. And I get it. The allure has worn off and I’m just an alien that’s living in your house…” she trailed off as Evfra just stared at her with a blank look.

“You were injured for several weeks,” he said. “I told you that’s why I wouldn’t. Do you think that means I’m not attracted to you? Or do you think I was lying?”

“But I recovered, and you still haven’t—”

“Yes, and one of those days you were sick. Then the house was full after that and we had no privacy.” Evfra placed a hand on either side of her head and leaned down. “This is our first night alone. And you have reached an assumption without even giving me any time to act. How is that fair?”

His face was inches from hers and she swallowed. “We could’ve when they were here,” she said, although meekly. He was right. But she didn’t want to admit it.

“Oh?” he murmured. “I don’t think our guests would have appreciated hearing us.”

“I could’ve been quiet,” she argued. His mouth was so close to hers. She felt her face and neck begin to flush pink with anticipation.

“No, you wouldn’t have been.”

“I—”

Evfra kissed her, not bothering to be sweet or slow. He lowered himself onto his elbows so he could hold himself steady while one of his hands tangled in her hair. Nudging her mouth open with his, he deepened the kiss which scarcely gave her a moment to breathe. His knee wedged itself in between her thighs. A gasp tore from her throat when his thigh rubbed against her center through her shorts. Electricity sparked deep in her gut. But she didn’t know if it was him or her, and she didn’t fucking care.

When he pulled back, his mouth trailing kisses down her neck to her collarbone, she protested. Evfra’s eyes flicked from her to the open door. “You think you can be quiet?” he murmured against her skin. “Prove it.”

Before she could answer, his mouth found hers again, kissing her into oblivion while his hand disentangled from her hair and moved down her side. Fingers gripped the edge of her tank top and pulled the fabric up over her breasts. His touch was like fire as his thumb circled her areola. But he didn’t linger there for long.

It seemed he had anticipated this just as much as she did. Even though he was more collected than she was, she could still hear his ragged breathing as his hand dipped into the waistband of her shorts. In a swift movement, he had her underwear and shorts down to her knees. From there, So-Hee worked them down until she could kick them off.

Even though she wanted to be flush against his body, he didn’t give her that. Where she wanted him to be quick and take her like they both wanted, he slowed down and teased her. His mouth drifted down until he could lave his tongue over her nipples.

So-Hee kept her mouth closed, sealing her noises into her throat. She could be quiet dammit. And she was going to prove it to him. But the moment his fingers dragged down her wet folds, she wasn’t so confident anymore. Even more so when he kissed his way down her stomach until he was in between her legs. His hands gripped the back of her thighs to keep them apart.

She caught the first moan in her mouth. But when Evfra’s tongue pressed against her clit, her head fell back and she couldn’t keep the second moan at bay. She could only imagine the smug look on his face as she was proved wrong. His pleased chuckle reverberated against her and she cursed under her breath. It only spurred him on.

His finger pressed against her entrance, teasing her by inching in slowly until the first plea fell from her lips. It wasn’t entirely what she wanted, but it would do for now. So-Hee no longer cared about what point he or she was trying to prove. She only cared about the way her thighs trembled and her stomach tightened as he coaxed her to the edge. And when he crooked his finger inward, finding the sensitive spot within, she fell.

Evfra being Evfra, he didn’t stop after her orgasm made her cry out. He paused, waiting until her spasms had all but stopped before his finger found her spot again and his thumb pressed against her clit. They worked together in tandem, pulling her back to the edge in a matter of seconds. When she crashed a second time So-Hee grabbed his wrist to keep from bringing her to a third.

Satisfied with his victory, Evfra moved back up, kissing her gently. “You were saying?” he teased against her mouth.

“Jerk,” she mumbled, wrapping her arms around his neck to keep him close.

Evfra reached to wrap her legs around his waist before moving his hands to her lower back. Carefully, he stood up with her wrapped around him. “Don’t worry, So-Hee,” he said as he carried her down the hall to her room. “I am going to thoroughly make up for neglecting you these past few weeks.”

The sheets were cool against her skin. When she opened her eyes, she turned her head to look for Evfra. He was gone, but his side of the bed was still rumpled. She vaguely remembered him kissing her on the cheek and whispering that he would be back later. That was, of course, after they spent most of the night being intimate. She was a little disappointed he went to work after all that. But this was their normal she supposed.

_Normal._

So-Hee pinched herself. When she felt the twinge of pain in her arm, she knew it was real. This wasn’t a dream. She was waking up in a nice bed, after having spent an incredible night with her…boyfriend? Was Evfra her boyfriend? Did the Angara have titles like that? Could this even be considered a relationship? Should she ask?

Probably not. She might ruin the whole damn thing. _Coward_.

She sighed and kicked off the covers. Her leg felt a little stiff and she was careful as she walked to the dresser to grab clean clothes. A shower would probably make her feel better. Might clear her head as well.

Setting her clothes down on the counter, she turned on the shower and gave the water a moment to warm up before stepping under the spray. It was nice to shower on her own. Although she wouldn’t mind if she was sharing the space with Evfra. Maybe later. After all, she was going to be living here for a while now. They had all the time they wanted. So-Hee never thought the notion would excite her so much.

_I wish Halmeoni could meet him_.

She missed her grandmother every day. But not being to share this moment with her was…crushing. Her grandmother would’ve been so happy to see So-Hee finally begin to open up with someone. And she would’ve loved Andromeda. It was all the more reason for So-Hee to make the most of her life and her time, regardless of whether she was on Aya or somewhere else. And to especially take stock of the time she spent with Evfra. Even if it ended, it would still be special.

So-Hee shut off the water and dried off to change into her clothes. As she was pulling her tank top over her head, she heard the sound of the front door closing. She froze. Sanehi and Fahra weren’t supposed to be coming. And Evfra was at work. Had someone gained access to the house? Was it Hannah? Did she have Evfra under her control?

Without stopping to think or formulate a plan, So-Hee was rushing down the hallway and bursting into the living room. Evfra stuck his head out from the kitchen and opened his mouth to greet her before he paused. His eyes took in the details of her wet hair still stuck to her face and neck, to the way her chest heaved and her eyes darted around the room looking for someone who wasn’t there.

“Are you okay?” he asked, stepping into the room.

When So-Hee was certain no one else was there, she nodded. “Yeah.” She let out a breath. “I thought you were at work.”

“I didn’t say I was going to work,” Evfra said.

“You said you would be back later,” So-Hee protested.

He nodded. “And I am. I went to visit the market before it became busy. After having several people in the house for a few days, we were low on everything.” Evfra moved closer, his hands reaching for hers. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more specific.”

So-Hee shook her head. “It’s not that,” she murmured. “I just thought…”

“Someone broke in?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she answered. “Or that Hannah had gotten to you.” She let his hands cover hers. Fuck. She had been giddy moments ago and wondering if Evfra would want to be her boyfriend and she had forgotten the most important drawback to all of this. There was no doubt Hannah would target Evfra. And if she got her hands on him, if she made him…So-Hee would never forgive herself if something happened to Evfra because of her.

When she vocalized that thought, he shifted. “I think I may have encountered her already,” he said.

So-Hee stared at him in disbelief. “When?” she asked.

“The first night I spent at your apartment. I remember leaving, and then I was in front of my door. But I remember nothing in between—”

Anger surged through her, making her blood boil. “Fuck!”

“And I had apparently left a note for myself—a note to warn you—but I didn’t know what it meant…until now,” he finished, his hands squeezing hers at her outburst.

“I’m sorry, Evfra,” she said, her shoulders sagging. 

One of Evfra’s hands moved to cup her chin. “I would not change anything I have done, So-Hee,” he promised. “I would still become involved with you even knowing what I know now.”

“That’s not very smart of you,” she grumbled.

“Disagree,” he said, his thumb swiping over her bottom lip. “I am happy. I would not give that up.”

_Happy_. So-Hee’s heart jumped. Then it was settled. She would just have to sharpen her resolve. “I won’t let her hurt you,” she said. “I promise.”

_This ends._


	38. The Answer

So-Hee hated having to go to the Nexus for a meeting. Most of it was because they slapped a fake cast on her leg and made Evfra wheel her around the station. The rest was because she had to meet with Tann. Her mother was supposedly already at Tann’s office and waiting for her. So-Hee knew Evfra and Kandros were ahead of this meeting, but she still felt uneasy. Probably because of the knowledge of Tann’s involvement in Cerberus’ dealings. And Hannah’s.

But having Evfra at her back was comfort. Even when Tann was staring at her with thinly veiled disgust, she knew Evfra was there and he wouldn’t put up with shit.

“This meeting was a surprise,” Tann started. “Is something wrong? Perhaps you would like the Corporal to come back to the Nexus.” He gestured to So-Hee while he spoke. “I understand it can be difficult to care for a new species—”

“That is not relevant to this meeting,” Evfra said, cutting Tann off. “The _Lieutenant_ is welcome to stay on Aya for as long as she likes. And for as long as she needs to fully heal.” He glanced at Min-Seo who didn’t say anything to the contrary. She would be fucked if she did.

“Then I am at a loss as to why you would call a meeting,” Tann said, standing up from his chair.

“The Commander and I have been discussing the next steps in allying the Resistance and APEX. We both agree that we want our outfits to be able to work together harmoniously,” Kandros said.

“And for that reason, we have decided that while Min-Seo is a woman of admiral qualities, she is not fit to be the liaison the Resistance and APEX need in order to achieve this goal,” Evfra continued smoothly.

“I selected her myself,” Tann said, lacing his fingers together and resting them behind his back.

“We still believe she is useful, Tann.” Kandros pulled his mandible tight and So-Hee could tell he was trying not to look smug and ruin the whole plan. “We just agree that Aya may not be the right posting for her.”

“And what posting is right for her?” Tann asked.

“Voeld,” Evfra answered. “She will still be working with the Resistance and she will represent the colonists stationed there. In effect, she will still be a liaison between the Initiative and the Resistance.”

“I appreciate your candor, but Min-Seo reports to me and I am not moving her to Voeld without solid evidence that she cannot perform well as the liaison,” Tann said, his tone was authoritative and final, but he had no idea.

“Actually, since she is a liaison between APEX and the Resistance, she reports to me,” Kandros argued. “Therefore, I can assign her where I see fit. Addison also happens to agree with me, as does Kesh.”

Tann looked like he might go apoplectic for a moment, but he composed himself once more. “And who do you have in mind for the Aya posting since my choice is not satisfactory?” he sneered.

_Helayphea_. She was the most qualified. The other teams liked her. She was a damn good leader. Hell, she was like the mom of the group. It was definitely her.

“Lieutenant Park,” Evfra said.

The room grew silent. Tann wasn’t the only one shocked. So-Hee was as well. Surprisingly, her mother was not. Maybe she had already known. Why her? There was no way Evfra would pick her just because they were a thing. That wasn’t his style. But she was the most irresponsible of anyone else he could’ve picked. Why?

“The corporal?” Tann sputtered. “Why?”

“Park is an excellent leader,” Kandros answered. “She is respected by both APEX and the Resistance. To us, she is the only choice.”

Tann gaped at her. “But she’s been demoted and—”

“Speaking of, I have reversed the decision to demote her. Your complaints were unfounded,” Kandros interrupted him. “And as the leader of APEX, I am the only one who decides whether or not someone is demoted.”

The silence was heavy. Tann was furious and trying hard to maintain his calm demeanor, but So-Hee could see the cracks. He turned to Min-Seo. “What do you have to say about this?” he demanded.

Her mother turned to Tann with her shoulders set in a straight line. “I agree with the Commander’s assessment. I believe Voeld will be a better posting for my skill set,” she said. “I’m also happy that I will be at the same posting as my _family_.”

Tann froze. “I see,” he whispered. “Then you have thought of everything.” He didn’t elucidate, but he had to know that they were onto him now. Tann sat back down, resting his elbows on his desk. “Very well. If this is what you have decided—”

“One more thing,” Evfra cut him off. “My interpersonal relationships are no one’s business but my own. I will not tolerate meddling into my personal affairs. Nor will I tolerate any direct attacks on my partner, verbal or _otherwise_ ,” he warned.

Tann sighed. “I understand you well, Commander,” he said. “Is there anything else we should address in this meeting or are we done?”

Evfra and Kandros looked at each other and nodded. “That’s all, “Kandros said. “Thank you for your time.”

Tann’s upper lip curled and he waved them all away. But his eyes lingered on So-Hee’s back as they left the room. She could feel his gaze until they reached the ramp. And she also couldn’t shake a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Some of his mannerisms felt…human. Unlike him. Or maybe she was just overthinking it.

They stopped once they were outside of Tann’s office. So-Hee looked up at Kandros. “Why me?” she asked.

“Why not you?” he shot back.

“I mean,” –she gestured at herself— “I’m not exactly the most qualified here.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Kandros said. “Even the Pathfinder and his sister agreed that you were the best choice for the posting. Are you saying all of us are wrong?”

“Well, no—”

“Are you going to turn down the job?” he cut her off.

She shook her head. “No—”

“Then it’s settled,” he said. “You’ll stay on Aya with the Commander and start. When your “recovery period” is over and if you don’t feel you’re a good fit for the position, then we’ll reevaluate. Deal?”

So-Hee turned to look at Evfra. “You’re okay with this?”

“I am.”

“What if I decide I like the job? Are you okay with me living with you even after I’m recovered?” she asked.

“As of now, yes,” Evfra answered. “If either of us changes our minds, we will find a place for you to stay on Aya. I can even do that now if you’re uncomfortable with the idea.” He crouched down beside her. “But I’m hoping you’ll want to stay,” he murmured.

So-Hee nodded. “I do.” When Evfra stood back up, she turned to Kandros. “I’m going to get the rest of my clothes from my apartment. I think that’s all that’s left.”

“You can keep the apartment for your visits to the Nexus,” he said.

She shrugged. “I can stay in Maggie’s apartment. Besides Irma and Rui might like a bigger apartment while they stay on the Nexus.” Their apartment wasn’t that much smaller than So-Hee’s, but the space would feel even smaller with a baby on the way. Her apartment would give them a little bit more room to work with.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Kandros said.

The entire time, Min-Seo stood quietly off to the side. So-Hee wondered what she was still doing there until Min-Seo faced the Commander and bowed her head. “I know you didn’t do it for me, but thank you again, Commander.”

Evfra nodded, eyeing her warily. “We will be keeping a close eye on you.” It was just as much assurance as it was a threat, but Min-Seo seemed relieved either way.

She gestured to So-Hee. “May I speak to my—to So-Hee for a moment, please?” she asked.

Evfra and Kandros didn’t walk away until So-Hee nodded. Even then, they only walked to the ramp so they could see still her.

Min-Seo cleared her throat awkwardly. She had wanted to talk to So-Hee, but it seemed like she was having a hard time saying anything.

“Have they woken up your family yet?” So-Hee asked.

Min-Seo looked relieved to have been given a direction. “Yes. They’re in the med bay on the Hyperion. We’ll be leaving for Voeld tomorrow afternoon,” she answered. “I…” she trailed off, looking unsure. “When the accident happened, when you were trapped, I felt…”

“Relief,” So-Hee grumbled.

“No,” Min-Seo said. “I felt…guilt.”

So-Hee froze. That surprised her. Her mother actually feeling guilty about something? Was the Heleus cluster going to freeze over? So-Hee said nothing. She just waited to see what Min-Seo would follow-up her statement with.

“Your father would be so ashamed,” Min-Seo whispered, her shoulders sagging. “I was so jealous of how much he loved you. After the funeral, I was angry. At you, at everything. When I met someone new and had children, I was afraid of what would happen if you wanted to come live with me.”

“You could’ve left me with Soo-Young,” So-Hee said.

“I should’ve,” Min-Seo replied. “I know it doesn’t mean much, and that you have little reason to believe me, but I promise I didn’t know about the school. If I had, I would never have sent you there. I know I have been cruel to you, but I wouldn’t have been that cruel.”

So-Hee didn’t know what to say. She didn’t think her mother knew, but that mattered little when the outcome was what it was. After a moment, she nodded. “I believe you.”

“I…” Min-Seo trailed off again, looking nervous. “I don’t deserve a chance, but maybe…maybe we could talk sometime.”

So-Hee shifted in her chair. “I don’t know,” she said. If Min-Seo wanted reconciliation, it wouldn’t be easy. There was a lot to forgive. And So-Hee didn’t know if she could. “I have to think about it.”

“Thank you,” Min-Seo whispered.

“What for?”

“For not saying no,” Min-Seo answered. “It is a better response than I deserve.”

So-Hee was speechless again. Where did they go from here? If So-Hee could, she would get out of her chair and book it from this conversation. Min-Seo seemed to pick up on So-Hee’s body language because she nodded her head and bid her goodbye before walked towards the ramp for the docking bay. Evfra watched as she walked by and then walked back to So-Hee.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah,” So-Hee answered. “Everything’s good.” She shifted in her chair again. “I’m just tired of sitting in this damn chair.”

“We have a few more stops to make, then we can go back home,” he promised.

She liked the sound of that. _Home_.

So-Hee walked through the residential district. It was warm out and her leg barely ached as she walked the paths. The district was sectioned off well. It would be easy for navigate. The barracks were towards the front, closest to Resistance HQ. Beyond that was Evfra’s home, and on either side of him were Paraan Shie’s and Moshae Sfeja’s homes. Then there were duplex style homes for individuals on their Vesaal. And family homes for the diplomats posted to Aya. That was the section she was heading to.

When she was sure she was at the right home, she rang the doorbell. Minutes later, the door opened and Sanehi was standing in the doorway. Her arms opened and she pulled So-Hee in for a hug. “So-Hee!” she cried out as she nearly squeezed the life out of So-Hee. When she pulled back, she cupped So-Hee cheeks. “It’s so good to see you well!”

“It’s good to see you too, Sanehi,” So-Hee said while her cheeks were smooshed together.

“Come in, come in,” Sanehi said, finally letting her go. “Everyone else has gone out for the day. It’s just us.”

“Even Fahra?” So-Hee asked.

Sanehi nodded. “She went to the waterfall with Sanaal and the mothers and other children.” She led So-Hee to a common room filled with large couches. There must be a lot of people living here. So-Hee had never lived with so many people before. It seemed nice. “Come sit,” she said, nudging So-Hee to one of the couches.

So-Hee sat down on one of the couches and she immediately sank down into the cushion. They were well-loved couches.

“How are you?” Sanehi asked, sitting beside So-Hee.

“Good,” So-Hee answered. “I’ve been doing my physical therapy with Evfra. Even been thinking about maybe getting in some jogging in the morning, and the Tempest doctor recommended I start yoga. I was going to see if Evfra would do those with me.”

Sanehi smiled. “And you and Evfra…you are good?”

So-Hee nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t annoyed him too much.”

“I doubt he sees you as an annoyance,” Sanehi protested.

“Maybe,” So-Hee agreed. “I really like being with him though.”

“Good,” Sanehi said. “You both deserve some peace. And I am glad you have each other.” She reached over to squeeze So-Hee’s hand. “What will you do now that you are healed?”

“I’m the liaison now,” So-Hee said, shaking her head. “Although, Evfra hasn’t let me come in yet. He keeps saying he doesn’t me to work all day and he e-mails me anything important.” She sighed. “He’s babying me.”

Sanehi chuckled. “He is. But he doesn’t want to see you unwell again,” she said. “The last time really scared him.”

“I know,” So-Hee murmured. “But I get bored sitting at home all the time. I can only play videogames for so long.”

“Perhaps we could find you a hobby,” Sanehi suggested. “One that you can keep doing even when you return to work full-time. Is there anything you have wanted to do? Or you like to do?”

So-Hee pursed her lips as she thought. “I used to garden with my grandmother. Well, she would garden and I would just do whatever she told me to. I mostly pulled weeds and roots out of her beds.”

“Would you like to garden?”

“Maybe?” So-Hee leaned back. “I have some seeds that Maggie gave me, but I don’t know if they would even take. And I might kill them.”

“Then perhaps we should start small,” Sanehi said. “I have some strong plants that you can start with. It would take a lot for you to kill them.”

So-Hee snorted. “It’s still possible.”

“I will help you, So-Hee,” Sanehi promised. “Together we will nurture the plant and help it grow. With our combined efforts, I have no doubts that it will survive.”

Sure, they were talking about plants, but Sanehi’s reassurance went deeper. It meant she wasn’t alone here at all. She had come to Andromeda and she had made friends in unlikely places. It had been a long time since So-Hee felt supported. And never before by so many people.

“Thank you, Sanehi.”

Evfra came home to find So-Hee out on the patio. She was crouched in front of a plant he had never seen before, and she was staring at it very intently.

“It’s not going to grow because you stare at it,” he teased, stepping outside.

She turned her head to look at him. “I know that,” she grumbled while he walked over to one of the lounge chairs and sat down on the edge. “I was just wondering how long it will take me to kill it.”

“Do you think you will?” he asked.

She shrugged. “It’s possible. I’ve never really cared for a plant before.” She stood up and stretched her arms above her head until something in her back cracked. No matter how many times she did it, it still made him wince. She walked over and sat down beside him on the chair. “But Sanehi said she would help me.”

He didn’t move as she rested her head on his shoulder. “That’s nice,” he murmured, although he wasn’t just talking about the plant.

She hummed in agreement. “She said she would help me nurture it. That if we took care of it together it wouldn’t die and it made me think of…” she trailed off.

“Of?”

“You know…you never asked me what my answer was,” she murmured.

It only took him a moment to realize what she was talking about. The time she had come to Aya to spend a few days with him, he had posed the question of whether or not she wanted a relationship. But she had disappeared and he had never truly received his answer. Especially now that he knew her “cold shoulder” in the weeks that followed was a lie. “Would you like me to ask?”

So-Hee nodded.

“What was your answer?”

“No,” she whispered.

That was quiet. It wasn’t what he expected, but he could tell she was going to say more, so he waited patiently.

“I was scared because I wanted to say yes. I’ve never wanted to say yes before.” She turned her face into his arm. “So I was going to do what I’ve always done. I was going to run and pretend like it never happened. And I was going to forget.”

“You tried that,” he reminded her gently.

“It didn’t work,” she murmured into his arm. “I couldn’t forget you at all.”

“I know. You told me.”

“When?” she asked, drawing back slightly.

“When I came to see you after the accident. In the med bay.”

“What? I don’t remember you coming by. I only remember dreaming about…oh…I wasn’t dreaming, was I?” she asked, her cheeks turning pink.

He shook his head.

So-Hee sighed. “So you knew before you even brought me to Aya.”

He nodded.

“Cheater,” she grumbled.

Evfra smirked and she huffed, but she couldn’t the way her lips curved into a small smile.

“Has your answer changed?” he asked, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through her hair.

So-Hee turned to look at him. Her dark brown eyes gazed into his. _She’s beautiful._

“I’m still scared,” she whispered. “If I was doing this alone, I would fuck it up, but I won’t be alone. We’ll work on it together and nurture it like…” she trailed off while gesturing to the plant.

“If I had known a plant would have led to such a metaphor, I would’ve given you one sooner,” he teased.

She pouted. “Don’t make fun of me, I’m trying here.”

“I know.” Evfra touched his forehead to hers.

“My answer is yes,” she murmured. “If you’ll still have me.”

_Finally_.

“I would have no one else.”


	39. Epilogue

Hannah walked into Tann’s office. The secretary wasn’t at her desk. Probably sent away on an errand so she didn’t overhear anything. Hannah walked up the ramp, her fists shoved into the pockets of her hoodie. The latest development had pissed her off.

Nothing had gone according to plan.

So-Hee’s injury was a prime opportunity, but she was moved to Aya instead of staying on the Nexus. Hannah was cut off from getting to her. So she did the next best thing. She used So-Hee’s mother against her. But that backfired. Now she was the liaison and would be staying on Aya indefinitely? No. This wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Are we clear?” she was asked when she made it to the top of the ramp.

When she nodded, Tann’s features shifted and Hannah heard the subtle popping sounds of bone shifting back into place until Natalie was sitting at the desk. This was the longest time she had held one form. And it was taking its toll. Thankfully, Natalie didn’t have to shift often while she was masquerading as Tann but holding the form long term was beginning to be painful for her. Hannah didn’t care. And the doctor wouldn’t either. As long as the grand plan came together, anyone’s personal qualms didn’t register.

Hannah wanted So-Hee with her when everything was ready. But that wasn’t a possibility anymore. So-Hee had poked holes in every single stage. At least she still believed Hannah was dead. That worked in Hannah’s favor. It meant So-Hee would never suspect her.

“What do you want?” Natalie asked, her eyes were sunken and the circles underneath were dark. She sounded exhausted.

“How could you fuck this up?” Hannah accused.

Natalie sneered. “How is this my fault? I did everything you said. If anyone fucked up it was you.”

“My plan was flawless—” 

“If it was it would’ve worked,” Natalie shot back. “Face it. So-Hee wasn’t the vulnerable victim you expected and because you refused to accept it, you fumbled your own fucking plan!”

“You’re pretending to be the leader! And you couldn’t stop this?” Hannah demanded.

“Not if I wanted to keep my cover,” Natalie said, her voice weary. “If I am found out then the plan won’t work and I fucking refuse to be the weak link here. I shouldn’t have even helped you at all.”

“So-Hee—”

“So-Hee isn’t fucking important!” Natalie shouted. “Even if you did manage to get to her, you won’t sway her to our side. She will die like the others if they try to oppose us.”

_No. Not my So-Hee_.

“No one will touch her,” Hannah warned. _She’s_ _mine_. “I will wreck your plan if you try.”

Natalie sighed. “Just knock it off, Hannah. The doctor is already getting tired of your shit. If you don’t stop, you’ll be disposed of.” Her omnitool chirped and she looked at it, her mouth dipping into a frown. “I have things to deal with. Go sulk somewhere else.” Natalie winced in pain as she began to shift back until Jarun Tann was sitting in front of Hannah.

With a one-finger salute, Hannah walked back down the ramp and exited the office. _Dispose of me? They can fucking try_. Hannah didn’t even want to be a part of the plan anymore. The doctor was just obsessed with getting Emma back and pushing the human race into a new era. An era where they were the strongest and unopposed. But it wasn’t just that. He wanted to be in total control. But he couldn’t do it without Emma.

Hannah didn’t care. She had control whenever she wanted it. The doctor tried so hard to be superior, but she already was. And all she wanted was So-Hee. The only person to ever break her control. The only one strong enough. She was incredible. But she was stubborn, and she wouldn’t come to Hannah unless all of her options were gone.

After riding the tram, Hannah found herself sitting on the outside balcony on the second floor of the cultural center. It overlooked the docking bay. There was a reason she was sitting where she could observe everyone. So-Hee had come to visit the Nexus with the Angaran Commander. Hannah was surprised that So-Hee had attached herself to the Commander. It was very clear he was fond of her despite her faults. But it irritated Hannah. It would be harder to reach the Commander.

An hour into waiting and Hannah finally saw So-Hee and the Commander exit the tram. So-Hee’s purple hair popped out among the sea of normal hair colors. It really did suit her. But Hannah frowned when she saw the way So-Hee’s arm was looped with the Commander’s. They didn’t even bother to hide their relationship. _It should be me_.

“Hannah.”

Hannah turned her head to see one of the last people she wanted to. Rolling her eyes, she turned in her chair. “What Kennedy?”

He pulled out the chair beside her to sit down. “You’ve spent too much time on the Nexus,” he said, leaning back. “Dad sent me to get you.”

“I’m not going back,” she protested. “I’m not done—”

“You are,” he cut her off. “This has gone on long enough. The Lieutenant has been on Aya for nearly two months now. You’ve lost.”

She bared her teeth. “I haven’t. And I’m not giving up on her.”

“If you don’t come back with me, you know what happens.” He sighed. “Just stop acting like a child. We still need you.”

“But I don’t need you,” she snarled, turning her back to him. But So-Hee was gone. Kennedy had ruined her chance to see So-Hee. Her hands curled into tight fists. _Damn him_.

“Hannah—”

The sound of a chair scraping against the metal floor made them both look up.

So-Hee pulled out the chair across from Hannah and sat down. The Angaran Commander was standing beside the ramp a few feet away with his arms crossed over his chest. When So-Hee looked up at Hannah, her gaze was blank. Hannah felt butterflies gather in her stomach. But it wasn’t just because she had missed So-Hee. No. It was also fear.

So-Hee didn’t look surprised to see her alive. It meant she knew. How long? Did So-Hee already know she was behind everything? What would she do about it? For the first time, it _really_ occurred to Hannah that So-Hee couldn’t be controlled by her anymore. So-Hee could actually kill her and Hannah was powerless to stop her. It scared her and thrilled her at the same time.

Kennedy glanced between the two of them. The tense silence stretched between them. To anyone else, it might look like three friends gathering for a chat. But it was so much more. It was a disaster in the making.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” So-Hee finally asked.

“What was me?” Hannah replied, feigning ignorance.

“Valeria and Lea and the others, waking my mother, poisoning me with the tea,” So-Hee ticked them off with her fingers. “Messing with the Commander,” she said the last one, her voice low and threatening.

Hannah swallowed. “What are you doing to do if it was?” she asked.

So-Hee grinned, and Hannah felt the fear swell into her throat. “If you mess with my friends or Evfra again, I’m going to kill you,” she threatened, the pleasantness of her tone not matching her words.

“Why don’t you do it now?” Hannah challenged. She wouldn’t let So-Hee see any reaction.

“Too easy,” So-Hee answered. “I don’t want it to be easy. I want you to suffer.”

“You can’t kill me,” Hannah lied. “You know I wouldn’t let you.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” So-Hee retorted. “Unless you haven’t realized that you can’t control me anymore.”

_No. How did she figure it out?_

“Fine,” Hannah sneered. “But I can control everyone else. You can’t protect all of them.”

“Actually, I can,” So-Hee said, leaning back in her chair with a smug look on her face. “You see, when I realized it was you, I didn’t keep it to myself. I told everyone I knew. They’ve seen your face. The Pathfinder knows who you are.” When Hannah was stunned into silence, So-Hee smirked. “You can’t hide under your anonymity anymore. Not on the Nexus, not anywhere. Even the Angara know who you are.”

“No…”

“Yes,” So-Hee confirmed. “You were mistaken that I would handle this myself. I don’t have to anymore. I have friends, real friends, and I relied on them.” So-Hee stood up. “But don’t worry, Hannah. In the end, your ass is _mine_. I will be the person to stop you.”

Hannah stood up, her hands braced on the table. But she was rendered speechless. It couldn’t happen like this. So-Hee couldn’t do this to her.

But So-Hee didn’t let her say anything. Instead, she turned to Kennedy. “It would be a shame if she ruined your plans because she couldn’t leave me alone. If the Pathfinder and his sister get to her, she might squeal.”

Kennedy didn’t respond, but he did fold his hands in front of his mouth. It looked like he was trying to cover his smirk.

So-Hee turned to leave, clearly satisfied with how this had gone for her. Hannah slammed her hands down on the table, but So-Hee didn’t even turn around to look at her let alone stop. “You can’t do this to me, So-Hee!” she shouted after her.

Kennedy stood and put his hand on Hannah’s shoulder. “Don’t make a scene,” he warned.

So-Hee stopped in front of the Commander before he turned his back to Hannah too and they walked away hand in hand. _That bitch_. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t turn her back on Hannah.

“I guess the Lieutenant is more interesting than I thought,” Kennedy snickered.

“Fuck off, Kennedy,” Hannah snarled, rounding on him.

His expression sobered. “But she is right. You’re a liability now. If you don’t return to the base with me, you’re as good as dead.”

“Fuck!”

Kennedy sighed. “Let’s go home, Hannah. There’s still a lot to be done.”

Fine. She would go back. But it wasn’t over.

If she couldn’t have So-Hee, then she was going to take her down by any means necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're at the end! Thank you so much for the comments, love, and support! I've loved writing So-Hee's story. As for what's next, I have So-Hee's prequel mostly done and Maggie's prequel done. I'm going to start posting those in January. For December, I have a few prompts that I'm going to post but that's it. I'm working on my original fiction right now so fanfic stuff is going to be scarce. After that is complete, I'll be able to start Maggie's story and I can't wait!
> 
> If you like what's going on in the Project Olympus series, you can subscribe to the series and you will get notifications when I post anything in the series.  
> If you haven't read Miles To Go Before I Sleep (Emma's story) I highly rec it for the Cerberus plotlines. 
> 
> If you have any questions, you can comment them here, or send me asks or DMs on Tumblr! 
> 
> Thank you all so much! <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> All kudos, comments, and bookmarks are loved! I hope you guys enjoyed this update.
> 
> You should totally come hang out with me on [Tumblr!](https://wickedwitchofthewilds.tumblr.com)
> 
> If you want to know what kind of music I listen to while writing this then check out my playlist: [So Hee](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ACxY3DW0AB0RyDHqel83E?si=YCfGtWVhQayhl8Ax_u5zdQ)


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